Friday, October 19, 2018

My Weekend Wedding

I am getting married tomorrow. Yes, married. Yes, tomorrow. Yes, really. I have found the woman who makes every day feel whole. And I am blissfully, totally, unendingly happy that we have agreed to be each other’s forever. I am also grateful and proud that we are able to declare our love for each other and have it recognized by our city, state and federal government – at least for now.

Being in love in the age of Trump feels like, in itself, an act of rebellion. For marginalized groups, joy is resistance. We will resist the hatred. We will resist the bigotry. We will resist the corruption. We will resist the cruelty.

I don’t know what the days ahead and the rest of this administration will mean for our marriage. But I know that with her I can face anything. Holding each other’s hand we will shine light into the dark places and offer our other hands to those who need it. Thank you, in advance, for your well wishes. And, as always, thank you for reading. Happy wedding weekend, all. I am getting married tomorrow.

Thursday, October 18, 2018

Turkey Basting Time

I have no idea whether this movie will be any good. But it’s got lesbians and a turkey, so you know I’m in. This feels a little like “What’s Cooking?” crossed with “Home for the Holidays.” Yes, I’m a tad worried about the straight male friend. But then, I’m always a tad worried about the straight male friend – and, you know, with reason.

Wednesday, October 17, 2018

Dance, Dance Revolution

I do not know how to process the amazingness of this video. Kate McKinnon getting her dance ON with Leslie Jones at an SNL after party earlier this year. I just. I can’t. I… *watches it again* *and again* *and one more time* *yep, again* *one last time* *for science*

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Ayiyiyiyi In the Carpool Lane

Somewhere in a parallel universe this is what happened to Xena and Gabrielle. They got married, moved to the suburbs, had kids and then raised them to be kick ass warrior princesses determined to smash the patriarchy. And, you know, in their downtime they still grab a Chakram and do a little smashing themselves.

Monday, October 15, 2018

Go Vote, Young Youth

The truth is, if Democrats are going to win in the midterms we’re going to have to get non-voters – particularly young people – to get out and vote. The other truth is there is no bottom low enough for Trump voters to stop supporting him. This isn’t about changing GOP voters’ minds. This is about finding people who don’t think their vote matters, or don’t think they have someone to vote for, or don’t care about voting period to actually get off the couch and cast a ballot. I don’t know what the answer is. When GOP voters happily vote against their own interests it makes things very hard. (Hey, how are those tariffs working out for you, blue collar America? Luxuriating in that extra $1.50 a week, working class white voters?) Anyway. Like I was saying, do you know any youths of voting age? Maybe talk with them and see if you can’t get them to register and vote. And even if you aren’t a youth, do you want these mean old fogies shaping our futures? Yeah, me either. Let’s like all our futures depend on it.

Friday, October 12, 2018

My Weekend Crush

This has been yet another an infernal week in an infernal month in an internal year in an infernal administration. But, guess what, we still deserve nice things. And happiness. And ecstasy. So here is Katie McGrath, yes that Katie McGrath of “Supergirl,” and Gemma Chan, yes that Gemma Chan of “Crazy Rich Asians,” making out in bed. Remember, for marginalized and oppressed communities, joy is an act of rebellion. So please, enjoy the hell out of this clip. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Oh, and here they are making out naked in bed. What can I say, I’m a joy giver.

Thursday, October 11, 2018

The Dismantling the Patriarchy Place

Hey, are you watching “The Good Place?” Of course you are. Do you love Tahani? Of course you love Tahani. Well please enjoy her actress Jameela Jamil talking about how the Kardashians and their “influencer” ilk as “double agents of the patriarchy.” Something to think about as her husband goes to the White House today to talk with his buddy The Hate Cheeto.

Oh, and be sure to watch “The Good Place” tonight instead of, say, the news. No one needs to see that meeting of the, uh, “minds.”

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Vagitarians Unite

Look, I don’t necessarily think women should start having their vags compete. But if we did this would be the ultimate vadge diss track. Also, I would be remiss to allow Awkwafina’s moment pass without recognizing she started as a rapped, yo. And I think we can all agree that a vagina is 50 times better than a cis straight white male’s penis. In fact, 50 is low. Way low.

p.s. Good luck explaining to your co-workers what song you’re humming today.

Tuesday, October 09, 2018

No Text List

Everything is awful, per usual. Even more awful now thanks to our new, illegitimate, super rapey supreme court justice. And, to make matters worse, The Hate Cheeto can now text every single American and you can’t block it. Who wants to join me for a Hurl Your Phone Into The Sun Party?

Monday, October 08, 2018

A Lisbeth By Any Other Name

Man, I must be getting rusty. I had no idea Claire Foy was playing Lisbeth Salander until the trailers started showing up on my TV. And now I’m intrigued. And that is because I’ve been intrigued with Lisbeth Salander for more than eight years now. With each new incarnation – from Noomi Rapace to Rooney Mara/Therese Belivet to now Queen Elizabeth II.

Now I haven’t read the book, so I have no idea what’s happening in this film. I see there appears to be another woman squaring off with Lisbeth who likes to wear red. So there’s that. And, I also see that there is some sort of lady-on-lady action happening. But I don’t think either woman is Lisbeth, unless she is either a) taller and has longer hair than appears, or b) covering up her signature dragon tattoo because it is not visible on all that back. Ahem.

So, thoughts? Who has read the book? And if you have read the book, how day is it? I ask the important questions because I care.

Friday, October 05, 2018

My Weekend Crush

Kittens, I am unabashedly excited about this and I want everyone to know it. Now I’m already Doctor Who fan (having finally watched every.single.episode from the Tenth Doctor on – I’m working on the Eccleston season, I swear). But this Thirteenth Doctor, well, she certainly is something. And, believe you me, I love all the loaded language in these trailers. Who is in charge? She is. It’s about time. Damn right it is. Or, as we should say, it’s about timey-wimey. Happy bring on the new Doctor weekend, all.

Thursday, October 04, 2018

Hannah & Her Fangirls

This is a short series I call Hannah Gadsby posing with people and/or things I like. It’s short because most of the known universe (no offense, Tasmanian friends) didn’t know who Hannah Gadsby was until this summer when “Nanette” was released. But now that it has, and we all loved it, and then she showed up at the Emmys, and we all loved it some more, I feel it is time to give Hannah her place within the (very short) pantheon of stars. I mean, isn’t meeting other famous people one of the main perks of being famous? Well, that and the money and the adulation and the People magazine covers – clearly.

Hannah & Sandra Oh

After the Emmys they apparently offered their services as the “hosts for the leaving early awards.” 10 out of 10, would hire.

Hannah & Jill Soloway (fine, Will Ferrell is also there)

Cast Hannah in “Transparent.” Now that Tambor is gone the series should just hire as many quality, non-trash people as possible to atone.

Hannah & Jodie Foster

This is what happens when you crank the gay up to 11.

Hannah & Lindt Chocolate Truffles

Highly relatable image is highly relatable.

Hannah & Her Dogs

Look, not all superheroes have alien cats. Some have Italian truffle hounds.

Also, while she’s not exactly posing with her, Hannah has a long series of photos petitioning to be fellow Aussie Ruby Rose’s understudy on Instagram. And, sometimes, a three-way comparison of herself, Ruby and Vladimir Putin because why not.

It is, well, it is well worth a look.

Wednesday, October 03, 2018

On Female Rage

Today I am heeding Meryl Streep’s battle cry to take my broken heart and turn it into art. The unprecedented chaos of living through this unprecedentedly cruel administration demands it. At this rate, we may all die of blind, unfiltered rage before 2020. Or exhaustion. Or fear. Or despair. But, mostly, rage. So here I give my grand treatise on female range in the age of Trump and the complicit GOP.

Men: It’s a scary time to be a man.

Men: But think of these men’s reputations

Men: Don’t be so hysterical.

Men: Well, she was drunk, so.

Men: Boys will be boys!

In conclusion, look out fellas. November is coming, and we are registered and ready.

Tuesday, October 02, 2018

Vested Interest

They say the best defense is a good offense. So in the ever escalating war to win queer gals' hearts, Cate Blanchett presents as evidence 10 pictures of herself wearing a vest (sometimes in lieu of a top, ahem). And, remember, a vest is basically a tank top with buttons. And, well, it is Tuesday. Well played, Blanchett, well played.

Happy Who Needs Tank Tops When You’ve Got Vests Tuesday.

Monday, October 01, 2018

All About Gill

Remember when I told you that Cate Blanchett and Gillian Anderson were in an escalating war to win over the hearts and minds of queer women everywhere? Well, Gillian just went all in. Last month it was announced she will star alongside Lily James in a stage adaptation of “All About Eve” featuring music by PJ Harvey in London next February. Like, I think the only word in that whole sentence I’m not madly in love with is “February” (rubbish short month, if we’re being honest about things). And, here’s the kicker, Cate Blanchett herself was originally set to star in the production as aging Broadway star Margo Channing. But when she dropped out, Gillian stepped in. So your move, Cate. The queer gals are waiting.

Friday, September 28, 2018

My Weekend Crush

Man, yesterday was rough. This weekend may well be rougher as Senate Republicans plow through with a vote on Brett Kavanaugh. So here is some goodness and light to remind you the world isn’t only filled with angry, entitled white men screaming about how they deserve a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court. Earlier this week, which seems like 63 million years ago, Meghan Duggan and Gillian Apps – the respective captains of the U.S. and Canadian women’s teams – got married. In case you need a reminder, the U.S. and Canadian teams are fierce, fierce rivals on the ice. It was also a reminder that people on different teams don’t always have to hate each other. In fact, sometimes they can respect and even love one another. Now wouldn’t that be nice? Of course to get love and respect you have to earn it. And to earn it you have to be honest and fair and kind and treat all as equals. And then, and only then, will you have to be able to look across the ice or an aisle and see your true love. Mazel tov, ladies. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Is the ice the U.S. and Canadian hockey teams play on made of Love Potion No. 9? Because this is actually the second married Team U.S. and Team Canada captains. Last year former U.S. captain Julie Chu and former Canada captain Caroline Ouellette welcomed a girl to their family.

Thursday, September 27, 2018

Holding Out For A Shero

We all need this today. We all need this everyday. Stay strong, ladies. Don’t let the privileged rich white male conservative bastards get you down.

p.s. If you are feeling despondent or traumatized by today's hearing please call RAINN at (800) 656-4773.

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

De-Pants Delights

Here is Ellen DeGeneres encouraging Cate Blanchett to take off her pants. Alternately, here is Cate Blanchett telling Ellen DeGeneres she keeps popping out of her pants. You are welcome. Also, if you keep watching, you will see Cate Blanchett curse in Ellen DeGeneres’ ear and then Ellen DeGeneres curse back into Cate Blanchett’s ear. Oh yeah, these ladies are one martini away from having a full gloved lunch.

Also, here is Cate Blanchett discussing not wearing underwear on a roller coaster. I take everything back, Ellen and Cate have totally had a gloved lunch already.

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Crazy Rich Gaysians

Well, here’s a Surrenders first. I’m going to post about “The Bachelor.” But, wait, it’s not the American “Bachelor,” thank goodness. Instead it is the Vietnemese version because we’ve infected the world with our terrible, horrible reality TV. But for once, it wasn’t the normal parade of bland heteronomative love rituals. For once, shit got gay.

I’m not going to lie, I would watch an entire movie about these two contestant’s romance. Seriously, someone make this movie. It could be “Crazy Rich Gaysians.” Someone, do this. I am not above begging.

Granted, in real life Truc Nhu apparently went back to the “Bachelor” and continued with the show. But, you know, that’s why we need a movie. We make the love stories we deserve.

Monday, September 24, 2018

I Believe Christine Blasey Ford

Look, I don’t know what is going to happen when/if Professor Christine Blasey Ford goes before the Senate Judiciary Committee to recount her attempted rape at the hands of Brett Kavanaugh. And I don’t know how yesterday’s new allegation of sexual assault by Deborah Ramirez will impact the proceedings. But I know institutionally not that much has changed since 1991 when Anita Hill went before the Senate Judiciary Committee to recount the sexual harassment she faced from Clarence Thomas.

How little has changed? Well, for starters, three members of the committee back then remain on the committee today some 27 years later. They are Republican Senators Chuck Grassley (now the committee chairman) and Orrin Hatch and Democratic Senator Patrick Leahy, to be exact. Back then there were exactly zero women on the committee. Today there are four: Democratic Senators Dianne Feinstein, Amy Klobuchar, Mazie Hirono and Kamala Harris. But on the Republican side it’s just 11 white dudes, per usual.

What else hasn’t changed? Well, our cultural response to accusations of sexual assault a rape sure hasn’t. Why didn’t you stop it? What were you doing? Were you drunk? What were you wearing? Why didn’t you come forward sooner? Why didn’t you, the victim, do XYZ. And, alternately, there’s the boys will be boys defense. He was just 17! How can he be expected not to assault a female classmate? Why should this one thing ruin the rest of his life? Also, he was drunk! (Notice how being drunk puts you at fault if you are a woman and exonerates you if you are a man. Funny how that works.)

But what do we have to change? Clearly, the outcome. Back then, Committee Chairman Joe Biden (yes, that Biden) essentially threw her to the wolves while overseeing the sham hearing. And Clarence Thomas was confirmed and sits on the court to this day. And even Biden has apologized to Hill and for his behavior because it is such a shameful chapter in our national discourse.

Look, America, this isn’t hard. A man stands poised, at age 53, to sit on the court for the rest of his life. His rulings will impact how this country functions on the most basic of levels for generations. How we work, how we love. Who is protected, who is victimized. What is allowed, what is not allowed.

Should a man who has a credible accusation of attempted rape against him be given the privilege of that lifetime appointment to the highest court in the land? Abso-fucking-lutely not. Should a man who has a credible accusation of attempted rape against him be allowed to shape our government for generations? Abso-fucking-lutely not.

Do I believe Professor Christine Blasey Ford? Abso-fucking-lutely yes.

Friday, September 21, 2018

My Weekend Crush

By my count since the beginning of time and modern motion pictures we have had five major standalone female superhero films. “Supergirl” in 1984. “Catwoman” in 2004. “Elektra” in 2005. “Wonder Woman” in 2017. And now “Captain Marvel” coming in 2019. By comparison, we’ve had like 5,000 major standalone male superhero films – just in the Spider-Man franchise alone (kidding, kidding – there have only been 2,500 Spider-Man films).

So it feels good to get excited about “Captain Marvel.” We deserve this feeling. We’ve waited a long time for this flush of power and excitement. It’s like, my goddess, is this what dudes feel like all the time? Like they can fly and shoot pure light energy out of their arms/eyes/hair?

And Captain Marvel is giving Themyscira a run for its money in the content relevant to your queer lady interests. Let us count the ways.

1) This is the “Top Gun” reboot we deserve and demand.

2) Her whole 90s lesbian cap/leather jacket aesthetic.

3) Her cat/alien pet Chewie makes a cameo in the poster.

4) She plays softball/baseball.

5) She will happily hit an old lady. (This isn’t gay, per se, but it does fill me with glee.)

6) Her name is freaking Carol. I mean, come on.

In conclusion, bring on March 2019. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Anyone else find a striking similarity between this goosebump-inducing stand-up sequence and Buffy’s iconic “Are you ready to be strong?”-speech? Yeah, I thought so, too.

Thursday, September 20, 2018

Brought To You By The Letters G-A-Y

Look, I am not hugely personally invested in whether Bert & Ernie are gay (they are). But I think it’s odd how much “Sesame Street” seems invested in denying the idea that Bert & Ernie are gay (because, again, they are).

Earlier this week a former “Sesame Street” writer Mark Saltzman – who started in 1984 and spent 15 years writing for the Muppets – confirmed to Queerty the he wrote the iconic duo as a loving gay couple.

“I always felt that without a huge agenda, when I was writing Bert & Ernie, they were. I didn’t have any other way to contextualize them…. So I don’t think I’d know how else to write them, but as a loving couple.”
He said he modeled the two after his own relationship, with his then partner Arnold Glassman partner who was nicknamed Arnie. Hello, Mark & Arnie/Bert & Ernie. Saltzman went on to say:
“That’s what I had in my life, a Bert & Ernie relationship. How could it not permeate? The things that would tick off Arnie would be the things that would tick off Bert. How could it not? I will say that I would never have said to the head writer, “oh, I’m writing this, this is my partner and me.” But those two, Snuffalupagus, because he’s the sort of clinically depressed Muppet…you had characters that appealed to a gay audience. And Snuffy, this depressed person nobody can see, that’s sort of Kafka! It’s sort of gay closeted too.”
No sooner has this tiny sliver of happiness entered the public discourse when both “Sesame Street” and famed Muppeteer Frank Oz himself (who first portrayed Bert) released statements squashing the idea that Bert and Ernie were gay, in a relationship or had sexual orientations to begin with.

“Sesame Street” tweeted a statement:
“As we have always said, Bert and Ernie are best friends. They were created to teach preschoolers that people can be good friends with those who are very different from themselves. Even though they are identified as male characters and possess many human traits and characteristics (as most ‘Sesame Street’ Muppets do), they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation.”
Frank Oz tweeted one too:
“It seems Mr. Mark Saltzman was asked if Bert & Ernie are gay. It’s fine that he feels they are. They’re not, of course. But why that question? Does it really matter? Why the need to define people as only gay? There’s much more to a human being than just straightness or gayness.”
So, yeah, there’s a lot to unpack here. But the main thing is some Muppets absolutely have a sexual orientation. Miss Piggy & Kermit the Frog. Oscar the Grouch & Grundgetta. And I maintain the Mahna Mahna gals are absolutely a couple – you know how lesbians start to look alike and all.

Now, I get it. Not everything has to be sexualized in this world – particularly children’s programming. But accepting that, yes, LGBTQ people exist is emphatically NOT sexualizing children’s programming. It’s revealing the world as it is. Gay people exist. Lesbians exist. Trans people exist. Bisexuals exist. Non-binary people exist. We’re not make believe. We exist.

So when a straight white male says, “Why the need to define people as only gay?” I take some issue. We don’t want to be defined as only gay. We want to be fully realized people who are gay. We want the totality of our existence acknowledged, which includes our sexual orientation. We want to be accepted and treated as equal because we are human beings who deserve to be accepted and treated as equal.

That means representing us on the media and our popular culture and our politics, et al. Yes, even on children’s programming because – again – LGBTQ people exist and deserve to be seen. Straight couples get to be represented without question on “Sesame Street.” Indeed Oz’s, “They’re not, of course,” poo-pooing of Bert & Ernie’s possible gayness comes from a place of assumed straightness. Of course, they’re straight. Duh!

Plus, let’s be super honest here, Muppets don’t wear pants and get fisted all day long. So, you know, perhaps don’t get so defensive about their sexuality and just let their freak flags fly.

Fine, so maybe I am a tad more personally invested in Bert & Ernie being gay than I thought. (Because, again, they are.)

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

SGALGG: Emmys Edition

Go Emmys, it’s your SGALGG Day. Go Emmys, it’s your SGALGG Day. Look, sometimes I run out of smart things to say. But, luckily, not out of things to show you. So here, without further ado-ing, your 2018 Emmy Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals.

Rachel Brosnahan Claire Foy, Tiffany Haddish & Angela Bassett

Is it just me, or does this look like Tiffany and Angela are inviting Rachel* to the most amazing threesome ever?

*Damn, Rachel and Claire were both working that short, slicked back brunette thing so from the side I sleepily mistook them. So they should probably make it a foursome is all I am saying.

Sandra Oh & Jessica Biel

Look out, Justin. Sandra is clearly explaining to Jessica the benefits of falling in obsessive love with a beautiful psychopathic assassin.

Amanda Crew & Suzanne Cryer

This feels like what Sporty Spice would wear to the Emmys if she came out and started dating Posh.

Angela Sarafyan & Stefani Robinson

Because I don’t know why Angela from “Westworld” and Stefani with “Atlanta” are posing together I’ll just assume it is because they are dating. Please don’t tell me otherwise.

Nina Kiri & Madeline Brewer

When you see your girlfriend on the red carpet looking super hot and neither of you are in Gilead.

Millie Bobbie Brown & Emilia Clarke

Fine, so Eleven and Daenerys aren’t doing anything particularly gay together. But both their characters project Big Dyke Energy, so there’s that.

Alex Borstein & Her Emmy

I mean, performing cunnilingus in public on your Emmy is also a pretty B.D.E. move.

Laurie Metcalf & Alex Borstein

Though, I guess Laurie Metcalf checking out your rack in front of everyone has a confidence boosting effect.

Chrissy Teigen & Gina Rodriguez

The moment you realize how great it feels to press your whole lady body against another whole lady body.

And now time for a brand new segment called “Straight Girls Acting Like Gay Gals With Sarah Paulson” or SGALGGWSP.

Sarah & Connie Britton

Connie to Sarah: “Look, we’d be great together in ‘American Horny Story’ is all I’m saying.”

Sarah & Claire Foy

Claire to Sarah: “Look, you’re the Supreme. I’m the Queen. We could really make this work.”

Sarah & Felicity Huffman

Felicity to Sarah: “Look, I’m not saying I’d do anything for you. But I was on a show with ‘Desperate’ in the title.”

Sarah & Jessica Biel

Jessica to Sarah: “Look, I’m really the one in the family who knows how to rock a body – if you know what I mean.”

Sarah & Holland

Holland to Sarah: “Look at those poor dears, like they ever had a chance.”