Tank Top Tuesday: Ilona Issue

I know that Ilona Maher is straight. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Some people are just born that way. But, damn, has she missed an opportunity with queer women everywhere. Like, how you don’t look at this Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue digital cover (I know, I know) and not swallow your tongue? Yet she has well chronicled the opposite sex’s difficulties with her, well, body. Oh no, she has broad shoulders and a strong jaw. Oh no, she is strong enough to pick you up and carry you around like a pretty, pretty princess. Yeah, not a problem for us. Not a problem at all. Anyway. The bronze medal-winning US rugby star looks great in the many, many, many, many, many photos of her in various forms of a bikini in this photoshoot. (And, once again, I contend bikinis still fall under the larger Tank Top umbrella. So say us all.) As I was saying, good for her. And, you know, call us if you ever give up on the fellas.

Music Monday: March to the Polls

Even if we all fell for that social media rumor about Beyonce (which is a reminder that no matter how problematic mainstream media can be, they’re still more reliable than TMZ or influencers), the DNC was not without its musical superstars. Stevie Wonder. Lil Jon. Pink. And, of course, The Chicks. I say of course because Natalie, Martie, and Emily have been on the political frontlines for more than 20 years.

The Youths among us may not remember but they were one of the OG cancel culture victims. This was before the term was used as a cudgel by conservatives whining about being shunned for their terrible, hurtful beliefs, but progressives being literally banned from country music radio and having their CDs (gosh, remember those) crushed by, again, literal steamrollers.

That they were able to emerge from that much concentrated bile and refuse to be silenced (or Make Nice, ahem), is a testament to their own foundational beliefs. The ladies released “March” in the summer of 2020 when we were on the verge of another make-or-break American election. And they returned in 2024 to sing the national anthem at the DNC. Sadly, the cause today is no less urgent. I truly think the human body is not equipped to endure THREE Trump presidential campaigns in one lifetime. Yet here we are, marching to the polls once again. Sixty-three days to go, America. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

I know all the scuttlebutt around last week’s Democratic National Convention were around the barn burner speeches by Kamala and Michelle and Barack and Oprah. So you might have missed Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel’s short, sweet and extremely sassy speech. So I send you into this weekend with a reminder of what’s at stake in this election. Yes, our democracy is on the line. Our freedoms are on the line. And even as a soon-to-be officially divorced single cat (and dog) lady, I know that our marriages are also on the line. So for all you marrieds (or those who want to get married at some point), let Dana be your rallying cry. They can pry those wedding bands off of our cold, dead, gay hands. Happy weekend, all.

The Women Next Door

Granted, I would watch almost any movie filled with slow, lingering shots of Julianne Moore and Tilda Swinton’s exquisite cheekbones. But when it’s a Pedro Alodóvar movie filled with slow, lingering shots of Julianne and Tilda’s exquisite cheekbones, well – say less, as the kids today say. This is also Alodóvar’s first English-language feature. Though anyone familiar with his work knows he is famous for centering women’s internal lives (sometimes, extremely internal – like Vagninal Tours internal). So I’m extremely curious where “The Room Next Door” will take its characters, former colleagues who worked at a magazine together years ago but have since gone their separate ways. Tilda’s Martha is a war correspondent and, if the contextual clues of the trailer are correct, appears to be ill. Julianne’s Ingrid is now a novelist and, if the contextual clues of the trailer are correct, appears to be helping Martha with her illness. There isn’t much more out there about the plot, but the film is based on the novel “What Are You Going Through” by Sigrid Nunez, so if anyone’s read it give us the heads up. As always, my first question will be does anything gay happen. I guess we shall see. Until then, we can dream.

Good Taste

Yes, I know The Kiss in this video is the sneaky kind of body-swap they used to sneak into Very Special Lesbian Episodes of TV shows back in the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell days, but…it’s still a kiss. So of course I loved Sabrina Carpenter’s new music video for her song “Taste” featuring Jenna Ortega. Two of the most popular Gen Z stars in the same music video trying to murder one another in increasingly gruesome ways over a stupid boy while paying homage to some 90s and 00s cult classics? Does it pain me to know younger generations consider some of these films (including “Death Becomes Her,” “Adams Family Values,” “Ginger Snaps” and “Kill Bill”) ancient cinema. But then my knees probably would agree, so, you know – time is after us all.

Also, even though Jenna isn’t technically one of the 20something Pop Girlie (à la Sabrina, Chappell, Billie, Renee, et al) she is a bonafide Gen Z superstar. And, unlike those Very Special Lesbian Episodes of days of yore, at least now Sabrina and Jenna acknowledge that that boy was stupid and they’re better off without/murdering him. And that hair brush says also says maybe they liked that kiss a little more, too. Sabrina, how about the next video includes homages to “The Incredibly True Adventures of 2 Girls in Love,” “But I’m a Cheerleader” and “Imagine Me & You.” Just a suggestion.

Tank Top Tuesday: Good Greta

Look, I’ve been abundantly clear about my belief that muscle shirts and sports bras all count as tank tops. I am from the Big Tent Tank Top Party, we accept all and love all who bare arms. Anyway, as I was saying. Greta Lee recently did an ad campaign for Calvin Klein underwear. And I have a penchant for Calvin Klein underwear (well, their Every Lesbian Has One Bras). So, I was admiring her new spot and thinking, it’s probably age-inappropriate for me to feel these kinds of feelings for Greta Lee doing her best “Risky Business” slide. So, because I wanted to punish myself, I Googled and – lo and behold, Greta is 41 and therefore within my acceptable age-gap parameters for not feeling super creepy. I mean, I’m definitely older. But my ex is actually younger than Greta. So, uh, you know. As I was saying. We should all feel and look great in our underwear, no matter the age. So, well done on that front, Greta. Respectfully-ish.

Music Monday: Loves Lucy

Let’s throw it back, wayyyy back, to 2006. Here is Lucy Lawless singing “Total Eclipse of the Heart” with Bonnie Tyler on the reality competition “Celebrity Duets.” It was kinda like “The Masked Singer” but without masks and also with duets with other celebrities. I have 100% memory holed this show, but Wikipedia tells me Wayne Brady hosted and other contestants include Alfonso Ribeiro, Hal Sparks, one of the original Queer Eye guys, and Lea Thompson among others. Lucy, it should be noted, was runner up to Hal. Again, I have absolutely negative recollection of this show. But it came out the same year I started this blog. So, um, maybe I was busy? Anyone remember watching this show? I mean, Lucy’s hair alone seems memorable. Happy Monday, kittens. *Xena Battle Cry*

My Weekend Presidential Crush

This is, as you all know, a gay pop culture blog. Duh. I write about the effervescent fluff that makes life fun, because who doesn’t like having fun? But as a queer person of color, politics is always personal – as I know it is for so many of you. So I have also written about every presidential election since this blog started – wayyy back in 2006.

Remember 2006? Before Obama. Before Hillary. Before Trump. And I’ve been unabashedly liberal, progressive, whatever you want to call it since this blog started. Heck, I’d say I’ve gotten more liberal as I’ve aged – to defy the getting more conservative as we age stereotypes. This Gen Xer is no Boomer, dammit.

I think this is because with each passing election, it feels like the stakes keep going up. The differences between the choices become more stark – more dangerous, more destructive, more divisive. So much so that we’ve gotten to the point where democracy is, legitimately, on the ballot. Someone who says he wants to be a dictator on “day one” and says vote this once and we’ll “fix it” so you never have to vote again is no small threat to our life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.

So, I dreaded this election. I, like so many others, continue to have PTSD from 2016. And, up until late July, it felt like it was all slipping away again. A second Trump presidency felt almost inevitable. I renewed my passport. I kept reminding myself that lots of people around the world live under fascism and authoritarianism. It would be awful, it would be painful, but maybe we could survive it – maybe. I even started to mentally prepare myself for the possibility of not seeing progress on civil rights in our nation for decades, possibly longer. Possibly for the rest of my lifetime.

It felt like election night Nov. 8, 2016 all over again. I remember the next day writing that the America I believed in did not exist. And, for a while, it didn’t.

But, whew, what a difference a Kamala makes. Now, instead of the existential dread of a wanna-be-dictator running our country, I am filling the giddy excitement at the possibility of America’s first female president, first Black and South Asian president. The possibility of, yes, hope. And the realization that there have always been more decent, rational, welcoming and inclusive Americans who care about their neighbors and communities than angry, spiteful, fearful hatemongers. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve got plenty of those too. But, essentially, we are a people who want to be seen as, and do, good.

While we don’t always live up to our better angels, we have indeed made great progress. We’re still not that more perfect union, and who knows if we’ll ever be. But as long as we keep striving, keep fighting, maybe we’ll get there one day.

I think the great lesson on Kamala Harris’s candidacy is that we should dream bigger. No more we can’ts because (x, y and z). No more, but will people vote for a (fill in the Black). Because, yes, we can. We can elect the first woman president. We can elect the first Black and Asian woman president. We can do better. We can fight for better. We can defeat Trumpism, once and for all. We can demand a better future, because we deserve it.

I know Vice President Harris isn’t perfect. (Hello, neither is Bette Porter – ahem.) But I believe she is a decent, rational, welcoming and inclusive American who cares about us, our neighbors and our communities. And I believe if we work hard, talk with our friends and families, and continue to fight for what is right, on Nov. 5 we will write a new, better chapter for the history of our country together. Now wouldn’t that be truly great. Happy let's fucking win this thing weekend, America.

Live, Laugh, Love Lies Bleeding

With the Olympics over, you might be thinking, dang I wish I had more strong women to watch. Well, do I have the movie/super gay head trip for you. I missed out on seeing “Love Lies Bleeding” in the theaters because of some bad timing. But as soon as it began streaming on Max last month, I made sure to watch. And, well, that sure was something.

What I liked about “Love Lies Bleeding” was its approach to its queer characters and queer desire. No need for any “coming out” framing. No earnest struggles with homophobia or self-doubt. Just two women attracted to each other who become the epitome of “Be gay, Do crimes.”

In order to enjoy this film you just need to be prepared for violence and muscles. You also need to brace yourself for a little magical realism. This is less the “Water for Chocolate” whimsical magical realism and more of the queer fantasy magical realism. Either way, it’s trippy and unexpected and weird as hell – but mostly in a good and definitely in a gay way.

And while K-Stew is the marquee name here, Katy O’Brian is the breakout star here. I mean, those muscles alone. *heart eyes emoji forever* I’m surprised between “Love Lies Bleeding” and “Twisters,” that Katy isn’t hanging on a poster in every young lesbian’s wall right now.

While this movie probably won’t go into your feel-good canon of lesbian rom-coms à la “Imagine Me & You” and “But I’m a Cheerleader” or even grand sweeping romances like “Carol” or “Portrait of a Lady on Fire,” it deserves its own place in queer pulp history. Back-to-back screening with “Bound?” Now that’s a noir lesbian movie night I can get behind.

So, thoughts? I don’t want to give away the ending too much, because I think you just need to experience it. Buckle up and wear a helmet.

Maid to Order

Here I go again being all randy on Hump Day (again I literally never say this IRL, I promise!). Now, I would first like to acknowledge that I am very late on this. Like extremely, extraordinarily late. Like a literal decade late. BUT, a good picture is a good picture. (Also, I already declared any day with Blanchett a good day, so you're welcome.) So when I was alerted that images like this existed of course I decided to pass them along in case you, like me, had somehow not seen them back in 2014.

Long story short, Cate Blanchett, Isabelle Huppert and Elizabeth Debicki all starred in the stage production of “The Maids,” which ran both in Sydney and in a limited engagement in New York 10 years ago. Cate and Isabelle play sisters and maids for Elizabeth’s socialite character who plot to kill her. But plot, smot. Let’s make up our own stories to these photos because, HELLO. Anyway, as I said any day with Blanchett is a good day – even belatedly and especially in a maid’s outfit. Add in Elizabeth and Isabelle too? Well, better late than never.

Loop De Parker

Sometimes I’ll be sitting around and randomly, I’ll think, “Gosh, I wonder what Mary-Louise Parker is up to?” Because, since her Showtime comedy “Weeds” went off the air a dozen years ago, she hadn’t had super steady work. (Yes, yes, I know she has shown up in things like “The Blacklist” and “Billions” and “Mr. Mercedes” etc.) But no real leading roles in major projects unless I missed them – which may well be by choice on her part. But, goodness, is that a shame for us.

So imagine my delight when I heard she was going to star in a new film with none other than critically adored and Ireland’s own (this is a joke) Ayo Edebiri. I first only had the budget line to dream about, which was: “A quantum physicist finds herself stuck in a time loop with a black hole growing in her chest and only a week to live.”

OK, dark – quite literally. But then the trailer was released and it’s both dark and funny and beautiful and tragic. In short, it’s the perfect Mary-Louise Parker movie. Think of it as “Groundhog Day for Physicists.” I also feel like this is gonna be a cryer. But, you know, a good kind of cry. Because time is relentlessly pursuing us all unless we all meet the inevitable. So might as well watch Mary-Louise and Ayo try to fight it with science. Also, did anyone else catch this little moment? Do you think in one of her lives she found her Idgie? Because I sure do.

Music Monday: Blanchett For Breakfast

Hey, remember when last year Cate Blanchett randomly showed up in a banana-yellow suit to dance her way through the music video for the Sparks song “The Girl Is Crying In Her Latte?” And we were like that is so weird I love it! Well, did you know she did it live at Glastonbury last year as well? Because yeah, of course she did. Now I’m not really a music festival girlie (all day, no sitting or shade, I’m old…), but I would have perhaps toughed it out to see Cate. But then I think a healthy dose of Blanchett makes everything better. So here’s to a weird and wonderful start of this week. Please be kind, universe. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

In the interest of equal opportunity and cross-genre posting, let’s give some love to country star Maren Morris. I don’t know a ton about Maren, other than having noticed she tends to hang out with some really cool folks, because I’m simply not that into contemporary country. So somehow I missed when Maren came out as bisexual this June (snaps for Pride proclamations!) And now her new song “Push Me Over” makes things more, explicit. Well, not that explicit (though, briefly I misheard the lyric “Sitting on the fence…” as sitting on something else that starts with “f” and ending with a “ce,” ahem). Still, wow. Could you imagine being a queer or questioning kid and have the choice of queer mainstream artists to listen to from Maren to Billie to Chappell to Brandi to boygenius and beyond. Things can get better, and with a beat that you can dance to. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Them Thursday

This is actually what the Olympics is *supposed* to be about. pic.twitter.com/drTPVdw3Qi

— Earthling (@ziyatong) August 10, 2024

Well, well, well – if all the real-life supervillains/billionaires aren’t finally entering the “finding out” phase. After disparaging, degrading, defaming and downright harassing Algerian boxer Imane Khelif through her whole Olympics, the gold medalist has hit back – legally. This week Imane filed a lawsuit with French authorities against that horrid wizard lady, that self-driving death traps guy and everyone else who has relentlessly cyberbullied her insisting she was a “man.” JK, Elon, et all, I say this most sincerely, fuck you you fucking fucks. And so very well done, Imane. Like, I feel like moments like this were made for that Lucille Bluth “good for her” gif.

I cannot imagine the levels of hatred and abuse (and racism, don’t forget that part!) that this poor woman has had to endure simply because the simultaneously richest, stupidest and most malevolent billionaires in the world have an anti-trans agenda. Though, if we’re being accurate, they have an anti-woman agenda. Because anytime an outside group of people gets the power to determine who or who isn’t a woman – besides that woman herself – all women lose. Oh, well, she may “technically” be a woman, but she doesn’t act/dress/look/punch sufficiently how we think a woman should, so you’re not a woman anymore. That road leads to only bad things for women, all women. Plus, none of these kinds of attacks – almost always when white women lose to women of color – are new. Remember Caster Semanya? Same old bigoted story.

(And fuck off with that “gender testing” hooha. The so-called boxing association that made those declarations has been permanently banned from the Olympics and has ties to Russia. It’s always fucking Russia.)

Anyway, I hope she sues the pants off these disgusting wealth hoarders and then gets to live a long, happy, successful life doing whatever the fuck she pleases. You come for the OLYMPIC BOXING CHAMPION, you best not miss.

p.s. Instead of posting photos of moldy mansion and space dick, I thought I would share what the true Olympic spirit should look like as all of Imane’s fellow boxing medalists celebrate together. More joy, less hate, less billionaires aand bigots telling us who qualifies as a woman.

La Langue Lesbian

@lievelingspaars Emergencyyyy… #jodiefoster #wlw #masterclass ♬ origineel geluid - Carmen

This really needs no explanation. But in this week’s spirit of extreme randiness, it felt like my obligation to share it with you all. You’re welcome. Also, I consider it the definitive answer to the video below. Lesbianism, the answer is definitely lesbianism for both videos. Happy Hump Day, indeed.

Love & Other Apocalypses

Hey, remember getting the bejesus scared out of you by “The Last of Us?” And remember how it’s coming back for Season 2, a.k.a. When Shit Gets Really Gay? The first footage and images of Bella Ramsey as Ellie and Isabela Merced as her girlfriend Dina have emerged as the second season continues production. Hello, thigh holsters! You gotta give the makeup and props department props for how well they’ve recreated the videogame. Granted, I never played the game but from my untrained (but highly gay) eyes that looks great and super gay.

So, there’s at least something to look forward to as we trudge through our own hellscape. There may be an apocalypse, but there is also gay love. And we haven't really seen Kaitlyn Dever as Abby yet either. So bring on the murder mushrooms again. Time to strap one one and get ready for the second season.

Music Monday: Charli & Billie

So we begin this week in our post-Olympics haze with no more athletic hotties to ogle cheer. (Sad, sexy trombone.) Luckily, The collaboration between pop girlies Charli xcx and Billie Eilish has produced one of the more randy songs of the summer in a summer practically brimming with randy songs. How randy? Like climbing up a literal mountain of women’s underwear randy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Get it, girls. I’ve just really enjoyed watching Billie Eilish blossom into her queerness this year. And when I say “blossom,” I mean hornily celebrate in the gayest way possible.

First "Lunch," now Charli likes boys, but she knows I'd hit it? Check off crushing/hitting on your straight girl friends from Billie’s Queer Rites of Passage 101 list. If she hasn’t already received her toaster oven in the mail, she’s owed a second one just for that line. Also, lest we forget, Charli was the one who jump started the Kamalanomenon when she declared Kamala brat. Gay and politically aware? Yeah, I’d hit it. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Well, it’s been another extraordinary week for Team USA and Team World at the Olympics. As we head into the final weekend, I’d like to provide some intellectual analysis of how our inspirational performances have helped reinvigorated long-dormant patriotism within a deeply divided nation. I mean, I’d like to do that – theoretically. But instead I’m just going to be deeply, deeply shallow. Because is it just me or is every single Team USA women's gold medalist in track & field like the hottest person you've ever seen in your whole entire life? Respectfully.

The second week of the Olympics has featured America’s best and brightest track and field stars. And, goodness, have these athletes delivered. Gold for Sydney McLaughlin-Levrone in the 400m hurdles. Gold for Tara Davis-Woodhall in long jump. Gold for Gabby Thomas in the 200m. Gold for Valarie Allman in discus. And that’s just so far.

Each one of these women is unbelievably talented, determined, accomplished and, yes, hot. While it shouldn’t be terribly surprising that the most athletic people on the planet are also terribly good looking. But, like, they’re all just so inescapably attractive. Truly, it hardly seems fair to us mere mortals. But at least we get to gaze upon these modern-day super(hot)heroes.

Though, honestly, all the US team’s female medalists – gold, silver and bronze – in track and field so far are just…*lower lip bite* (Anna Cockrell, Annette Echikunwoke, Sha’Carri Richardson, et al, I totally see you). And if we’re being really honest, track and field is filled with smoke shows regardless of the country. Go Team World, indeed. Look, I watch the Olympics for its spectacle of global goodwill, competition and excellence. But I also watch it because these women athletes are just astonishing to behold. And sometimes, well, you just want to spend two weeks watching the fastest, highest, strongest and hottest among us. Respectfully. Happy last weekend of the Olympics, all.

Love Match

As the Olympics draw to a close this weekend, and we continue to celebrate all the medalists and athletes, let’s not forget our past Olympians. Like everyone’s favorite open-secret USWNT couple Tobin Heath and Christen Press. I know, I know we all knew. But to confirm it, to confirm what we all knew for the past eight years. Yes, that still matters. Long live Preath. Congratulations on continuing to be lesbian soccer girlies couple goals.

Good Canadians, Bad Fish

Well, this is disturbing. I had no idea that Tegan and Sara were victims of catfishing. Or that it would ripple out to hurt their fans. How horrible and fascinating. I mean, more horrible than fascinating. But you’d better believe I will be watching their new Hulu documentary “Fanatical: The Catfishing of Tegan and Sara” this fall.

I hadn’t heard that Tegan’s identity was stolen in 2011. I thought it was maybe because I just wasn’t paying enough attention to everyone’s favorite queer twins. But, no, they confirmed it was “the biggest story we never shared.” So, don’t feel bad if you’re surprised like me. I am just sad it happened to them at all. I mean, they’re even Canadians. You do this to the nicest, most polite people on Earth?

Also, while we’re talking about our indie icons – don’t forget that if you have an Amazon Prime subscription you can watch their excellent series “High School,” based on their memoir by the same name, for free on Freevee. I mean, you gotta watch something while you wait for Oct. 18, right?

Home, Sweet Purgatory

And that’s why we call them WayHaught. Dominique Provost-Chalkley and Katherine Barrell made quite the handsome couple at Comic-Con, as expected, and I can’t wait to see the domestic not-so-tranquility Waverly and Nicole are getting up to in good old Purgatory. The full trailer for Tubi’s new 90-minute special “Wynonna Earp: Vengeance” was released at the con last weekend. And it looks like another gun-slinging good time, with some smoochies thrown in between the face punches. You know, typical Earp heir shit.

Dom and their short hair will debut in the reboot (emphasis on boots), but in interviews they’ve said Waverly is not changing pronouns. But don't worry, you heard me mention the smoochies already, right? Yeah, bring it on, Earps. We got some demon asses to kick and wives to kiss.

Music Monday: Hotties for Harris

Yes, I am fully coconut pilled. But then you know I’ve been on Team President Straight Bette Porter since, well, wayyy back. And here we are, at a singular moment when the momentum, excitement and unadulterated joy is all on our side. Just think, a month ago it felt inevitable that America’s worst inclinations – toward a horrifying christo-fascist future – would win. But now, the fight has returned among those of us who still believe we can build that more perfect union for all of us. What a difference a little hope makes. And what a difference a joyful warrior like Vice President Kamala Harris makes. I expect Megan Thee Stallion to be the first of an endless stream of rap, pop and every other genre superstars showing up at rallies to lend their voices. We have history on our side – and all the hot girlies. Hotties for Harris, indeed. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

[Click to Embiggen the Femininomenons!]

I don’t mean to be a total homer, but can I just say, “U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!” Now, I apologize to our International Kittens. I actually root for everyone to do their best during the Olympics. But, admittedly, I can’t help feel a little righteous pride as we hit the half way mark on the 2024 Paris Games. Of the nine gold medals won by Team USA, seven of them are by female athletes or women’s teams.

In fact, no individual male US athlete has won a gold medal thus far*. Two USA men’s teams (men’s 4X100 freestyle swimming relay and men’s four rowing) have won gold, alongside the two USA female teams (women’s team foil fencing and women’s team gymnastics). Indeed so far the individual gold medal winners for Team USA are ALL women – Simone Biles, Katie Ledecky, Torri Huske, Kate Douglass and Lee Kiefer. It’s been awesome to watch and amazing to experience.

This is no shade on Team USA’s silver and bronze winners (which, should be noted, were also mostly female. In fact, USA men/men’s teams have only won 12 of our 37 medals so far).

Not to put too fine a point on this (and extrapolate any political prognastications, ahem), but something tells me this is NOT the year to bet against women. Talk about your Femininomenons! Happy Women of the Olympics weekend, all.

*This was written at end-of-day Thursday, so these numbers could have changed over the weekend. But, my point still stands. WOMEN!

Gender Fuck Thursday: Queer Qamp

Not that we need reminding in our current political hellscape, but representation matters. It always matters, and it always will. If you want a joyful reminder of this, check out the new documentary “Queer Qamp” streaming now on Peacock. The film follows the campers at Camp fYrefly, a camp for queer, non-binary, and trans teens in Alberta, Canada. You’ll be drawn into these students' stories and struggles, and be reminded once again of the power of acceptance and inclusion. What if we, as a world, embraced those who loved or looked or identified differently than us instead of responding with hate, fear, exclusion and far, far worse? What if the whole world was like “Queer Qamp?” I recommend this 80 minutes of queer, non-binary and trans joy, no matter your age. I promise it’ll do your heart good, and have you chanting “Queer Joy!”

Olympic Wonder Women

The more I watch the Paris Olympics, the more I become that gif of Jo March just going “WOMEN!” Also, the more I watch Team USA women win, the more I become that person screaming, “RED-WHITE-AND-BLUE M*THERFUCKER! THESE COLORS DON’T RUN B*TCH!” Anyway, I hope you’ve been enjoying the games as well. As a lifelong fan of the Olympics (as imperfect as they are and have always been), I fall in love with the magnificent scope of human excellence every four years.

As I continue my renaissance as a sports lover this year (turns out I don’t dislike sports, I just dislike most men’s sports), this is also the first year of gender parity with the same number of male and female athletes. So there’s no better year to root, root, root for your home team – and it should be noted that most of America’s medal winners so far are women. Ahem.

Yesterday we added two more to that tally with US Women’s Gymnastics winning the team gold and US Women’s Rugby winning the bronze (also the first Olympic medal for any US team in rugby 7s, male or female, period). Both wins were emotional and inspirational. I’d also like to note for the record, I’ve been an Ilona Maher fan since the 2021 Tokyo games. So her new-found stardom is just wonderful to behold, even if she is straight. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Instead, for all the Olympic sapphics, if you happened to watch the Gymnastics Team Finals live, you were treated to two-time Olympic medalist and proudly out retired gymnast Laurie Hernandez providing color commentary and slipping in a sly lesbian roommates joke based on a popular old Vine. We stan a queer broadcasting queen, who’s got jokes!

I can’t wait for what all these amazing athletes can do for the rest of these games.

Tig Your Favorite

Does anyone get the sense that Tig is the new Ellen? Not in the trailblazing or toxic workplace sense, but in the sense that she is every straight celebrity’s new favorite lesbian? First, uber action dude Zack Snyder taps her to replace gross sex pest Chris D’Elia in “Army of the Dead.” Then she gets Dakota Johnson of “Fifty Shades” of herosexuality to star in her lesbian movie. Now she is joining Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon on “The Morning Show.” Her casting is definitely an upgrade to at least a real queer woman instead of just Julianna Margulies who famously thought she could speak for our community “as someone who plays a lesbian journalist.” Honey, no. Anyway, just an observation about Tig. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Music Monday: Celine

Oh la la, Paris. The City of Light put on a dazzling, daring, downright cheeky show to open the Olympics. Like who else would proudly highlight a ménage à trois, decapitated aristocrats and drag runway models but France? In related news, American evangelicals continue to prove they’ve literally never read a single book (including and especially not the Bible) with their moronic outrage over the supposed Last Supper drag reenactment which was actually a tribute to the Greek God Dionysus.

Honestly, I blame NBC for not being better about describing the imagery in the ceremony. I mean, none of the hosts mentioned even once that the masked, nonbinary rooftop-running torchbearer was obviously from Assassin's Creed. And why the hell did they wait until the entire Minions segment was over, during which I confusedly wondered if I was hallucinating or had accidentally changed the channel, to tell us their animation studio was French? Context matters. How else can we exist within it?

Anyway, where was I? Oh right. The Olympics. Paris. And, of course, Celine Dion. It was the definition of a showstopper to have Celine close the ceremony with “Hymne A L'Amour.” Despite the devastating struggles with her health, she put on a performance for the ages. Like how many performers could outshine the Eiffel Tower? Thanks for the memories, Paris. Let’s go, athletes of the world. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (In Memoriam) Crush

As a certified Gen Xer, I regret to inform my fellow Xers that we’ve reached the age when the major stars from our childhoods are passing away. We lost Shannen Doherty and Shelley Duvall (not to mention Richard Simmons, RIP) earlier this month. While neither Shannen or Shelley were queer, per se, I’d say both reached iconic status within the community. I mean “90210” and “Charmed.” “Popeye” and “The Shining.” And, of course, “Shelley Duvall's Faerie Tale Theatre” and “Shelley Duvall's Bedtime Stories.”

Yet both these actors are examples of our failed healthcare system and cultural callousness particularly toward female celebrities. If you read anything about the filming of “The Shining,” you know its acclaimed director Stanley Kubrick was extremely demanding of the cast – in particular on Shelley who he wanted in a constant state of, basically, fear. They spent three weeks alone shooting the pivotal stairway scene where Nicholson says he wants to “bash your brains in.” The experience left her mental health forever scarred, and you can understand why.

Meanwhile Shannen attributes a lapse in her health insurance, which delayed her seeing a doctor, for the relapse of breast cancer which ultimately killed her. Not to mention her realization that her ex-husband was waiting for her to die so he didn’t have to pay spousal support. Both women, it should be noted, also got sexist coverage over the years – from Shelley being labeled kooky to Shannen being called difficult.

I hope both women felt the outpouring of adoration at their deaths during their lives. I know their performances brought me untold hours of happiness over the years. May their memories be a blessing to all who enjoyed their work. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: A Tale of Two Emmas

So I confess, until shockingly recently I continued to confuse Emma D’Arcy and Emma Corrin. Sure I felt a little foolish when it finally dawned on me that these were in fact two separate actors and not the same actor. But, in my defense, they are both named Emma, they are both British, they are both non-binary, they are both blue-eyed, they are both short-haired, they are both strong-jawed, they are both experimental on the red carpet and so on – so you can see how a person could get confused. Yes, I know D’Arcy is from that dragon show (“House of the Dragon”) and Corrin is from that crown show (literally “The Crown,” lol). Though, now that I think of it, have we ever seen them in a room together? Is this a Clark Kent/Superman of nonbinary actors named Emma situation?

Sounding Very Shane Today

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In honor of Hump Day*, here’s some news that the kids today would call spicy. If you’ve ever wanted Shane to whisper into your ear, now is your chance. Kate Moennig is the narrator of a new very spicy, very sapphic audio erotica series (not to be confused with auto-erotica, not that there’s anything wrong with that – no kinky shame, just be safe). I’ve seen previews of this series all over TikTok recently. And now the series is launched and the sapphics (ah, youths) can go wild some more. The series, “Amplified” is available on the Audio Erotica App Quinn. Honestly, this is fairly genius. To use a bonafide queer legend like Kate to read a lesbian erotica series? I don’t even listen to audiobooks and I’m like – TAKE MY MONEY. So hats off to the brilliant minds behind this collab, because slow whistle. If I’m offering suggestions for next series narrators, like I don’t know if you have enough coin to pay a two-time Oscar winner, but Jodie Foster. Please and thank you. So, after Shane, who do you want to read spicy stories to you next?

*For a person who uses the phrase “Hump Day” here on Ye Olde Blogge an alarming amount, I basically never say it in real life. Like even Shane couldn’t make “Hump Day” sound sexy aloud. That is so, as those pesky kids keep saying, cringe.

Who Ya Gonna Call

Gosh, it’s been a while since I squealed in any kind of delight. But here we are. Welcome back to Purgatory, Earpers. Wynonna Earp returns with a vengeance. The gang’s getting back together, and they’re bringing everything good (and bad – otherwise there wouldn't be a show) back with them. Knee-high boots! Ten-gallon hats! Dom’s short hair! I know this is just the briefest of teases (expect more this weekend at San Diego Comic-Con), but it has me genuinely excited for the rest of this year. Can’t say I’ve felt that feeling in a while either. So, you know, let’s celebrate strong women kicking ass in every arena, from entertainment to politics. Because when it’s time to fight the demons, you know who to call. (Women, in case you were wondering, you call women.)

Madam President Monday

Well, well, well. Here we are again. Hello, Madam President Straight Bette Porter. I even pulled out my old Kamala shirt from 2019. We’ve got work to do. Let’s beat that fascist orange fucker. Happy Monday and let’s go win this election, kittens. LFG.

My Weekend Crush

Yes, I realize this will be my third time (one, two) writing about the same thing. But, they say it’s the charm. And if you’ve been waiting and waiting to watch the new Indigo Girls documentary “It’s Only Life After All,” then you will find this news quite charming. Because the doc is now streaming on Netflix. Yes, right this very moment. What are you still doing here? Oh, second screen. Got it, carry on. I plan to rewatch this this weekend, and make it a double feature with the new Cyndi Lauper documentary “Let the Canary Sing” which is also now streaming on Paramount+. But first, we Netflix and Closer to Fine. Yep, you’re charmed. Happy weekend, all.

Getting Closer

Gosh, it’s good to see Elliot Page on screen again. And, goodness, I can already tell this one is gonna make me cry. Elliot’s first feature film since coming out as a trans man looks emotional and powerful and emotional some more. Admittedly, I haven’t been watching “The Umbrella Academy” – I watched the first season but then just never returned. So this will be my first time in a while seeing Elliot perform. And, goodness, if the trailer hits like this the whole movie is gonna be pretty emotional. I also love seeing Wendy Crewson (of “An Unexpected Love” and “Under the Christmas Tree” queer fame) and Peter Outerbridge (of “Orphan Black” and “Bomb Girls” queer fame) have an impromptu “Better Than Chocolate” reunion. Wendy played the mom and Peter played Judy in that 1999 lesbian classic. Small, small (Canadian) world.

Picture This

Hey, remember when I said Kate Winslet was going to play famed photographer and war correspondent Lee Miller in the first major biopic about her life? Well, here it is. While you can’t judge too much from a two-minute trailer, I’d say Kate is likely making a little space on her mantle for some award season hardware. Like that one Oscar she has must be feeling lonely. Maybe this film will fix that. Also, a film that chronicles the fallout of a fascist war? I dunno, seems sadly timely.

Deadloch-ed Again

Everything, and I mean everything, is pretty grim right now if you live in America (and, truly, the world). So here’s a much needed ray of sunshine/hope for at least some TV joy in our future. Aussie crime comedy “Deadloch” has been renewed for a second season. This news automatically makes me want to rewatch (again) the first season of “Deadloch.” It’s hard to think of a recent show with better, more pointed and hilarious satire both of police work, lesbian culture and small towns.

The second season will reunite our odd couple detective team of Dulcie Collins (played by out queer actress Kate Box) and Eddie Redcliffe (Madeleine Sami) for a six episode second season (small quibble, but the first season was 8 episodes so that’s a downgrade). This time, instead of Tasmania, the pair will head to northern Australia to investigate the death of Bushy, Eddie’s former police partner (whose death was alluded to in the first season and one of the reasons for Eddie’s banishment to Deadloch) when “the bodies of two Top End icons are discovered in a remote town, they are flung into a new sweatier, stickier investigation.”

Also returning will be Nina Oyama as young constable Abby "Big Eyes" Matsuda and Alicia Gardiner as Cath, Dulcie’s way overprotective wife. Given that the first season involved a string of dead white men, a lesbian utopian community and a loitering giant seal (which, it turns out, is based on a real-life loitering seal in Tasmania from the Department of You Can’t Make This Shit Up), I am very, very excited to see what absurdist joy the second season will bring.

Music Monday: More Gay

I knew this song had taken over my brain when during Pride weekend I was unconsciously humming it randomly and a friend asked if that was the “I think that I just got more gay” song. And, lo and behold, it was. And, indeed, I did feel even more gay in that moment. You have, no doubt, encountered this sound too on TikTok or Reels or wherever you source your queer video content. I don’t know much about the two-woman duo behind 76th Street and this unmistakably catchy number, except they’re named Haley + Spencer and bill themselves as “Arizona's #1 Indie/Rock Power Duo.” I think this song, if nothing else, should allow them to add “#1 Lesbian Earworm Rockers” to their resumes. Seems only fair. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Coming out on the last day of Pride? Yep, still counts. Welcome, Amber. Though we should have know what with you affinity for smart, stylish suits. The toaster oven is definitely in the mail. Also, you should get your own late night show again (like, come on Peacock, what gives). You were clearly one of the funniest parts of Seth Meyer’s show. Look, we need more inclusive voices on our screens now more than ever. If James Corden can have a show for nine seasons, Amber certainly deserves another shot at late night love. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Comer Over

Would you like to see Jodie Comer in a variety of suits? Stupid question. Anyway, you’re welcome. Sometimes, it’s as easy as that. Also, I wish she’d land a movie I actually want to see. “The Last Duel,” “Free Guy,” “The Bikeriders.” Please, someone cast her as something other than the token female in your film full of dudes. I beg you, please.

Movie Review: Am I Okay?

The movie where Dakota Johnson kisses a girl is okay. It’s not great, it’s not terrible. “Am I Okay?” is okay. It’s okay because it is yet another coming out story in the year of our Lesbian Jesus 2024. It’s okay because it’s about 30something ennui and millennial angst. It’s okay because wife team Tig Notaro and Stephanie Allynne do a capable job of directing their first movie together. It is all deeply and unremarkably okay. It breaks no new ground unless, again, you were waiting with bated breath for Dakota to kiss a lady on screen in which case – mazel tov to you.

Honestly, the movie would have been better if instead of discovering her latent homosexuality, Dakota’s character was rediscovering the dating scene after a long same-sex relationship. Like, maybe she stayed with her first girlfriend into her 30s, and now has to start over. Please, someone make that movie. Yes, I realize I might have some selfish motivation in this but come on you’d watch that.

My only other thoughts on this movie is the self-improvement montage at the end (MILD SPOILERS – where Dakota’s character quits her job, begins painting again and becomes an old hand at the dating apps – ) seems ridiculously sped up. Less than three weeks to turn yourself into a lesbian dating machine? Yeah, okay, sure. Good luck with that.

Tank Top Tuesday

You know what always lifts my spirits? Hot women in tank tops, duh. And if all those women happen to be very, very queer? Even better. Now, I tend to have a liberal interpretation of…well, most everything – but especially what constitutes a tank top. So please enjoy my interpretation of some very hot, talented folks going sleeveless however they damn please. As it should be.

Ani DiFranco

This might be a muscle shirt. Still counts.

Tessa Thompson

This might be attached to the bottoms and definitely has a hole cut out of the side. Still counts.

Kristen Kish

This is a vest. You already know vests still count.

Towa Bird

So, it only tracks that leather vests clearly count.

Renee Rapp

Like I wasn’t gonna post Renee after posting Towa. Also, sports bras have counted since the beginning.

Kehlani

Whatever this is, yes. Count it.

Music Monday: Change Gonna Come

Time for a timeline cleanse and political reset. Here’s to a better week for you, me and the country. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

The world feels pretty terrible right now. So instead let’s zoom off to another planet. I love a good coming-of-age story and I really love a good 90s-based coming of age story. So instead of our current geopolitical hellscape, how about we enter into the summer of one 10-year-old girl (who, based on the Autostraddle review, might be a burgeoning queer). From the trailer this intimate, quiet story is exactly what we need to combat the loud, obnoxious everything of each increasingly unhinged headline. Plus, I’ve always liked Julianne Nicholson and Sophie Okonedo and am pleased to see them working together. Honestly, it reminds me a bit of a maternal version of “Aftersun,” where nothing and everything happens – which is exactly what it feels like growing up. Happy weekend, all.

This Land

Just a reminder to the unelected, unhinged and clearly unethical Supreme Court of the United States of America. This land was made for all of us. And we shall celebrate only that.

The Incredibly True Streaming Adventures...

Admittedly, shit is grim right now. So please feel free to take a little escape from our political hellscape and envelop yourself in the warm nostalgia of that 1995 lesbian classic, “The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls In Love.” See wee baby Laurel Holloman and Nicole Ari Parker fall in love! To this day I still have a soft spot for white Range Rovers and oversized vests. Anyway, it’s streaming on Netflix now. So, you know, that’s one good thing. At this rate, I’ll take what I can get.

This American Experiment

I’m not much in the mood to celebrate America’s birthday this week. Democracy isn’t doing so great right now, not that it was ever great. Each SCOTUS ruling is equal parts infuriating and frightening. Guess we’ll see in November how much longer this American experiment can hold on.

Music Monday: Becky's So Hot

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know Pride’s “officially” over or whatever. But here is Kelly Clarkson singing Fletcher’s “Becky’s So Hot” from last month. And while I generally think straight folks should stay silently supportive in their lanes during June, I will make an exception for Kelly who has brought the very lesbian dilemma of possibly thinking your ex’s new girlfriend is hot to the masses. The people need to know our struggle. Happy Monday, kittens.