Vacation Vixen: Lana Parrilla

I haven’t watched “Once Upon a Time” in forever. Hook me up, Swan Queen Fandom. What have I missed – well, besides Lana Parrilla looking like sex on a settee?

My Weekend Crush

Admit it, everyone has a thing for the bad girl. Good girls, they’re all nice and, um, good. But a little evil goes a long way. Also, who doesn’t look gorgeous draped in black? Lana Parrilla’s Evil Queen on “Once Upon a Time” is many things, obviously. Evil, duh. But also smart, powerful, cunning and in her own way quite tragic. Thanks to Lana, she’s not just a cartoony vision of evil, extending a blood-red apple for all of us to eat. She’s a mix of so many things. We don’t want her crushed, because heavens that would be boring. We want to peel away her layers and find out if a heart still beats underneath or if it’s just an empty black hole.

And, sure, there’s the fun little subtext between Lana and Jennifer Morrison. The Swan Queen we all hope against hope will have a storybook ending (never mind the whole she’s her step-grandmother thing – this is a fairytale, anything is possible). But in real life, Lana is a big supporter of LGBT rights as well, and just posed for her own NOH8 photo. See, not so evil after all. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Fall TV Edition

You know what else fall means? Our favorite TV ladies returning to us, sometimes while wearing lovely suits. Sometimes for their respective TV shows, sometimes because ladies look nice when they wear a nicely tailored jacket. Whatever the reason, we can all agree it’s a win for us, the viewing audience.

Lindsey Shaw, Pretty Little Liars

Paige McCullers channels Marlene Dietrich and I like it.

Jane Lynch, Glee

Admit it, this is a vast improvement over the rack suit.

Anna Torv, Fringe

Seeing Anna with her hands shoved into her pockets makes me feel even more terrible that I stopped watching “Fringe.”

Lana Parrilla, Once Upon a Time

You Swan Queeners sure gave Rizzles a run for their money in the AE Femslash Thunderdome. Respect. Big time.

Jaime Murray, Warehouse 13

Each time H.G. returns on screen I scream “KISS MYKA NOW, YOU BRITISH TWIT!” But on the inside – mostly.

Ellen DeGeneres

Someone grabbed her tie in the dark that morning.

Naya Rivera

I don’t understand what’s happening with the crotch of her pants here. But I thank Naya profusely for giving me more reasons to stare long and hard in that general direction. Ahem.

The Swan Queen

I have a new Sunday night obsession. Oh, don’t worry. My heart and pants (hot or otherwise) still belong to “Lost Girl” on Sundays. But, not being Canadian, I often end up watching closer to wee early hours of Monday. (p.s. Dude, that show takes for-freaking-ever to post.) But no, my Sunday night proper obsession is now “Once Upon a Time.” I was having a brief fling with “Pan Am.” But my interest in that show started to swan dive as soon as Dean got more screentime and the women were put on separate storylines instead of together for adventures. I canceled my DVR ticket, so to speak. But a show I’m excited to book my flight for (yes, I m totally overdoing the airplane analogies) and then some is its earlier evening network neighbor “Once Upon a Time.”

A feew episodes in and I’m pretty much hooked. And what I see is a mix of refreshingly reimagined fairytales led by strong female characters. This all makes sense if you know one of my favorite “Buffy” scribes Jane Espenson is a writer-producer on the show. It’s pretty much right up my wheelhouse what with the supernatural fantasy, powerful ladies and sly humor. That one happens to wear tank tops a lot and wield power tools is just an added bonus.

It also is the source of my latest, naughtiest ship. Yes, I totally ship Emma Swan and The Evil Queen (otherwise known as mean mayor Regina Mills). Part of it is the fantastic face-offs we’ve been treated to so far by Jennifer Morrison’s Emma and Lana Parrilla’s Regina. There’s a wicked, wicked chemistry there are the two women play their rivalry with palpable heat. In fact, I think they give each other the best hate eye sex I’ve ever seen.

It also helps that they’re already wearing each other’s clothes, as per last week’s “Enjoy my shirt, because that’s all you’re getting.” The little eyebrow arch from Emma is the thing that launches a 1,000 ships.

And then there’s the time Emma answered her hotel room door for Regina – in nothing but a tank top and underwear.

Oh, God, and the chainsaw! Sweet fancy fairytales, the chainsaw.

The lip quivering! With rage! My God, the hate sex between those two could burn down the world. Also, we have the perfect portmanteau for the pairing already: The Swan Queen. (HT, @mynlugon!)

I actually hope the show makes Regina somewhat more sympathetic, as she was in the first episode, so she’s less cartoony evil and more complexly troubled. Layers make everyone more interesting. Also they’re often flattering, you know, with winter coming up and all. Speaking of clothing, I sure hope they never increase the costume budget so Jennifer has to keep running around in tank tops and leather jackets. Because, woo doggie, do they suit her. This wardrobe is a vast improvement from all the lab coats and button ups on “House.” Man, did I miss her gorgeous, gorgeous face and perfect, perfect eyebrows on my TV every week. Plus now, she’s the cranky badass hero instead.

All this and we haven’t even discussed her mom Mary Margaret/Snow White. The lovely Ginnifer Goodwin and her pixie cut are custom-made for a fairytale. Also, I’m holding out a delusional amount of hope that Ruby/Little Red Riding Hood will turn out to like the ladies. Come on, the Manic Panic in her hair is a dead giveaway.

In summation, I hope to happily ever after for a good long time with this show. And I hope The Swan Queen keeps rage eye shagging each other into the sunset.