Friday, December 30, 2011

Vacation Vixen: Kate Winslet

I can think of no better way to bid adieu to 2011 than with a little tousled Winslet. What a year, kittens, what a year.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Vacation Vixen: Julianne Moore

I know it’s pretty un-PETA of me, but I just love the way skin looks against leather.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Vacation Vixen: Angie Harmon

Season 2 finale of “Rizzoli & Isles” is tonight, so feast your eyes on the #gayzzoli while you still can.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Friday, December 23, 2011

My Weekend Crush

Even at her most vibrant, there was always something tragic about Judy Garland lurking just under the surface. Something that allowed her voice, even when still just a teenager, to cut through the ages. It’s what made her so special. It’s what made her so irreplaceable. That it took so long for me to get to Judy, particularly considering the partial namesake of this blog and all, is in itself a tragedy. One which I must promptly atone for. For any woman who came up as an impossibly pretty prodigy, blossomed into a big-time marquee name and then metamorphosed into an unquestionably consummate showwoman. deserves her moment in the spotlight and then some. Because, sister, could that lady belt it out. Despite her problem, despite her troubles, Judy Garland was going to put on a show. And you, you were going to sit mesmerized by all the beauty, sass, power and emotion she poured into every performance, every gesture, every note. She just didn’t take us over the rainbow, she took us out of ourselves, if only for a moment. Happy weekend, all.

The Ingénue

The Showwoman

The Classic

Have yourself a merry little Christmas, kittens, with all the beautifully tear-stained children’s cheeks your little heart can hold.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Alpha Bette City

So last week I sang the praises of that lesbothrob Shane. Shane, Shane, Shane. And, well, it got me a little nostalgic. And what is got me nostalgic for was that glorious creature Bette Porter. Oh, what a specimen. What a magnificent mix of alpha behavior and bossy tendencies. So, so, bossy. What a complicated mess of loyalty and desire, power and weakness, strength and tenderness. And when she wore those power suits, sweet merciful Zeus, how the knees automatically buckled. But it was her flaws that made her so very interesting. Power on its own is rather bland, boring even. But power with problems and all those glorious messy things that make us human? Well, that’s the wonders of Bette Porter. Also, damn, the lady was hot as fuck.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Holding out for a hero

This fanvid is pretty extraordinary. So well done, so gorgeous and so exemplary of exactly what has bothered me about the writing of Santana’s big coming out arc this season. I’ve watched this video half a dozen times, and each time it thrills and annoys me in equal measure. This is not the vidder’s fault (seriously, amazing, mad props upon mad props – nothing but respect, yo). Instead it’s fault of the writers of this crazy thing called “Glee.”

And this, this is why. It’s not that Santana didn’t earn her coming out story; she certainly did. We’ve seen her struggle with her sexuality, struggle with openness, struggle with acceptance. All this things have been well done and thoughtful. But what Santana’s coming out story didn’t earn was its hero. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again and I’ll never stop saying it. Finn Hudson is not the hero of Santana Lopez’s coming out story. He doesn’t deserve that distinction for many reasons, not the least of which is the fact that he’s the one who outed her in the first place. But, most of all, he wasn’t there through her journey.

But do you know who was there through her journey? Do you know who encouraged her every step of the way? Do you know who was there, is there and will always be there? Brittany. Yeah, remember her? You know, the whole reason Santana realized she was a lesbian in the first place. The person Santana loves. The person who was there with support and hugs and very special misspelled T-shirts. The person who has never stopped telling Santana to be herself, to love herself and to let her awesomeness shine through. Yeah, you know, Brittany.

Or, perhaps even better, how about Santana is allowed to be her own damn hero? Find herself. Save herself. Do we really need some dude – and a straight, white dude at that – to be the savior for a strong, queer Latina woman? Really? She can’t look into herself and find something inside her on her own that tells her she is strong enough? That moment where we stop and admit to ourselves that we deserve to be happy, no matter what other people think.

And that, that’s why the video annoys me. Because each time it plays I see those looks, those genuine looks, between Santana and Brittany. I see the love and sympathy and longing. I see why Santana might finally find the strength to step out and step up and step toward the woman she loves. And then, then that fucking Finn Hudson pipes up with his big fetus face and ruins it for me.

You know, the writers may think we’re grumpy or whiny or sneezy or sleepy, for all I care. But what we really are is fair. We only want what’s fair, and what would have been fair is for Santana to finish her journey out of the closet hand-in-hand with Brittany, not pushed in the back by Finn. We want our heroes to be worthy. That’s really not too much to ask. We also want a Brittana kiss – you know, as long as we’re asking for things that are fair.

So, fairness in mind, please enjoy yet another video by the same vidder (the incredibly talented scoouuzz), with the rightful heroes in all their glory.

p.s. Yes, I have now heard about the Ryan Murphy “We made two girls scissor! What more can we do for you?” comments from the yet-to-be-aired Inside the Actors Studio. And, no, I cannot properly comment on that without a fifth of whisky and baseball bat. But, needless to say, if Ryan thinks what Brittany and Santana were doing on that bed was actually scissoring, he is more confused about what constitutes lesbian sex than I even thought possible.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Love Lobos

Heavens, I seem to have angered a whole lesbian fandom inadvertently. And one that I like a lot, at that. So yesterday, when I tweeted my surprise at Isabel & Cristina of the Spanish series “Tierra de lobos” leading the Cutest TV Couple of 2011 over Brittany & Santana of “Glee,” I did so with honest surprise. But there was no judgment, other than to say, you know, wow. And, yes, I voted for Brittana because they are one of my original ships. I really wasn’t much of a shipper before they came along, to be honest. I mean, maybe Mulder & Scully and Willow & Tara and the requisite Tina & Bette (and sundry other “The L Word” ships to a lesser degree). But otherwise, I was still a fairly passive TV watcher devoid of very strong shipper feelings. And then, bam, cheerleaders who scissor came along. So, you know, you always respect the first who made you start acting like a crazy person and entering the fandom in a big way.

So, hence, I expressed what I thought was playful surprise at the poll results so far. Thing is, “Tierra de Lobos” is a European show shot in Spanish and AE is (while it reaches a vast international audience) a U.S.-based site written in English. Anyway, that’s a long way of saying that my surprise does not mean I don’t have respect for the Isabel & Cristina (or Crisabel, ‘cause we’re all shippers here) storyline and fans. Quite the contrary. And when I tweeted, “Way to represent, Spain.” I meant, seriously, way to represent. It’s no small feat for a relatively small international show to overtake a crazy publicity snowball like “Glee.”

Again, no offense to the lovely Crisabel fans out there. Now that I’m neck-deep in shipper waters, I have to say I really root for all lesbian fandoms – actual and subtextual. And I don’t entirely understand the mentality of fandoms fighting against each other. I want all the ships to do well because more lesbian representation on TV, in all its forms, is a good thing. I also think finding subtext is just good fun, a way to help gay up the world just to our liking. And while I have my personal favorites, that certainly does not negate your favorites. Nor do I want to denigrate one fandom to pump up another. I mean, I don’t even really talk smack about Dyson from “Lost Girl.” Though I will talk smack about Finn Hudson. Oh, yes, I certainly will.

As for Crisabel, I flipped for them the moment Isabel looked through that doorway and couldn’t take her eyes off Cristina bathing as light streamed gently in over her body. (p.s. How beautifully lit is that show? So beautifully lit.) And I swooned when they finally kissed, like for real and not a make-believe neck nuzzle. And now that I’m all caught up through the betrayal, hurt, discovery, convents, S&M nuns, rescues and reunions, I have to say it is one hell of a ship. And the actresses who play Isabel & Cristina (Adriana Torrebejano and Berta Hernández, respectively) could not be more gorgeous and gorgeous together. Also, God bless that show for always finding a convenient way to get all of its gorgeous ladies to strip down to their petticoats – for the plot, of course.

If you want to catch up, here are the first few key Crisabel encounters, and then you can follow along from episode 2X07 up through 2X12 yourself here with English subtitles. (p.s. There be actual boobies ahead. And ladies kissing. Yay!)

So, no, they were not my vote for Cutest TV Couple this time. But, man, are they every something. And, because no proper fandom discussion would be complete without a proper fanvid, enjoy.

Te quiero, Crisabel fans. Te quiero. Las quiero, Crisabel fans. Las quiero. (Clearly, I do not speak Spanish and the language barrier is half the battle.)

Monday, December 19, 2011

All who wander are not Lost

So, how about that “Lost Girl” this season? I have to say, it has been a bit of a roller coast ride. Some weeks it’s just the epitome of everything I love about this show – the sexy, the action, the pathos, the sexy some more. And then some weeks it feels like wallowing knee-deep in angst. It’s like we’ve stumbled into a video for “Smells Like Succubus Spirit” or something. She is sad because Dyson left her. She is sad because Lauren left her. Emo Bo is emo, we get it. Poor Anna Silk should put in for hazard pay for all the premature wrinkles her scowling this season will surely cause.

But I think what’s irked me most is the inconsistent writing for Lauren. Now, I give the show mad respect for making her character more prominent in the second season. They obviously saw what fans responded to in the first season and responded accordingly. Still the very thing that made so many of us fall in love with Dr. Hotpants in the first place (well, besides how hot pants and other things look on her, that is) is her calm, loyal, gentle personality. One look into those big, soulful, brown eyes and we were all goners. Goners I say.

So much of that is Zoie Palmer herself, who elevated a relatively small role into total fan worship status. Yet somehow this season we’ve gotten two Laurens. The one we know and love. The calm, loyal, gentle Lauren. And the cold, insensitive, unthinking Lauren. It was the last Lauren we saw last week, when Nadia woke up and even though she told Bo she loved her and even though she told Bo she couldn’t have gotten through the past year without her and even though she and Bo had crazy hot sex, she didn’t bother to pick up the phone and say, “Hey, my girlfriend woke up!” Nope, she just walked right into Bo’s birthday party, hand-in-hand, with her coma-free girlfriend and proceeded to give Bo a steel death star as a present. Just throw it right into her heart why don’t ya, Lauren?

This inconsistency actually annoys me more than the Doccubus Interruptus Nadia’s arrival represents. Don’t get me wrong. I want Bo and Lauren to get together, end up together, spend hours upon hours on primetime television peeling tank tops off each other together. But I understand that in TV it’s not always best to get couples together right away. If I’ve learned anything from my misspent youth it is that there are always obstacles to true love that must be overcome. (Though, come on writers, we can’t get more than one good Doccubus boinking scene before you pull the rug out from under them? We’ve been so patient. We ask for so little.)

Still, I haven’t come anywhere near giving up hope. We are only half way through this second season. There’s plenty of time left for good (and hopefully sexy) things to happen. And while we’re waiting, writers, please feel free to let Bo get her sexyback on this season. Preferably with Lauren, obviously. But it’s been a bit of a dry spell for our favorite Succubus. How about you let those blue eyes blaze? And, if you need any other volunteers, trust me, I know about 10 gajillion lesbians who’d happily volunteer to die with a smile on their faces. Sucking face never looked so good.

p.s. Did I mention I’m interviewing both Zoie and Anna this week? Yeah, not a terrible week to be me.

Friday, December 16, 2011

My Weekend Crush

Charlize Theron is almost a cruel kind of gorgeous. It’s not the most accessible beauty, like a girl next door or sexy librarian or anything. She reminds me of an iceberg. Exquisite to look at, a little cool around the edges, but with so much more going on underneath. What I think I like most about her is her sophisticated, I don’t give a fuck attitude. Because she really kind of doesn’t. She says what she thinks, she swears with abandon and she doesn’t need to play beautiful in every role. In fact, I’d argue there are few actresses who have traded less on their beauty – especially of late – than Charlize.

It’s not that she just uglies up to win awards (though that certainly didn’t hurt with “Monster”), but I really don’t think she cares if she looks glamorous in pictures. Take “Monster,” take “North Country,” take “In the Valley of Elah,” take “Sleepwalking,” take “The Burning Plain,” take “The Road.” And now “Young Adult.” The wardrobe departments on these pictures probably cost about the same as a good used Honda Civic. And, just as interesting, Charlize isn’t all that interested in playing nice. Not in her next two pictures at least. In both “Young Adult” and “Snow White and the Huntsman,” she played decidedly un-nice. Heck, I believe “Evil” even gets bandied about in the latter.

And that’s what helps make those movies, and her, so very interesting. Well, that and her passionate stances on causes like women’s rights, reproductive rights, gay rights and the plight of her native South Africa. See what I was saying? An iceberg. A crisp beautiful, beautiful iceberg. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

A lock of thy jet-black tresses

So I was sick in bed all of yesterday. Like coughy, hacky, snotty, headachey, icky sick. I sort of went in and out of consciousness, trying to write this week’s Rizzoli & Isles Subtext Recap (which is a day late due to sickness, but should be up a little later today at AfterEllen with my apologies). Let me tell you, it went slowly. Also, if I hadn’t had work to finish, what I would have done was drag my drugged-up little body to the couch to watch my complete set of “Anne of Green Gables” DVDs. It seemed like such an Anne day. Alas, duty called. But today, I can at least share a little of what I really wanted to do, the way I really wanted to see it. Anne of Green Gables: Brokeback Mountain Style. Such a queer little girl, that Anne Shirley.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Looking very, oh, you know

You know who I miss? I miss Shane. I know, I know. This is not an original thought. Almost every gay lady has at some point in her life thought, “Jesus, I need a Shane.” But my desire for someone who looks very Shane today has less to do with the physical attributes and mad skills (though, don’t get me wrong – come to mama, honey), but the concept of Shane. The lothario isn’t a role women get to play on screen often. Sure, we get slut shamed. We get branded with the big scarlet letter. But the loveable lothario is something different, something reserved for men and the boys-will-be-boys mindset which deems conquests as laudable achievements. We remain mired in the societal gender constructs which make girl sexuality bad and boy sexuality good. But a character like Shane makes things more interesting, turning those stereotypes on their head and celebrating what once was scorned. Someone who is unapologetic about desire? I like it, I like it a lot. Since then she has been often imitated, seldom replicated. Also, you know, fucking-A Shane was hot. Yeah, sometimes it is what it is.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Tank Top Tuesday

The great thing about tank tops, besides their minimal fabric and maximum hotness, is the way they cling. A tank top knows how to fit the body. It knows where to hug and where to give. It’s a giver like that. So on someone like, say, Hope Solo, a tank top knows to get the hell out of the way, and just let that back do all the talking. Which, not entirely coincidentally, is precisely what I’m going to do as well.
Claudia BlackI probably should have watched “Farscape,” huh?

Nikki ReedI remember Nikki before she was in all this “Twilight” hoo-ha and just wanted to kiss Evan Rachel Wood.

Rosario DawsonRosario is one of the most consistent tank top wearers in the industry. Bless her generous heart.

Elisha CuthbertWho knew she was the kind of girl who liked to get drunk and to eat ribs?

Rhona MitraShe needs to be in more movies where she kicks things’ asses.

Brandi CarlileShe’s in my neck of the woods this week and I was too late to get tickets. No, I’m not crying.

Jenna UshkowitzI’m so glad the “Glee” writers remembered Jenna was on the show last episode.

Naya Rivera
Speaking of things on “Glee” I’m glad for.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Det. Sexy McBadass & Dr. Smartypants

So, you know I love me some “Rizzoli & Isles” (henceforth alternately known as Det. Sexy McBadass & Dr. Smartypants). And it’s going to be mighty hard to beat the gayzzoli of last week. I mean, Maura told Jane, “I love you.” So, not really so much subtext as regular old maintext now. But, as a dreamer, I can always hope for more. This week’s episode will be the one with Jane’s big high school reunion. I hope everyone thinks Jane and Maura are LLBFF at the event. I know, it’s not good to go back to the well – but when the water is so sweet, why not? Still, when writer imagination fails us, we always have the fanvids. Oh, fanvids. How you make the dirty things in our head spring to life on our screens.

Oh, and if you haven’t been checking out my Rizzoli & Isles Subtext Recaps on Wednesdays over at AfterEllen would it help if I told you a mutual friend of ours has?

You know, no big, it’s cool. Just Sasha Alexander saying she’s read a few of my recaps. Be right back, passing out – FOREVER.

Friday, December 09, 2011

My Weekend Crush

Change can be a real bitch. It doesn’t comes right when you want it to. It always takes forever. Sometimes it seems it’ll never happen. But, still, we never have to stop trying, stop fighting, stop working to make it happen. So each step toward change, however small, is something to celebrate. Something to embrace. Something to hold up as a reminder that, yes, change is coming. It always comes. It is the only inevitability in life besides death. And that, in itself, is a change. So this week, when Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton stepped before the United Nations in Geneva and gave a speech declaring gay rights human rights. This isn’t a baby step. This isn’t even a regular step. This is history.

God, I love this speech. Hillary spoke for 30 solid minutes about gay rights. It is, quite simply, extraordinary. A few excerpts (but really, watch the full 30 minutes – you will not be sorry).

On human rights:

“Some have suggested that gay rights and human rights are separate and distinct; but, in fact, they are one and the same…. Like being a woman, like being a racial, religious, tribal, or ethnic minority, being LGBT does not make you less human. And that is why gay rights are human rights, and human rights are gay rights.”

On religious objections:

“This is not unlike the justification offered for violent practices towards women like honor killings, widow burning, or female genital mutilation. Some people still defend those practices as part of a cultural tradition. But violence toward women isn't cultural; it's criminal. Likewise with slavery, what was once justified as sanctioned by God is now properly reviled as an unconscionable violation of human rights. In each of these cases, we came to learn that no practice or tradition trumps the human rights that belong to all of us.”

On freedom of expression:

“Universal human rights include freedom of expression and freedom of belief, even if our words or beliefs denigrate the humanity of others. Yet, while we are each free to believe whatever we choose, we cannot do whatever we choose, not in a world where we protect the human rights of all.”

On creating change:

“We need to ask ourselves, ‘How would it feel if it were a crime to love the person I love? How would it feel to be discriminated against for something about myself that I cannot change?’ This challenge applies to all of us as we reflect upon deeply held beliefs, as we work to embrace tolerance and respect for the dignity of all persons, and as we engage humbly with those with whom we disagree in the hope of creating greater understanding.”

Chills, really, chills. Clear, direct, eloquent, forceful. It’s everything we want our leaders to stand up and say to the world. And, like Hillary herself admits on the speech, our “own country's record on human rights for gay people is far from perfect” and we “have more work to do to protect human rights at home.” No, the Obama Administration’s record on LGBT rights isn’t perfect. No, neither Obama or Hillary fully support gay marriage – yet. But still, this speech is a landmark worldwide. A message to the corners of the world where being gay is still a crime. A clarion call for equality across the globe.

You can read her full transcript here.

Her speech could not be more of a contrast to the new political ad put out by Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry also put out this week. In it, the want-to-be President of the United States says:

“I’m not ashamed to admit that I'm a Christian, but you don’t need to be in the pew every Sunday to know there’s something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but our kids can't openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school. As President, I’ll end Obama’s war on religion. And I’ll fight against liberal attacks on our religious heritage. Faith made America strong. It can make her strong again.”

When people scoff about voting and say, “Oh, who cares, politicians are all alike,” show them these two videos. Sure, sometimes it’s hard to find perfection in our leaders. But then consider the alternative.

p.s. As distasteful as it is to watch, I urge you to take a look and then click the “DISLIKE” button to help make Perry’s hideous spot the most disliked video on YouTube.
p.p.s. But it’ll make your day infinitely better knowing that that Perry wore Heath Ledger’s iconic “Brokeback Mountain” jacket in his big, dumb anti-gay ad.

Hillary ended her spectacular speech with a call for change, that ever elusive yet always present creature. And it urged everyone to get on the right side of history. It’s what makes me know that no matter how hard the Rick Perrys and worse of the world try, they’ll never be able to truly stop change from coming. Delay it, sure. Aggravate it, definitely. But history has proven to have very little patience with those who deny its progress. As Hillary said, “no matter how long the road ahead, we will travel it successfully together.” Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, December 08, 2011

Gender Fuck Thursday: Shirtless Edition

They say no shirt, no shoes, no service. But in cases like these if you’re wearing no shirt, there’s no way you’re not getting serviced. Rimshot! Hey, it can’t all be high brow. Sometimes it’s just about the exquisite pleasure of a lady wearing a nice jacket without a nice shirt. And if that lady happened to be wearing a lovely garter set underneath, like Kirsten Dunst – well, that’s some extra special service coming up right there. Extra special, indeed.

Catherine Zeta-JonesBest black-tie optional attire ever.

RihannaOne of my goals in life is to have vacations like Rihanna.

Anne HathawayPeople seem worried about whether the new Catwoman will be sexy enough. I have to say, I’m not overly worried.

Keira KnightleyI wish Keira would go back to the short hair. You don’t know how much.

Eva GreenFrench women, amirite?

Amber HeardLots of you seemed concerned about informing me that Amber is now single. Good to know, very good.

Tilda SwintonRight, like one of these would be complete without a little Swinton.

Lauren Hutton & Christy TurlingtonI find shirtlessness most fun in pairs, too.

Demi MooreWell, I never said she needed to be wearing a jacket, too.

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

I Nuzzled a Girl

Oh, son, you done gone stepped in it now. Last night newbie “Glee” writer Matthew Hodgson – who let’s face it was already on many gay ladies’ shit list for writing the “I Kissed a Girl” episode where no girls actually kissed – went and tweeted a fan that Brittany and Santana had already kissed. Yes, really. No, I am not kidding. Yes, I wish I was. But no, here is the tweet.

(Yes, I know all about that glowing article about him from yesterday on that other site with the initials AE. No, I have no comment. Yes, the timing is hilarious. But no, I still my comment is no.)

Fellow “Glee” writer Michael Hitchcock also replied to the same tweeter, with an extra special twist of contempt.

Here’s a small hint, dude, don’t tell a die-hard fan she doesn’t watch the show she probably spends more waking hours obsessing about than you do. Have you met this thing called “fandom?” If not, crash course – Fandom remembers everything. EVERYTHING.

Now, first things first, they are clearly both epically, epically wrong about Brittany and Santana sharing any sweet lady kisses (a fact which series creators Brad Falchuk and Ryan Murphy have themselves confirmed). That was The Great Neck Nuzzle of 2010 they’re referring to. Trust me, fellas, us gals have watched that scene over and over and over and over again and as much as we want there to be lip locking, there simply isn’t. An almost kiss is not a kiss.

Both Matthew and Michael have since deleted their respective tweets. Michael tweeted and then deleted an apology to the same fan. And Matthew tweeted and so far has left up a clarification of sorts to a different fan.

Hey, guys, there seems to be some serious confusions amongst the “Glee” ranks about what constitutes kissing. So, please, let me help you with some easy to understand visual cues.



Still what this whole weird mess really does – besides make me sad that maybe neither one of these fellows is all that familiar with what kissing really is in the first place – is makes me worried about what the hell is happening in the writers’ room. I mean, seriously, what is happening? I know continuity was one of the things everyone said they’d work on this season, and they have (they mentioned Tina’s former stutter and Santana’s Rocky Horror lips and Puck’s pool cleaning business). But to not know the basic romantic on-screen history of two major characters is a pretty Joe Biden-worthy Big Fucking Deal. Or, at least it should be a Big Fucking Deal.

Though perhaps, well, perhaps that’s the problem in the first place. Perhaps these characters – these beautiful, strong, queer female characters – aren’t really that big a deal to these writers. Perhaps they’re just a nice, pretty garnish to the show’s more important main dish. Perhaps getting things right like whether to girls who are in love have actually kissed on screen just doesn’t matter in their world. Perhaps they think we’ve gotten all the storyline from them we deserve already.

Well, if that’s the case, then I heartily welcome the writers to kiss my ass. Though, at this point, I have to wonder if they even know how.

UPDATE: Well, I give up. The show's only lesbian writer (and really only full-time female writer), Ali Adler, also thinks Brittana has already kissed. At this point, I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry. Maybe I'll just nuzzle someone I deeply love until I feel better.

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Oh, we got Troubletones

You guys, you guys. I am in love with a fictional high school glee club. No, not those darn New Directions. I mean, I used to love them but we were all so young and things were so different then. No, I’m in love with the new girls on the block. I’m in love with the Troubletones.

In a few spectacular numbers, this all-girls phenomena has not just won my heart but wrapped it around my finger and made me beg for more. In all seriousness, I would camp out overnight like a crazed Twilight fan to buy tickets to one of their shows. I have my sleeping bag ready. I am only partially kidding.

When I first saw their” Candyman” performance, I clapped and grinned. So much fun, so much energy. And then came the epic Adele “Rumour Has It/Someone Like You” mash-up. I couldn’t stop watching it and I’ll never stop loving it. So here comes the big Sectionals performance of “Survivor/I Will Survive” tonight. And I think the only way to describe it is to say “Oh, the house that was here? Yeah, it’s gone. The Troubletones brought it down.”

Oh, kittens. Second 53, Second 53.

But what is more extraordinary, what is more sensational, what makes them not just another group that sings and dances is that this is a group fronted by an amazing African-American young woman and sensational out lesbian Latina young woman and her fierce out bisexual girlfriend. And they’re proud and loud and OH MY GOD, YOU SAW THE BRITTANGO PART, RIGHT?

Also, important sidenote, the choreography they perform during “Survivor/I Will Survive” is known as “waacking,” a style that originated in gay black and Latino disco clubs in the 70s. I ignorantly called it “flail-y when I first saw it, which I apologize profusely for as I know basically nothing about dance history. Kids today are still doing the Charleston, right? I am, clearly, the last person on this Earth who should be commenting on complex choreography. If you really want to see flailing, just watch me dance.

So, in that context, having the Troubletones waacking to a mash-up of a popular gay anthem (and a kick-ass Destiny Child number) is really pretty awesome nod to both minority and gay culture for “Glee.” It’s an organic and empowering way to showcase ethnic communities many probably aren’t familiar with.

Which is why it pains me all the more that the Troubletones will probably lose. Now, stop throwing Slushees at me. I have NO IDEA whether the Troubletones will actually lose. I have no spoilers. I have seen no screeners. I know no insider information whatsoever. But, I do have a brain and eyes and a sense of history. This show is about Mr. Shue’s New Directions, not Shelby Corcoran’s Troubletones. This show is about Finn Hudson and Rachel Berry, not Mercedes Jones and Santana Lopez. So, there is really no way the Troubletones can beat New Directions that works into the narrative Ryan, Ian and Brad have created. Much to my continued chagrin, they are not the heroes of this story. We all know that.

So, again, we pretty much know the Troubletones won’t win. Or they will win, yet somehow still lose. Or there will be some sort of tie, yet somehow still lose. Bottom line, our sassy sisters of song will eventually be folded back into the New Directions. Could I be wrong? I guess anything is possible. But, I fear, tonight will be the last we see of these girl-power, minority-empowering Troubletones.

So, then, I will let them have their mighty swan songs. A look back in wonder.

Rumour Has It/Someone Like You

[region-free link]


The petition for a Troubletones spin-off starts here.

Monday, December 05, 2011

Naked Lady Monday

Hey, only 20 shopping days left until Christmas. But don’t let the crass consumerism of what should be a season of reflection and thanks get you down. Because there are still joys to be had that cost nothing. Well, next to nothing. OK, in real life this sort of thing would take at least dinner first. Possibly several dinners. Some sparkling conversation. Plenty of wine. And, you know, a fantastic personality. I mean Michelle Rodriguez doesn’t strip down to her birthday suit and cover herself in what appears to be tar for just any old lug. But, for you today, it’s totally free. Nothing says happy holidays like a bunch of naked ladies, amirite? Holly jolly, indeed.

Monica BellucciI’m not sure how she tears herself away from the mirror each morning. I mean, the view – Jesus, the view.

Carla GuginoThat “Spy Kids” is what most of Americans know her from is a tragedy of epic proportions.

Lady GagaI still haven’t figured out if this picture turns me on or frightens me. Either way, I’m going to keep looking until I figure it out.

Sara RamirezSometimes I can’t decide if I’m more jealous of Jessica Capshaw* because she gets to kiss Sara Ramirez…

Jessica Capshaw…or Sara Ramirez for getting to kiss Jessica Capshaw

Angie HarmonI am attracted to Angie Harmon because of her voice. I am attracted to Angie Harmon because of her voice. I am attracted to Angie Harmon because of her voice. I am attracted to Angie Harmon because of her… Wait, what were we talking about?

p.s. Don’t forget to catch the Rizzoli & Isles Subtext Recaps Wednesdays on AfterEllen.

*Total brain fart on the Jennifer/Jessica thing. So many ladies, so many names, one little brain to remember them all. Apologies.