Friday, June 29, 2012

My Weekend Contemplation

The reason so many songs get written about love, particularly young love, is simple. It’s wonderful. It’s magical. It’s what we all want. To fall head over heels, to love with abandon. Even the most bitter and cynical among us can’t help but make a subconscious cute cooing sound when confronted with a couple in the full throws of puppy love. It’s hard wired into our DNA. So when that love is ended, not by a broken heart but something far more sinister, it seems as if the natural order of the world is askew.

The horror of what happened to 19-year-old Mollie Judith Olgin and 18-year-old Mary Kristene Chapa in a park in a small Texas town over the weekend is just now setting in. The couple, who friends said had been together for five months, were doing what young couples often do. Hanging out together at a park on a Saturday night. I’ve done that. You’ve done that. Find a romantic spot and snuggle with your girl. When I see a couple, particularly a young couple, doing just that that automatic awww sound can’t help but slip out. Awww, young love.

But for someone last Saturday night the presence of two teen girls in love didn’t bring up those warm, puppy feelings. They brought about sinister, angry, hateful feelings. Just being in love brought about this horrible, horrible fate. Both girls marched out to the tall grass and shot execution style in the head and left to die in the dark. One dead, another clinging to life. Police won’t confirm it was a hate crime or they were targeted for their sexual orientation yet. But it’s hard to imagine another reason. It’s even harder, of course, to imagine why any two people’s happiness might elicit this evil.

In my corner of the world it was Pride over the weekend. I was surrounded by thousands and thousands of people, all happy and proud. Some in love. Others looking for love. All just being themselves. All letting everyone else be themselves. Which is how it should be. But then, we remember, we remember when something horrible happens that some people don’t think we should be allowed to be ourselves. Some people think our love should be destroyed. Some people think our very existence is an aberration. And this, this is why we will never stop fighting. Tonight vigils will take place for the girls across the country and in that very park. Because hate should never defeat love. We should all be able to sit in a park on a Saturday night with the person we love and be happy. It’s the simplest thing. It’s why songs are written. Have a happy and safe weekend, all.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Rizzles drizzles

Hey, Rizzoli & Isles,

Cut that shit out with the dumb Beards of the Week. We watch for the gayzzoli. Or, at very least, the chemistry. So when you put our ladies with dudes they have zero chemistry with, it becomes even more glaringly obvious why this is the gayest, non-gay show on television. Time to trim the beards and let these women do what they do. And, of course, in my mind that is always each other.

Ms. Snarker

p.s. Also, when you make them all boy crazy lovesick whatever else it makes it really, really hard for me to Subtext Recap this shit. So, you know, stop it. Just more of this, please.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Thanks, Nora

It’s hard to think about what romantic comedies were like before Nora Ephron. Sure, they existed. And there was romance and heartache and riding off into the sunset. But something about Nora’s romantic comedies, from “When Harry Met Sally” to “Sleepless in Seattle” to “You’ve Got Mail,” set the tone for modern romance. The messes and the missteps. The humor and heart. Women were as interesting as the men. Dialogue we all wish we spoke. And, heavens, how grand were those grand romantic gestures.

But a career like Nora’s was always about more than the big kiss and fade to black. She was so many things: a journalist, an essayist, a humorist, a feminist. She wrote and directed her own movies when few women got to right and direct their own movies. (Though, sadly, that hasn’t changed much since she started in the early 90s.) She cultivated a style, a voice, a sense of humor that is often emulated, but never quite replicated. In a way, she felt like a funny friend to all of us who would pop into our lives to bring a little sparkle and smart conversation to a party, and then pop back out leaving us all wishing we had more time to spend with her. Because a lot like falling in love, her work always won us over because of its irresistible combination of the little things and big things that makes a beautiful, fully human whole. Thanks for the romance and the laughs, Nora.

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” – Nora Ephron, 1941-2012

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Out of the covers

The age of the “Yep, I’m Gay” magazine cover is over. At least so says Entertainment Weekly in this week’s new cover story. The full-cover declaration screaming up from your Time magazine could well be a thing of the past. Today’s stars come out in a nonchalant, oh-wait-did-he/she-just-come-out way that it barely registers bold-faced headline, let alone a very-special issue. Think Jim Parsons, think Matt Bomer, think Zachary Quinto, think Jesse Tyler Ferguson, think Chris Colfer. Wait, that’s a lot of guys. In fact, the women they use to illustrate this trend are Wanda Sykes and Jane Lynch. Wanda came out several years ago at an anti-Prop. 8 rally. And Jane? God, does anyone have any idea when Jane came out? Wasn’t she always out?

But there are a handful of hot younger female stars who are also out, like Amber Heard and Anna Paquin and Kate McKinnon and, um. Give me a minute. Um. And, speaking of nonchalant, I think Amber’s coming out was so nonchalant the mainstream media never even noticed it. Because they sure never mention her when talking about gay Hollywood. But I digress. While there is a small but lively crop of out female actresses in their 20s and 30s (smallest being the 20s), many of our most famous comings out still tend to be women who are older. And I don’t mean this in a mean way at all, but past the peaks of their careers. Women like Meredith Baxter and Kelly McGillis and Kristy McNichol. This is, unfortunately, the nature of the beast. Many actors are still too scared or unwilling to come out at the beginning of their careers. They fear it will limit their marketability, suppress their stardom. Yadda yadda yadda. But I wonder, too, despite the whole straight dudes get turned on by lesbians thing, if women still need to be sexier. If women need to be seen as more sexually available, especially when younger. I don’t know, I’m just spit-balling out loud here on the fewer famous out younger women thing.

Still despite the reason for the disparity, I will say I’m glad we’re past our magazine cover days. Don’t get me wrong, I like a cheesy coming out People magazine cover as much as the next gal. But the more being gay becomes just a fabric of who we are and less a circus show to be ogled at, the better. Also, that means my mint vintage 1997 Time magazine featuring Ellen’s “Yep” heard around the world will be worth more. What, I can’t be for gay rights and gay entrepreneurship? Sheesh.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Secretary of Awesome

It was a long, fun, prideful Pride Weekend here at Snarker Central. So, much like Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, I am still feeling the celebratory afterglow. And, much like Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, I feel no need to stop the party. So please, enjoy our most esteemed Secretary of State Hillary Clinton donning Mardi Gras beads, wacky sunglasses and fake baubles to swear in new Assistant Secretary for Public Affairs Michael Hammer. She’s not just Secretary of State anymore. She’s officially now Secretary of Awesome. Happy post-Pride, everyone. Party on, Hillary.

Friday, June 22, 2012

My Weekend Crush

I like that Sia is, for lack of a better word, weird. Not that weird is a negative. But in a culture steeped in the superiority of all things cool, Sia stands out as an artist who delights in doing her own thing no matter how wacky. Also, girl can flat-out sing and provide a killer hook. (Just try to get “Wild Ones” out of your head this summer. It’s like it and “Call Me Maybe” are on an endless loop on radio right now.) Plus, to round out this Pride Week, Sia is openly bisexual and famously formerly dated JD Samson of Le Tigre. And even if none of those things were true, Sia would still hold the singular title of having one of the most used songs in lesbian fan video history. Name a TV/movie lesbian couple, type it into YouTube and if you can’t find a fanvid of them set to “Breathe Me,” I will give you a unicorn pony.* So, here’s the weirdos. The misfits. The queers. Happy Pride and happy weekend, all.

* No unicorn ponies will actually be distributed.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Yes, Virginia, there are good lesbian movies

A bit ago many of you asked me to list my favorite Big Gay Movies. And, this still being Pride Week, how could I not oblige? The elusive Good Lesbian Movie does in fact exist. Sure, there may be little flaws here and there. But I was able to pick ten movies that I, for various reasons, love and love to rewatch. A lot of these movies hold sentimental value for me. Some are associated with particular times in my life. But all of them make happy and, yes, gay in some way. So, feel free to share yours with me. Who feels like a lesbo movie marathon? And, more important, who wants to make the popcorn?

1. Imagine Me and You

Because I dare you to love me. And, of course, No. 9 is indeed a wanker.

2. When Night is Falling

Makes you want to run away and join the circus. Or enroll in a Christian College. Nope, I take that back – just the first one.

3. All Over Me

If you ever were in love with your best friend growing up, this movie will bring every single one of those raw emotions rushing right back. Also baby gay Leisha Hailey with the pink hair always makes me smile.

4. Fried Green Tomatoes

This isn’t subtext, straight America.

5. The Kids Are All Right

Yes, I know some of you hated this movie. I did not.

6. Saving Face

Asian-American lesbians in love? Like this wouldn’t make my list.

7. The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love

If nothing else, seeing a young Laurel Holloman and a young Ari Parker together is an adorable treat.

8. Pariah

A wonderful film more people should see. Hint, hint, hint.

9. Show Me Love/ Fucking Amal

Lesbians should love this movie almost as much as IKEA.

10. Bound

Please. Corky and Violet on the couch? Repeat, forever.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Page me

Ellen Page
I interrupt this week of totally gay posts for Pride Week to bring you Ellen Page in a suit. Ellen Page in a suit and tie. Ellen Page in a suit and tie with her hands in her pockets. Ellen Page in a suit and tie with her hands in her pockets and a belt loop chain. Wait, what was I saying about this being less gay? I know tomorrow is Thursday and I should have saved this for the Gender Fuck and all. But when something this gay* falls into your lap, you share it with your fellow gay ladies immediately. Because that’s what I do. I give.

*Please note, I am not calling or claiming that Ellen Page is gay. Her outfit, however, is gay as a window. And a tennis player. And a unicorn sliding down a rainbow being jumped over by a gay shark.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Tank Top Tuesday: Pride Edition

Let’s continue to Pride Week love and feature the ladies we love who love ladies wearing tank tops, which we love. Whew. I think that came out right. Now anyone can wear a tank top, and should – but when a gay lady wear a tank top? *low whistle* There’s just something about the simple act which is subversive yet natural and, of course, so so hot. And if you combine a tank topped lady with a plaid shirted lady, like Portia and Ellen above, well it’s kind of like the lesbian fashion nirvana. So please enjoy some enlightenment by way of these out gay ladies in tank tops. Namaste.

Brandi Carlile

It’s a rare sighting indeed to find Brandi without her vest. Treasure this as one would a white rhino sighting. Not that I think Brandi is a rhino. Oh, dear, this has gotten terribly off track.

Saffron Burrows

Those cheekbones…. Oh, damn, sorry – we were talking about tank tops.

Jenny Shimizu

Like Angie, or anyone, could resist.

Jasika Nicole

I really wish I hadn’t stopped watching “Fringe” years ago.

Alexandra Hedison

Is it some sort of lesbian crime to post Alexandra in the same post I have Ellen and Portia? I don’t know, but let’s risk it anyway.

Jane Lynch

She’s been hiding those under that track suit all these years. Damn you, Ryan Murphy.

Gro Hammerseng

I have no idea how the rules of handball work. But I would happily watch her matches anyway.

Natasha Kai

I’m going to miss her at the Olympics like crazy this summer.

Jillian Michaels

I know this isn’t “technically” a tank top, but it is a lesbian crime to post a picture of Jillian without showing her abs. So, I can’t break two laws in one post.

Martina Navratilova

She’s like The Godmother of Tank Top Tuesday, no?

Amber Heard

You are welcome, lesbians.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Lip locked

You know who I don’t write about enough? Callie and Arizona. Part of this is because – and I’ve admitted this before – I simply do not watch “Grey’s Anatomy.” But, I do catch up occasionally on all that is cooking in Calzona country. Like, for instance, I know that in the season finale Arizona was [spoilers, duh] injured in the plane crash and nowhere near out of the metaphorical or literal woods. But here’s what I’ve always appreciated about this coupling. They’re adults. Sure, they make mistakes and make bad choices and make babies with best friends. But they’re definitely adults. And they’re also two gay women in a committed relationship who show affection and profess their love out loud. And on TV, sadly, that’s still rare. So this being the beginning of Pride Week in corner of the country, who better to kick it off than a super sexy gay lady couple from our television. Oh, and they kiss, heavens do they kiss. So as a mea culpa for not enjoying the deliciousness of Calzona enough, please enjoy 8 minutes and 46 seconds of them kissing. Suck on that, Ryan Murphy.

Friday, June 15, 2012

My Weekend Indiegogo

Remember when I said back in April that I was going to start a fundraising campaign? Guess what, I did it. I created an Indiegogo campaign (like Kickstarter, but without the demand to complete a project). My goal is to raise some scratch to buy a new laptop and software.

As you know, Dorothy Surrenders has never had advertising. I don’t have anything against advertising; it’s an important part of the economy. But that also doesn’t mean I want to have it on my blog. I believe in the importance of commercial-free creative space. I don’t want to have to sell you a feminine hygiene product before showing you a hot lady in a tank top.

Anyway, that was the boring stuff. The interesting stuff is what I’m giving away a bunch of perks for contributing. Swag, Weekend Crushes, an actual physical postcard made from dead trees sent through the United States Postal Service. But, really, what they are is an attempt to thank you from the bottom of my little heart for thinking what I do is worth a few bucks. (And, yes, international friends - you are welcome to donate too.) I do this because I love it. And I hope you enjoy it, too.

So, that’s that. If you want to contribute, you can click here to find my campaign. Feel free to share it with friends, acquaintances and strangers who follow you on Twitter. But, as always, what I am most grateful for is that you take the time to stop here and read the crazy stuff that comes out of my head every day. Thanks for your time. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Anne for all ages

There is a new Anne Shirley. Long live the old Anne Shirley. To be honest, the news of a new “Anne of Green Gables” series fills me with mixed emotions. On the one hand, it’s great that a whole new generation of little girls and boys can experience the adventures and mishaps of a red-headed orphan on Prince Edward Island. On the other hand, wasn’t the beloved 1980s “Anne of Green Gables” series starring the even more beloved Megan Follows enough? Can’t we just play it on a continuous loop for future generations as a reminder that imagination, spunk and a bosom friend are all you really need to make it in this world?

Alas, everything must be constantly reinvented for the screen. This new 13-episode Canadian production is helmed by original Anne author L.M. Montgomery’s heir. Which seems good, but when you dig a little deeper it’s really all about money. Which is, well, a bummer. But, still, one hopes the Anne story of perseverance and independence is one that will translate beautifully for any time. So this new “contemporary” and “modern-day” Anne is supposed to “present her in a more global perspective.” I don’t know entirely what that means, but the extreme optimist in me hopes it will present her love for one Diana Barry in a more “contemporary” and “modern-day” light. Because today if you tell a girl you love her and give a girl a lock of thy jet black tresses to cherish forever, you’re going to follow that up later with a ring.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Tank Top Lena

Yesterday, several of you seemed VERY CONCERNED about me not including Lena Headey in my Tank Top Tuesday collection. Surely this was an affront against lesbiankind, democracy and the universe. Well, true. It was all of that. But, as a quick reminder, my photo posts like Tank Top Tuesday, Gender Fuck Thursday, Naked Lady Monday, SGALGG and all the rest are not meant to be definitive collections of ladies in tank tops, ladies in suits, ladies in their birthday suits and ladies acting gay with other ladies. They’re just meant as fun little snapshots of all of the above. Your favorite not in it this time? Well it’s certainly not because I “forgot.” It’s because I didn’t feel like including her or have a picture of her or saw the stars aligned in such a way that I felt it unwise to include her. So if your favorite isn’t in a compilation, just kindly recommend her for next time. Still, all that being said, I feel I must right the terrible injustice inflicted on you from yesterday. So here are four more pictures of Lena Headey in a tank top. There, now are we cool, universe? Cool.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Tank Top Tuesday: Play Gay Edition

You know what gay ladies love? Well, lots of things, really. But besides cats, tea, recreational sporting events and other ladies in general, what gay ladies really love is are actresses who play us on TV (or movies, but come on everyone eventually watches movies on their TV so potayto/potahto – say that last bit out lout in your head). So thought I’d give a few of these fine thespian ladies the old tank top salute and thank them for their faithful, super gay service. A very small sampling of the ladies who will happily play gay for fun and profit. Also, who doesn’t like looking at pictures of Piper Perabo? She has a Twitter now, by the way – and has already tweeted Lena. Sigh. Now off to watch that movie on my TV again.

Rutina Wesley

Did you watch the “True Blood” season premiere? No spoilers, but holy shit.

Famke Janssen

Remember when she made out with Kelly Preston in “Eulogy?” Of course you do.

Megan Follows

Remember when she was a gay lady making Kerry Weaver feel uncomfortable on “ER?” Maybe not, but thank heavens there’s video.

Berta Hernández

I didn’t keep up with “Tierra de lobos” like I should have. Is everyone still a lesbian, and alive?

Shay Mitchell

I’m pretty sure burning that plaid shirt in the Season 3 premiere of “Pretty Little Liars,” was a major felony in lesbian court. But having met Shay, I can safely say we should forgive her anything ever on the planet.

Charlize Theron

Saw “Prometheus” over the weekend. Eh. Guess now I am holding out my high heroine hope for “Brave.”

Naomi Watts

“Mulholland Drive” remains one of the hottest/most confusing movies ever.

Allison McAtee

“Bloomington” wasn’t really a great movie. But it did give legions of budding lesbians hope that their college would be filled with lascivious professors like Catherine.

Evan Rachel Wood

In order of my favorite gay roles for EVR ERW I’d have to go “Once & Again,” “True Blood” and then “Thirteen.” But, really, they’re all pretty close. Also, dammit, I still miss Queen Sophie-Anne.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Technical Difficulties

Technical difficulties at Casa de Snarker today. So please accept my apologies and enjoy this photo of Olivia Wilde in a hoodie. I know I do.

Friday, June 08, 2012

My Weekend Exuberance

I love Pride Month. I love pride. Some may call it cheesy, and in my neck of the woods it can definitely be a tourist attraction, but there’s still something about such a big group of gays, all out and proud and happy. It’s fantastic. It’s so fucking fantastic. And what I think it is most, really, is exuberant. There’s an exuberance about pride. It comes from freedom and community and just joy. The joy of being oneself among hundreds or thousands or even just a handful of people also being themselves. I just love it, I really do. So today, in honor of that exuberance, here is a ridiculously exuberant take on one of the most cheesily exuberant song on the air right now. I know, we’re all a little sick of this song. Maybe a lot sick. But it’s pretty damn hard to resist when played on toy instruments with this much joy. Also, that xylophone is totally dressed up for Pride. Happy June and weekend, all.

Thursday, June 07, 2012

You are beautiful

Sometimes it’s good to remind ourselves that with so much ugliness in the world, these is still more beauty to those who look. It’s been a very busy week for me. I’ve hardly had time to catch my breath. But when I do, if I’m looking, I can almost always find something that moves me. Something that cuts through the mundane. Something that surpasses the meanness. Something beautiful. So today, just as a little Jesus why is it only Thursday and not Friday yet pick me up, here is a compilation of beauty – both literally and figuratively. Please enjoy.

My So-Called Life

Christina Aguilera

Parks & Recreation

Lost & Delirious (NSFW, but worth it)

People are so strange and so complicated that they’re actually beautiful. Definitely even you.

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

Snow job

Boy, did I want to like “Snow White & the Huntsman” more than I actually liked “Snow White & the Huntsman.” It wasn’t that the movie was terrible – it wasn’t. It certainly looked gorgeous. It was just that it could have been so much better. It has the DNA of a movie that is almost inborn for me to love – strong female characters, good and evil, Charlize Theron in a milk bath. And they at least tried to make Charlize more than your standard cookie-cutter evil. Evil for evil’s sake is so dreadfully dull.

No, her queen was evil with purpose – and not an entirely wrong one either. It’s true, women are unfairly judged on their beauty. And with that beauty comes power. But once that beauty fades, so does the power. Of course, we must argue with her method. Life sucking the youth and beauty out of people is, um, wrong.

But therein lies the rub-a-dub-dub. The queen’s reason for her terrible anger and terrible actions weren’t necessarily terrible. One could even call them feminist. But then she hisses, “Men use women. They ruin us and when they are finished with us, they offer us to the dogs like scraps.” So now she’s your stereotypical man-hating angry aging feminist who is also hell-bent on destroying younger, more beautiful women. Oh, dear. So many problems.

But the real problem with the film – other than the incredibly creepy naked fairy people – is Snow White herself. She’s never been the most heroic of heroines. I mean, it’s between her and Sleeping Beauty for most passive princess ever. Unconsciousness is not terribly heroic. The film’s strange mash-up of genres they made her into The One from “The Matrix” meets “Braveheart” meets “Lord of the Rings” and even perhaps a little “Avatar” for good measure. But then they never explain what makes her The One. Just because she’s “The Fairest of Them All?” Because of her white skin and red lips? Because she dates a sparkly vampire? And still she needs a big, strong man to rescue/awaken her. Sigh.

Come on, cinema. Give me a heroine I can believe in. Oh well. Let’s try again this weekend with “Prometheus,” shall we?

p.s. Though I did quite enjoy seeing Rachael Stirling. Mmm, now to rewatch “Tipping the Velvet.”

Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Dianna & Me

Yeah, that is my thumb and accompanying thumb ring. Yeah, that is Dianna Agron. Read all about my adventures at the GLAAD Media Awards on AfterEllen.

Between that over the weekend and gayzzoli tonight, it has been on hell of a gay few days here in Snarker Central.

Monday, June 04, 2012

Zoie's cat fancy

How to endear yourself to your lesbian fans in four easy steps: 1) Be great at what you do. 2) Be nice to us. 3) Be really attractive. 4) Be so adorably into your cat you make it a Twitter account. Zoie Palmer, you’ve won our adoration forever. Step right up and claim your prize of our moony eyed eternal devotion and this free toaster oven.

A couple of weeks ago “Lost Girl” star Zoie Palmer, a.k.a. Dr. Lauren Lewis a.k.b.l.a. (Also Known By Lesbians As), Dr. Hoptpants created a Twitter account for her cat Clover. It’s called @cloverblob and it’s ridiculously cute. This comes after she dressed up her cat during the winter and posted pictures of its prone displeasure for all to see. But dressing up your cat is one thing. Creating a Twitter account is another. And she Clover updates it quite frequently with rude missives about her owner, alternately called Zoieblob or Skinnybum, depending on feline mood. Sample Tweet:

So, there you have it. As if we weren’t smitten enough by Zoie because of her nuanced portrayal of Lauren and scintillating chemistry with Anna Silk, we must now add another layer of adoration. See, it’s really easy to please us gay ladies. The formula is foolproof, really. Talented, funny, hot, nice and into her cat. Done.

p.s. Also, it’s hard to resist a woman who admires you while you’re admiring her. So. You know. There’s that.

Friday, June 01, 2012

My Weekend Crush

It’s harder than it seems to play tough well. People often pull it off differently. There’s asshole tough. There’s smartass tough. And then there’s just tough tough. Like Katee Sackhoff tough. Now, I know it’s wrong to typecast – actors should get to stretch their metaphorical wings, blah blah balh. But there’s also something to be said for specializing. And if Katee ends up playing strong female characters for the rest of her career, well, I think that wouldn’t be terrible for all parties involved in the least. So it pleases me greatly that we’ll see Katee again, toughing it out, in the new series “Longmire” which debuts this Sunday on A&E. She’ll play a deputy sheriff in a small Wyoming town. Sure, I wish she was playing the sheriff proper, but that’s another rant for another day. But we still get to see her strut her tough stuff, and wear a uniform to boot. Of course, the real Katee is not the same as the onscreen Katee. But from what I can tell from her interviews and tweets, the real Katee is also a fun, filter-free gal with her own kind of tough side. And that tough side rides a Harley. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Yes, that’s her “Battlestar Galactica” co-star Tricia Helfer also on a Harley. You’re welcome.