Gender Fuck Thursday: Eat This Edition

Remember how I said I’ve added “America’s Culinary Cup” to my cooking competition carousel because, well, Padma? I feel blessed by the food TV gods these days because I get Padma in outfits like, well, see above on “America’s Culinary Cup.” And then I get Kristen Kish in outfits like these, also see above, on “Top Chef.” It’s almost too delicious. Almost. Consider me greedy, I’m hungry for both. Ahem.

Cup Runneth Over

I’ve been jonesing for more (Gordon Ramsay-free – sorry, he is just not the cooking dude for me). So, obviously, I had to check out Padma Lakshmi’s new food competition show “America’s Culinary Cup.” Is it basically “Top Chef,” but with an anxiety-inducing train-station scoreboard and less charismatic fellow judges? Yes. Does it still have Padma Lakshmi in a neverending series of stunning gowns? Am I bummed one of the lesbians got kicked off this week? Obviously. But, we still have at least one left. Don’t worry, I’m still watching “Top Chef” again too. I mean, their host is sapphic so we keep wining no matter what. Now that’s what I call eating well. Ahem.

My Weekend Crush

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It has been another long week in this the Year of our Misery 2025. So, you deserve this. We also deserve this. But, even if it's just a tease, we still deserve nice things. And Padma in whatever this trench coat superhero bustier getup is is a very good thing. (Scroll through all the delightful/droolful slides.) With, or without, Melissa. Also, come on, Padma would want a book-based superpower? She is totally wasted on straight men, period. Happy weekend, all.

Padma & the King

As someone who has a long track record of loving both food shows, Top Chef and Padma Lakshmi, I feel like this gossip cycle was made specifically for me. Like, do I think former Top Chef host Padma Lakshmi and former Top Chef winner Melissa King are dating? No. Do I think they definitely know what they’re doing? Yes. Do I love it anyway and will I consume every last drop of delicious drop of sapphic teasing? You’d better believe it.

Yes, yes, – I like I know just last summer I had posted about Melissa hard launching with fellow chef Nini Nguyen. Like, are we misinterpreting everyone’s couple launch Insta posts or do people need to stop being being so intentionally vague?

Anyway, rumors started to swirl after Padma and Melissa won Halloween after dressing up as Morticia and Gomez Addams. Like, name a better looking couple? You can’t.

And then this weekend they kept the rumors rumoring by posting about Padma’s “gay nails.” Melissa is not wrong. That is a very lesbian nail situation Padma has going on.

Look, in the end it doesn’t matter if these two are just friends or very good friends or roommates or whatever. What matters is two hot people are making food and taking sexy pictures together. And, during these dark times, I’ll take any light we can get. Carry on, ladies, with your whatever.

Top Lesbian Chef

By now you’ve probably heard that “Top Chef” has filled the enormous Padma Lakshmi-shaped hole on the series with none other than former “Top Chef” champ Kristen Kish. Obviously this is great news, not just because Kristen is a famous queer chef, but also because for once a beloved TV competition franchise has made the absolute correct call when replacing a departed beloved iconic original host.

Admittedly, I had stopped watching TC right before Kristen’s season because of its until-then egregious record on winning female contestants. That it took 10 seasons to get two female Top Chef champions, well, it irked me then and irks me still.

Anyway, after the latest news I decided to watch Kristen’s season for the first time and thanks to my Peacock subscription that I always forget I have, I was able to binge over the weekend and catch up to 11 years ago. Damn, I forgot how addictive this show can be. I also forgot how irritating it continues to be to see mediocre male chefs get chance after chance when talented female chefs always seemed to be sent packing after their first mistakes. Whoops, I was going to stop grumbling about that. Where was I?

The other thing that I didn’t realize is that Kristen wasn’t out at the time her season aired. In fact, the show made an explicit point of pointing out (I mean, hey even repeated it again in the finale!) that Kristen and her “roommate” and fellow cheftestant Stephanie Cmar were NOT lesbianing together despite their best friend status and matching tattoos and living in the same building thing. Granted, it is up to every single individual person when to come out. It must be done on their own time and in their own way. She came out two years later in an instagram post celebrating the one-year anniversary with her girlfriend.

Kristen has said in interviews that she had always known she was gay, and not being out during her season of TC wasn’t about fear of her family or friends’ reactions, but just her own “insecurities” at the time. Also, it’s a reminder that 11 years ago is in terms of LGBTQ+ rights and acceptance is a long ass time ago. Her season aired three years before marriage equality was the law of the land (well, at least for now – we all know they’re gunning for Obergefell) and she still came out the year before the historic SCOTUS case.

The other thing I didn’t realize about Kristen is that she is an international adoptee, like me. That makes us both “white Asian,” as she coined during her season. Anyway, I think we should be friends. We’re both adopted, she’s a great cook and I greatly like to eat. Also, I would totally wear that unhinged-looking mosquito net head bag that she took to the rainforest on her new Disney+ show. See, so much in common!

Right, back to my rambling point. While I’m of course a Padma LUVR 4LYFE, I think I just might start back up watching “Top Chef” with Kristen on board. She is a talented chef, a charismatic host (“Restaurants at the End of the World” was an engaging showcase of her TV bona fides), completely not terrible to look at (ahem), and continues to bring welcome diversity of all kinds back to the series. I also can’t wait to hear her tell chefs to “Pack your knives and go!”

My Weekend Crush

Oh, Padma. Padma, Padma, Padma. Admittedly, I stopped watching “Top Chef” a while ago. It wasn’t that I stopped enjoying the show, it’s just that I’ve weaned myself off basically all reality competition shows. (Truly, the only reality TV I watch these days are shows about cooking or shows about travel, preferably shows about cooking AND travel — but more on that later.) But it has continued to be a quality series about two things I love: food and Padma Lakshmi. Her announcement last week that she was leaving the food franchise was the end of an era, but I’m certain will not be the last by a long shot that we’ve seen of Padma.

I recently finished the second season of Padma’s “Taste the Nation,” which is a lovely show that follows her as she explores the diverse heritage of “American” cuisine. It’s one of those travel cooking shows I adore, in a field weirdly dominated by dudes (and white dudes at that — think Bourdain and Zimmern and Tucci and that Feed Phil guy). But her show is informative and a feast for the eyes, in no small part because of Padma’s curiosity and appetite — both which are on full display. And on a completely shallow note, I’ve never seen a more gorgeous person while eating. I mean, JUST LOOK AT HER. I know she will continue to highlight the often overlooked world of food. Here’s to a future filled with more Padma eating for our enjoyment and education. Happy weekend, all.

Tank Top Tuesday: Swimsuit Edition

So, yeah, I don’t know how exactly to feel about the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue these says. It’s undeniably been A Big Thing over the years, but the thing it represents has thankfully become less and less of an outright thing. Objectification has grown to include more body types, stronger body types (not nearly as many as it should, of course). And, let’ be honest, I like a beautiful woman in a bikini as much as the next lesbian. So, anyway, here’s Padma Lakshmi at age 52 making me feel all kinds of things in this years Swimsuit Issue. I want to say something deep and profound about our expectations for women as we age, and how we must reclaim standards to encompass beauty at all ages. But, mostly, I just want to look at Padma and let out a low, but undeniable, “Hubba hubba.”

p.s. This post is topical, because bikinis are tank tops without any sense of decorum.

p.p.s. Also, you should watch the second season of “Taste the Nation” on Hulu which is as interesting as it is informative and, uh, inspiring in other ways to watch Padma eat her way across America.

A Second Bite

I will openly admit one of my kinks is watching beautiful women cook and eat food. So these days the return of “Taste the Nation” is very high on my Things To Be Happy About list (look, sometimes you gotta keep a list because sometimes a person forgets). Padma Lakshmi eating her way through America again? Yeah, I’m suddenly famished. Also, did y’all watch Kristen Kish’s new show “Restaurants at the End of the World?” If not, make it a double-header and watch both. Second dinner sounds good to me right about now, and other stuff.

A Second Taste

Straight women have Stanley Tucci slurping pasta all over the Italian countryside. Gay women have Padma Laksmi exploring the culinary diversity of America. And as much as we all love the Tucci, Padma tucking in the food that actually inspired Thanksgiving dinner, well, that’s like Christmas came early for me. The first series was a fascinating look into America’s culinary heritage, one that is built like the rest of this country on the backs of immigrants and their ability to mesh their unique traditions into the fabric of our nation — whether some choose to acknowledge that heritage or not. But this is our country’s history, and if nothing else it certainly tastes delicious.

Vacation Vixen: Padma Lakshmi

Technically I’m back today. Technically. But we all could use an extra day/Padma Lakshmi. Right? Right.

My Weekend Crush

Sometimes you have shows you really liked and watched and watched and just stopped watching for no one reason in particular. But, goodness, if Padma Lakshmi’s Instagram feed doesn’t make me think I should start watching “Top Chef” again. What? It can’t all be deep. Sometimes it’s just observing the beauty that can exist in this world – in its underwear. With respect, of course. Always respectfully. Ahem. Happy weekend, all.

Sensual Eating 101

🚨Sensual Eating: 101🚨 @enriqueiglesias #yatlok #hongkong #bailamos pic.twitter.com/EPpd5wJIfE

— Padma Lakshmi (@PadmaLakshmi) July 18, 2018

I’ll admit, I stopped watching “Top Chef” a while back. I can’t take all those insane chef egos (particularly the insane dude chef egos). But I have not stopped enjoying looking at Padma Lakshmi. Quite the contrary. So please enjoy along with me as Padma teaches us the art of sensual eating. Now that is a way to start a week. You’re welcome.

Talk Pizza To Me

Suddenly, I am so, uh, hungry. Yeah, hungry. That is all.

Tank Top Tuesday

Told you I have having an SMG moment. Though, really, anyone in a tank top can make me have a moment. Hey, sometimes I’m easy. And you love it, too.

Anjelica Huston

The tank top that started it all. No, really.

Danielle Brooks

Taystee, indeed.

Nicole Curtis

But, seriously, have you started watching “Rehab Addict” yet?

Ming-Na Wen

Every time I see her I feel bad for not sticking with “Agent of Shield.”

Scarlett Johansson

Finally watched “Lucy” and, damn, she was good in it. Weird movie, though. Weird.

Padma Lakshmi

She makes me want to be a better…cook. Yeah, we’ll go with cook.

Ilana Glazer & Abbi Jacobson

Every time I see these two I feel bad for not finding time to watch “Broad City” yet. But I will, I WILL, dammit.

PER YOUR REQUEST

Aliyah O’Brien

The Canadian actress is one half of the Office Lunchbox ship from “Rookie Blue” (the other half being Charlotte Sullivan). This is a show which I don’t watch but have seen countless gifs for on Tumblr. Aliyah has also described her sexuality as “who cares” because she is “attracted to men and women.” Oh, and I didn’t even realize it but she was also in “Ascension.”

Laura Vandervoort

Hey, look, another Canadian actress I’m relatively unfamiliar with. But she stars in “Bitten,” a show about werewolves. So, naturally, now I’m interested.

Teri Polo

Now this lady I do know. And I couldn’t be happier for the continued success of “The Fosters.”

p.s. Oh, kittens, there will be some Ashlyn Harris/Ali Krieger tank top loving in our future. Gotta stock up for the World Cup. Also, I need a refresher on which team members are officially out again. By default I assume they all are, obviously.

SGALGG: Awesome Ladies Edition

Melissa McCarthy, Susan Sarandon AND Padma Lakshmi? Too. Much. Awesome. Go on without me. Hey, it’s been another long, busy week and it’s just half way through. So why not get through the second half with the help of some Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals (and/or just Awesome Gals). Also, not all of them are necessarily straight. Fine, mostly these were just cool women being cool together. Some days, that’s all you need.

Chrissy Teigen & Padma Lakshmi

*unintelligible gurgling noise*

Emma Thompson & Lupita Nyong'o

You know you’d try to steal a kiss, too. Atta girl, Emma.

Janelle Monae & Lupita Nyong'o

Though Janelle looks like she is trying to steal more than just a kiss.

Sasha Alexander & Lena Headey

I just love it when awesome ladies from different shows I love pose together.

Uzo Aduba & Tatiana Maslany

Ditto.

Jan Nash & Angie Harmon

BE MORE GAY, SHOW. BE MORE GAY.

SGALGG: Emmy Edition

You know, there wasn’t even that much SGALGG at the Emmys, more evidence that it was a generally forgettable year (minus a few notable exceptions, who of course helped prove the rule). But I worked hard to find you the closest I could find to Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals at the awards this year, because I believe in selfless endeavors that betters humanity. Also, I just like it when ladies hold hands. And this gives me more opportunities to post pictures of Tina and Amy. Award season gives you lemons, you turn it into Liz Lemonade. Too much? Well, I tried. On to the SGALGG.

Tina & Amy

I love how it looks like Tina is totally checking out Amy’s ass and Amy is all, “Like what you see, of course you do.”

Alison Pill & Jane Fonda

I don’t know what Jane is trying to do to Allison, but I’m not entirely sure it’s consensual.

Diahann Carroll & Kerry Washington

Two beautiful women who look beautiful together. No joke, just facts.

“Orange Is the New Black” Emmy Selfies

Stop being so adorable, cast. You only make me miss you more.

Sofia Vergara & Padma Lakshmi

I. Will. Be. In. My. Bunk.

Sofia Vergara & Julie Bowen

Clearly Julie’s being all possessive with Sofia after seeing that display with Padma.

Claire Danes & Lena Dunham

If you watched the E! Red Carpet, you saw Lena & Claire discuss being BFFs. You also saw they awkward goodbye faux makeout.

Bonus: GGALGG

Carla Gallo & Sarah Paulson

I really wanted the gay lady to win for playing a gay lady. Better luck with “American Horror Story: Coven,” Sarah.

Clea DuVall & Natasha Lyonne

Graham + Megan 4EVA

My Weekend Hot 100

Another year, another AfterEllen.com Hot 100 list. Seeing as today is the last day to get your votes in for the hottest ladies on the planet this year, I thought I’d share (well, reshare, since I already shared it in the AE Huddle) my Top 10 for 2012. It’s a harrowing task each year, narrowing it down to just 10 lovely ladies. Respectful objectification is not for the faint of heart. Certainly each year there are as always some steadfasts for me. My love for Tina will never die. But each year I do manage to rotate enough new ladies in to keep it interesting. And, yes, there’s always a dark horse. So this weekend I’ve got 10 crushes.

1. Tina Fey
Duh.
2. Naya Rivera
Duh, squared.
3. Lena Headey
I’m still not into the blonde hair, but I’ll always want to buy her lilies.
4. Kate Winslet
I’ve loved her since “Heavenly Creatures,” which is saying a lot because that film involves her beating someone’s mother to death with a brick.
5. Jennifer Beals
Dear television: Put her back on you. Love, lesbians.
6. Padma Lakshmi
Her propensity for licking food off her fingers is a gift from the heavens.
7. Rachel Maddow
The actual definition of fair and balanced – also smart as hell and cute to boot.
8. Hillary Clinton
Hil in 2016, that is all.
9. Zoie Palmer
Oh Hotpants, my Hotpants.
10. Hope Solo
I fear, respect and lust after her abs in equal measure.

So, those are my 2012 hotties. Now show me yours. Also, don’t forget to vote here. Happy weekend, all.

Tank Top Tuesday

Oh, man. Is that a sight for sore eyes. You know how some ladies were kind of made to wear a tank top. And were also made to be on TV. So, how about celebrating some of TV’s best tank top wearers, past and present. Most of these ladies will be coming to a TV near you soon. And for those who aren’t, well, may they will be back in tank tops, I mean, TV where they belong.

Jaime MurrayShe’s coming back to TV in a new show for SyFy, and with Julie Benz. They probably won’t make out on it, but we can dream.

Lena HeadeyShe’ll be back on “Game of Thrones” starting April 1. I still don’t love the blonde hair. But, you know, I’ll cope.

Padma LakshmiEvery time “Top Chef” ends, I feel my TV get sad because she’ll be gone until the next season. Sighhhh.

Janina GavankarShe’ll return to “True Blood” this summer. And as Luna she doesn’t wear stupid hats.

Kaya ScodelarioShe’ll be back on the BBC this spring in a show where she makes out with Billie Piper. “Skins” and Naomily clearly wore off on her.

Summer GlauShe doesn’t have a show she’s coming back to. Seriously. Why has no one put her on another TV show?*
*Apparently she is guesting on Grey's, and filming a pilot. So, huzzah!

Linda HamiltonYeah. Mostly this is an excuse to post Linda and her guns again. But, you know, she was on “Weeds” there for a season. Now don’t bother me, I’m drooling.

Tank Top Tuesday

Oh, Tuesdays. People always complain about Mondays, what with it being the first day of the week and on Garfield’s mug and all. But Tuesdays, Tuesdays are the real killer. Tuesdays are still too many days away from Friday, but without the excusable grumpiness cache that Monday carries. Plus, all the really boring meetings happen on Tuesdays because managers figure everyone who calls in “sick” on Mondays should actually be in by then. Hell, Tuesdays even make Charlize Theron scream – and not in the good way. So that, that’s why we must fight back the Tuesdays with everything we have. Some use a gun, others a sword. I, of course, never come armed without the best Tuesday killer possible: tank tops. Just doing my part, folks. Just doing my part.

Naomi WattsI can’t tell if I’m more impressed by the tank, the shoes or this pose. So I’m going to answer, “Yes.”

Thora BirchWhere’d she go? And wherever she went, I hope she’s still a redhead.

Scarlett JohanssonIf all her contracts don’t have a tank top clause, they should.

Aubrey PlazaAre you still not watching “Parks & Recreation” yet? Don’t make me scold you again.

Maggie QFine, this isn’t “technically” a tank top. But it’s got straps and fabric down the front, so I’m claiming it.

Padma LakshmiI miss “Top Chef” so much. And by “Top Chef,” I mean “Padma.”

Gwyneth PaltrowI miss her on “Glee,” too. But on the plus side, perhaps this means fewer Mr. Shue storylines.

Leisha Hailey, Kate Moennig, Laurel HollomanOK, I miss them most of all. Not the storylines, per se, just them.

Sara RamirezDo you know how hard it is to find a picture of Sara in a tank top? I give and I give, Internet.

Right, so I think it’s safe to say we totally kicked Tuesday’s ass.