Music Monday: AMSR by Agatha

Admittedly, I’m not sure if ASMR counts as music. But, it is something people listen to so there’s that. Since Marvel is now fully leaning into Agathartio, I thought you might enjoy a little Agatha Coven ASMR to start your week off. Plus, two out of four of the cast featured here are out queers. And the other two, well certainly Patti and Kathryn is on her way, are queer icons. So, this is basically gay ASMR. I particularly enjoyed Aubrey Plaza calling a matchstick “bitch” (:52) and licking her knife (5:16). Also, don’t worry, this is really only 6 minutes but looped for the full hour. Anyone up for an invigorating nap? I mean who wouldn’t want to fall asleep to Aubrey gleefully stabbing logs (4:43)? Also, about Rio screaming, “No, no way! Her mother can't have her!” at the ghost of Agatha's mother? The ex-who knows all about the familial generational trauma vibes are vibing, my friends. Happy Monday, kittens.

Wherefore Art Thou, Agathario

Agathario is canon, y’all! You can’t watch what happened in last week’s episode of “Agatha All Along” and not acknowledge that Kathryn Hahn’s Agatha and Aubrey Plaza’s Rio had a past romantic relationship. All those little looks. All those long looks. That almost freaking kiss. This truly is the gayest Marvel project ever. I mean, just look at these sapphics being sapphic.

I mean even the New York Freaking Times even called Aubrey’s Rio the “romantic antagonist” to Kathryn’s Agatha. If the Paper of Record says it, it’s beyond canon. (Yes, I know, their coverage of many other issues can have many issues, but still...) Anyway, I don’t know what else is in store for Agatha and Rio and all the witches. But I am truly enjoying this show and its ridiculously talented cast. Plus, dissertations could be written about how much chemistry Aubrey Plaza generates between her female costars. Like, she can sizzle with Kristen Stewart and Kathry Hahn – now that’s range.

Music Monday: Don't Cry Edition

While there’s nothing explicitly gay about Patti LuPone’s performance of “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” at the 1989 Tony Awards, clearly if you know anything about Patti or “Evita” or “Broadway” at all you know everything I just said was 100% intrinsically gay already. Right, where was I? Oh yes, Patti. I just wanted to give our resident musical theater icon a shout out because while she may get limited screen time on “Agatha All Along” she is certainly using it to maximum effect (also, often, to hilarious effect like her playing a new, rando instrument each time they panned to her during the musical episode last episode – and don’t know worry your pretty little heads I am sooo gonna talk about that episode tomorrow…) Also, this performance probably is the reason Patti remains salty about Madonna’s acting. And, really – after watching her belt it out, can you blame her? Happy Monday, kittens.

The Aubrey & Patti Show

If you’ve ever wanted to hear Aubrey Plaza and Patti LuPone scream “Fuck off bitch!” at each other while eating hot wings, fuck yeah do I have the show for you. Now, you may never have thought you needed to see Aubrey and Patti grow increasingly more unhinged as the unspeakable heat from some hell sauce sizzles their neurotransmitters. But you would be wrong about that. Because, friends, I plan to save this video and rewatch it whenever I need a quick serotonin boost.

Honestly, this is probably the best 15 minutes you can spend today. Yes, I know you’ll also be able to watch them for another 30+ minutes camping it up in “Agatha All Along” tonight. And, don’t get me wrong, I am super enjoying that super gay show. But this? This is ART. Also, the innuendo! I mean Aubrey literally gushes, “I love you. I’m in love with you. I love you!” Which, truly, same about this whole video. Like I would watch a whole channel dedicated to these two telling stories about each other – especially if at least one of them is wearing a suit. Make it so, television gods! You owe the sapphics for all the canceled shows anyway!