My Weekend Crush

I can’t help it. I just feel so great for Jodie Foster these days. To survive child stardom to become one of the most respected actors/creatives in the industry AND achieve such well-deserved personal happiness? Well, you just love to see it. This month Jodie and her wife, Alexandra Hedison, celebrated their 10-year (!!) anniversary at the two-time Oscar winner’s handprint/footprint ceremony at Hollywood’s famed Chinese Theatre. And, truly, I can’t think of a better star to wrap Lesbian Visibility Week up with than Jodie.

I think all of us here have watched her from her teenage years to now. We loved her when we knew she was family, but wasn’t out. We love her now that she’s out. I think it’s because we as a community have always struggled to find elder role models. Not that there aren’t legions of older LGBTQ+ folks out there. But, we just haven’t had as many high profile examples who can serve to inspire future generations.

Knowing LGBTQ+ history means recognizing and celebrating those who came before and fought the battles so future generations can have life, hopefully, just a little bit easier. Because if you aren’t working to make life better for the people who come after us, what even is the point? So congratulations, Jodie. Couldn’t have happened to a more talented gay lady. And, on a personal note, her 10-year anniversary with Alexandra at age 61 gives me hope. I’m turning a rather round number soon, and it’s nice to know what goals are still attainable. In Jodie’s case, it seems all of them still are. And, as I was saying, you love to see it. Happy weekend, all.

Just Total Hacks

God, I love this show. I love Jean Smart and Hannah Einbinder’s chemistry. I love the show’s unexpectedly big heart. And, obviously, I love how hilarious AND gay the series has been from the start. And now we get to see Hannah’s Ava has become more and more queer to the point where she gets to makeout on screen with Christina Hendricks. Like, good work if you can get it, honey. Well done, you. Also well done are all the glowing reviews I’ve read of the new season. And almost all of them have said something along the lines of, I didn’t think we needed another season after that perfect ending in Season 2. But, uh, we were wrong and it got better. Now that’s what I like to hear. And, in one week, see. The lesbian TV gods are real, that's for sure.

"god is real"
she's so gay i'm obsessed with her pic.twitter.com/6jRHzw4DuK

— judith's secret gf (@julesnichqls) April 17, 2024

Happy Blogiversary To Us

Well, well, well. Look who is another year older. Today is my 18th blogiversary which, whew. For real, WHEW. Way back in 2006 I had this crazy idea to start a blog and I just never stopped. Sure, it can be slightly more sporadic these days (life, man). But here we all are, 18 years later, still hanging out and talking about hot, talented ladies whether they be in tank tops or nicely tailored suits or whatever else sparks our facies. I will say in the 18 years since I pressed “publish” on Blogger for the first time, we have a lot more out queer women to celebrate, which is a welcome sign of progress. But just as apparent is the constant need to fight against the backwards riptides wanting to drag us back into the past and into the closet. To which I say with all sincerity, fuck those regressive, hateful troglodytes forever. But this post isn’t about them. They aren’t invited to this birthday party. It’s about you. I wouldn’t still be writing here (almost) every day without you. You’ve helped me get through the unrelenting rollercoaster of life – breakups, deaths, and yeah divorce. And together we’ve celebrated the good times too. So, here’s to Ye Olde Blogge being finally old enough to vote. I’ll keep writing as long as you keep reading. Eighteen freaking years. As I was saying, whew. Thanks for everything, kittens.

Music Monday: Back to the Chappell

Hey, I told you I was really into Chappell Roan right now. And, for good reason. Singing about your new lady crush? Using book art by Jenifer Prince? Getting hot for a MAGICIAN? Yeah, so gay. And we haven't even mentioned her two weekends worth of Coachella Excellence. Chappell’s music seems custom made for the exuberance of spring. Or, at least what I hope will be an exuberant spring for all. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Since we’re talking about gay pop this week, how about we revisit this banger? Let it serve as a reminder that unless you spell it out in the most specific of detail, straight folks will never think you are g-a-y. Because here is Jodie Foster singing in French in a variety of jaunty men’s outfits on some 1970s variety show and it still took until 2013 for straight people to realize she was gay? They should teach LGBTQ+ history AND gaydar in schools, clearly. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Scoop Edition

I’m not what you would call an avid royal watcher. Yeah, OK, I watched some of the weddings back in the day. And Diana’s funeral. But otherwise I don’t really care what our former ruling monarchy is up to. (Though, clearly, it’s beyond immoral for them to use the sex trafficking services of their pals who are known pedophiles.) I know I didn’t watch the Prince Andrew interview that inspired “Scoop” in full – though of course I don’t live under a rock so I saw clips of the most egregious bits.

So, in theory, it would be a tough lift to get me to watch a movie about Randy Andy’s disastrous Newsnight appearance. But then they cast Gillian Anderson, Keeley Hawes and Billie Piper. So, well, I had to watch. It confirmed that, yes, Andrew and the royals are grotesquely rich, privileged people who have gotten away with everything for way too long. And, also, that Gillian, Keeley and Billie should team up more to take down bad men (even if that result was not intended from Keeley’s character).

So in honor of this trio’s good on-screen works and red carpet camaraderie, I thought I’d share all three women in excellent suits. Granted, “Scoop” is really Billie’s movie with Gillian and Keeley offering strong support. But you get to decide who wins their suit-off, since it’s a Thursday an all. (I know, throwing in Kitty Butler isn’t fair but neither is life so there’s that.)

Pop Stays Gay

I hope everyone enjoyed the glorious gay pop of Chappell Roan from earlier this week. And while I will refrain from entering the fray on “Gay Pop”-gate (oh, JoJo), I will remind everyone how important it is to keep LGBTQ+ history alive. Granted, I don’t expect our schools to start teaching about Tegan & Sara and Boy George and Dusty Springfield. But not knowing one’s history is how community becomes erased, how struggle is diminished and how hard-fought rights can be lost. Instead, let’s all strive to appreciate the evolution of queer pop and how we’ve gone from the pronoun hiding of yesteryears to out, open lyrics about gay girls getting an amen. That’s something to celebrate. So, yes, the uninformed (willfully or otherwise) who will always think they’re somehow reinventing the wheel. The rest of us will continue to enjoy the artform as it grows and progresses. And, of course, it doesn’t hurt to look back and remember some classics. I know “Son of a Preacher Man” is catchier, but we all know Dusty would be just as happy with the daughter – probably a lot happier. What, it's Hump Day. Anyway, carry on gay poppers. Carry on.

Tank Top Tuesday: Top Chef Edition

So I started watching “Top Chef” again after, well, years. I wanted to see how Kristen Kish did replacing Padma Lakshmi. Which is to say I wanted to see Kristen Kish. And so far I think her and her vests are doing just fine as the new host. I mean, no one can replace Padma Lakshmi because Padma Lakshmi. That said I am enjoying how Kristen shows up every week in her signature vest-in-lieu-of-a-top look. And when she isn’t wearing a vest, she’s wearing something sleeveless. And if she isn’t wearing something sleeveless, she’s wearing a blazer. So, truly, we are all winner here.

I’ve also been a little thrilled with how lesbian the special guest judges have been so far this season. Clea DuVall and Dominique Crenn (a.k.a. Maria Bello’s fiancée)? Thank you, whatever queer lady foodie producer is making these booking choices. Thank you. So, thoughts on this season so far? I mean, it is a Tuesday and the rules do consider vests to be acceptable variations on a tank top. Oh, and clearly I’m rooting for queer cheftestant Rasika, not that she needs my help. But, you know, Go Team Rainbow Chefs! And vests!

Music Monday: Chappell Roan

OK, well now I definitely love Chappell Roan. The singer of the lesbian situationship anthem “Casual” performed at NPR’s Tiny Desk Concert series recently and was, quite simply, a delight. From her all-female backing band to her high-camp look, she was wonderfully charismatic in the way few stars are today. She was a little weird, a little out there and all magnificent. She reminds me, in spirit, of Cyndi Lauper – and not just because of the bright red hair/wig. While their voices are clearly different, she radiates the same unconventional punk rock balladeer energy of a girl who just wants to have fun (but can also break your heart with that voice). Also like Cyndi she is unapologetically pro-female sexuality. In her case, of course, that’s queer female sexuality. Plus, she donates to NPR! What a time to be a queer lady music fan – from Brandi Carlile to boygenius to Janelle Monae to Renee Rapp to Hayley Kiyoko to Rina Sawayama and now the delicious camp/glorious joy of Chappel Roan. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

I think I’ll always cheer for Kirsten Dunst. I think this is because a) she has starred in so many movies I’ve enjoyed over the years and 2) we’ve all watched her grow up in those very same movies. Acting since she was 3, a star since she was 12, she appears to be one of those rare childhood actors who wasn’t totally fucked up by the experience. Or, at the very least, has been able to grow into the person she is now. And that person seems sensible. No bullshit. In short, she seems very much to be a grown-ass woman who knows who she is, what she wants and isn’t that what all of us want in the long run?

Would she do another superhero movie? “Yes, because you get paid a lot of money, and I have two children, and I support my mother.” Does she believe in method acting? “What, am I gonna be like that with my kids when I come home? Speaking in an accent? Like, honestly, I can’t do that. It seems like something only men can afford to do.” Does she feel pressure to stay young? “I still know to this day, I’m not gonna screw up my face and look like a freak. You know what I mean? I’d rather get old and do good roles.” And about that Jonathan Glazer Oscars acceptance speech that was greeted with an open letter of rebuke? “My interpretation was he was saying genocide is bad.” Exactly. I also like that she never fixed her teeth, which clearly don’t need fixing.

Even if the projects aren’t necessarily in my wheelhouse (like I don’t know if my election year anxiety will let me sit through “Civil War”), I’m glad that Kirsten is able to work on projects she cares about at this point in her career. And it’s refreshing to watch her be herself, a grown-ass woman who is married with children, through the press tour. Granted, Kiki remains perhaps the most ardently straight-presenting actress of her generation. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But, lest we forget, the subtext of “Bring It On” practically launched fan shipping as a concept (well, that and Eliza Dushku’s middle finger). And, well, she does look great in this suit. Happy weekend, all.

Orphan Genius

The #OrphanBlackEchoes title sequence is here.

Check out the official opening, sung by the brilliant @@julienrbaker. pic.twitter.com/M6cI1dJYH6

— Orphan Black: Echoes (@OrphanBlack) March 30, 2024

How gay will the new “Orphan Black: Echoes” series be? Well, Julien Baker of boygenius performs the theme song so…pretty gay. Also gay? Keeley Hawes (of “Tipping the Velvet” eternal adoration despite Kitty being terribly problematic) plays grown-up Kira who is married to a woman. Evelyne Brochu returns as Dr. Delphine Cormier (who per character descriptions appears married Cosima though it’s 30 years in the future so I’m not sure what anyone’s relationship status is at this point…) And of course there is Krysten Ritter as Lucy, who may or may not also be gay, but played at the very least somewhat open to the idea in “Jessica Jones.” Like I was saying, seems pretty gay to me. And they’re debuting this thing in June? Happy Clone Pride, y’all.

K-Drunk

Yesterday was Kristen Stewart’s birthday. So congratulations to our Millennial Lesbian Icon, now a wizened 34! Like if you told me 16 years ago when “Twilight” came out that one day KStew would be one of the most famous lesbians in the world I would, well, I would say that checks out because I saw her in “Panic Room” as mini Jodie Foster. So, yeah. No surprises there. Anyway, to celebrate this auspicious milestone, why not enjoy 17 minutes of Kristen day drinking, acting while drunk and lesbi-fying Seth Meyers. Truly, time well spent. Also, I hope posting this makes up for the fact that I have not been able to catch “Love Lies Bleeding” yet in theaters. I know this makes me a Bad Lesbian, but hopefully I can be forgiven and make amends by wearing a beanie and a carabiner the next time I go day drinking.

A Simple Sequel

When I heard “A Simple Favor” was getting a sequel I thought two things immediately. 1) How? and 2) Suits! Glorious, divine, immaculate suits. If you’ve seen the original – which you should because it was a fun little twisty-turny thrilled with, and this cannot be emphasized enough, EXCELLENT SUITS (see above clip) – you know it ended in a certain fairly definitive way. But I guess any friendship can be mended, even the kind that ends up sending you to prison for 20 years.

I have no idea what will happen in the sequel and how Blake Lively and Anna Kendrick’s characters manage to rekindle their, uh, whatever in the sequel. But for those curious some photos of filming hint at Blake’s Emily getting married. No, sadly, not to Anna’s Stephanie…probably. I mean they’re both holding bouquets so we can always dream. Now, we need some behind-the-scenes shots of the one or both of them in suits drinking martinis. Otherwise, what even is the point of a sequel. (They can kiss again too, please, because the suits and the kissing clearly go together…)

Music Monday: Cowboy KNTRY

Admittedly, I don’t really like country music. Wait, I take that back, I don’t really like contemporary country music. I like some of the old-timey stuff. Your Patsy Cline and your Johnny Cash and your Willie and your Dolly. I think I feel the same way about the country genre as I do about jazz. Love the classics, hate the smooth variety. But I never doubted what kind of country Beyoncé would produce. She has made modern country music that speaks to its earliest origins, and with a beat that you can dance to – which is quite something. But then would you expect anything else from perhaps the most intentional musical artist working today? I love how “Cowboy Carter” reclaims a genre overrun by the Good ‘Ol Boy Cosplayers. Like so much in this country, the deepest roots of our culture – from music to food to yes even cowboys – owes an endless debt to Black Americans. And, like so much in this country, those debts have never been properly repaid.

The reason so many people (i.e. white conservative America) resents Beyoncé is because she has used her unparalleled starpower to remind America of those debts. And that’s just not something a lot of people want to hear. But because it’s Beyoncé, they can’t just ignore it. And that just makes them mad. To which I say, good. Be mad. It won’t change the fact that Beyoncé is one of the most talented, savvy and popular artists of this generation. And speaking of that intentionality, there’s no way – NO WAY – you can interpret “II Most Wanted,” the duet between Bey and Miley Cyrus, as anything other than a lesbian love song. "I'll be your backseat baby, drivin' you crazy." Like, that is not how best friends sing about each other. So, yeah, this is gonna play at some gay wedding receptions for sure in the future. For. Sure. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (Girls) Crush

I have, quite honestly, lost count of how many times I’ve seen the Indigo Girls. I’m going on 30-plus years of fandom at this point, so hopefully you can forgive my forgetfulness. But I have to be closing in on close to a dozen times. More recently I have proven my allegiance by seeing them two consecutive prides in a row, because I’m simply that gay.

So, obviously, I’m thrilled that a new documentary will help to jog all of our collective memories about these wonder women. Amy Ray and Emily Saliers have provided the soundtrack to so many significant parts of my life. They were out there, before Melissa and before Ellen before everyone who has subsequently stepped on stage as out and proud voices. And I will forever be grateful for their music, passion and queerness. So start the music, I’m about to singalong at the top of my lungs. Join me, won’t you. Happy weekend, all.

It's Ghostime!

Now, I wouldn’t normally get excited for Spooky Season a half year out. Nor do I generally get too hyped about sequels because we all know about the law of diminishing returns. But, 26 years later, I am definitely, definitely going to see “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.” No just because Winona Ryder is back as as Lydia Deetz and not just because Catherine O’Hara is back as Delia Deetz and not just because Jenna Ortega is joining as Astrid Deetz. It’s all those things, and the fact that I still quote parts of “Beetlejuice” a quarter century and change later. (“I am alone. I am utterly alone.” It may only be April, but I’m already planning my all-black outfit for Sept. 6.

Hell Hath No Furiosa

Really, starting with obvious Eve and Garden of Eden allusions? Sure, OK. Luckily the rest of the trailer is pure vengeance porn, and I mean that in a good way. I mean, consider her name and that Hell hath no fury and all that. So, while I still insist we see Charlize as Furiosa again (and in general dislike the make it again, but with a younger female star cliche), I am getting more excited about “Furiosa.” I just hope Anya Taylor-Joy doesn’t get upstaged by Chris Hemsworth and his prosthetic nose. We shall see.

Building Bridges

A true crime thriller with Lily Gladstone, Riley Keough and Archie Panjabi? Yeah, I’m gonna be watching that. Based on a real 1997 disappearance and death of a Canadian high school student, the trailer is taut and leans into the “Mean Girls: The Murderers” premise. Reminds me a little of “Thirteen,” but again with more murder.

Music Monday: Hear Us

Last Monday was Gloria Steinem’s 90th birthday, so this is obviously belated. Still for all its shortcomings, Second Wave Feminism was so critical in so many ways. So in honor of this feminist icon reaching her ninth decade, here is some Helen Reddy goodness. Get ready to roar, ladies. It’s an election year, after all. Happy Monday, kittens.

(Mental) Vacation Vixen: Ayo Edebiri

It’s exciting to think of the decades we have to watch Ayo Edebiri do her thing. With the one-two punch of “The Bear” and “Bottoms,” she has shown her versatility and star power. Next we’ll see her with Mary-Louise Parker (yes, Ruth!) in the sci-fi film “Omni Loop,” which received high praise at SXSW. I can’t wait to see what’s next. An Irish lesbian rom-com? What, a gal can dream.

(Mental) Vacation Vixen: Anne Hathaway

Anne Hathaway in her 40s is hotter than the entire cast of “Euphoria.” Like how many times does she have to prove the Hathahaters wrong? Also, “Eileen” was underrated, and worth your time if watching sophisticated, mysterious, possibly unhinged women is your thing.

(Mental) Vacation Vixen: Rebecca Ferguson

Well, kittens, March has been an intense month. Things got a little away from me here at the very end. And I’m leaving early this week to head out of town to officiate my friends’ wedding. Yeah, from divorce to marriage in the same month. *low whistle* So I am going to leave you with some Vacation Vixens (but, also, really Mental Health Minxes) as I get away for an extremely short bit.

My first act of self care is to share my obsession with Rebecca Ferguson. Yes, even post watching “Dune Part 2,” what with the crazy face tattoos and copious headdresses and religious fanaticism, et al. Mostly, I’m obsessed with her cheekbones which could surely make short work of a honey-baked ham and many, many delicious sandwiches. And her back ain’t bad either.

I hope the Ides of March have been gentle to you this year, friends.

5Eva and Chill

Well, it’s been out a week so is “Girls5Eva” a hit now on Netflix or what? I did my part, binge-watching the entire new third season the day it came out. I plan a full seasons rewatch soon. I continue to be so unexpectedly thrilled that this quirky, very funny show was saved from the scrap heap to find not just another home, but a better home at that.

Now, with the first two seasons and the new third season to stream, I hope this show gets the love and kooky recognition it deserves. If you, like me could not resist and chugged the whole new season in one sitting, can we talk about how much GAYER it got? Boob desert! Pre-Friends Courtney Cox Type! If you haven’t watched it already because it was banished to Peacock before, no time like the present to 5Eva and chill this weekend. Welcome to your new Dream Streaming Girlfriend.

Oceans L

Admittedly, sometimes I run out of gay things to post about. Luckily, there is no shortage of images that make me think gay things that I can post about instead. So for this Hump Day, please follow along into my daydreams as I think about all the scenarios Sarah Paulson and Cate Blanchett can get into together. Oceans 8 spinoff where Lou and Tammy decide to start their own freelance heist consulting business - exclusively for lesbian clientele. What? A gal can always dream. Oh, and they need to add Keke Palmer to the next movie, because this look from last weekend’s NAACP Awards is pure Oceans L. Make it happen, lesbian movie gods. Make. It. Happen.

Rather Be Auliʻi

Look, I know I’m two months late. But I finally got a chance to watch the “Mean Girls” musical movie and I liked it. I definitely liked it. Is it just a pretty faithful retelling of the original Mean Girls with songs and dancing? Yes. Am I OK with that since we’re a society that can never stop recycling its stories? Like, we do not need more Batman or Spider-Man or Superman stories, fellas? We really, really don’t.

Still, here’s the thing I definitely don’t agree with. Obviously, I agree with how much the Gen. Z queer girlies love Renee Rapp. But I disagree with their lack of reciprocal love for Auliʻi Cravalho. Like, why stan just one when you could rightfully stan them both, folks? Both are immensely talented. Both can sing their hearts out. Both are out and queer. And this is Auliʻi’s second role as a queer teen heartthrob. Remember “Crush?” I do, it was great and sweet and funny. (You can watch it on Hulu right now! Yes, now!) Granted, Auliʻi hasn’t been out on tour waving a lesbian flag on stage. But, still, can we get a little (age-appropriate) love here for Auliʻi or what? Like her transition from adorable teenage Moana to twentysomething queer standout is chef’s kiss so far. Though, one small suggestion, maybe next time put her in a movie with Renee where they go from enemies to lovers because I would have really, really REALLY loved that “Mean Girls.”

Music Monday

As an officially Single Girlie, I’m not sure if I want to relate to queer artist Chappell Roan’s lesbian longing earworm “Casual” or not. On the one hand, I’m aware that situationships have been a thing for a while now and appreciate this anthem for the serially noncommittal. On the other hand, ugh, dating – amirite?

After hearing this song played across countless sapphic yearning TikToks, I decided to find the music video for myself. And, let me tell you, after some initial confusion I am now 1,000% here for this queer-flipped “The Shape of Water.” I mean, who amongst us hasn’t fallen for a sharp-tooted, green-skinned, possibly pansexual, definitely carnivorous sea monster? Also, am I attracted to sharp-tooted, green-skinned, possibly pansexual, definitely carnivorous sea monsters now? How does one signify this on Hinge? Or is Tinder better for that? Ugh, dating – amirite? Happy Monday, kittens.

p.s. Don’t worry, I’ve got lots of Oscars thoughts coming soon. Very soon.

My Weekend Crush

As much as I don’t want to fund another megayacht for Jeff Bezos, Prime Video has been an unexpectedly rich resource for quality documentaries – especially quality queer documentaries. While the other streamers tend to favor true crime or celebrity behind-the-scenes fare, Amazon has surprised with some of my favorite docs of late. And, with any luck, “Frida” will continue that trend. Carla Gutiérrez, the editor of “RBG” and “Julia,” made her own directorial debut with this look at the iconic Mexican painter. From the trailer, I love how much of her own words and work are used to tell her own story. So I cannot wait to tuck into this film this weekend, and be reminded that Frida is more than just the caricature of the monobrow. She was a force, and deserves to be remembered as such. Happy weekend, all.

Kate & Cate's Wee Party

Who do we have to kill to get these two in a movie together? I’m not going to set this up other than by saying, please delight in Kate Winslet and Cate Blanchett telling stories about female peeing on the Graham Norton show recently. Again, who do we have to kill? We will do it. (Please Note: We would also be willing to do things a few steps below murder, but just keeping all options open for the best results – as one should when we’re talking Kate & Cate.)

We Can Hack It

Hacks! Is! BACKKKK! And, from the looks of things, pretty gay. Emphasis on “The Pretty” and “The Gay.” I’m just thrilled this show is returning to give us more May-December platonic female friendship/mentorship/proxy mother-daughter hilarity between Jean Smart and Hannah Einbinder. I just love their dynamic. Though, I never really thought they worked as a couple-couple (despite Ava’s occasional daydreams). So I am equally thrilled to see Ava appears to have a new romantic interest in the new season in the incredibly shapely form of Christina Hendricks. Hello. Imma need to see this whole scene immediately, if not sooner.

I mean it. Release the footage! Or at least make this happen in the first episode of the season because three weeks is about all I can wait to see what happens after she gets that pesky top off.

Oscars SGALGG & GGALGG

How about them Oscars? I thought they were…fine. Truly, really fine. There were some nice moments. I enjoyed the past winners introducing each of the acting nominees. I liked Ken. I love love LOVED seeing Jodie Foster and her wife Alexandra Hedison attending their first Oscars together. But first, we start with the Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gays, per ritual.

Annette Bening, Emma Stone & Lily Gladstone

Best Actress Cuddle Puddle

Regina King & Danielle Brooks

Shooting your shot on the red carpet.

Jamie Lee Curtis & Lupita Nyong'o

I included this photo because omfg Lupita’s back muscles.

Florence Pugh

I included this photo because omfg Flo’s everything.

Kerry Washington & Sandra Oh

If Kerry wanted to become an international assassin who falls in love/obsession with Sandra, I would watch that – but tell them to stay away from boat decks.

Emma Stone & Jennifer Lawrence & Sally Fields

Emma went May-December on her backstage makeouts.

America Ferrera & Gay Gals

I would watch an alternate universe Barbie where America’s Gloria runs off with Kate McKinnon’s Weird Barbie.

I would also watch an alternate universe Barbie where America was Barbie and Billie Eilish was Ken.

I would watch America, Lena Waithe and Cynthia Erivo read the phone book, among other things.

And the Best Lesbian Oscars Photo Goes To

Jodie and her wife Alexandra and Brandi Carlile & her wife Catherine Shepherd together at the Oscars after parties. Sometimes, it really does get better.

Music Monday: Kenough Oscars

Ryan Gosling and the cast of "Barbie" perform "I'm Just Ken" at the #Oscars. https://t.co/UNgGySGz3r pic.twitter.com/00hd0Jw8cy

— Variety (@Variety) March 11, 2024

Look, as a lesbian it pains me to say this, but those Oscars could have done with a lot more Ken. Last night’s show was fine. I liked the smorgasbord of Oscar winners saluting Oscar nominees. But all the frontrunners won. And, again, they let a dude steal the show. But at least it was a dude who did a gender-flipped homage to Marilyn Monroe in “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.” Who also got some of the most talented women in the room to karaoke with him. So, you know, there’s that. Happy Monday, kittens.

p.s. Don’t worry, I’ve now had Kenough and will have more Oscar thoughts for you tomorrow.

My Weekend Crush

Well, friends. I’m going to have a bit of a reflective weekend. My ex-wife and I officially filed for divorce this week. So, as Carol Aird would say – well, that’s that. I’m fine. I’m actually really relieved we were able to come to this decision jointly and largely amicably. And it feels good to be officially moving on to the next chapter, whatever that may hold.

Thanks for being so supportive through My Little Life Impolision. It means more than I can express in words, letters and characters. Thankfully, we have Joni to help us in that department. And what is better than one Joni, but two Jonis? Think of it as “Both Sides,” then and now. So, again, thank you, kittens. And, well, that’s that. Happy weekend, all.

Honeymoon Period

Look, I don’t want to still be the person in this year of our Lesbian Jesus 2024 who gives out golf claps for major network shows that do the bare minimum when representing queer female couples. But can I just give a sincere golf clap to “NCIS: Hawaii” for finally remembering that Lucy and Whistler are the best/cutest/sexiest part of their show and they should put them together more, finally? Look, it’s still on CBS so we have to give them plenty of positive reinforcement. They’re new to all this, OK?

The third season of the NCIS spinoff has been a rather light on the lady law enforcement ladies loving lady law enforcement ladies action until now. One small peck and a joke about mochi is all we got. But when I read the description for this week’s episode which said “the team goes undercover as newlyweds” and I knew, I knew, they just had put Yasmine Al-Bustami’s NCIS agent Lucy Tara and Tori Anderson’s FBI Special Agent Kate Whistler together for a mission of sapphic subterfuge.

And they did! And it was great! And they bickered! And they kissed! On a balcony! With the freaking ocean as backdrop! And nary an eye was batted that they were playing lesbian newlyweds! See, CBS, you can do this.

And then this scene? Casual/not casual discussion of wedding expectations from a queer standpoint and subtle reminder that not everyone is allowed to have the same dreams. Again, golf clap, CBS. Though, come on, there’s no way Lucy would have resisted climbing that tree at the beginning there as they were hiding.

I’m going to need a lot more of these two this season, please. And more smooching. Look, you gotta earn those claps, CBS.

Get On the Bus

Well, I’m still recovering from Super Tuesday (I had some election-related work that kept me busy yesterday). So how about you enjoy The Girls on the Bus instead this morning as all us primary states awake from the voting haze. The new show is based on a former NYT Hillary Clinton campaign reporter’s memoir about covering the race and stars “Supergirl” alum Melissa Benoist, Carla Gugino and more as fellow reporters on the trail.

I know politics doesn’t feel very fun right now, because it isn’t fun. It’s life and death and the end of democracy stuff. So, instead, why not settle into a retelling of the 2016 election. I’m sure none of us have lingering PTSD about that or anything. I’ll be honest and say I’m not sure how much of this series I can stomach during another high stakes presidential election year. But I do see that at least one of the reporters is queer/into kissing girls. So, yeah, we’ll see if we can stomach the politics this time around. Admittedly, kissing hotties does help.

They're Just Funny

Hello, would you like to laugh – not just at the inherent absurdity of our world, but really funny people? Wait, let me rephrase that, would you like to laugh at a bunch of really funny genderqueer people? Wait, let me rephrase that again, would you like to laugh with a bunch of really funny genderqueer people? Sorry, didn’t mean to come off like a bully about to stuff them into lockers…

I’m excited to enjoy the mid-week pick me up of Hannah Gadsby’s new ensemble comedy special “Gender Agenda” which debuts today on Netflix. The special features ALOK, Chloe Petts, DeAnne Smith, Ashley Ward, Jes Tom, Mx. Dahlia Belle, and Krishna Istha. You might remember DeAnne as the creator of that lesbian hummus cartoon which, honestly, is still hilarious. Mostly I’m just excited to have Netflix platform more queer, trans and otherwise genderqueer folks instead of those transphobic asshats it keeps giving big contracts. Like Chappelle hasn’t been funny since George W. Bush was still in office, and yet.

So, anyway, let’s all have a good laugh at his expense thanks to these very funny queers. For him it’s definitely at and not with.

Music Monday: Craving k.d.

I was thinking about k.d. lang the other day. And I was thinking how in with our current class of queer music stars (boygenius, Renee Rapp, Janelle Monae et al) we sometimes overlook our O.G. butch lesbian icon. Like, “Constant Craving” probably awakened the nascent lesbian cravings of countless baby dykes. Yet k.d. doesn’t always get lumped into the same queer history conversations as a Melissa Etheridge or Ellen DeGeneres or Rosie O’Donnell. But, unlike those three, she couldn’t really hide her queerness. (Yes, of course, I realize the climate was different back then – I lived through the 90s thank you very much.) We haven’t really had a debonair queer crooner of her caliber emerge to fill the void. So I sincerely hope that k.d. rethinks her “semi-retirement” and finds the muse to make music again. Perhaps, buoyed by our current wave of queer hitmakers, she might reemerge to get all the gay flowers she deserves. Otherwise, I’m sure we could find some willing tribute to try to help her find that muse again. Ahem. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

With all this anticipation (or lack thereof) about upcoming movies this week, I thought I’d reshare some love for one you can watch right this very second. Delayed gratification is for suckers. So if you haven’t already, pop on over to Amazon Prime and find “Bottoms.”

If you didn’t catch it last summer at the cineplex, or if you did, you can now enjoy the face-punching hilarity of this ridiculous lesbian high school fight club comedy from the comfort of your own home. I rewatched it when it was released on streaming last month and can highly recommend the experience.

I think what I enjoy most about this film is how it seamlessly fits into the pantheon of teenage hijinks movies. You can see its absurdist misfit teen lineage dating back to classic 80s fare like “The Breakfast Club” and “Weird Science.” And that makes me happy because it means, just maybe, queer cinematic narratives have finally moved on from coming out stories.

I’ve mentioned before how queer narratives crossing over into other genres is an important step in representation -- especially works where we aren’t just the sassy BFF or beleaguered coworker, but the stars and emotional engines of the stories. When the only stories told about you are those of suffering or struggle, it cuts us off from the full spectrum of human experiences. Much like how stories about BIPOC people shouldn’t only be about racism, stories about queer people shouldn’t just be about homophobia, internalized or otherwise (and that goes doubly for BIPOC queer people’s stories). Yes, those stories are still important (as anyone watching school boards ban books that might possibly make its straight white students “uncomfortable” can attest). But they shouldn’t be our only stories, period.

We’ve already conquered the lesbian period dramas, so much so that even SNL took notice. And we’ve been pretty successful with the horror/suspense genre thanks to works like “The Haunting of Bly Manor” and the “Fear Street” trilogy. Now we’re seeing it happen in the horny teen comedy genre thanks to movies like “Blockers,” “Booksmart,” “Bottoms” (uh, what’s with all the single-word B movies, lesbians?) I am clearly also very excited for the new Be Gay, Do Crimes genre of “Love Lies Bleeding” and “Drive-Away Dolls” and would love to see lots more of that in our collective futures.

So, as I was saying, reconnect with your inner high schooler and let the absurdity hit you right in the smacker. You won’t be sorry, though you might metaphorically lose a tooth. In a good way. Happy weekend, all.

Strong Women in Film, Literally

I guess this is the week where I sound off on movies coming soon. And I’ve gone from hatred, to begrudging respect to hot damn imma see this the first weekend I can. Continuing the new sapphic cinema trend of Be Gay, Do Crimes (hello, Drive-Away Dolls), is “Love Lies Bleeding.” Kristen Stewart talked about the movie and her motivation behind it at length in her Rolling Stone cover story. But each passing trailer gets me more excited to see what kind of murderous muscled mayhem KStew and Katy O'Brian can get up together.

Now, it’s not just the murderous muscled mayhem I’m here for. Make no mistake, I’m here for the gay murderous muscled mayhem I’m totally here for. Films about queer female relationships rarely let us see the destructive, clothes-ripping kind of lust that seems to be at the center of “Love Lies Bleeding.” And even if this is part of some hallucinatory fever-dream, can we just marvel at the unicorn-level queerness of this?

And then the Hulk-smash hotness of this?

Hello. Look, I’m in this for the story as much as anything. But, like I said, I am also sometimes deeply, deeply shallow. And this movie, well it just might satisfy both my brain and, well, other parts.

Run to Cate's Border

From a movie I’m definitely not seeing to a movie I probably will see in spite of myself for one very specific reason. And I am sure you already know the reason. Say hello to “Borderlands,” the latest dystopian video game turned major motion picture but this time starring Cate Blanchett with a hot pink alternative lifestyle wig and a Han Solo hip holster. So, clearly, I am in.

I am in despite the prominent pee and poop jokes in the trailer. Having Jamie Lee Curtis and Ariana Greenblatt (the daughter in “Barbie” and younger version of “Ahsoka”) in the cast helps. As do the briefest of trailer appearances by “Bound” legend Gina Gershon and “The L Word” alum Janina Gavankar.

So, fine, yes – I will be watching this Mad Max-meets space western shoot ‘em up. And not only because Cate looks like this.

And this.

And this.

I mean, mostly, but not the only reason. Look, we can’t always be deep. Sometimes it’s just fun to be deeply, deeply shallow.

Chasing French Girl

Well, it’s been a bit since I posted a good, old-fashioned hate post. But I feel the new Zach Braff movie “French Girl” truly fits the occasion. Now, at first you might think, but it also stars Evelyne Brochu, and Evelyne Brochu is lovely. Yes, she is. But it’s a shame she’s stuck in a biphonic rom-com cliched mess. Pop the question before she switches teams? Yikes, Chasing Amy called from 1997 and it wants its jokes back. Also Vanessa Hudgens as the scheming, sexy bi romantic rival trying sneakily to get her ex back? Please, Evelyne would have never left Vanessa in the first place. Obviously. Anyway, it’s easy to see where the film wants our sympathies to lie (Poor Man, he’s out of his depth and unable to compete with the sexy, conniving bisexual!). Yawn. Like if you’re going to introduce a sexy queer ex, at least make it so you not-so-secretly root for her to win the girl “Happiest Season”-style. Or, I don't know, make the French Girl in question the star and one we care about. Not the dude. Never that dude.

Music Monday: Renee Redux

Fine! FINE! Fiiiiiine! I can’t stop singing this song. Can a gay girl get an amen? If this earworm refuses to let you go either, well, just relax into it and accept your fate. It’s not her fault after all. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

We should probably talk about that Rolling Stone cover by Kristen Stewart. Since its release last week, right wingers have already had all of the aneurysms about its overly queer aesthetic (A woman! In a jock strap! With her hand…!) Kristen has already reveled in said conservative hyperventilating, and generally a jolly gay time was had by all (who aren’t conservative asshats).

But what I really think that Rolling Stone cover is perhaps this generation’s “Yep, I’m Gay” Time magazine cover. Sure, it might not have the same overall cultural impact. But to queers in her age bracket? Maybe. Here she is intentionally, unapologetically doing “The Gayest Thing You’ve Ever Seen in Your Life.” And here she is, intentionally, unapologetically and thoughtfully discussing her gay identity and gender norms and what it has been like for her in Hollywood and what she wants to do next. (Though, man, I wish the interviewer had asked her about “Happiest Season,” her one bonafide queer role to date. Alas.)

Still Kristen Stewart’s nonchalant “I'm, like, so gay, dude” coming out during her SNL monologue typified a generational shift where we didn't need to announce things on magazine covers anymore. Yet here she is, again intentionally and unapologetically reminding people on a magazine cover. I dig it. I also love that she’s reading Jeanette Winterson. Same, girl, do you need to borrow any of her books?

It’s all interesting, all very gay. Give the whole thing a read (Internet Archive version here in case you hit that Rolling Stones paywall). And in the end, I think the takeaway is no one gets to define who Kristen Stewart is, not as a queer person not as an artist not as a celebrity, but Kristen Stewart. As it should be. Happy gayest weekend you’ve ever seen in your life, all. (Or at least a darn good one.)

Slow Drive

Now that is how you play the long game. The production of the new lesbian road trip comedy “Drive-Away Dolls” lasted 17 years. Yes, you read that right. In the time it took this film to go from pre-production, back in 2007 when it was still called “Drive-Away Dykes,” to finished product about to be released this Friday is almost long enough to produce a whole adult person who can vote. But here we are, all these years later.

I should probably back up. Back in 2007, when Barack Obama George W Bush was still president, ahem – the story was cooked up by one-half of the Cohen brothers, Ethan, and his wife Tricia Cooke. She recently came out as a lesbian (though identified as a lesbian even before marrying Ethan), but they remain together while both maintaining other partners. Anyway, she wanted to be able to make queer movies, and well that’s how “Drive-Away Dykes” (it’s original name) was born. Back then Selma Blair and Holly Hunter were bandied about as possible leads.

Flash forward 17 years later, and Margaret Qualley (“Maid”) and Geraldine Viswanathan (“Blockers”) are leads, playing lesbian best friends who embark on a road trip where to say hijinks ensues would probably be an understatement. Beanie Feldstein stars as Margaret’s recent ex, who is also a cop (which my best guess is the role Holly would have otherwise played). And the movie also stars Colman Domingo, Pedro Pascal, Matt Damon and also maybe a hallucination of Miley Cyrus?

Yeah, I don’t know why I’m just hearing about this movie again this week. The publicity department somewhere has fallen down on the job. Like, I’m even a member of GALECA, you gotta tip the gays off at least. And, can we talk about the serious lack of gay agenda in that trailer? Is this like the whole musicals hiding the fact that they’re musicals thing again, but with gay movies?

Anyway, this looks fun, like a lot of fun. It gives off the same, slightly unhinged vibe as “Bottoms,” where finally lesbian characters are more than just their coming out stories and instead are part of all movie genres because, again, we are everywhere and also quite funny. See you at the cineplex, lesbians.

Good Night Country

So, I hope you’ve had a chance to watch the season finale of “True Detective: Night County” because hot damn do I want to talk about it. The series, while leaving some things purposefully ambiguous, stuck the landing as far as I’m concerned. No, it wasn’t perfect. But goodness was it satisfying.

The fourth season of the anthology series was no doubt deeply gratifying for its intended audience. And I should know, because I am exactly that intended audience. A viewer who loves complex mystery narratives, but is bored by the genre’s tendency to mythologize its Complicated/Suffering Men.

“Night Country” can best be read as a photo negative of the original “True Detective” a decade ago. That series was unapologetically all about its dual male leads, a male creator and male sensibilities (and self importance, ahem). So you can see why its fanboys might feel as if the new season is a huge departure with its dual female leads, female creator and similarly unapologetic female narratives. But, you know what fellas? We’re more than half the world’s population. You can watch one season about us, it won’t kill you. Probably.

Season 4 creator Issa Lopez defly straddled the line between the sensible and the supernatural, leaving it up to us how we want to interpret everything we’ve seen. To guide our journey to whatever truth might be out there are Arctic Mulder/Scully archetypes in believer Navarro (Kali Reis) and skeptic Danvers (Jodie Foster). But the truth about Night Country is not all questions have an answer – just like in real life.

Now, as is so tiresomely always the case, not everyone is thrilled about this shift to female-centered storytelling. Chief among the whiny men brigade is series creator Nic Pizzolatto, who spent last weekend reposting (and then deleting) post after post from his fanboys criticizing the new season of the anthology series (and, naturally, stroking his own ego and other parts).

It should be noted that Pizzolatto was not involved in any of the creative decisions in “Night Country.” And given what I’d read about him behind the scenes from his former glory days of Season 1, I continue to feel entirely justified in skipping his seasons. What can I say, thin-skinned pseudo-intellectual macho posturing just isn’t my thing. I’ll let Kali have the last word (and then some) because, um, you’ve seen what Kali looks like, right? I’ve also seen what Pizzolatto looks like, and that ain’t a fair fight – for him, obviously. Damn, girl.

🙄😐 That’s a damn shame…but hey I guess “if you don’t have anything good to share, shit on others” is the new wave 🤷🏽‍♀️ lol https://t.co/4EOvu0oPSu

— Kali Reis (@KO_Reis86) February 20, 2024

SPOILERS FOR THE SEASON FINALE AHEAD

Now that we all know how Annie K’s murder ties into the deaths of the male researchers at the Alaskan outpost, the show’s take on frontier justice feels at once familiar and invigorating. Vengeance stories are nothing new for men. There’s a whole comic named Punisher, after all. But female vengeance stories, they’re so fertile given the millennia of injustices at the hands of, you guessed it, men we have to draw from. So that was a real, fuck yeah moment for me when watching the finale.

The other fuck yeah moment was the very, very end. That last image. The one people keep calling “ambiguous,” but I read as 100% stone-cold gay. That’s unequivocally Navarro appearing on Danver’s lake house deck. My interpretation is she came back, like Danvers said, from the Ice and they’re now living their best lives together. But it’s still just as gay if you read it as Navarro’s ghost coming back to visit – and not haunt – Danvers in a tranquil, romantic setting. Like, I don’t know if this is one of those cases of the straight world reading queer women through history as “just roommates” or “best gal pals.” But there is an unquestionably gay reading to the final scene which fulfills the unspoken promise of a series where both leads looked SO DAMN GAY the whole time. Like, even the most oblivious straight people must recognize Jodie and Kali’s aesthetics as capital L Lesbian, right?

So, thoughts, theories? Honestly, even if I didn’t love the series it’d be worthwhile to have this female-fronted version because it makes all the right people mad. Luckily, I also loved the series. I mean, you get that many talented women together, how could you not? We’re watching, and we’re awake.

Netflix & FiveEva

I am so thrilled that “Girls5Eva” is returning for a third season, and on Netflix no less. I’m thrilled that more people are going to get a chance to finally discover this show (because who are we kidding, most people don’t have Peacock). Because I’m sure as soon as people watch this wonderfully ridiculous, wildly funny show (especially people who can still vividly remember the early 2000s) they’ll be hooked. I mean Sara Bareilles, Renée Elise Goldsberry, Busy Philipps and Paula Pell alone together on a show is great. But all of them together in a show from the team behind “30 Rock” (hey, Tina Fey, hey) is a maximum jokes per minute guffaw fest. And there's a lesbian in it (thanks, Paula). I know I plan to rewatch the whole series, and the new season, once it hits Netflix. Gonna be streaming, 5Eva starting March 14.

Music Monday: The Beaches

So because I’m on TikTok too damn much, I’m well acquainted with this song. Our Canadian friends up north are, of course, already well acquainted with The Beaches. The all-female indie rock group features at least one (I think, help me out Canucks) queer member in guitarist Leandra Earl. This song is apparently inspired by her recent ex which, could you imagine if someone wrote such a killer hook about you? No wonder rock stars get all the chicks. Happy Monday, kittens.