SGALGG: Golden Globes Edition

True story: My power went out about an hour into the Golden Globes and didn’t come back until just a few minutes before the show ended. So I had to catch a repeat to watch the second half. It was a lot of effort for a kind of s0-so show, but that’s just the lengths I’ll go to give you quality Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals action (sprinkled with some Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gals, because we are legion).

Sandra Oh & Jodie Comer

Sandra so rightfully won, but Jodie and the show were robbed. Still, when Eve and Villanelle hold hands and gaze into each other’s eyes, we all win.

Emma Stone, Olivia Colman & Rachel Weisz

I want these three to come out hand-in-hand cracking lesbian sex jokes at all award shows.

p.s. Thanks for, quite literally, shouting how sorry you were for taking an Asian role in “Aloha,” Emma.

Amy Poehler & Maya Rudolph

If Amy is going to cheat on Tina, I’d only ever want it to be with Maya.

Judy Greer

Every time a female celebrity wears a tuxedo on the red carpet, a baby dyke gets her wings.

Alex Borstein & Rachel Brosnahan

“The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” may be having a hard time making Susie officially gay. But Rachel seems to be having no problem checking out Alex’s, uh, Borsteins – if you get my drift. Nudge-nudge, wink-wink.

Emily Blunt & Debra Messing

Since we’re talking about Borsteins, Emily is being vey animated about what she plans to do to Debra’s.

Halle Berry & Lena Waithe

I believe sexual orientation is largely genetic. But you can almost see Halle mentally switching teams as she holds hands with Lena here.

Olivia Colman & Glenn Close

Olivia and Glenn just heard Rachel tell them about the “tongue lashing” they’re going to receive from her later and they’re clearly excited.

D’arcy Carden & Jameela Jamil

In real (after)life, Janet would totally fall for Tahani instead of that dum-dum Jason.

Marin Hinkle & Rachel Brosnahan

Blah, blah, blah – I know they play mother-daughter on screen. But that’s acting people. Award-winning acting.

Patricia Clarkson & Amy Adams

Again, yes, yes, yes, I know they played mother-daughter. But it’s called acting, people. Equally award-winning acting.

Regina King & Tiffany Haddish

Regina promised to make all of her projects at least 50 percent female moving forward. I suggest she starts with Tiffany – in her pants. Too much? Did I mention my power went out for a while?

Jamie Lee Curtis

Fine, she’s not doing anything particularly gay. But she looks awesome and I think awesome things are gay. So, there you go.

Lupita Nyong’o, Danai Gurira & Janelle Monáe

I wanna be a fly on that wall…

Oh, look – now we can be! Thanks, Lupita & Danai.

When the cat’s away... pic.twitter.com/jFu7IJ4ATW

— Lupita Nyong'o (@Lupita_Nyongo) January 7, 2019

Reclaiming Our Time

Right, let’s dig in shall we? This weekend’s Golden Globes were an interesting clash in acute cultural awareness and standard superficial bullshit. Pretty much everyone wore black, which while it can be seen as an empty gesture was also arresting in its own way because, well, pretty much everyone did it. Everyone. You can’t even make everyone in an office take a piece of free cake. Now, to be fair, I am guessing like 90 percent of the dudes who wore black did so by default anyway because that’s what color men’s formal wear is. But still.

This reckoning was always about more than just Hollywood. #MeToo is about the systematic abuse of women, all women. And therefore it will only be successful if it embraces the plight of all women – regardless of race or class or sexual orientation or gender identity – not just those with the privilege and platform to finally speak out. It must lift up the voiceless, which is why I commend the Time’s Up Initiative, which instead of just offering lip service is putting up real hard cash (so far $16 million dollars and counting) to start a legal defense for women who might otherwise not be able to fight their harassers. Three hundred Hollywood women signed a letter of solidarity with female farm workers and domestic workers and service workers and factory workers and so on. That matters.

And some stars even brought female activists, many of who work directly for nonprofits that help these the groups, with them as their dates to the Globes. Michelle Williams was with Tarana Burke, founder of the #MeToo Movement and senior director of Girls for Gender Equity. Meryl Streep was with Ai-jen Poo, director of the National Domestic Workers Alliance. Laura Dern was with Monica Ramirez, president of the female farmworkers women’s group Alianza Nactional de Campesinas. Amy Poehler was with Saru Jayaraman, co-founder of Restaurant Opportunities Centers United. Emma Watson was with Marai Larasi, executive director of the UK-based black feminist organization Imkaan. Now this is some non-gay same-sex coupling this gay lady can certainly get behind.



I forced myself to watch some of the red carpet coverage before the ceremony, which I normally ever view on mute, to find the line of questioning a teensy bit better but only – of course – for the women. Because what in the world could men have to say about sexual harassment, even though the vast majority of its perpetrators are indeed men?

I was also pretty disappointed by all the male winners who, aside from some of their shiny “Time’s Up” pins, had precious little to say about this particular moment in our social acceptance of the bullshit women have put up with for centuries at the hand of their male counterparts. Like, yo, Alexander Skarsgard and Sam Rockwell, your projects specifically revolved around the abuse of women. And yet, nada. Solving sexual harassment isn’t just up to women and can’t be done without men’s unequivocal commitment. Also, if you wore a Time’s Up pin and worked with Woody Allen or Roman Polanski recently, GTFO.

Anyhoo. I liked quite a few of the women’s speeches. Oprah, of course. Oprah always. Babs wasn’t bad either. And Laura Dern. And Frances “Fuck yeah, I made them think tectonic shift was a cuss word” McDormand. Though my favorite cut was from Natalie Portman with his fatal delivery of “And here are the all male nominees,” just before announcing the Best Director nominees. Like, damn, this Natalie needs to come out to play more often.



As for the awards themselves I was pretty happy for “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” and its star Rachel Brosnahan because it’s charming and she is charming. And you can’t be mad at “The Handmaid’s Tale” and its queer-inclusive storylines and terrifyingly plausible dystopia getting more attention. “Lady Bird” was lovely and while I haven’t seen “Three Billboards” I can never not root for Frances, so there’s that.

All in all, the Golden Globes felt like a glamorous shot in the arm. May it bolster our determination to work hard and tirelessly and take advantage of the momentum of this moment. Perhaps we can accomplish the needed sea change for women, all women. Look out, sexual predators. We’re gonna chase down every last one of you and hold you accountable for your actions. In heels, and backwards if we have to. Though, naturally, as a gay lady I’ll be doing it in sensible shoes.



p.s. Tomorrow we’ll revel in some SGALGG, I promise.