My Weekend Crush (Fascism, Again, Always)

Since we’re feeling the Woody spirit this week, here’s another good reminder. This land is your land, this land is my land. This land was made for you and me. Period. It’s something the billionaires and tech oligarchs and warmongers and Great Replacement racists and Christian nationalists and all the other entrenched powers also know. That’s why they work so hard to divide us. To make us think we’re the enemy, and not their boundless greed and resource hoarding. It’s not the Epstein Class’s fault your life isn’t what you dreamed! It’s the immigrant seeking a better life. Or a trans person seeking their authentic life. Or the queer person seeking a legally recognized love life. Couldn’t be them and their water and electricity guzzling data centers, their megayachts that fit inside even larger megayachts, and their penis rockets to Mars. Anyway, where are the guillotines when we need them? (For legal purposes, metaphorically…) Our land. Not theirs alone. Happy weekend, all.

Maximum Tatiana

Anyone watch this yet? It debuted a week ago on Apple TV, and, I am curious. I’m always rooting for Tatiana Maslany to find another great series. But so far, since “Orphan Black,” most of her projects have fumbled her extraordinary talents. Like “She-Hulk” was fun and all, but nah. So who knows, maybe “Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed” will be the one to remind the world that Tatiana can and should do it all. Also, love seeing her Helena hair back. Here’s a free idea, Hollywood, cast Tatiana and Jodie Comer together in a spy thriller where they both have to use a lot of accents and disguises. And kiss. What? Manifest your dreams, kittens. MANIFEST! (If you got what “Somebody Somewhere” reference, let’s hang out.)

Historically Stupid Men, Always Men

Everything is so stupid (and, of course, scary) all the time these days. But can we all just have a deep, endless belly laugh about the World’s Richest Man crashing out so spectacularly about a 3,000-year-old epic poem? He can’t shut the fuck up about how the casting of Lupita Nyong’o as Helen of Troy in “The Odyssey” is “ahistorical.” My dude, it’s a mythological story. There’s also a cyclops, a six-headed serpent and vessel-devouring whirlpool monster. Are you also gonna complain that the vessel-devouring whirlpool monster is anatomically inaccurate?

But then, why would we expect anything less from the World’s Most Racist Serial Killer (I mean, he killed USAID, which is killing…*stares in ebola crisis*). He’s mad about Elliot Page being cast as (maybe Achilles, maybe not Achilles, really anything) in the movie as well because why just be a Nazi when you can also be a transphobic piece of shit? Anyway, I’m going to see Christopher Nolan’s next opus, not because I’m a homer for Homer. But because it will make Elon crash out even more if it does well at the box office. And these days, it’s the little things that get you through.

p.s. Like how attractive is this female cast? All their faces could launch a thousand ships – and more. So Stay mad, Musky! Stay mad.

Tank Top Tuesday: Feeling Ripe

Sports bras, as we all know, count as tank tops. Also, did we know Kelley O’Hara was also developing a sapphic soccer story for the big screen based a little on her own life/famous World Cup winning smooch? Like I knew about “Cleat Cute,” though I’m not sure where that project is now since the end of Megan and Sue. But “Ripe!”? Yeah, somehow I missed it. Maybe because the name is, how do I put this, terrible. I mean, I get it. But also kinda hmmm. But teasers about the film featuring its star, “The Summer I Turned Pretty” lead Lola Tung are certainly leaning into the whole ripeness of it all. According to Them, the movie, based on a Spanish short film, will follow an American exchange who falls for another female soccer player while playing overseas. But all I know is things are about to get sweaty.

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Music Monday: This Song Kills Fascism

Happy Memorial Day from these here United States. I can think of nothing more patriotic on this day when we honor those who died fighting for our democracy and against fascism than a little singalong. So please join The Bette Midler in her adaptation of this little Woody Guthrie ditty. This machine kills fascists indeed. Also, who couldn’t love this impromptu “Beaches” reunion with Barbara Hershey? Hell yeah, all you fascists bound to lose this November. Happy Monday, kittens.

p.s. Don’t forget to get your ballots in for the June 2 primary, Californians!

My Weekend Crush (Fascism)

Look, as a rule, we don’t center men – especially straight white men – here at Surrenders. But in these extreme simultaneously stupid and scary times, sometimes you just gotta make exceptions. I’ve always enjoyed Stephen Colbert, from his Colbert Report days to his Late Show reign, his sharp wit has always been matched by his compassion and thoughtfulness. He seems, in short, like a good man. But here we are, in a world where being a good person and stating the obvious (specifically about Donald Fucking Trump) gets your No. 1 rated late night talk show canceled – and much, much worse for so many others. I hope the history books, if in fact we have history books in the future, will reflect the staggering criminality, cruelty and complicity of the Trump era. May all the tech oligarch fanboys, corporate boot lickers and institutional kowtowers be forever branded and haunted by their gleeful embrace of all of this madness. How will we get out of this? Burn it all down, and build a better world from the ashes. And, while we’re at it, dance on their graves whenever we get the chance. Happy trails, Stephen. Thanks for your kindness and your joy. Fuck Donald Trump forever. Happy weekend, all.

Hell Is Other Sapphics?

Right, so apparently Sophie Thatcher and Havana Rose Liu play former lovers in this. You couldn’t guess it from this teaser, but then you really can’t guess anything from this teaser except that Charles Melton has great pecs. But, per Deadline, the plot of “Her Private Hell,” follows an actress named Elle (played by Sophie, teenage Nat of “Yellowjackets” fame) working on a new movie who reunites with Dominique (played by Havana Rose of “Bottoms” fame), who happens to be her former lover but is now married to her father. Which, ew.

There’s also some sort of urban legend and/or myth and/or hallucination about a The Leather Man who drags young women to Hell. And/or it could just be a real serial killer. Anyway, Deadline goes on to call the movie, which premiered in Cannes out of competition, pretentious. But possibly in a good way? I dunno. I just know we’d better get some payoff for all these movies (looking at you, “Mother Mary”) that feature fraught relationships between former female lovers. Otherwise, no matter how pretentious, what’s the damn lesbian point?

Eat Your Heart Out, Everyone Else

@gilliana Jean Smart, eat your heart out 👄❤️🔪 @MUBI ♬ original sound - Gillian Anderson

Well, now. I truly appreciate Gillian Anderson’s commitment to her campaign to start major beef with Jean Smart over the affection of Hannah Einbinder. So far Jean has largely tried to stay above the fray, confident in her place as Hannah’s O.G. Alpha May-December Suitor. But after those glowing reviews of “Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Miasma” from its Cannes premiere last week, I’m more invested in the Jean Smart-Gillian Anderson throwdown than ever. Also, Hannah’s wide-eyed reaction and insistence that they’re “open.” Talk about giving the sapphics what they want.

p.s. This is exactly how I’d look at Gillian if she put her hand around my waist like that. Exactly.

p.p.s. I know, I know, I’m super behind on all the gay shit on “Hacks.” But this is Gillian’s moment anyway.

Tank Top Tuesday: Throwback Tanks

Man, since “Everything Everywhere All At Once,” Jamie Lee Curtis seems to be exactly that. She’s been on “The Bear,” she’s headlining the “Scarpetta” adaptation (which, I haven’t watched because Prime, but how is it folks?), and coming soon(ish) the new “Murder, She Wrote” reboot. But we remember her when she was a good ol’ OG Scream Queen. And. of course, those tank tops.

Music Monday: Rock Out

Charli XCX remains that girl. Is that something the kids still say today? Is this my “How do you do, fellow kids” moment? Anyway, Charli is cool and I love her bratty, rocky everything. Us old timers are allowed to rock out too. Happy Monday, kittens.

Vacation Vixen: Kristen Kish

SOMEBODY GIVE KRISTEN KISH A QUEER DATING SHOW TO HOST, IMMEDIATELY IF NOT SOONER. Thank you, that is all. Oh, and happy weekend.

Vacation Vixen: Kate Winslet

Truly, after this picture, no one should be surprised that Kate has revealed her first “intimate experiences” were with women. No. One.

Vacation Vixen: Anne & Meryl

OK, sometimes fashion is art. Not necessarily at the Met Gala, but definitely between Mery and Anne. Also, has anyone seen the sequel yet? Thoughts?

Vacation Vixen: Kristin Scott Thomas

Does it look a little like Kristin Scott Thomas skinned Gritty and made him into a fabulous coat? Yes. Do I care? No. I mean, Gritty should feel honored to grace those shoulders. And be under that hair. Also, I’m not really on vacation. But I have a work conference this week still the end result for you is the same. Some lovely, lovely vixens. Don’t worry, they’re not all big game hunters like KST.

Music Monday: More Like Muna Monday

I don’t have a great sense for how famous MUNA is. I mean, in my little gay world they’re kind of a big deal. But I willfully admit to living in a super sapphic bubble these days where I blissfully do not know the names of any of the straight people on those rich-people-screaming-at-each-other shows. Anyway, as I was saying, I hope MUNA remains/becomes properly famous. Because queer ladies singing about their love of/hots for other queer ladies will never not be awesome in my book. Famous or not famous. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Let’s keep these good sapphic 90s vibes going with one of my favorite brief but impactful (at least for me) lesbian moments in cinema. It’s when Clarissa dances with Sally in “Mrs. Dalloway.” It’s also when I first fell in love with Lena Headey, and the rest, of course, is history. While the dance, and of course that kiss, fill me me nostalgic fledgling gay feelings, it’s the look that Natascha McElhone (as young Clarissa) gives those horrid male interlopers who interrupt their moment that remains etched in my memory. That’s Big Queer Feelings right there. Can you believe that movie is 29 years old? And we’re still searching, and searching, for more movies that give us those Big Queer Feelings. Alas, the more things change, unfortunately the more they can also stay the same. Happy weekend, all.

Throwback Tilda Thursday

While absentmindedly flipping through my feed recently, I came across a vintage photo of Tilda Swinton from the 90s. Which, of course, got me thinking about her 90s gender-queer masterpieces “Orlando” and “Female Perversions.” While aggressively chauvinistic pseudo-sexual thrillers (for some reason mostly starring Michael Douglas) were all the rage at the mainstream box office, Tilda was blowing my little gay socks off with a female-gaze/verging on nonbinary vision of sexuality that defied easy definition. Also, both films are examples of using queer themes for genuine exploration, and not just titillation. (Ahem, Anne and Dakota, ahem.)

Now I haven’t watched either movie in a good decade, if not much longer. And, naturally, neither appear readily available on major streamers. So I’ll have to go off memory. But I just remember feeling so engrossed and so awed by both movies. I’m sure there are things in these 30+-year old films that don’t hold up. But the intoxicating rush of unexpected sexuality, well, that will stay with me forever. Also, hot damn, I forgot how stacked the cast of “Female Perversions” was in particular. Tilda (Oscar winner), Amy Madigan (Oscar winner), Frances Fisher, Paulina Porizkova, Marcia Cross. I think, as I continue to rummage thrift store DVD racks in search of physical media we can own and keep (because, truly, fuck subscriptions and never owning anything outright), I will add both movies to my “Must Find” list. Until then, here’s a little reminder. Yeah, 90s Tilda could get it (2026 Tilda too, but she’s been in a long-term relationship for a while so, you know, respect).

Duly Noticed

Now this, this is the kind of lesbian movie trailer I do like. (Verit-what-now?) Very much in fact. “Notice Me”? Consider yourself dulty noticed. I only wish it was for a full feature and not just a short. But, you’d better believe as soon as I know how to watch this I will because, come on, how charming was all that? Also, the short film has an all-female team from the writer to director to Lena freaking Dunham as executive producer. I have some complicated feelings about Lena, but “Girls” was genuinely a thing and now that she’s back in the spotlight I’m certainly open to continuing to check out her work. Also, did I mention how charming this trailer is? As I was saying, full movie, please.

No Verity Gay

Well, now, this is disappointing. And, believe me, that’s hard for me to say when you’ve got two hot ladies kissing front and center. But, alas, context. Always, always context. Because under normal gay circumstances I would LOVE to see Anne Hathaway and Dakota Johnson kiss on screen because, duh, I have eyes and am a lesbian. But, tricksy tricksy context.

You see, despite initial reports, Anna Hathaway and Dakota Johnson’s characters aren’t really kissing in the new trailer for “Verity.” Look closely. No, you see, they’re Sapphic Psychosis Smoochin. You know the kind. Where a gal starts kissing one person and pulls back only to realize, IT’S A GIRL. Or, maybe it’s not even a girl – it’s just their overactive psychotic imagination. Possibly murderous, too. Don’t forget that.

We have, certainly, seen this before. Sabrina Carpenter and Jenna Ortega (and tempting poor Jane Wickline) in “Taste.” Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis (and possibly Evil Natalie Portman) going at it in “Black Swan.” It’s the old fake-out. Just another niche version of the Very Special Lesbian Kiss Episode of Sweeps Weeks of yore.

And, again, while normally an Anne and Dakota smooch would be, you know, not a bad thing, the bad thing is that it is likely solely for the oh-lalas and not any real plot and or queerness. How do I know? Well, because “Verity” is based on the book by Colleen Hoover and a little research tells me there are no queer storylines in her book, nor any smooching between the two women in question. So they added it to the movie to, you know, spice things up. But, safely, without any real gay stuff.

It should be noted that Hoover’s work was behind “It Ends With Us,” a.k.a. The Most Disastrously Marketed Movie of the 2020s that has resulted in me disliking everyone involved more (minus perhaps Jenny Slate).

Annie Hathaway, come on – can you give us something truly sapphic sometime soon? Sure, there was “Eileen,” which was kind of gayish (but mostly sad), and there is “Mother Mary,” which is in limited release but [SPOILERS] Anne and Michaela Coel don’t ever kiss or define their past “relationship.” The sapphics would appreciate a real queer moment from you. And, no, being in “Brokeback Mountain” doesn’t count – at least not for us. (Same for those devilish Prada movies...)

Music Monday: Going Gigi

I’m not a Coachella person. I mostly never get FOMO about it and, truly, I barely know half the bands headlining these days. Have at it kids (though, perhaps you’d be interested in knowing the owner of Coachella is a billionaire MAGA dickhead - wait, is that redundant? - whose money supports shitty things like ICE’s mass deportations) ANYway.

I say all this because I did learn at least one thing from Coachella this year. And that’s that I have been sleeping on Gigi Perez and definitely shouldn’t have. I saw she brought Hayley Koyoko out on stage to sing “Girls Like Girls” during her Coachella set and was like, “Hello.” So I Googled her (-AI results, because fuck AI AND billionaire MAGA dickheads), and goodness. Where have I been? I actually am familiar with her music already, but didn’t know it. That is thanks to her rise to fame on TikTok with snippets of her “Sailor Song” playing over, kinda everything. But for whatever reason I didn’t clue in until Lesbian Jesus offered an assist. See, who says I’m not spiritual.

So here’s to a young, talented, queer artist singing her truth and making me want to sing sapphic sea shanties against the setting sun. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Welp. Normally I’d save such fine, fine, very, very, very fine suitage for Thursday, as the good gay gods intended. But, it’s May and I can’t wait and omfg here’s Jodie Foster in a full-on Mad Men-era suit for the Wall Street Journal. And I’m already terribly late because this interview came out in JANUARY and I’m just now seeing it. (Maybe because WSJ is owned by Rupert Murdoch, and I try to avoid his everything…) Anyway, if you want to read it (and throw the bird at old Rup), here is the Internet Archive version for your reading pleasure. Otherwise, just behold the majesty. This makes me really, really want a dapper gray suit. Or Jodie. Probably both. (Respectfully). What? Call it spring fever. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Yes, I know, I know – I’ve been posting about Jodie kinda a lot lately. It’s (was) my 20th blogiversary, so I paying homage to The O.G.