Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Scare the Paulson Off Them

Happy Halloween, kittens! I hope something scares the Paulson off you like this clip did to, well, Paulson. My favorite is when she tells the ax-wielding psycho to “Stop it!”

Oh, who am I kidding, the whole thing is my favorite. Especially her little finger wag.

Have a spooktauclar day, and get that candy – literally and metaphorically.

Monday, October 30, 2017

Nope, Kevin Spacey

Yeah, nope. Nope to all of that, Kevin Spacey. Look, I know we’re all excited about Indictment Day. (Please, let Mueller have gone to Jared, please, please…) But we have to take some time to talk about the very serious sexual allegations leveled at Kevin Spacey and his troublesome response on Sunday.

If you haven’t read it already, Buzzfeed published a thorough and well-sourced story about actor Anthony Rapp (of “Rent” and the new “Star Trek: Discovery” fame) who said Kevin Spacey made sexual advances at him when he was 14 years old. This is of course disturbing and inexcusable. Spacey was 26 at the time. And, again, Rapp was 14 (and it should be noted looked about 12).

Spacey did not respond to Buzzfeed’s requests for comment before the story published. But then a few hours after it published he tweeted out this:

Look, normally I cheer each new celeb who comes out. But coming out in response to allegations of trying to have sex with a 14-year-old boy is, uh, NOT GREAT. Super not great.

There are so many problematic things packed into Spacey’s two-paragraph apology. And I hate to say this, because everyone's journey out of the closet is different and difficult. But this statement does far more harm than good. And it’s extremely hard to not cynically see his “coming out” as a shield against what many believe will be flood of more similar allegations.

But let’s talk about what the man said up front. Somehow it manages to reinforce nearly every single terrible stereotype homophobes have about LGBTQ people: lasciviousness, abuse of alcohol/drugs, gayness as choice and, of course, the biggest whopper of them all – that we are pedophiles. Again, NOT GREAT.

I cannot emphasize enough how harmful it is to conflate being gay with being attracted to underage boys. This is the horrible cudgel homophobes have been bashing us with since the beginning of time. Homosexuality as pedophilia. So, once more with feeling, NOT GREAT.

Kevin Spacey’s relationship with the gay community has been a bumpy one over the years, mostly because he kept denying he was one of us. First was the now infamous “Kevin Spacey Has a Secret” Esquire article in 1997 that hinted at his gayness just as his star was on the rise. Then, I vividly remember his very adamant denials of said gayness in a Playboy article in 1999, the year he won the Oscar for “American Beauty.” In it he flat-out said “is not true. It's a lie.” And he also bragged that being perceived as gay was helping him bag chicks. No, I am not kidding.
“There are a few women who think the article might be true. For them, it's a challenge. They want to be the ones to turn me around.

[And] I let them.”
Gross, Kevin Spacey. Gross. But not nearly as gross, not to mention fucking criminal, as sexually assaulting a 14-year-old. Let me repeat, for the people in the back, being gay is not the same as being a pedophile – period. Don’t let Kevin Spacey confused you on this. Separate, not the same.

This issue of powerful men (and just men in general) sexually assaulting, harassing and abusing women and men is not one that is going away. But I find hope in more brave victims and survivors coming forward to tell their truths and to finally show this ugliness for what it is. Only with light will we drive out this despicable darkness. Now, wouldn’t that be great?

p.s. Man, am I so fucking glad I never started watching “House of Cards.”

Thursday, October 26, 2017

The Good Reel

Look, I know I beg you guys a lot to watch “The Good Place.” Which you should, you 100 percent absolutely should. And from the beginning. Don’t jump in midway and/or read spoilers because being surprised by this consistently surprising (in a forking great way) show it a major part of its charm. Anyway, I bring this up because here is part of the gag reel from Season 1 that was just released (don’t worry, they aren’t spoilery).

But what they do is reinforce my favorite stealth ship, Eleanor and Tahani. Yes, they’ve more than hinted at Eleanor genuinely being into Tahani. And yes, Tahani actress Jameela Jamil‏ has actively rooted for the ship on multiple occasions on Twitter. All I need to know is whether they have a portmanteau yet. Elhani? Taleanor? Shell-Al? Al-Strop?

“The Good Place” airs at 8:30 p.m. Thursdays, but, again – watch it from the beginning. Have I mentioned it’s on Netflix? Have I mentioned you should watch it?

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

House of Hot Damn

Holy and Crap. Look, I warned everyone about the dangers of sleeping on Sara Ramirez this spring. Ever since she left “Grey’s Anatomy” it was easy to fall into the out of sight, out of mind trap. But *low whistle* that would have been a mistake. Because not only did she show up hot as hell in Mary Lambert’s new music video in May. Now, from seemingly out of nowhere, the bisexual star surprises us all again with a mass fainting spell felt around the queerladyverse. Like, how can you just post this without any warning, Sara? A girl needs to be sitting or at least near a soft surface before you spring something THIS INCREDIBLY GAY on her. The hair. The suit. The tie. The suspenders. The POCKET FREAKING CHAIN.

That sound you heard yesterday (after we got up off the floor) was millions of gay ladies frantically fumbling with their remote controls to set a season pass for “Madame Secretary.” On Twitter yesterday Sara revealed her character on the hit series. She joins the show as a series regular, playing Kat Sandoval, “a brilliant political strategist, legendary in D.C. for her talent and for abruptly dropping out of politics until Elizabeth (the Madame Secretary of the title played by Tea Leoni) manages to coax her back into the State Department.”

Make that a brilliant, super gay, political strategies with a legendary alternative lifestyle haircut and have we mentioned the POCKET FREAKING CHAIN? Forget “House of Cards,” this is the House of Hot Damn.

Right, so “Madame Secretary” airs at 10 p.m. Sundays and Sara starts on the show Nov. 19. Saved you from having to search. Which means more time for swooning. You’re welcome.

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Make It So

Kittens, why hasn’t the movie where Gina Rodriguez and Tessa Thompson play girlfriends been made yet? I leave for a while, a genius idea gets pitched, I expect to return to results. And, look, they’re both on board. Get moving, Hollywood. Look, I realize removing and/or pretending to remove the sexual predators from your ranks is time consuming. But this is a priority. Can’t we have this ONE NICE THING?

p.s. Speaking of one nice things, Gina’s undercut for the film “Annihilation” is *indecipherable low moaning sound*

p.p.s. “Annihilation” better not be a film where all the strong brown and black characters get eaten/destroyed/whatevered by the formless alien rainbow shiny thingie or imma be mad.

p.p.p.s. But, to reiterate, not about Gina’s undercut. It get it always.

Monday, October 23, 2017

No Bull

Well, there’s a first time for everything. Like the first time a hamburger PSA totally didn’t make me cry a little. But, cough, the opposite. Something was in my eye, OK? Feelings and whatnot. So, you know, thanks Burger King. And special shout out to the tiny lesbian (and one cool dude) who stepped in when so many others did not. And since I know you are wondering, the tiny lesbian in question is none other than out filmmaker and actress Fawzia Mirza.

She also confirmed that, indeed, she was a real customer and not paid to be part of the PSA. Just, you know, a good person.

Friday, October 20, 2017

My Weekend Crush

You know what, I don’t post enough Samantha Bee. I should really, really post more Samantha Bee. And, to make up for it, here is a PSA from Samantha Bee. Yo, cis dudes, this one’s for you. Happy weekend, everyperson who has never shown another human being their dick unsolicited.

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Gender Fuck Thursday: Julie Andrews Edition

So while I was on vacation I missed Julie Andrew’s 82nd birthday. This is, of course, an unforgiveable sin. So to make up for it may I remind you that few female Hollywood stars dress in drag better than Dame Julie Andrews. In fact, I’d say only the incomparable Dietrich fills out a tuxedo better, and that’s just by a smidge. So happy belated birthday, Julie Andrews. You’ll always be the queen of everything in my book.

p.s. In case you want to involuntarily (but consensually, so so consensually) lose your pants, please enjoy this gifset.

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

The One Where Ross Invents San Junipero

Hey, did you know Ross Gellar could predict the future? Or that Ross Gellar understood exactly what lesbian heaven looked like? Or that Ross Gellar essentially wrote the plot of “San Junipero?” Neither did I. But then, I guess it’s nice to know he is good for more than talking about dinosaurs, whining that “We were on a break,” and screaming “Pivot!

p.s. If you have not watched the “San Junipero” episode of “Black Mirror” a) don’t watch this video and b) what is wrong with you?

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

The Truth Is Gillian

Hello. This is Gillian Anderson. Look at her. Look at Gillian Anderson. Gillian Anderson is the only reason I am still watching “The X-Files.” I really don’t want to still be watching “The X-Files.” Last year the return of the series, after 14 years off the air, was – to be charitable – bad. It was bad. But look at Gillian Anderson. Now consider not looking at Gillian Anderson. Yeah, I’m going to keep looking at Gillian Anderson.

p.s. Thank heavens I can also watch her in an actually good show as well. When does “American Gods” return again?

Monday, October 16, 2017

Listen To 'Em

As the Harvey Weinstein sexual abuse revelations continue to grow in number and horror, it’s important to not feel defeated. Yes, a rich, powerful man got away with sexually harassing, assaulting and – let’s be perfectly frank – raping women for decades. And as much as we can despair that this is just the way the world will always be, it is imperative that we push back against this false prophecy. No, men aren’t genetically hard-wired to objectify and abuse women. This is something they’ve been taught, something that society has ingrained in them as their right. But here’s the thing – it isn’t. And it’s up to us to make sure it isn’t. Every woman, EVERY SINGLE WOMAN, has experience with creepy men. And almost every woman has had experience with sexual harassment, abuse and assault.

So how do we stop it. Well, for one, listen to women. Listen to us when we say, “Hey, that guy is creepy.” Listen to us when we say, “That man acted inappropriately.” Listen to us when we say, “This man is a sexual predator.” Listen to us when we say, “No.” Listen to women and believe women.

And right now, and really always, one of the smartest women to listen to is Emma Thompson. I’ve always loved Emma Thompson. Always, always, always always. I howled, like literally howled, when Emma was among the esteemed artists to sign the letter of support for Roman Polanski. And then I cheered, dear heavens did I cheer, when she rethought her position and removed her name with apologies. This is one of the most clear-headed conversations on the corrosive culture of female objectification and toxic masculinity I’ve heard in a while.

Now this is not to say Emma’s is the only or the best voice to speak out about sexual abuse and harassment. In fact she acknowledges as much, saying women of color have it much harder and owning up to her own past mistakes and privilege (re: Polanski). But this, this kind of unabashed and straightforward truthfulness is what we need on an issue that for far too long has been swept under the rug as just part of business as usual. This is what happens when you put men and women in a workplace/the public/any shared space/the universe together, right? No, fuck that.

And while we’re at it, fuck Harvey Weinstein. Fuck Roman Polanski. Fuck Woody Allen. Fuck Bill O’Reilly. Fuck Bill Cosby. And fuck Donald Fucking Trump. Fuck all male predators. May women like Emma Thompson and the rest of us be the meteor racing toward all these dinosaurs spelling their imminent and total extinction.

Friday, October 13, 2017

My Weekend Rage

It really isn’t that hard to be a decent human being. Or, at least, it shouldn’t be that hard. Treat people with respect. Be kind whenever possible. Help those less fortunate. Fight for justice for all. Stand up against those who oppress, demean or exploit others. If you’re feeling particularly ambitious, maybe floss.

Sadly it comes as no surprise that people do not always do these things – let alone the flossing. And it will come as even less of a surprise that men can be trash. Yes, yes, I know – there goes another man-hating lesbian on a rant about hating men.

In the wake of the revelations about film honco Harvey Weinstein’s horrific, decades-long sexual abuse and assault of women, it’s beyond time to ask ourselves why men do these things to women. Why do men feel entitled to violate women’s bodies in this way? Because they always have? Because they always can?

Rape culture is real, and causes real harm. These aren’t just a few “old dinosaurs” learning to navigate the new, confusing mores of the modern world. This is deeply ingrained belief that women and our bodies are made primarily for male consumption and satisfaction. That it is therefore normal for men to aggressively assert themselves over women. Consent is for pussies, amirite? And, anyway, women claiming to be victims of sexual violence are somehow asking for it. I mean, why did she wear that? What did she think going up to his room? Don’t they know that’s how the world works? Or, conversely, why didn’t women come forward sooner to stop it. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Just fucking damned.

But it’s not normal, none of this is normal, and we should fight this toxic culture at every turn. The men, particularly powerful men, who feel they hold dominion over women’s bodies must be unequivocally purged from public life. The Harvey Weinsteins. The Bill Cosbys. The Roger Aileses. The Bill O’Reillys. The Donald Fucking Trumps.

It really isn’t that hard to be a decent human being. Don’t sexually harass women (or anyone). Don’t invite us to your hotel room for a business meeting and greet us in nothing but a bathrobe and then demand a naked massage. Don’t pop into our dressing rooms uninvited. Don’t jerk off into a potted plant in front of us. Don’t grab us by the pussy. Don’t tell us we’ll love your dick. Don’t send us unsolicited pictures of your dick. Really don’t do anything with your dick in a professional setting, ever. Don’t, and I can’t stress this enough, rape anyone. Seems crazy to have to say it, but here we are.

Be a decent human being. Teach young and old men to be decent human beings. Believe women, support women. It’s the only decent thing to do. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Paradise Island

Kittens, I’m back! While I was away Gal Gadot kissed Kate McKinnon. That’s right, Holtzmann and Wonder Woman totally made out. Yes, everything is garbage or on fire or a garbage fire this year, but at least we have this one good thing.

p.s. I don’t care what those Amazons say, this lesbian would gladly paddle to Themyscira to make sure myself.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Vacation Vixen: Hillary Clinton/America Ferrera

Imagine how much better you’d feel right now if these two women were having this conversation at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue instead.

Friday, October 06, 2017

Vacation Vixen: Edie Windsor

May I be even half as courageous, half as vibrant, half as amazing as this woman was throughout her life. Heck, even a fraction.

Thursday, October 05, 2017

Vacation Vixen: Liza Minnelli

Leave it to Liza with a Z to give fantastic Gender Fuck Thursday. Though, would you expect any less?

Wednesday, October 04, 2017

Vacation Vixen: Gugu Mbatha-Raw

I’m so terribly pleased that Gugu Mbatha-Raw is having her moment. Certainly, she has done very good work before “San Junipero” (“Belle,” “Beyond the Lights”). But now with “A Wrinkle in Time” and the new “Cloverfield” movie coming up she seems poised for a moment. See, lesbianism works. p.s. Also, I’ve been doing a slow binge of all of the reboot of “Doctor Who” and was tickled to find she’s Martha’s sister.

Tuesday, October 03, 2017

Monday, October 02, 2017

Vacation Vixen: Oprah, Carol Burnett, Dolly Parton & Julie Andrews

Name a more iconic quartet, I’ll wait. (And, obviously, I’m on vacation right now and will be for the next week and change. But, obviously, I’ll leave you Vacation Vixens to enjoy in my stead. Though, obviously, they can’t all be as mind-blowingly awesome as this one.)