Real Hockey Moms

Hey, remember when that crazy lady from Alaska who thought she could be one heartbeat away from the presidency kept bragging about how she was a “hockey mom?” Well how about we erase those terrible memories with two real hockey moms instead.

Last week Julie Chu and Caroline Ouellette, the former captains of the United States and Canadian women’s hockey teams, respectively, introduced their newborn daughter to the world. Liv Chu-Ouellette was born on Nov. 5 and the two hockey stars couldn’t look happier in their announcement post on Instagram. Say it with me, awwwww.

Yes, the world is a crazy crazy place – particularly now, but you’d better believe these moms are going to hard check anyone who even thinks of hurting their beautiful bundle of joy. Now if only we could all have our own real personal hockey moms the world would be a much better place.

Naked Lady Athletes Monday

Now, I know these photos came out late last week. And I know you all have been emailing and tweeting and asking if I’ve seen them. And, yes, I’ve seen them. But I saved them, on purpose, to show them to you when you really needed it. Patience, you see, isn’t just a virtue. It’s a gift. Sure, they would have been fun to look at on Thursday or Friday or Saturday or Sunday. But Monday, Monday is when you need them – really, really need them. So, that’s where I come in. No need to thank me. Just, you know, don’t drool on the screen.

Hope Solo, Olympic & World Cup soccer goalieThat garden hose is a surrogate for us all. In our dreams.

Gretchen Bleiler, Olympic & X-Games snowboarderThose abs are like black diamond runs. Jesus. I’m going to need a moment.

Alicia Sacramone, Olympic gymnastGymnastics was my favorite sport growing up. Now the reasons are all coming together for me.

Julie Chu, Olympic hockey playerAll those pads were hiding this. I hate those pads.

Sylvia Fowles, WNBA playerThose are some lucky damn rocks.

Suzy Hotrod, co-captain of Team USA Roller DerbyI’d love to try roller derby, but I lack the requisite numbers of tattoos. Oh, and also I fear grievous bodily harm.

Stephanie Gilmore, four-time world surfing champSometimes staying dry is good too.

Belén Mozo, LPGA rookieShe appears to have lost her ball in the tough. And her clothes.

Kelly Kulick, professional bowlerI’m trying really hard to think of a good naughty 7-10 split joke.

Natasha Hastings, Olympic sprinterAnyone else feel like putting a bow-chicka-bow beat on the “Chariots of Fire” theme?

Vera Zvonareva, No. 3 ranked women’s tennis playerI’m calling this love-love.

Gretchen & HopeEverything is obliques and nothing hurts.

Your Monday is looking up, no? See, timing is everything.

Tank Top Tuesday (Plus): Olympic Edition

Do you know how incredibly hard it is to find pictures of Winter Olympic athletes in tank tops? Really, really , really fricking hard. You know why? Because it’s the Winter Olympics. Think layers. Think parkas. Think boots. Think hats, scarves, goggles, mittens. Sheesh. But I found as many as I could and threw in a few non-tank tops because, um, have I mentioned how hard it is to find Winter Olympic athletes in tank tops? Though, there’s something to be said for the delicious surprise of unwrapping all those layers to find what lies beneath. It’s like Christmas morning, with muscles.

Jenn Heil, Canada, mogulsMarit Bjørgen, Norway, cross country skiingShannon Bahrke, USA, mogulsChemmy Alcott, Great Britain, downhill skiingMellisa Hollingsworth, Canada, skeletonKim Yu-na, South Korea, figure skatingGretchen Bleiler, USA, halfpipe snowboardingJulie Chu, USA, hockeyHannah Kearney, USA, mogulsShelley Rudman, Great Britain, skeletonIreen Wüst, Netherlands, speed skatingAnni Friesinger, Germany, speed skatingLindsey Vonn, USA, downhill skiingThanks for your suggestions, everyone. Happy Olympics, indeed.