Gender Fuck Thursday/SGALGG Emmys Edition

You didn’t think the start of Hot Impeachment Fall would make me just breeze past Clea DuVall’s Emmys tux with one line, did you? Please, it’s like you don’t know me at all. So in honor of all the Very Pertinent To Your Lesbian (and Bisexual, and Queer, and Trans) Interests, here is a very special combination Gender Fuck Thursday/SGALGG Emmys Edition post.

Clea DuVall & Her Tuxedo

I just… I can’t… Who gave her the right…. I mean, the hand in her pocket is just… And cheekbones like… All that and the tailoring makes me want to be a better woman.

Clea DuVall & Natasha Lyonne

The only thing that could possibly make me happier than knowing Graham & Megan made it is if they then became couple BFFs with Luce & Rachel.

p.s. I know this is cheating, but at a pre-Emmy party Clea & Natasha radiated the strongest “Longtime Couple on A Date Night That Is Going Extremely Well”-couple vibes I have ever seen.

Natasha Lyonne & Amy Poehler

I know Megan is with Graham (20 years and still going strong!), but when her wife has to work late Megan lets Amy and her Big Top Energy take her out on the town (in a flirty but respectfully platonic, “Let’s Break Everyone’s Heart at This Bar Just For Fun”-kind of way.)

Jodie Comer & Sandra Oh

See, Eve can look genuinely happy for Villanelle when they aren’t stabbing/shooting each other. The only thing you two should be cutting is that sexual tension.

Phoebe Waller-Bridge & Sian Clifford

Look, I know they play sisters, but they’re not sisters. So I will totally allow it.

Joey King & Patricia Arquette

Look, I know they play mother-daughter, but they’re not mother-daughter. So you see where this is going.

Amy Poehler & Catherine O'Hara

Free Idea, Hollywood: Amy and Catherine play a May-December lesbian couple in a rom-com where they move from New York to rural Iowa to start an organic farm and attempt to befriend the locals.

Laverne Cox & Chase Strangio

The two trans rights advocates, and in particular Laverne’s purse, are a reminder that LGBTQ rights are very, very much at risk. Because on Oct. 8 the Supreme Court will decide whether trans (and really all LGBTQ) people can legally be fired for simply for being ourselves.

Gwendoline Christie & Her GoT Ladies

Her Brienne Jesus look obviously brought all the girls to the Tarth. Can Arya and Daenerys be her disciples, because they’re something I can believe in.

Gwen & Emilia Clarke

I mean, imagine how much better the ending would have been if instead of getting stabbed by Know-Nothing Jon Snow, Daenerys was saved from herself and her murderous madness by Brienne of Tarth and they then ruled together as co-queens with compassion while also adopting all the stray cats in Westeros.

Gwen & Lena Headey

Fine, part of me would also be fine if Daenerys let the world burn and Brienne instead saved Cersei and they then found a new life together crafting fine battle swords in a remote beach village across the sea while also adopting all the stray cats in Dorne.

Gwen & Her Pink After-Party Jesus Suit

I am not a religious person, but this is a real come to Brienne Jesus moment for me.

Same Old Thrones

Well, for a thing that started with Ice and Fire that sure ended on a blandly bureaucratic note. Like, who would have through after eight long years, numerous kings and queens, endless betrayals and countless innocent lives lost that the Iron Throne would be decided because of…electability? Yeah, you know, the male candidate with the best story. Nothing to do with gender or the patriarchy. Just, you know, a likable story. I’d totally vote for a female Queen of Westeros, just not that female Queen of Westeros.

Yes, a show that dared us to soar with the dragons has ended with a king no one wanted, who isn’t even really a person, but darn if he doesn’t have a good story. And have we mentioned that he is a he? Remember, “ Men decide where power resides, whether or not they know it.” I mean, they even wrote that directly into the dialogue – unironically. Men. Decide. Where. Power. Resides. OK, got it, fellas.

You can practically hear Benioff and Weisss saying, “Look, I like Warren Sansa, too. But it’s too much to have her rule all Seven Kingdoms right now. Especially after the Hillary Daenerys debacle. We don’t want another Trump Joffrey, do we?”

Also, can we talk about Tyrion Lannister embodying the maddening ability for straight white men to fail up? He served as hand for King Joffrey Baratheon. King Joffrey Baratheon: Dead. Served as hand for Queen Daenerys Targaryen. Queen Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Lady of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm, Lady of Dragonstone, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons: Dead.

And now he gets to be Hand of the King for Bran the Broken, too? And while we are at it, why would all those Lords and Ladies listen to a prisoner who is literally in chains in the first place? (While laughing uproariously at the idea of democracy, pish-posh unwashed rabble!)

Cool story, bro. Well, at least Sansa got The North and Arya peaced out of the narrative entirely.

In giving us a neat and tidy bureaucratic ending to the Game of Thrones, the writers have decided their story was strong enough to transcend the times it was told in. But, here’s the thing, it isn’t. I’ve read a couple round-up of reviews of the “Game of Thrones” finale and I’ve noticed an undeniable trend. Men seem OK with it. Women are pissed. Because the world we live in continues to have men decide where power resides – right down to controlling our bodies and our uteruses. Politics is always personal, and intricately intertwined with our entertainment.

We have invested almost a decade in Daenerys and Sansa and Arya and Brienne and Yara and even Cersei freaking Lannister. We thought a world where dragons painted shadows across the sky and wolves strode like stallions through the wilderness and a woman would not be burned no matter how big the stake that anyone could rule. But, you see, men decide where power resides. So, in the end, it was the same old game after all. The Patriarchy is alive and doing extremely well in Westeros.

It’s not easy to see something that’s never been before. And Game of Thrones decided not to even try.

But Is She Electable?

THIS POST IS DARK AND FULL OF RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION, AND SPOILERS

Well, fuck. After last week’s episode saw The Living saved by women and only women (like, all of The North would be in “The Walking Dead” right now if it wasn’t for Dany’s dragons, Melisandre’s fire and Arya’s dagger), I worried that would be the last hurrah for the Double Xs of Westeros (and non-binary, trans folks - if there were any on the show which has precious few queer characters as is). And this week’s “The Last of the Starks” is sadly proving that prediction right. Move aside, ladies, it’s time for The Man to take over.

I swear to the old gods and the new, if these whole eight seasons lead up to just glorifying the straight white male savior I will go Full Cersei on the universe. Though, you gotta hand it to the show writers, everyone rallying behind a white dude instead of a qualified woman who worked and sacrificed her whole life to get to this point is very on brand for 2019.

What more does Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Mother of Dragons, the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, the Breaker of Chains and Drinker of Starbucks have to do to get some respect? She ate a stallion’s heart. She walked into a funeral pyre and came out with three dragons. She burned the Dothraki Patriarchy to ash. She flies into battles riding a freaking dragon. She stopped what she was doing to help save The North. What more does a lady have to do to be “likable” enough to rule, yo?

But now all of a sudden she is irrational and a dangerous and “unelectable” what with her weak poll numbers with the white working glass in The North. Good thing there’s a better, whiter, maler choice! Seriously, stop being so 2019, show!

And I haven’t even gotten in to the other problematic stuff – like, I dunno, Sansa saying being raped and abused was actually character building, Brienne suddenly being boy crazy and lovey-dovey, The Starks suddenly becoming So Lannister about their precious bloodline, and the show killing off basically its only black female character. And Jon not petting Ghost before sending him to live on some farm in The North? Burn it all down!

After eight seasons, it seems we are now just plodding toward the inevitable coronation of Jon Snow, a man so white it’s typified by his last name. Some Game, eh?

My dracarys, myself

OK, fine, so the dracarys scene was pretty fucking amazing, too. Yes, I have to close my eyes at all the horsie deaths (like, 5,000 soldiers can be slaughters in gruesome blood-splattering ways, but cut one horse and I’m all, “Noooooooooo!). But I am absolutely going to incorporate Daenerys’ full-throated “Dracarys!” into my everyday vernacular. Like the next time some dude annoys me I’m going to just stare at them and say “Dracarys” at him under my breath. Or, you know, in a blood-curdling yell – depending on how much he pissed me off. I think all women should.



As I was saying...

Up for This, Really

http://dorothy-snarker.tumblr.com/post/146227789970/kentobox-new-game-of-thrones-otp-spoilers

Oh, God, I ship it. I ship it so hard. Look, “Games of Thrones” has been an admittedly mixed bag when it comes to empowering stories for a lesbian feminist like myself who is tired of watching the same old patriarchy hootenannies on her television week after week to enjoy. But, this season in particular, the way the women of the seven kingdoms have started to step up and step out has been nothing short of holler-at-your-TV awesome. In fact, after last week I’m pretty sure my sexuality has shifted from “gay,” to “Daenerys saying Dracarys.” But those flirty looks between Dany and Yara? Well, like I said, I ship it. I ship it so hard.

Mother of Bad Decisions

While we are on the subject of people undergoing dramatic character shifts this season, can we take a moment to discuss Daenerys? This season she’s more like Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, Mother of Dragons AND Bad Decision Machine, amirite? Looks, we all knew last season that locking up her beloved dracarys would be a very, very bad plan. A dragon is not a slave, remember? But now my favorite albino-haired claimant to the Iron Throne is having a hell of a time of it. (p.s. No, I have not read the books. Yes, I am aware all kind of shit is going to happen. No, please don’t spoil it for me.)



I guess this falls under the “Conquering Is Easy, Ruling Is Hard” life lessons. We all knew it would be difficult. But in a show that has made its female characters struggle and endure so (though, to be fair, it’s been fairly shitty to the men folk, too), it’s kind of crushing to watch this particular stumble. Or maybe I’m just upset for the dragons. Like I want to foster them for her for a bit and tell them it’s OK and that their mama is coming back for them, I promise. Yes, leave it to the lesbian to want to adopt the poor, stray dragons.



I guess the only good things about this particular predicament is my eager anticipation for the moment when Daenerys gets her shit back together and has another, epic drop the mic (or whip, as it was) moment. Thought, this being “Game of Thrones,” that’ll probably be like 30 beheadings, a dozen skull crushings, 10 burnings alive and three smoke baby monsters from now. Damn, show. The things you make us go through.

p.s. What does it say about me that I’m actually starting to like Cersei Lannister more as the seasons wear on? Wait, don’t answer that.

Lady Trailers

For all the lost puppies and dead children and toenail fungus, the Super Ad Bowl was somewhat less sexist and exploitive than in years past. Somewhat. But what I was most pleased by was the number of movie trailers featuring prominent female leads. Sure, dinosaurs and Andy Dwyer stole the show. But ladies made their presence felt and I couldn’t be happier. Sure, they were the leads or co-leads) in only four of the thirteen movie trailers that aired (well, five if you count “50 Shades of Grey”). But the movies were flat-out the ones I was most excited about anyway. Here is a rundown of the best Super Bowl trailers for ladies listed from those I am excited to very, very excited about.

Terminator: Genisys

I don’t understand why a robot would age as much as Arnold Schwarzenegger has aged. Like, seriously, wouldn’t he just rust instead of turn grey and wrinkly? But I all kinds of pumped to see Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons as Sarah Connor.

Tomorrowland

I have no idea what this movie is about. I think The Future? Or The Past? Possibly The Alternate Reality? But I do like that its chief protagonist appears to be a young girl who gets taken on a magical (otherworldly? both?) adventure to “Tomorrowland.”

Insurgent

Any movie where a woman gets to run full speed at Kate Winslet and tackle her like a linebacker is a movie I will gladly pay to see, even if all the shit blowing up all around her makes absolutely no sense.

Pitch Perfect 2

PLEASE LIKE I NEED A REASON TO BE EXCITED ABOUT THIS.

Considering that for the last two years a movie with a female lead has lead the box office (both part of “The Hunger Games” franchise, but still), it makes sense to let the ladies have a movie moment during the big game. So, which trailers got you jazzed. I know, I know, the one with the dinosaurs. But which other ones?

Women of Thrones

OK, let’s talk about “Game of Thrones” again. I will say, after the Cersei and Jaime/Caster’s Keep horribleness of early and midseason, Season 4 got a lot less rapey. So, um, huzzah – or something. What I find most interesting at the close of Season 4 is how its women are doing. Getting raped a little less (for now), which is always good. But now that (oh, right, SPOILER ALERT, duh) so many key male characters have been disposed of, it begs the question: Can sisters finally start getting the respect they deserve on Game of Thrones?

[Please note, I have not read the books. So this is just based on character progression so far and the random thoughts that bounce around in my head.]

Daenerys Targaryen

So how are things going for Daenerys Stormborn,The Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons? Ruling shit is hard work and dragons are a pain in the ass. Look, I love Khaleesi, but a dragon is not a slave! I have to think chaining up her precious Dracarys will have serious repercussions. And not the good kind. Also, my secret GoT ship is Daenerys and Brienne. There, I said it out loud. Make it happen, G.R.R. Martin. We all know you’re still writing the damn books.

Cersei Lannister

This lady will absolutely have you strangled in your sleep. Though, you have to admit, she does love her children. And she is finally pissed enough at her father to reveal her the terrible awful she and Jaime have been doing all these years to protect them from his influence. Granted, her eldest son turned out to be a psychopath. But Tommen has a kitten named Ser Pounce. So, maybe she wasn’t the worst mother ever? (Just kidding, she’s awful – but cunning as fuck.)

Margery Tyrell

Mags might be even more cunning than Cersei, though a little less vicious. Maybe. I don’t know what happens next in the books. Also, I think she has her eyes on Tommen which is gross. But, hey, behind every Boy King is a strong women with a questionable marriage history. (It’s true, at least so far in the Seven Kingdoms.) Though, as far as cunning goes Margery is no match – nor is anyone, really – for her grandma Olenna Redwyne. I mean, she killed Joffrey. Grannies get shit done.

Brienne of Tarth

Sign me up to the Lady Knight fanclub. Brienne is strong, moral, awesome. OK, fine, so she is having a little bit of a hard time keeping all the oaths she has promised so far. (her king died, her lady died, Jamie lost a hand, the Stark girls are nowhere in sight…) But if nothing else, I feel like I can believe in her unwavering sense of honor. Plus, how hot is she in that armor? I understand her brutal fight with The Hound was added into the series. Hey, works for me. Now she needs to find her way to Meereen. Daenerys is down one knight adviser (buh-bye, Jorah), so there’s an opening. Just saying. Also, I cannot wait to see her in the new Star Wars.

Arya Stark

Holy fucking shit, Arya. First, let’s all do the slow clap and rise for 17-year-old Maisie Williams who is absolutely killing it as Arya. The way she impassively stared at The Hound as he begged her to kill him? And then just turned and walked away. I am equal parts frightened and awed by her. And I absolutely cannot wait to see what she becomes. Also a little scared. But, yeah. Arya. I always thought Khaleesi was the baddest bitch in the Seven Kingdoms. But little Arya and her Needle are making a strong run at the title.

Right, so there were also other ladies. Sansa (yawn), Ygritte (breakups sucks), Lysa (can’t fix crazy), Melisandre (smoke monster baby says what), et al. But this season was really time four the five I mentioned to shine. And, with any luck, keep on shining.

p.s. Wasn’t the penultimate episode at the Wall just a total snoozefest? Yeah, yeah, we get it – there are giants. I don’t care. This show has 2 trillion characters. No one wants to watch a “Lord of the Rings”-lite battle in Antarctica for an entire hour.

My Weekend Crush

“Game of Thrones” can be an awful sausagefest sometimes. So many old and young men all jockeying for an iron throne while wielding their big swords. Overcompensation, much? And don’t get me started on all the gratuitous tits and ass – I mean I’m not totally complaining, but come on. Still the series has been able to spring to life some memorable, exciting and unconventional female heroines. Little survivor Arya Stark. Valiant knight Brienne of Tarth. And, thanks to last Sunday’s episode, the biggest badass of them all: Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, a.k.a. Daenerys Targaryen a.k.a. Khaleesi a.k.a. Mother of Dragons.

Those of us unacquainted with the books could have never guessed that the meek, white-blonde haired girl under her vicious brother’s thumb and married off like a chess piece in a power play would become the most assertive and cunning of them all. Also have I mentioned she has dragons? And she can’t be burned by fire? And will always spare the innocent? And you heard me on the dragons bit, right?

In a scene that I have now watched no fewer than a half dozen times, Daenerys ascends to her rightful place in the pantheon of badass chickens when (SPOILER ALERT: Hurry up and watch it, dude) she bests the misogynistic slave master and commandeers his slave army only to set them free and have 8,000 soldiers march willingly for her into impending battle. Also, there are dragons. In showing no mercy to those who oppress others (all of the slave masters and rulers) while ultimate compassion to those denied free will (the slave army and trainees) she is, quite literally, turns around her own life’s trajectory and comes to a place of just yet unquestionable power. My greatest hope is that is it Daenerys who gets to kill that little evil inbred putz King Joffrey. A dragon is not a slave. Daenerys is not a slave. Women need not be a slave to men’s power games in “Game of Thrones.” Say hello to quite possibly the best mic drop (by way of a whip) in TV history. Dracarys, out. Happy weekend, all.