Re-Buffied

So everything is bad, except for this, which is good. This year keeps bringing new, real horrors. (Let’s see, the GOP congress has voted to OK polluting streams, killing hibernating animals and selling your online browsing history. Oh, and Donald fucking Trump is president.) But, this, this is a good thing amid the terrible. Entertainment Weekly reunited almost (alas, no Giles or Faith, alas) the entire cast of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” And it was glorious. On the anniversary date earlier this month I already waxed on (and off – sorry, wrong nostalgia) about what the show has meant to me. But, as I said on Autostraddle, the best thing the Buffy did was open generations up to the radical realization that there is no such thing as just a girl.

So with this reunion, I just want to sit back and enjoy. Also, Willow and Tara Alyson and Amber look great, no? I am just pretending Oz isn’t there. Also I guess they had to leave Miss Kitty Fantastico at home.

My (Presidential) Moving Crush

On the day of our the first presidential debate, when expectations have been lowed for Trump so far that if he doesn’t shit on the stage and smear it on Hillary he will be considered “presidential,” here are just a shit-ton of celebrities telling you to please – for fuck’s sake – do the right thing. Though, I’m fine with Mark keeping his pants on.

Zombies 2012

Right, so did everyone make it through the wrath of Sandy? I hope you stayed safe and warm and dry, my East Coast friends. My thoughts are with you all as you heal, rebuild and dry out. Between the apocalyptic storm coverage and post-apocalyptic media I’ve been watching lately (a steady diet of “The Walking Dead” with a light sprinkling of “Resident Evil” for taste), I’ve been thinking a lot about how to survive the end of the world. Note: Marathoning two seasons of “The Walking Dead” in a day will result in a restless night of mentally packing and repacking one’s zombie apocalypse survival kit. I’m sadly lacking a lot of things – like multi-gallon jugs of water and a machete. I enjoy post-apocalyptic entertainment, because it quite literally brings us back to our most base survival skills. But I also know in my heart of hearts I’d probably not be one of the rugged survivors. Not much use for a snarky writer type with terrible coordination and no idea how to hotwire a car. But, on the plus side, at least I know the kinds of things that will hasten our descent into total zombie apocalyptia. A week before the election and remember, there’s only one man running for president who calls funding for federal disaster relief “simply immoral.” So listen to our friend, Joss. Zombie Apocalypse 2012, anyone?

I am woman, feel me avenge

Let’s get this out of the way right away. “The Avengers” was awesome. Like hot damn, holy cow, fuck yeah AWESOME. And chances are you saw it and thought it was awesome too. Because it made like a bajillion dollars over the weekend. ($207.4 million to be exact, which is the biggest opening weekend ever, besting previous record holder “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows — Part 2” by more than $38 million).

As an avowed Joss Whedon fangirl, I couldn’t be more proud and pleased with the movie or its reception. It was everything you want from your big-time, big-name, big-hero super films. Exciting. Epic. Funny. Fierce. Cohesive. Contextual. Geeky. Gripping. And fun, man, was it ever fun. Sometimes event movies forget that they’re supposed to be fun. And while I like shit blowing up as much as the next gal, that doesn’t make it fun. Nor does taking oneself super seriously. But “The Avengers,” now that was fun. It earned my $11. And I plan to give it another $11 very soon.

But, and fuck if there isn’t always a but, it also underscored one of the continuing and institutional problems with the big summer blockbuster. And that is they almost never pass the Bechdel Test, “The Avengers” sadly included. While the movie passes the first crucial test: Yes there are more than two named female characters. “The Avengers” has three: Black Widow, Agent Maria Hill and Pepper Potts. But then it fails the last two tests. They never talk to each other, about a man or anything else for that matter.

Of course, this isn’t to say that female representation is terrible in “The Avengers.” Quite the opposite, really. None of them are damsels in distress. One could argue that Gwyneth Paltrow’s Pepper is a standard-issue superhero girlfriend, but given her backstory in two previous solo “Iron Man” films makes her more than mere arm candy. Plus she’s about the only person who can cut cocksure Tony Stark down to size. Sure, Cobie Smulders’ Agent Hill mostly just looks stoic (also hot, so hot) in her SHIELD uniform while providing exposition. But she also battles her own brainwashed agents with heroism and flare. And then there’s Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow who is not only integral to the plot, she nicely turns some female tropes (she’s weakened by her apparent love for a man) on their head. All these women are strong and smart and so much more than action movie T&A. This is Joss, after all.

In fact, if anything is overtly sexualized in this movie, I’d say it was Captain America’s massive back. I swear, his upper body is like a stingray’s silhouette on steroids.

But, still, this is Joss after all, so we expect a lot – and more. This is in fact the only project Joss has written and directed (besides the shoe-string budget “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog,” which only had four named characters total) that has failed the Bechdel test. “Buffy,” “Angel,” “Firefly,” “Serenity,” “Dollhouse.” All these passed with flying colors. But “The Avengers,” which should be noted is also the only writing-directing project where Joss did not also create the universe in which it exists, does not.

So am I disappointed “The Avengers” fails the Bechdel Test? Of course. Would it have been that hard to give Agent Hill and Black Widow a moment together? Perhaps they could commiserate on the fit of zip-front jumpsuits. Am I disappointed with the women in the film? Hell no. They’re awesome – especially Black Widow and her thighs of fury. They’re superheroes, not just females in spandex. In fact one could argue that the female heroes in this film are in a way even more heroic than many of its male heroes. They stand up and fight without super powers or super armor or super God powers. They’re just humans, who are damn good at what they do.

But “The Avengers” is also a reminder than even when you’ve got a big-time feminist like Joss Whedon at the helm, who has built his reputation on being able to build strong female characters that break the Hollywood mold, it’s damn hard to break the Hollywood mold. The big boys of summer continue to rule, but us ladies won’t stop fighting to get in our licks, too.

In Joss we trust

No. Wrong. Madness. Horror. Abomination. END TIMES.

Right, so, possibly an overreaction but, if you really think about it, not really. News of the Joss Whedon-less “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” reboot made The Internets mad yesterday. Really, really, really mad. It made me mad, too. Like really, really, really mad. But also, kind of sad.

Why disrespect the man who created, tended to and lovingly developed a much-adored, much-respected, much-idolized series like this? Why put the screenplay in the hands of an inexperienced young screenwriter with no films to her credit? Why insult a loyal fan base who sustained a small series and turned it into an iconic cultural touchstone? Why, in short, be such utter dickheads?

There’s no good reason (really, I can’t think of a single one one) to go ahead with a “Buffy” movie without Joss Whedon or, at the very and most ridiculously bare of minimums, his blessing. But this has neither. So this is just a transparent attempt at money grubbing because someone with the legal rights realized, “Hey, this teenage vampire thing has really taken off. Wait, we own a teenage vampire thing. CHA-CHING.”

Well, you’ve vastly misjudged us Buffy fans. We were never in it for the fad. We were never in it for the sparkly vampires. We were in it for Joss’s vision. We trusted his vision. We believed in his heart. He has earned that.

I’m still so sad he isn’t writing the “Wonder Woman” movie, too.

p.s. Find a much more exhaustive, slightly less emotional take on this Buffy reboot stake to the heart over at AfterEllen later today.

p.p.s. This post is really just a very elaborate way for me to show off one of my most prized possessions. Yes, that’s a signed script of “The Body” by all the Buffy writers. Yes, it’s awesome.

Joss Dance

If you know anything about me, even a little, you will know that these next five words have made my day, week and (depending on how the next 11 days goes) month: Joss Whedon will direct “Glee.” Yesterday The Great Occasionally-Bearded One confirmed that, yes indeedy, he was going to direct an upcoming episode of The Great Un-“High School Musical” Musical. My thoughts on the matter can be best summed up in a series of high-pitched squealing sounds. For a slightly more articulate take on the collaboration, read Joss’ own thoughts on the subject here. In my head I’m already holding a virtual dance-off between the Gleeks and Scoobies.

Sure there are no vampires or space cowboys or mind-erasing chairs on “Glee” – that we know of…yet. But this pairing really does make perfect sense in the sense that Joss Whedon is great, “Glee” is great and how unbelievably great will it be to see Jane Lynch directed by Joss? Anyone who doubts the inspired nature of this pairing needs to go back and rewatch “Once More With Feeling.” And don’t just go through the motions, if you know what I mean. Also, I dare you to find a musical that creates a better visual metaphor for cunnilingus. Double dog, even.

Man, I am almost as happy about this news as I am about them getting the mustard out.

All that is left now is what to call this epic convergence of awesome: Gleedon? Whee? Gloss? I think I like Whee. It sounds exactly how I feel about this: WHEEEEEEEEE!

How Horrible

Oh Joss, if only you were a woman. Then, I'd wager, you'd be perfect. Still, Mr. Whedon, even as is you're pretty darn close. And now, well, now this. “Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog” Act I came out yesterday. It is so many things. But mostly, it's just fun. So. Very. Fun. And, really, isn't that what this whole crazy Interwebs is supposed to be all about? Quite simply, just the sharing of wonderful things. Well, that and porn. (Just kidding. Porn is bad. Very, very bad. It needs to be punished. Wait...where was I?)

For those unfamiliar, Dr. Horrible (HIMYM's Neil Patrick Harris) is an inept supervillain who dreams of being accepted into the Evil League of Evil on his video blog. His nemesis is the narcissistic superhero Captain Hammer (Firefly's Nathan Fillion) who cares more about his hair than innocent bystanders. They both want the same adorable red-head (Willow Felicia Day, a potential from Buffy Season 7). There Joss goes again, twisting clichéd formulas and making them into something refreshing and new. The bad guy is good. The good guy is bad. Um, did I mention the singing?

Go check it out immediately, if not sooner. Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog also has a blog. Gosh, ain't The Internets meta. (My international friends will need to be a little patient and/orInternational problem fixed, yay! You can also fork over a couple bucks to download the video from iTunes.) Get a taste of it here from the teaser. Yummy, no?

Part II comes out Thursday and the finale Part III comes out Saturday. Move, second hand, move! The wait, it burns!!

I know I was all solidarity now! during the Writers Strike, but if stuff like this is the result I say bring on the picket lines. (Just kidding. Strikes are bad. Very, very bad. They need to be punished. And not in the good porn way. Wait...where was I?)

Go watch! Mwah-ha-ha-ha! Ah-ha-ah-ah! Or something.

Equality right damn now

Have you ever read something so eloquent, so moving and so true that you felt like you’d been given a gift and in turn wanted to share it with everyone you knew? No, I’m not having some crazed Oprah’s Book Club moment. I’m talking about the gift that was Joss Whedon’s post at Whedoneque over the weekend. If he isn’t a feminist, then I don’t know what one is. I’ve tried my own weak attempt at eloquence on the matter over at AfterEllen. But I think I’ll just let his unvarnished words speak for themselves.

“I have never had any faith in humanity. But I will give us props on this: if we can evolve, invent and theorize our way into the technologically magical, culturally diverse and artistically magnificent race we are and still get people to buy the idiotic idea that half of us are inferior, we’re pretty amazing. Let our next sleight of hand be to make that myth disappear.”

When I finished reading (go, read it now, I mean it), I realized that his words fit so seamlessly into Buffy’s final battle cry from “Chosen” that it was almost eerie. Joss, I am ready to be strong. And I am looking up.

Some kind of un-Wonderful

Well bugger. Buffy mastermind and all-around genius Joss Whedon is no longer attached to the upcoming “Wonder Woman” movie. But as further evidence of the coolness that is Joss, he went straight to his fans to break the bad news. He posted on Whedonesque saying that the problem boiled down to different takes on the Amazon princess.

“I had a take on the film that, well, nobody liked….Let me stress first that everybody at the studio and Silver Pictures were cool and professional. We just saw different movies, and at the price range this kind of movie hangs in, that’s never gonna work. Non-sympatico.”

Given Joss’s ability to create strong, complex and original heroines, this is clearly Wonder Woman’s loss. And ours. Sigh.

More Slayer sneak peeks

Buffy’s been gone for three years and suddenly she’s all over the place again. You really can’t keep a good woman down. With the impending arrival of season 8, in comic form, Joss Whedon has been back on the Q&A trail and gave TVGuide.com another sneak peek, with lots of tantalizing images. The highlight? This exchange:

Q: Does (Buffy) get comic-book superheroine breast implants?
A: She really doesn't. I've been fortunate that I've never
worked with a T&A artist. I'm very specific about that.
Q: Isn't that the raison d'etre of lots of comics?
A: That's part of why I stopped reading comics for a while.
All the people I work with draw actual women.

I love Joss. I miss Joss. TV needs Joss. But, I'll settle for comics.

Joss Whedon, Will You Marry Me?

Just in case you had any doubt, Joss Whedon is the coolest man on the face of the planet. Here he is receiving an award from the feminist group Equality Now, with his trademark wit and passion on display.

"Equality is not a concept, it is not something we should be striving for. It is a necessity. Equality is like gravity. We need it to stand on this earth as men and women."

Go rent Buffy the Vampire Slayer now. You can thank me later.