None of Your Beeswax

Remember that slew of lesbian films I wrote about which I like to call The Carol Effect? Well, one of them, “Tell It To The Bees” has finally come out with a full trailer and not just a clip. It starts Anna Paquin as a new small town doctor and Holliday Grainger as a woman with a failing marriage and a tattle-tale son. You might also recognize the man who plays her husband as “that asshole Jay” from “Lip Service.” Don’t be gay or we’ll take your kid away stories are nothing new (cough, Carol, cough), but I hope there’s more honey than misery in this story. A lot more honey.

p.s. [SPOILER ALERT: I heard this movie changes the book’s happy ending and now I am less excited because come one, we need all of them we can get.]

You're Just a Bee Charmer

Remember a bit ago when there was a small flurry of movies about queer women being made and it felt a bit like Lesbian Christmas (or, you know, whatever favorite holiday you celebrate)? And it was duly dubbed The Carol Effect? Well we’ve been treated to the first footage from the Anna Paquin and Holliday Grainger lesbian romantic period piece “Tell It To The Bees.”

Set in 1950s Britain it stars Anna as a doctor who returns to her small hometown to take over her late father’s practice and Holliday as a recently single mother. If you’re keeping score at home, yes, this is the second film about a lesbian/bisexual/queer women returning home because of their father’s death (the first being “Disobedience”/that spitting movie).

Now this is just a clip, not a trailer. But already I’m into it because a) lesbian historical romance is awesome, and b) I’m a sucker for ladies who love ladies having lazy pastoral picnics together on a blanket. You can thank Idgie and Ruth for my affinity for the latter.

Also, kudos for getting hero points for the dramatic toy boat rescue and engaging in a tasteful wet T-short contest. Now, Anna just needs to give Holliday a jar of honey and it’ll be a done deal.

The Carol Effect

They say three makes a trend. And here we have three lesbian romances coming to our big screens. I call it the Carol Effect, this new slew of movies about ladies who love ladies is – of course – very welcome. The films are in various stages of production from the just announced to the already finished. I have no idea which will be good or even great or remotely worth passing the torch from “Carol.” But I am happy to handicap the field here, based on gloved lunch possibilities.

“Tell It to the Bees”

Just announced this week, the period drama is based on the book by the same name by Fiona Shaw. Set in 1950s small-town Britain it stars Anna Paquin as a young doctor who returns home to take over her late father’s practice who starts a relationship with a young mother, played by Holliday Grainger. A 50s lesbian romance? We are talking major glove lunch opportunities.

“Disobedience”

Completed and set to premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival in September, this film is based on a novel by the same name by Naomi Alderman and is set in present-day London. It stars Rachel Weisz as a rabbi’s daughter who returns home after her father’s death (hold up, I sense a theme) and then rekindles a relationship with her friend, played by Rachel McAdams. From set photos, they may be wearing gloves, but somehow I don’t think they’ll be ordering poached eggs over creamed spinach for lunch anytime soon.

“Vita & Virginia”

Apparently still in pre-production, this film is based on the lives and love of literary greats Virginia Woolf and author Vita Sackville-West. The writers first met each other in 1922 and they had a decade-long affair. Eva Green ETA: Elizabeth Debicki will play Woolf and Gemma Arterton will play Sackville-West. A love story set in the roaring 20s? Gloves lunches and flapper skirts galore!

So, which lesbian (or bisexual – I don’t know how everyone personally identifies) romance are you most excited about? And, yes, I realize these are all very white couplings. Bring a little color into your romances, Hollywood. Alas, baby steps. Still, be sure to remember to lay a fresh glove on your “Carol” alter at home in thanks of this cinematic bounty.

Throwback Thursday

So am I doing this Throwback Thursday thing right? Sorta? How about pictures of celebrities when they were just wee little celebrities? I mean look at wee little Jodie Foster, circa 1884. Sweet merciful Zeus, that hair. Stars – they were once younger, just like us. Granted, some celebrities don’t get older – but that’s another story altogether. Anyway, here are a bunch of our favorite famous folks back in the day. TBT, as the kids say.

Glenn Close & Jennifer Beals, circa 1985
Eighties hair is the gift that keeps on giving.

Queen Latifah, Ingrid Casares & k.d. lang, circa 1990
What I wouldn’t give to have been a big lesbian fly on the wall here.

Natalie Portman, circa 1990
Who would have thought this cute face would grow up to be driven mad by ballet, pick feathers out of her back and have really hot lesbian sex with Mila Kunis. Wait, never mind – I totally see it.

Gillian Anderson, circa 1996
Imagine, just 20 years ago it was perfectly acceptable to wear your bathrobe to the Golden Globes.

Jill Hennessy & Angie Harmon, circa 2000
It’s a “Law & Order” ADA Off and we’re all winners.

Ellen Page & Anna Paquin, circa 2006
Aw, look at them. Before we knew they were both totally queer ladies.

Jennifer Larence & Selma Blair, circa 2008
Four years before Katniss, JLaw proves she was always a huge ham sandwich.

Jodie Foster & Kristen Stewart, circa 2002
People said the casting of K-Stew as Jodie’s daughter was uncanny…

Jodie Foster & Kristen Stewart, circa 1981 & 2000
…Yeah, I don’t see it… KIDDING, obviously.

My Weekend GGALGG & SGALGG

I bet you were wondering where the SGALGG went. Don’t worry, kittens, I didn’t forget. It’s just that at this year’s Academy Awards there were also a bunch of actual Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gays, in addition to the Straight Gals doing the same. So I thought why not celebrate them both. The GGALGG and the SGALGG. The real deals and those just expressing the most sincere form of flattery. Best of both worlds, I say.

GGALGG:

Ellen & Portia

I really never get tired of seeing the Royal Gay Couple.

Evan Rachel Wood & Anna Paquin

I miss when Evan was on “True Blood.” It sucked a lot less then.

Angelina Jolie & Lupita Nyong’o

Look at Angie, trying to get a little sugar from Lupita.

Sarah Paulson & Jane Fonda

Count the hands. Who is goosing Sarah?

Angie & Sarah

Leave it to two gay ladies to find each other in a crowd and make clear after-party plans.

Annie Leibovitz & Penelope Cruz

Leave it to the gay lady to find the pretty lady, too.

Fran Lebowitz & Diane Lane

See above.

Lisa Bonet, Zoe Kravitz & Ellen Page

Two generations-worth of see above.

GGAUnlikeGG:

Bono, Portia & Ellen

No kissing boys. OMG, don’t you two know the rules?

SGALGG:

Charlize Theron & Lupita

Can you blame them?

Lupita & Rosario Dawson

No, no you cannot.

Cate Blanchett & Jennifer Lawrence

Trying to slip her your room key, eh, Cate?

J-Law & The Friend She Nearly Took Down With Her

Aw, good to see they made up.

Meryl Streep & Glenn Close

In the absence of Emma Thompson, Meryl goes for the next best thing.

SGuysALGGuys:

Liam Hemsworth, Ben Affleck & Chris Hemswoth

A Ben on slices of Hemsworth Brother sandwich for the bisexual ladies in the house (and gay boys).

BONUS SGALGG:

Meryl & Pizza

Admittedly, this is the biggest love connection of the night.

Tank Top Tuesday: Superhero Edition

I like superheroes. I particularly like female superheroes. Sadly, there aren’t too many of them around, particularly on the big screen. Which kind of makes no sense because female superheroes tend to wear skin-tight outfits. And we as a culture love to look at women in skin-tight outfit. So it’s a win-win, really. Of course, the other side is that our culture tends to be scared/dismissive of women with power. And you don’t get much more powerful than a female superhero. So I guess our society’s love of sexy ladies is overridden by its need to subjugate all ladies.* Hm. That was kinda deep for a post featuring a lot of sexy ladies in skin-tight tank tops. My point is, we need more movies with female superheroes. Particulary good ones, because I have sat through too many really bad female superhero movies than I care to acknowledge. And as excited – duh, Joss Whedon and superheroes, of course I’m excited – as I am about “The Avengers” opening this weekend, I’m still bummed that the ladies are fewer and less prominent than the gentlemen. So let’s hear it for the ladies in lycra. Long may they save the world.

*Temporary wording fail. All fixed. Carry on, sisters in spandex.

Scarlett Johansson, Black Widow

Whatever boys, I’m all about Scarlett and her incredible thigh power.

Anna Paquin, Rogue

I kinda miss her as a brunette. But I really miss that white streak.

Jessica Alba, The Invisible Woman

Any movie that casts Jessica Alba and then makes her invisible is missing the point.

Charlize Theron, Aeon Flux

I wish this movie had been better, like a lot.

Halle Berry, Storm and Catwoman

Oh, Halle – you know I love you. But, alas, you’re really not at your best in superhero films.

Cobie Smulders, Agent Maria Hill

I want Cobie and Scarlett to have a lot of screentime together. Because the boy shippers can’t have all the fun at “The Avengers.”

Famke Janssen, Jean Grey/Phoenix

I love her eyebrows. Yes, I realize those aren’t what I should be staring at.

Helen Slater, Supergirl

True story, my dad took me to see Supergirl when I was a kid and afterward on the way out I accidentally hit one of the theater armrests and broke it in half. And my dad said, “Whoa there, looks like I’ve got my own little Supergirl.”

Eartha Kitt, Catwoman

Now that’s how you do Catwoman, Halle.

Which female superheroes are you holding out for – so to speak?

SGALGG: The Revenge

You know what I like? I like it when women who break up with guys who then immediately start dating women 20 years younger their junior find a way to still show up their exes in spectacular fashion. So when Elisabeth Moss and Fred Armisen got divorced earlier this year, and then he started to date his 23-year-old “Saturday Night Live” co-star Abby Elliott (he is 43, by the way), I thought, “Bring it, Elisabeth.” Granted, Elisabeth is only 5 years older than Abby, but her ex still managed to trade younger. Well, consider it brought. Besides her continued “Mad Men” success, Elisabeth is set to make her London stage debut next year. Opposite Keira Knightley. Who she falls in love with. In a revival of “The Children’s Hour.” Hmm, getting lesbionic with Keira night after night in front of a live audience? That’ll do it.

So, I could quibble about the play itself. Really, must we revive the lesbian love ends in tragedy and despair thing again? But the casting is amazing and the story while sad is well told. So bully for them. Of course, this role will require research. So let me offer these helpful, Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals-y acting tips to Elisabeth to prepare for her West End debut.

Hang out with fake gay ladies.Though you might want to take Joyce up on her offer next time, for practice.

Hang out with real gay ladies.Tell her you like vampires, gay ladies love vampires.

Dress like a gay lady.You know the cop contingent is your favorite float at the Pride Parade.

SGALGG at every opportunity.Erika Christensen looks more than happy to help.

Hey, but no SGALGGing with Tina.Sorry, she’s mine.

Become part of a lesbian ship.Do they have a portmanteau yet?

Become the ham in a very pretty sandwich.That’s the kind of bread you really want to butter.

Add a different kinds of Hamm.I mean, come on, even lesbians like a little Jon Hamm.

Look ridiculously hot.So random women everywhere are forced to go, “DAMN, GIRL.”

When all else fails…

…just keep getting licked.

Never mind the Stanislavski Method, this is the SGALGG Method.