Tank Top Tuesday: More L

I mean if we’re going to honor lesbian tank tops during Pride, let’s post some of the OGs. And did you know THE Ilene Chaiken is writing fan fiction a new short story in “The L Word” universe? It's part of Ilene and Jennifer Beal’s Run-A-Muck, the media company also behind that wlw pro basketball rom-com. Admittedly, I haven’t signed up to read “The Long Story.” I don’t know how I feel about revisiting Bette and Tina’s continued adventures n this way. But, you know, I’ll certainly revisit the tank tops.

The Incredibly True Streaming Adventures...

Admittedly, shit is grim right now. So please feel free to take a little escape from our political hellscape and envelop yourself in the warm nostalgia of that 1995 lesbian classic, “The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls In Love.” See wee baby Laurel Holloman and Nicole Ari Parker fall in love! To this day I still have a soft spot for white Range Rovers and oversized vests. Anyway, it’s streaming on Netflix now. So, you know, that’s one good thing. At this rate, I’ll take what I can get.

My Weekend (Canceled) Crush

Well, I guess we should talk about “The L Word: Generation Q” cancellation. I mean, we all expected it (hell, I prematurely called it when I mistakenly thought the penultimate episode could be my last Pre-L for the show ever). But it’s still what can best be described as a bummer. Symbolically, canceling the one show that focuses entirely on queer women’s lives really is the cherry on the Cancel Your Gays cake. Remember when we just wanted them to let our queer characters live? Now they won’t let whole damn shows live. Whenever I start to think that maybe, maybe we’re getting somewhere truly significant with our representation, mainstream media decides we’re still expendable and not part of their core mission. And it’s a reminder that corporate America sees diversity and inclusion initiatives as fringe benefits to be quickly cut loose when times get a tad tougher.

Like, I’m sure Amazon Prime only have “A League of Their Own” those four episodes because they knew the fallout would be so shattering if they didn’t (or, well, because they’ve got an overall deal with one of the creators who also happens to be head of another show on the same streamer they’ve actually put a big publicity push behind…).

But, as with everydamnthing these days, a reboot might still be alive and kicking. Per Deadline, The Ilene Chaiken is in development to reboot the series as “The L Word: New York” or some such thing. Think “Sex and the Lesbians” or “And Just Like Gay…” Lol. I have absolutely no comment on what a Chaiken NY reboot would mean for us other than to say please leave the stray dogs, circus tents and breast cancer storylines out of it.

I will be sad if this is the last we’ve seen of Bette, Tina, Shane and Alice. While TiBette got their storybook wedding (though, I still have questions for their wedding suit tailors), Alice got her Tasha and Shane got...well, at least she still looks very Shane today. I hate to say it, but there aren’t too many of the Generation Q characters I will miss. I mean I thought they were mostly likable. But, yeah.

In the end, TLWGQ — while sometimes more well structured (though, clearly not always - they sure dropped the Gini/Dani relationship like the most unceremonious hot potato for apparently no reason) than the original — was never truly more fun than the original. And that may have as much to do with timing as anything else. Back when TLW premiered in 2004 it felt like a revelation. A show about us! Sure, it didn’t encompass all of us (which has always been one of its issues), but then no show can truly represent the vast spectrum of queer women. And they did make much more of an effort with the reboot. But the vitalness of seeing ourselves, well, it’s not as urgent thanks to begrudging progress.

Now, at least before they were canceled, you could find yourself in a show about superheroes or marooned high schoolers or warrior nuns of unimaginably glamorous international assassins, etc. etc. It didn’t have to be a group of well-to-do queer women in LA. It could be anywhere. And while I certainly appreciate all the representation and think our ubiquity is key to equality, it still hurts when the thing that was explicitly ours is taken away. So thanks for being their TLWGQ. Our stories always deserve to be told. I mean, it’s the way that we live and looooove after all. Happy weekend, all.

My Weekend (Tibette Is Endgame) Crush

We may have (for real this time) watched the very last episode ever of “The L Word.” Or at least the last one until in 20 years they decide it’s time for another revival, like a lesbian “80 for Brady” or something, but with actually likable sportsball stars because they’ll all be lesbians. (But who knows, Showtime might give us another season of fighting, fucking, crying, drinking - we shall see.) The series remains, true to its continual form, uneven and often frustrating. In between that we’d catch glimpses of what has made us watch this show from the start. That look — however imperfect, frustrating, over glamourize and under inclusive as it was — into the daily lives and loves and lots and lots of drama of contemporary queer women. We watched because we saw ourselves, or perhaps what we aspired to, in this tight-knit group of queer female friends. And we watched because it was all we had as the very first show just about us. And, well, you just never forget your first. So I’m just going to say congrats to TiBette Nation, this whole season was a culmination of their long-dreamed of endgame. It’s taken us almost 20 years. But we all got to see the longest-running lesbian couple on American TV finally get legally married (I mean, I’m sure Alice’s internet ordination was legit, right?). And in the presence of White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre and Ilene Chaiken, no less. I could get into specific plot points and key details (like, not sure about Tina’s suit or the tailoring on Bette’s pants), but really in the end it was the vibe we came for and the characters we loved that kept us here. As more and more shows feature inclusive queer female characters, the truth is “The L Word” is just not as essential anymore. (Though maybe stop canceling all these LGBTQ+ shows, networks. K, thanks.) But if there is another season, yep, imma watch it. Because, well, it’s “The L Word.” Happy weekend, all.

Pre-L: Quiet Before the Storm (S3E9)

Well, seems this show about a letter has learned its lesson from Dana and will no longer kill off even moderately liked characters. (No comment on Jenny Schecter.) So Rosie O’Donnell isn’t dead, not on screen or in real life, and last week wasn’t the finale, not on screen or in real life. Apologies again for last week’s confusion, I blame it on post-holiday malaise and/or generalized life bullshit. This week’s episode starts with an unmistakable troll, showing us a hospital corridor and giving us all a tad of PTSD in the process. I see what you did there, show. Thank the Sapphic gods they didn’t play “You Are My Sunshine” over the scene, too. But there’s still one episode after this, so no non-death kudos just yet. But at least Bette & Tina are alive and well.

As always, MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD. BIG. HUUUGE. So if you don’t want to know, don’t scroll. But you know you want to know. That’s why you’re here.

1. Honestly, I would watch a whole show about a middle-aged lesbian couple that takes in a stray gay youth who then becomes their House Boi. Seriously, get on that whatever streamer won’t cancel shows with lesbian content after one season.

2. Me, when I’m eating my healthy New Year’s resolution meals.

3. TiBette Supermoms is also a show I’d watch, like “The Fosters” but less about the annoying teenagers.

4. I get it, Shane. I also bought a pinky ring over the holidays thinking it would fix my whole life.

5. Alice remains a relatable queen, showing friends 200 photos of her cat with no plans of ever stopping.

6. Isn’t it crazy it took this many seasons to get a couple where both women had haircuts like this?

7. Ugh, can we just skip through the Alice being canceled storyline? After Lydia Tar, is there really anything left to say on the matter?

8. Modern queer relationships are 90% just sending each other TikToks, often while in the same room together snuggling.

9. Fine, Bisexual Evel Knievel is also a show I’d watch. Look, I’d watch a lot of shows.

10. First the candy in her purse. Then these glasses. Is Bette entering her Meemaw Era?

11. Classic Alice hijinks is classic.

12. Oh, Angie. Baby girl. No, baby girl. No.

13. Lesbian couples in their PJs binging “Grey’s Anatomy” is the representation we need and deserve.

14. End of game.

15. Oh, Tess. Baby girl. Also, sadly, no.

16. I mean, we all knew this was going to happen. Luckily we still love a woman in a uniform.

Scrap Cap:

I mean, there were literal and figurative fireworks, so how could I not?

Pre-L: Los Angeles Traffic (302)

You wanted Pre-Ls, you’re getting Pre-Ls. Today’s is a tad late what with the holiday and all. But today’s is also TiBette Endgame Valhalla. Did they crib extensively from the ending of “Imagine Me & You?” Obviously. Am I made about it? Obviously not. If only Bette had screamed, “You’re a wanker No. 9!” the whole of queer female fandom would have fainted from delirious joy. And now, onto the caps. As always, there be spoilers ahead. That’s, like, the whole point.

1. It’s. All. Happening.

2. Nope. Still a nope from me.

3. Still Shane, after all these years.

4. This scene was a gift for the O.G. TiBetters.

5. Well at least they never tried to make them date.

6. Hardest nope. This whole storyline on my queer female show is a no thank you very much.

7. Why get an Uber when you can have offspring is an angle of parenting I never considered.

8. Someone please splice this scene with Luce running for Rachel. I mean it, I would pay cash money.

9. Yep, endgame.

TV Review: TLW:GQ Season 3 So Far

Right, so maybe it was the two gummies I took. Or maybe I’m just getting soft in my advanced age. But, um, I rather enjoyed the first four episodes of the new season of “The L Word: Generation Q.” Like, don’t get me wrong, they gloss over a whole bunch of things to stutter time jump us forward a year. But then this ridiculous show does what this ridiculous show does best – is make us invest in these characters in spite of their actions and our better judgement.

So, yes, here we go betting sucked RIGHT BACK IN to TiBette despite it being basically settled law for the last 13 years now. But whatever, bam, we’re right back in it.

I think (and, again, it could have been the two gummies) what has made the new season more engaging so far is that instead of chasing whatever all-caps PLOT the show was determined to shoehorn into its seasons – be that breast cancer awareness or corporate culpability in the opioid epidemic (I know, when you write it out it’s still like whaaaaat, ok show, lol) or conservative crusades against artistic expression to addiction (to be fair, they’ve taken quite a few swings at this one, but they really went there with the hall pissing scene so there’s that) – they just let the stories happen.

Instead of all of whatever all that (point to previous paragraph)is , the relationships drive the plots and honestly it’s for the best. Granted because of our uneven investment in the various couples, some of those storylines have more impact than others. But I appreciate that the writers have, at least for now, allowed its stories to grow more organically.

[Spoilers for upcoming episodes]

And, besides some obvious stunt castings (Kehlani as Shane’s latest side chick is, well, good for Kate Moennig), the new season has brought some pleasant surprises with its guest stars so far. One, they’re having Alice date Joey Lauren Adams (who queer ladies of a certain age will no doubt have a soft spot for thanks to repeated watchings of “Chasing Amy” – don’t judge it was slim pickings back in the 90s), which is age appropriate casting at its finest. And two, they brought back Max (Daniel Sea), and acknowledged – even if a tad in passing – the shittiness of the original show’s trans storylines. What they made Max endure were truly, truly shameful. An on-screen apology is the least they could do, honestly.

Oh, and I hate – hatehatehatehate – the storyline they’re giving Angie. Hate it. HATE. But then, that’s what happens when this show decides they want to tackle an “issue” instead of just letting relationships make sense.

Oh, oh, and while I am complaining is this another show that has wasted Margaret Cho’s talents on a way too small part without much consequence? Shame bell, shame bell. (The other one was “Hacks,” so shame bells all around.)

So, how did everyone like the premiere? Hopes for the new season? Because I don’t get Showtime anymore, are they still releasing episodes each week? Do you want Pre-Ls? Or just an endless stream of TiBette caps? Can you believe we’ve been talking about “The L Word” together since before Twitter was even born? Did I mention I took two gummies before starting the new season? Because, yeah.

Nine Seasons in TiBette

Well, well, well, well. Here we are again. Will they. Won’t they. Will we. Won’t we. I honestly don’t have a metaphorical dog in this hunt anymore. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a long-term endgamer. I’ve basically been Team TiBette for the duration, but so much time and so much history and so much this, again has happened that honestly at this point I just want to see how it all ends. Period. So here, in the first clip of the third season of “The L Word: Generation Q” and of course this is what they release. Of course. So, thoughts? Will they? Won’t they? Should they? At least we don’t have to worry about Jenny Schecter anymore. But everything else? Yeah, here we are again. Get ready for the ninth season of TiBette, starting Nov. 18. Get those tight dresses ready, metaphorically.

How To Happy Ending

Yeah, I know, bit of broken record at this point but I’m still pissed about that “Killing Eve” finale. Mostly because it took four seasons of bold, complicated storytelling and reduced it to some sort of extended rebirth metaphor. Of course, that’s what I’ve been watching my favorite queer women assassins spy drama for all these years — a morality play.

While I understand that creators do not have a responsibility past telling good stories, and should certainly not be beholden to the whims of fandom, But just because they can do something, doesn’t always mean they should. And for a show with such a dedicated/obsessive (and I say that with love) fanbase of queer women, greater care should have certainly been taken in handling such an iconic queer character’s ending. Honestly, this show could have become legend had it allowed even the faintest sliver of a happy ending for Eve and Villanelle. Instead, this TV series written exclusively about PEOPLE WHO KILL PEOPLE FOR A LIVING decided to moralize at the bitter end. OK, sure, Jan.

But enough screaming into the void between clueless showrunner ears. How about we celebrate some happy endings instead? If you feel a distinct pang of deja vu, that’s because we did this once before back in 2016 when the Bury Your Gays trope last reared its ugly head in such spectacular fashion courtesy the Clexa debacle. Luckily, we’ve added a few more since then. But just a few.

So, here are a few of my personal favorite happily ever afters for queer women in movies and TV. Obviously there are more (and courtesy The Wayback Machine you can still see them on That Other Website whose name we no longer mention). Here are my Top 10 11 film and Top 5 6 TV happy endings for queer women (what, we’re gays, we always need to be a little extra). Apologies in advance as I have most certainly left off your favs. So, please, tell us your most beloved queer women riding off into that perpetual sunrise together moments. Share more joy, not less, kittens.

MOVIES

1. Desert Hearts (1985)

Kissing through the car window weakened our collective knees, getting on the train took them out.

2. The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love (1995)

To this day, I still want to buy myself a white Range Rover and ride off into the sunset together precisely because of this movie.

3. When Night Is Falling (1995)

You probably didn’t see this indie gem about a Christian college professor and a circus performer. But you should because they even resurrect the dog at the end.

4. Bound (1996)

You can’t beat an ending where the girl gets the girl and the truck.

5. But I’m a Cheerleader (1999)

Happy endings plus pom-poms. Like, straight teen rom-coms could never.

6. Saving Face (2004)

Not enough people have seen this movie and more people should see this movie.

7. Imagine Me & You (2005)

This movie set unrealistic expectations for all future lesbian movie endings.

8. Nina’s Heavenly Delights (2006)

I mean it’s got about a cooking competition and lesbians, I’ll ignore the “Ghost Dad” overtones for that.

9. Carol (2015)

Let’s go to the Oak Room and make eyes at each other forever.

10. Summerland (2020)

The only recent lesbian period piece where the lesbians stare off into the ocean and still get to live happily ever after together.

11. Kajillionaire (2020)

Honestly, I had to include one more because this is such a strange and wonderful film AND it gives us one of the most unexpected and swoony happy queer endings in recent memory.

TELEVISION

1.South of Nowhere (2008): Spencer & Ashley

Oh, Spashley. You always remember your first (queer teen TV show happy ending).

2. Glee (2015): Brittany & Santana

Look, “Glee” did a lot of stupid things. But letting Brittana be endgame was not one of them.

3. Lost Girl (2015): Bo & Lauren

Sacrificing Tamsin was obviously not great. But this show about one woman’s insatiable sexual prowess gave us our Doccubus ending after all.

4. San Junipero (2016)

This “Black Mirror” episode is perhaps the most perfect example of how to subvert the Bury Your Gays trope. I mean, they literally bury their gays, but then still let them live on in endless happiness anyway.

5. Ratched (2020): Mildred & Gwendolyn

This is honestly not a very good show, like at all. But, if you ignore the gore and horror and crippling character inconsistencies, it was rather stylish to look at and is one of the only mainstream female queer romances I can think of where both the leads are played by out queer women as well. Plus they literally escape to sunny, beautiful Mexico together to be gay and free, after first faking us out with an unhappy ending before going, “Not so fast, straights!” L.O.L.

6. Wynonna Earp (2021): Waverly & Nicole

Continuing the Marry Your Gays grand tradition pioneers by Brittana/Klaine, WayHaught’s series trajectory follows what I hope will be the also much emulated Give The Gays Everything They Want trend.