Friday, November 29, 2019

My Weekend Crush

The Friday after Thanksgiving is a de facto holiday for many. You might be lucky enough to have it off, or took the day off or *cough, cough* had to take it off. But whatever you are doing today, and this weekend, please embrace it with the gusto of Gillian Anderson living her best sex therapist life. When is “Sex Education” coming back for a second season, anyway? Happy Thanksgiving weekend, all.

Thursday, November 28, 2019

Be Thankful For

It is a day of eating and thankfulness here in the United States. So to celebrate I thought I would reshare my all-time favorite “cooking” scene from a movie. I say “cooking” because “burning” is a more accurate description of what Idgie has done to those poor tomatoes.

Now if you detect some smug satisfaction in my declaration of her “terrible” cooking, it’s because over the course of this year I have become very good at making fried green tomatoes. I tried it for the first time about a year ago, as a way to use the leftover unripened tomatoes on our vine. And now I am happy to report that I have become quite good at it. Like unlocking a hidden Lesbian Achievement Badge-level good – if I do say so myself.

So I wish you and yours a very happy Thanksgiving, to all who celebrate. And a wonderful Thursday to everyone else. If nothing else, just be thankful Idgie isn't making your meal tonight. Though they're both always welcome over for dinner. Bon appetite, kittens.

Wednesday, November 27, 2019

Part of Her Suit

Look, Disney didn’t make Elsa gay after all. But the added Evan Rachel Wood to the cast, so at least there’s that. And Evan showed up to Ellen (with guest host and her “Frozen 2” co-star Josh Gad) in this double-breasted suit and tie. And then she sang a cabaret version of “Part of Your World.” So, while I’m still mad Disney didn’t have the guts to give Elsa a girlfriend, I’m definitely not mad at this.

Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Hit Women

I still very much miss Mel and Sue on GBBO. Sure, Noel and Sandi are fine, but they lack that chemistry. Instead, their shtick is being mildly annoyed with one another. Mel and Sue, they could effortlessly riff off one another and complimented the other – making an even better whole. And, you know, they were really sweet with the contestants.

But, if we can’t have sweet, let’s have murder! Yes, I am aware how truly terrible that transition was, and I am sorry. Mel and Sue have signed on to star in a new sitcom as – wait for it – assassins. But, don’t worry, in truly Mel and Sue fashion they’re bumbling assassins. Like, truly rubbish killers. I hope in one episode they accidentally fall into a cake while trying to take out a mark. Now that’s what I call getting your just desserts. I know, I know – I’ll show my way out.

Monday, November 25, 2019

Waiting for a Lady on Fire

Good things come to those who wait, like this post and the self-declared “cinema’s greatest love story.” The folks behind “Portrait of a Lady on Fire” are making us wait, and wait some more, to see the film. Instead of opening wide this year, it will take its time and open wide on Valentine’s Day. Now, if you’re lucky enough to live in New York or Los Angeles you can see it for a one-week engagement starting Dec. 6. But the rest of us will have to wait until the heart-shaped candy replaces the Christmas trees and glowing Santa Clauses in the stores. Also, “Cinema’s Greatest Love Story?” Well, now it better really be worth the wait, because that’s a lot to live up to.

Friday, November 22, 2019

My Weekend Crush

I have not endorsed a candidate for 2020 yet. Heck, I am not even sure who I will ultimately vote for in the presidential primary yet. Now, of course, I have my favorites. But, in general, it’s may the best woman – or man, if we must – win. And, don’t worry, I will vote for whoever winds up the Democratic nominee (though not Tulsi because, again, she is a Republican/Russian asset). But in the style icon election, I’m all in with Senator Kamala Harris. How can we not after she wore that blouse and that blazer to the last debates? I mean, she’s clearly channeling her inner Straight Bette Porter. Someone is doing her very best to lock down “The L Word” constituency. And, lemme tell ya, it’s working.

A look at Straight Better Porter and Bette Porter, power-suit wearing strong female leaders America can believe in. Happy presidential weekend, all.

Thursday, November 21, 2019

Gender Fuck Thursday: Shellstrop Edition

I have absolutely no idea how “The Good Place” will end. But I have been continually delighted at all of its inventive twists and turns and singular ability to make a discussion of the ethics of what makes a decent human being entertaining. Plus, as The Faux Architect this season, there’s also been the added joy of Kristen Bell in a variety of brightly colored snazzy suits.

Like, really snazzy.

And really brightly colored.

Eleanor Shellstrop may be an Arizona dirtbag, but she’s our suit-wearing Arizona dirtbag. Plus, endless “Good” bonus points for that effortless hand-in-pocket action she is displaying right there.

Wednesday, November 20, 2019

'Tis the Lesbian Season

While the title of Best Lesbian Movie of 2019 may have already been claimed by a 2-minute, dialogue-less French car commercial, there is plenty of room for more queer women in film this season. And, speaking of this season, Tello Films has giftwrapped your present just in time for Old St. Nikki’s annual visit (see what I did there?)

Season of Love” is like a the Lesbian Hallmark Christmas Movie you’ve been dreaming about sprung to real life. Featuring a cast of some very familiar faces (Earpers, assemble - but more on that later), the movie is a pleasant dollop of romantic holiday cheer. And, better yet, it’s not just about one queer female couple finding love under the mistletoe. It’s three queer women’s love stories for the price of one. You’d be hard pressed to find a better deal than that on Black Friday.

The film stars Waverly Earp herself, Dominique Provost-Chalkley, as well as “True Blood” alum and out model/actress Jessica Clark. Dominique, it should be noted, is using her natural British accent in the movie, and showcases her singing and guitar playing. In other words, hold onto your butts, Earpers.

Astute viewers will do doubt notice key references to “Carol” and “Flashdance” - my two favorite parts of the film. And then, of course, there are the smoochies. Who doesn’t love some romantic holiday smoochies?

“Season of Love” has a premiere screening with cast & crew in L.A. Thursday. You can also catch screenings in London (Nov. 24 & 28), Nashville (Nov. 26), New York (Dec. 2), Toronto (Dec. 9), and Seattle (Dec. 9). Or, you can purchase the movie from the Tello site.

Look, I didn’t know this week would be all about lesbian holiday movies either. Guess all us gay ladies landed on the Nice List this year to deserve this.

Tuesday, November 19, 2019

Snow Days

What if you took “Love Actually,” set it in small town America and then populated it with a diverse cast of teenagers? Well, the result would be the new Netflix film “Let it Snow.” Based on a young-adult novel anthology by authors Maureen Johnson, John Green, and Lauren Myracle and a screenplay “30 Rock” and “Pitch Perfect” alum Kay Cannon, the movie is a perfectly pleasant holiday rom-com for the rest of us. But what makes “Let it Snow” really special is it included a lesbian storyline, which was not included in the original book.

For those keeping score at home, that’s two well-written lesbian teen storylines Kay has now included in her most recent movies. (Side Note: If you haven’t seen “Blockers,” because it’s got a terrible name and the trailers made it seem like a dumb movie about parents trying to protect young women’s sexual purity, you are missing out.)

[Spoiler Alert: Stop reading if you don’t want to know a key plot point...I mean it. For reals.]

Now, I could quibble with the cluelessness which Dorrie (Liv Hewson a.k.a. The best thing about “The Santa Clarita Diet”) approaches her cheerleader maybe girlfriend. She sees her blowing her off around friends as her being “hot or cold,” not her obviously still being in the closet and freaking our about her friends finding out. It just seemed so, well, obvious. But then, I guess I am not a teenager looking for love, so I could possibly not be the target audience.

But other than that, it was a sweet little story made sweeter by recognizing queer girls need feel-good holiday romances just like the rest of us.

Monday, November 18, 2019

Charlie’s Gayngels

Look, no one is calling “Charlie’s Angels” high art. But then this franchise has always leaned into its ridiculous mix of women power meets tight outfits meets hot ladies kicking bad guy butts entertainment. And while the latest reboot flopped pretty hard at the box office, it is still deserves recognition as a big-budget, mainstream film that allows one of its female leads to be visibly gay on screen. And, no, I’m not just talking about K-Stew’s hair.

Kristen Stewart’s Angel Sabina is more than just an alternative lifestyle haircut in a variety of campy costumes. She is the first confirmed queer Angel, or Gayngel, straight from the mouth of the movie’s director/co-writer/co-star Elizabeth Banks. As in she said, “Kristen’s character is definitely gay in the movie.”

Now, lest you are thinking this is some sort of “Dumbledore Is Gay”-redux confirmed, where she’s labeled as gay off-screen but you see no trace of it on screen – fear not. If you saw the movie over the weekend like I did (because, again, I have a soft spot for the ridiculous mix of women power meets tight outfits meets hot ladies kicking bad guy butts) you caught a brief, but definitive scene of Sabina letting her Gayngel Flag fly proudly. In it, while swiping some mark’s keycard at a health club, she pauses to give a big gay “Hey, girl” to one of the female members passing by.

Blink twice and you’d miss it. But it was main text, not subtext. And that’s something.

So, anyone else make it to the multiplex to root for our new Gayngel? And, raise your hand if you think K-Stew should do more campy, comedy stuff. Because, girl, it looks good on you.

p.s. While it might not be the highest praise for the movie, the star-studded mid-credit scene cameos were 100 percent worth the price of admission.

Friday, November 15, 2019

My Weekend Crush

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a billionaire times - corporations are not your friend. Corporations care about money, period. Their only goal is to sell you something to make more money. But, having said that, it is also true that corporations follow the zeitgeist. And as such, they can be a reflection of our values. And, on the rarest of rare occasions, they can make art that moves us in the most unexpected ways. (Again, with the end goal being to make money, but I digress.)

So imagine my surprise when the best lesbian film of 2019 so far is a dialogue-less, 2-minute car commercial from French automaking corporation Renault. I am not being hyperbolic when I say I would watch a whole movie about these two women. Hell, I would watch a multi-season show about these two women. In fact, I kind of demand it. Look, if you can’t beat late stage capitalism, at least let’s milk it for all the nuanced, poignant and moving looks at queer women in love we can get. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, November 14, 2019

Lucy In the Studio With Lesbians

Look, I’ve known Lucy Liu was an abstract artist for several years now thanks to her penchant for painting in a tank top. (See, unlike Tig I’m a lesbian who picks up on the REALLY IMPORTANT STUFF, duh.) But I did not realize that some of that art included tasteful shunga art (a traditional style of Japanese erotic artwork) that includes - wait for it - beautiful lesbian imagery.

In fact, Lucy has been showing her artwork since before she was a household name. According to a Hollywood Reporter profile on her artwork earlier this year, she studied art at the New York Studio School and has been showing her work publicly since the mid-1990s. And her rather graphic, if still abstract, erotic art features women loving women, as well as women and men in sexual embraces.

She told THR her sexual paintings were “ruminations on her upbringing in a family where sex and nudity were taboo.” OK, sure. But can we go back and talk a little about the women loving women stuff? Because, as far as I know, Lucy is single (a single mom of son Rockwell in fact) sooooo… I’m just saying, we already know Lucy loves a nice suit. Single queer ladies who live in New York, should the opportunity ever arise, please shoot your shot.

Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Shame, Shame, Shame

Look, I like Tig Notaro a lot. But we’re definitely going to have to take away her Lesbian Card for not recognizing Lena Headey. Like, at all. I mean, I realize this could all be a bit. Is it a bit? Or perhaps she really is living under a rock and does not watch and TV or movies. Also, what’s with people in the entertainment industry who don’t watch TV or movies?

It’s not just that she doesn’t recognize Lena as Cersei Lannister from “Game of Thrones.” NO, the unforgivable sin is not recognizing Luce, a.k.a. Every Lesbian’s Favorite Florist, from “Imagine Me & You.” I mean, come on, Tig. That’s just Lesbianism 101. Shame, indeed.

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Kate-Cat Club

Two days of good TV news? And this one features Kate McKinnon and cats? What is this, Lesbian Christmas? So Kate, everyone’s favorite presidential nominee impersonator and avowed lover of cats is starring in a podcast-turned-TV show about the world of exotic cats for Hulu. I know, that is not a sentence I expected to type either. The new series, based on the Wondery podcast “Joe Exotic,” will star Kate as a real-life big cat lover named Carole Baskin who seeks to expose fellow real-life exotic cat enthusiast Joe "Exotic" Schreibvogel as an illegal breeder and animal abuser. And then things got really weird when Joe Exotic hired a hitman to kill Carole. And did I mention there’s a very prominent mullet involved (though not on Carole, thankfully)? Yeah, Kate + Big Cats + Murderous Mullet Men = imma watch the heck out of this crazyass show.

Monday, November 11, 2019

How You Like Them Peaches?

Welcome to Monday. Would you like some good news? Of course you would! And you deserve it, much like you deserve a “League of Their Own” series to come to television. Which is exactly what’s happening, courtesy “Broad City” alum Abbi Jacobson who is developing the series (with, it should be noted, the blessing of Geena Davis and the late Penny Marshall) for Amazon. More good news? Abbi will start along the best “Not a Girl, Not a Robot” in the universe D’Arcy Carden. *pauses for squeals of delight*

The new series will be a half-hour comedy, but also reportedly delve “deeper into the issues facing the country” in 1943 at the time of the formation of the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League. Can we get a hell yes? Janet, some celebratory confetti please? Now, let’s start a wish list for other players we want on the team this time around. Definitely they need gay ladies. Definitely they need ladies of color (yeah, that one throwing the ball back scene was nice and all, but yeah). And if they find a way for Geena or Lori Petty to guest star, well, I would not be mad one little bit. Janet, please make that happen and start working on your fastball.

Friday, November 08, 2019

My Weekend Crush

I have not endorsed any candidate yet in the Democratic primary for president. And, regardless of who ends up winning the nomination, I will vote for her…or him – if we must (but maybe not Tulsi, she’s a Republican/Russian asset anyway). What I will say in the SNL primary I think Kate McKinnon’s Warren is definitely winning and has my vote. And both in real life and SNL, my favorite thing about her is how freaking scared and whiny she makes billionaires. Like, for real, they’re terrified of her. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Whoddathunk the damn Democratic primary would have more billionaires running than the Republicans? I mean, we all know Donald isn’t really a billionaire anyway because if he were he’d let us see his taxes/Russian paperwork. But come on Mike and Tom, just donate to Kamala/Straight Bette Porter or Cory (two fine, more moderate candidates) instead of spending a couple $100 million on your billionaire savior vanity project. But I guess billionaires gotta billionaire, which is kind of the whole damn problem in the first damn place.

Thursday, November 07, 2019

Gender Fuck Thursday: Suit On, Shirt Off

I don’t know what glossy magazines have against shirts, but I for one am not complaining with this new trend of putting queer female celebrities in suits sans a shirt underneath. Not at all. For example, here are Evan Rachel Wood and Megan Rapinoe in shirtless suits for Self and Glamour magazines, respectively.

Now, neither magazine seems fully opposed to shirts. Self did manage to find one for Evan, but promptly made it wet. So, now all I need to know now is who to send the mini-muffin gift basket to at the magazine.

Meanwhile, Megan’s Glamour looks were more...questionable. Like, normally I love any and all tank tops. But something about the sheer layering over the top and having it tucked in is not necessarily giving me Tank Top Tuesday goodness vibes.

Though the deciding looks for these dueling photoshoots come down to pinstripe versus bodysuit. And here, I think, we can all agree the pinstripe wins hands down. Because what even is that highlighter yellow monstrosity? May we never find out.

Wednesday, November 06, 2019

Socially Irrelevant Heteronormative Gender Roles

Look, I’m no Kristen Stewart stan. But I do appreciate how “Fuck You, Hollywood and Socially Irrelevant Heteronormative Gender Roles” she has become of late. Like, she literally said exactly that to Jimmy Fallon’s befuddled face on “The Tonight Show” last week while talking about her girlfriend.

Kristen returned over the weekend to host SNL, two years after her “I'm like so gay, dude” heard around the world. That Totino’s skit is now officially a classic in queer cinema. Or, at least, that’s how I classify it in my head.

Another queer classic? Kate and Kristen Stewart thumb wrestling in this SNL promo. Last time she was on, I think they purposely kept K-Stew and K-McK (not a thing, I know) apart in skits. But at least they got a promo together battling for Lesbian Thumb Supremacy.

Tuesday, November 05, 2019

100 Percent That Scary

Look, you have Olivia and Phoebe and ukuleles, and we have Lizzo. Just to prove you don’t have delightfulness cornered, here is Lizzo going through a haunted house with Ellen’s executive producer/resident scaredy-cat Andy Lassner.

I particularly like when she uses her ass as a defense against the Dark Arts. And runs and leaves him to fend for himself.

Lizzo, it should be noted, also won Halloween with her costume this year. As I was saying, delightful on this, Britain.

Monday, November 04, 2019

Music Monday: Great British Ukulele Show

Gosh, you Brits do know how to make the most palliative entertainment. Like, for example, the finale of the “Great British Baking Show” managed to be both tense, surprising, exciting, calming, and oh so lovely. (I won’t spoil it but, again, I cannot recommend my favorite televised Xanax highly enough - even with the new hosts and everything.)

And, as another example, here is Olivia Colman (sorry, Oscar winner, two different Queens, and fictional creator of critically important plot point headless female torso statuettes Olivia Colman) singing my all-time favorite Portishead song “Glory Box” accompanied by her “Fleabag” co-star Phoebe Waller-Bridge and Phoebe’s musician sister Isobel Waller-Bridge accompanying her on ukelele. And it’s all being recorded for charity? I mean, come on, Brits. We get it; YOU’RE DELIGHTFUL. Stop rubbing it in. I mean, what with Brexit and Boris and all, I guess you deserve some counteracting loveliness. Just as long as we can also enjoy Olivia and Phoebe and people cooking in a tent along with you.

p.s. In case you’re looking for even more British delightfulness, it appears Henry (he of the constant neckties) and Michael (he of the deepest dimples you’ve ever seen) from this season of GBBO might be dating? As I was saying, COME ON. You can’t possibly be this cute, Britain.

Friday, November 01, 2019

My Weekend Crush

There has never been any question that Jane Fonda is a badass. She’s been a badass since, well...looks up date of her famous anti-Vietnam War era mugshot. While she was vilified back then for taking a stand, it’s abundantly clear that our Jane remains on the right side of history.

Now she’s taking a stand and getting arrested to protest government inaction on climate change. And we’re not just taking putting a bumper sticker on her car or writing a strongly worded letter to her congressperson. No, this month Jane moved to Washington D.C. to lead weekly demonstrations. Basically, every Friday through January Jane and other protesters (and a few famous friends) are getting arrested in what they’re calling Fire Drill Fridays. Basically, she’s acting like our house is on fire because, you know, it is.

Anyway, last week instead of going to the British Academy Britannia Awards to accept BAFTA’s Stanley Kubrick Britannia Award for Excellence in Film, she got arrested. But, like the badass she is, Jane managed to accept the award anyway - just from cuffs while getting hauled away by cops. Legends only, kittens, legends only. Happy weekend, all.