My Weekend (Pride) Crush

Obviously, these ladies get the honor of being the last My Weekend Crush of Pride Month. Obviously. As much as we like to gripe about this show, we still watch. We watch because no matter its shortcomings, “The L Word” is important to queer women. Never perfect, but always important. And, indeed, its overall quality has gotten better. If you watched the new reboot of “Queer As Folk,” Ruthie sums it up kinda perfectly as “actually better than I thought.” I know I’ve griped about how while the new show is more competent it’s also less fun. We also have more, and more diverse choices now so the pressure and impact of being The One L Show is no longer there. But, you never forget your first. So I’m excited as the show begins filling its third season. Call me a hopeless optimist. But they say the third time’s the charm, so maybe the new season will merge the fun of the old show with the quality of the new show. But, who am I kidding, I’d watch these three ladies read the phone book. Happy last weekend of Pride, all.

West-What In The-World

The multiverse is out, the simulation is in. Look, I have no idea what’s happening in the fourth season trailer for “Westworld” either. Honestly, I often have no idea what’s happening on the show while I’m actually watching it either. But I guess the reason I keep coming back (apart from the fact that this new season will feature three out queer actresses — Evan Rachel Wood, Tessa Thompson and Ariana DeBose), is its big swing ambition. Sure, sometimes you can’t shake the nagging feeling this show is nothing more than a series of unrelentingly extravagant setpieces in search of a coherent storyline. I appreciate the scope of this series, if its actual plots can leave you scratching your head. I also appreciate having Evan, Tessa, Ariana and Thandiwe Newton on my TV set on the regular. What I can kind of discern from the trailer is that a Not Dolores But Looks Like Dolores character is slowly realizing the world is perhaps not what it seems. Also, there are a lot of creepy flies. Honestly, if we’re all just living in a simulation, could we maybe not have as many obnoxious hatemongers and crypto-fascist billionaires around? Who made these programming decisions. I would like to speak to the manager.

Queer Island

So, while I no longer feel it’s my lesbionic duty to watch every queer piece of media ever produced anymore, I do still feel bound to support the fellas and our trans/nonbinary friends when it comes to entertainment. So I’ve dutifully watched both Hulu’s “Fire Island” and Peacock’s rebooted “Queer As Folk” which have come out this month in time for Pride. I mean it when I say there should be more LGBTQ+ media of all types, and I want to support that with my eyeballs when I can. (Same goes for “Bros” when it eventually comes out this fall — but come on, girl, waiting until September instead of Pride? Hm.)

Truly, I recommend them both. While they both have flaws (don’t we all), both are interesting and work hard to show us the lives of queer people who haven’t necessarily always been centered in queer media before. Asian gay men and women (well, woman, bless you Margaret Cho), POC queer men, trans women, nonbinary people of color, disabled queer people.

“Fire Island” is a well-crafted rom-com loosely based on Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice. The story pulls the curtain back a little on what the circuit party life is like for anyone who isn’t your typical white, ripped shirtless gay boy. And it embraces the power of our chosen families, which queers everywhere can certainly relate to. Bown Yang is particularly good, and Joel Kim Booster should already be a star.

The new “Queer As Folk” reboot brings needed diversity to the series. But, admittedly, the first few episodes are a tad rocky — heavy on the sex, drugs and trauma instead of the humanity. Choosing to follow the fallout of a Pulse-style shooting at a gay club is a big swing, and it works sometimes and doesn’t others. The series gels more toward the end of its eight-episode run when the characters’ messiness becomes less about making a show of their messiness and more about the organic messiness of being alive in this world. Jesse James Keitel is very good as Ruthie, who feels real and complicated and could be Dominique Provost-Chalkley’s sister in another universe.

Plus, both “Fire Island” and “Queer As Folk” have made a point of hiring LGBTQ+ people in front of and behind the cameras. And in my book, that’s a win any way you look at it. The more we get to tell our own stories our own ways, the better.

TV Review: Fire Kill

How you feel about “First Kill” is probably an expectations game. If you were expecting some pioneering, genre-defying, soul-cleansing work of art, well…no. But if you were expecting a campy show about sapphic star-crossed lovers that hasn’t fully embraced its camp potential yet and that you don’t have to turn your brain on too much to watch with, then bingo-bongo is this show for you.

“First Kill” isn’t a great show. But it is occasionally a fun show. And it has hot women smooching which, honestly, can absolve many a show’s sins. We watched it over a weekend and while I haven’t thought too much about it since, I’m happy we gave it a binge.

The series is about as subtle as a pair of vampire fangs. It lays its scene in fair Savannah — not Verona — but the Romeo & Juliet overtones are, well, very overtoney. Like, the young vampire heroine is called Juliette. JULIETTE, GET IT. Her star-crossed Romeo is Calliope, Cal for short and masc representation reasons. Juliette is from a long-line of vampire legacies. Cal is from a long line of vampire slayer legacies. You get the deal.

Honestly, the acting is pretty meh. The matriarchs of both the vampire and vampire hunter clans — Aubin Wise and Elizabeth Mitchell, respectively — are the best actors on the set by a mile of wooden stakes. Everyone else, well, I’m always happy when actors get work.

Sarah Catherine Hook as Juliette and Imani Lewis as Cal are likable actors, but the chemistry between them when they aren’t smooching is, uh, underwhelming. But when they are smooching? Again, I fully embrace my shallowness sometimes.

The plotting could also use work. An extravagant amount of time is used setting up the show’s lore, which could have been better used showing and not telling us how this vamp/vamp hunter world works. And its action is, well, let’s just say Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s fight sequences will look like they’re filmed in fast-forward compared to these.

Yes, I realize I’ve listed a lot of negative things in a row yet still somehow think people should watch this show. But that’s the thing about art. I enjoy all of it — the highbrow, the low-brow and even sometimes the middling. Not everything has to be “Mad Men” or “Breaking Bad” or “The Sopranos” or whatever else male-dominated world critics convince us is Very Important and Thus Good.

Some things can be kinda dumb and kinda fun and, again, hot women kiss and there are also vampires.

Music Monday: Making Fletch Happen

We’re keeping it queer for Music Mondays this month. And right now no one is queerer (at least on my TikTok feed) than Fletcher. The singer has an unmistakably young and queer female fanbase. And she is definitely not shy about appealing to them either. A good percentage of my For You Page is young women screaming at Fletcher concerts while the singer straddles her bassist. I mean, I’m not mad at it. So, you know, enjoy. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (Wonder) Crush

I know every lesbian of a certain age has a crush on Lynda Carter. That Wonder Woman costume sure made an impression on my young-impressionable mind, and many others. Ahem. So, of course, I was thrilled by her appearance at the end of the latest “Wonder Woman” movie (even if the rest of the movie was basically a dud). But, as we grow older, the hero worship of our youth can become a disappointing reality. But not so of Lynda.

Our Wonder Woman remains a wonder and has, for years and years, been an outspoken supporter of queer and progressive causes. And this Pride Month she has been on a wonderful Twitter spree spreading love for LGBTQ+ people, causes and heroes. She’s also dashing the bigoted dreams of homophobes by confirming that Wonder Woman herself is a bi icon, extoling the virtues of drag brunch and generally being a Super Ally to believe in.

You're right. She's a superhero for bisexuals! https://t.co/G2m7guvmYc https://t.co/MLssq1yYiK

— Lynda Carter ☮️ (@RealLyndaCarter) June 1, 2022

I didn't write Wonder Woman, but if you want to argue that she is somehow not a queer or trans icon, then you're not paying attention.

Every time someone comes up to me and says that WW helped them while they were closeted, it reminds me how special the role is.

— Lynda Carter ☮️ (@RealLyndaCarter) June 1, 2022

Have you ever been to drag brunch? They have bread and wine, loving community, and men in fabulous dresses. Sounds a little like church to me! https://t.co/9y7fJxQITP

— Lynda Carter ☮️ (@RealLyndaCarter) June 9, 2022

Love seeing all the love from LGBTQ+ fans today! Now here's one I call the "ready to fight your homophobic relatives" pose. Just kidding. (Or am I?) Haha! 😘 pic.twitter.com/5voHHdZViA

— Lynda Carter ☮️ (@RealLyndaCarter) June 1, 2022

Like, I know Twitter crushes are so like 2012, but Lynda Carter is a forever crush. I mean, she’s 70 and I still want her to (lovingly and with respect) step on my neck — especially if she’s wearing the Wonder Boots. So. You know, there’s also that. We all deserve superheroes we can believe in. Thanks, woman, you’re a true wonder. Happy weekend, all.

Hey, It's Still Che Diaz

Look, just because it’s Pride doesn’t mean we have to love everything gay, OK? So I’ll just come out and say it. Che Diaz is annoying. Che Diaz is written to be annoying. Che Diaz’s annoyingness has nothing to do with their gender identity. Whew, see, that wasn’t hard.

This month Variety did a big cover story on Che Diaz/Sara Ramirez and more than anything I find it perplexing. The lede calls Che “the most visible (and often most ridiculed) queer character on TV.” And then goes on to say how this nonbinary character played by a nonbinary actor has become a “Rorschach test for viewers.”

Make no mistake, we are in an incredibly perilous time for trans, nonbinary, genderqueer and otherwise “other” presenting human beings. The rights of trans people to play school sports, use public bathrooms and generally just exist is getting legislated away with each passing day so Republicans can get more votes. Make no mistake, the political climate is terrifying for queer and nonbinary people. You need need only look at the 31 white supremicist domestic terrorists arrested in Idaho over the weekend to know that Pride events and queer existence are being targeted.

But, none of that changes the fact that Che Diaz is annoying. Am I glad Che exists? Of course, I think more queer, trans and genderfluid representation is great basically always. The more the merrier. But let’s also admit that Che falls into the grand tradition of annoying and polarizing characters à la Rachel Berry and Jenny Schecter. (To not be misogynistic about it, also there are your Pete Campbells, Ross Gellars, Will Schuesters, et al. because the world has no shortage of annoying dudes, unfortunately.)

While I understand the showrunners may be a little confused at the general reaction to Che (I mean, I wasn’t expecting the memes), they really shouldn’t be. They made them this way. They set this character up to be disliked by making them the reason Miranda cheats on Steve (who, let’s admit it, was probably the most likable of SATC’s straight dudes) and making their “comedy concerts” universally unfunny.

Like, I get it, in theory who wouldn’t immediately fall for Sara Ramirez? Sara Ramirez is amazing. Period. But the way they wrote Che in no way reflects how amazing Sara is. And it also does not reflect how the other characters react to Che. They’ve written them as kind of a woke fuckboi hipster, yet all the other characters react as if they are instead meeting an extraterrestrial charisma supernova.

Again, make no mistake, writing one of the highest profile nonbinary characters to join an already high-profile series as annoying is a choice. Setting up a pioneering character like Che to be widely disliked is also a disservice.

The point of representation is always more than just visibility. It’s to make what people consider “other” (and therefore to them something scary or weird or bad) more human. And, yes, that also means making queer characters annoying and/or bad and/or frightening. But — and again this is a big Sir Mix-A-Lot-worthy BUT — we have to get to the point where LGBTQ+ people are seen as human before we revel in any kind of caricatures of our community.

The Variety article also makes reference to people maybe being turned off my Miranda and Che’s big kitchen sex scene because it wasn’t your sterotypical hot girl-on-girl action. I think it’s more likely people were turned off because it was juxtaposed with Carrie LITERALLY PEEING THE BED. No kink shame, but that’s just not my thing. Also, come on, the whole reason Miranda was there in the first place was to help Carrie recover from hip surgery and instead she gets fucked in her kitchen. That’s just bad friendship form, people.

Yes, I understand there are small-minded people who think watching two very attractive and talented people like Sara Ramirez and Cynthia Nixon get it on is gross because they don’t fall into the stereotypical gender norms. I also know there are people who recoil at Che Diaz's mere presence. Those bigots that would rather none of us exists. But thinking small-minded bigots should fuck off forever and that Che Diaz is annoying are not mutually exclusive mindsets.

Also, it’s a choice to make Sara Ramirez dress like this for a photoshoot to go with an article about being taken seriously as a pioneering nonbinary character on a high-profile show. A real, big choice.

Apparently we’ll be getting “more of Che rather than less of Che,” in the second season of “And Just Like That…” which I hope will be a good thing. More Che more more chances for Che to be fleshed out into a fully realized person. Bottom line, I’m glad Che Diaz exists and think we should get more nonbinary (and lesbian and gay and bisexual and trans) characters on television. I’m also certain Che Diaz is annoying because Che Diaz was written that way.

Hack It Up

Since it’s Pride and we’re gay and we want to celebrate by watching gay stuff, here’s another suggestion. Have you checked out the second season of HBO Max’s “Hacks?” I mean, I’m assuming you already watched the first season because, come on, JEAN FREAKING SMART. The second season continues the show’s excellence, while leaning into its vulnerability and heart. Also, it’s a lot more gay.

That is to say out bi actor Hannah Einbinder’s out bi character Ava gets to smooch and flirt with ladies. And there are just more queer ladies, period. Did I mention there’s an episode set on a lesbian cruise with a cameo from Margaret Cho? Honestly, for parts of that episode you’ll think you’ve died and gone to lesbian heaven. The look on Ava’s face sure thought so too.

And, while some may say the show doesn’t have the hard, ugly edges needed to be great (though, come on, it is in no way bad), I think that’s bullshit. Things don’t need to hurt to be good. Indeed, one of the things I enjoy most about Hacks is its undercurrent of sweetness. Ava in particular in the new season is less of a jerk and more of a young person trying to find herself. We also aren’t given nearly enough shows about female mentorship and generational friendships that aren’t familial. (I mean, really, try to think of like two more shows with that kind of dynamic. I’m waiting.)

Truly, anything that gives us maximum Jean Smart and much more general gaiety is well worth the watch. Also, somebody give Ming-Na Wen her own show immediately because she was smoking this season. Smoking.

5eva Always

Hey, wanna watch something fun with an all-female starring cast and significant queer character development that ALSO makes you laugh at and feel nostalgic for the 90s? Oh, and it’s absurdly funny with one of the highest jokes-per-minute ratios of any comedy on TV right now? Well you should wanna watch, because the second season of “Girls5Eva” is as delightful as the first, and somehow both crazier and more grounded. Plus it gives us more of Paula Pell’s lesbian character Gloria, and her TV/real-life wife. Also, believe it or not, the season also features a key plot point involving a fight sequence with the Property Brothers. The second season focuses on the formerly famous fivesome, now attempting a comeback foursome recording their first new album on their terms. Anyway, the short 8-episode season ended last week and you can now stream the whole thing if you want to laugh and see women doing zany things and, unexpectedly, be moved (“Leave a Message If You Love Me?” Sob.) while letting you momentarily forget that America is basically a raging, unrepentant garbage fire right now. I mean, what more do you want from your TV than that? That’s what I thought. Now the only question is whether you get Peacock or not.

Music Monday: Gay Fast Walking Edition

Did Anne Lister invent Gay Fast Walking? Possibly. Probably. Pretty much you betcha, at least in my head. So, how has everyone been enjoying the second season? I’ve been saving up basically all episodes to watch in a row, because every time one ends I feel sad there isn’t another one to watch. * taps head * See, it can’t end if you take your time and procrastinate watching it. Well, enjoy the season finale tonight. Also, in the grand tradition of Pride Month Music Mondays, please also enjoy the perfectly chosen “Into the Wild” by queer artist and Friend of the Blog LP. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

* Looks at scoreboard * Well, that’s another one for our team. Congratulations to Rebel Wilson, who has found her Lady Knight in shining armor (and made it Instagram official this week). The comic actress introduced the world to her new girlfriend with the post, “I thought I was searching for a Disney Prince… but maybe what I really needed all this time was a Disney Princess. #loveislove”

Aw, well good for them. Her new princess, Ramona Agruma, founded a fashion line and and already has matching eyebrows with Rebel so let the queer twinning commence. I know Rebel’s had a bit of a rough go in the press in the last few years. And her recent weight loss prompted those backhanded kinds of fat-shaming headlines about how “unrecognizable” and great she looks now and so on. But I liked Rebel before and I like her now and I want for her what I want for everyone — to be happy, healthy and stone-cold gay. Happy weekend, all.

Play Ball

If you heard loud, unrelenting cheering earlier this week it was just all the lesbians (and friends of lesbians) rejoicing at the first teaser trailer for Amazon Prime’s new “A League of Their Own” series. The new streaming show won’t premiere until August (whines internally), but given the intense female-to-female eye contact and sports badassery, my body is ready now.

The series stars “Broad City” alum Abbi Jacobson, “The Good Place” alum D'Arcy “Not a Girl, Not a Robot” Carden, “Vida” alum and out queer artist Roberta Colindrez, “Killjoys” alum Kelly McCormack, and relative newcomers Chanté Adams, Gbemisola Ikumelo and Priscilla Delgado as the new Rockford Peaches. They’s also hired “Parks & Rec” alum and mustache aficionado Nick Offerman as their manager. Set in 1943, the show will cover the formation of the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League.

But while it shares a name and general premise with the movie, the series follows a different group of characters and promises to be more inclusive of both women of color and queer women. Like, we all peeped the intense look D’Arcy gave I think Abbi when she slid into home, right? Right. I’m very excited to watch this, though also bracing for the inevitable era-authentic racism and sexism (who are we kidding, those have no era unfortunately, they’re just ever present).

So, thoughts? Get read for some dirt in the skirts, kittens. Play ball (in like two months…)

True Jodie

Well here’s some good news for gay women who love crime shows (me, I am talking specifically about me). Jodie Foster, yes two-time Oscar winner Jodie Foster, is going to star in the new season of the HBO crime series “True Detective.” Now, truth be told, I’ve avoided “True Detective” because of the testosterone-filled air of Very Important Man Stuff the show has given off since its inception. Men doing serious things seriously and all that.

But perhaps buoyed by the success of “”Mare of Easttown,” finally the anthological crime series is letting women do Very Important Woman Stuff instead. Jodie will star as Detective Liz Danvers and be paired with as as-yet unannounced fellow actress as Detective Evangeline Navarro. Yes, we’re getting two ladies doing Very Important Woman Stuff. My body is read. Let’s get our Cagney & Lacey, Rizzoli & Isles, Scott & Bailey back on with this one, ladies.

Jodie will also executive produce the fourth season, which is truly what all actresses should be doing because producing is power (and money and all that other good stuff). The new season also will have a new creative team behind it led by Mexican filmmaker/screenwriter Issa Lopez. The new season’s storyline is described as:

“When the long winter night falls in Ennis, Alaska, the six men that operate the Tsalal Arctic Research Station vanish without a trace. To solve the case, Detectives Liz Danvers and Evangeline Navarro will have to confront the darkness they carry in themselves, and dig into the haunted truths that lie buried under the eternal ice.”

Clearly, I’m already 100% here for this new season and look extremely forward to Jodie et al to do Very Important Woman Stuff on my small screen. I feel like Jodie might be gunning for an EGOT here, a la Kate Winslet. This is the kind of female-against-female competition I encourage. The kind that makes amazing television for us to watch.

Tank Top Elliot

Look, obviously men are not the main focus of Surrenders. But it’s Tuesday and he looks great in a tank top so we’ll make an exception for Elliot Page. The actor has a cover story in this month’s Esquire talking about his new “gender euphoria,” which honestly — how great is that term? We should all feel euphoric about our genders, and euphoric about other people getting to feel euphoric about their genders too. It’s hard enough living in our bodies when we feel our given genders actually match how we feel inside about our actual genders. Imagine how much harder it must be if they do not.

Which makes the massive hate and downright villainy cast on the transgender/genderqueer community even more perplexing. How are possibly the most vulnerable among us, particularly for trans/genderqueer people of color, somehow the greatest evil/problem facing American schools, bathrooms and public spaces? Clearly, they’re not. They’re just human beings trying to live their lives in peace, like everyone. But this one political party (it’s Republicans) has decided that stoking fear and pitting humans against other humans is the best way to get votes, make money and stay in power. So, there’s that. This party also, by the way, wants to mandate inspection of children’s genitals to ensure no one child is trying the transition. And they (it’s Republicans) keep calling us groomers.

Nothing is new about this kind of hatred except the speed and ease at which it is disseminated now thanks to social media and, again, this one political party (again, it’s Republicans) making trans people the latest wedge issue to get them votes.

Anyway, all of this is just a long way of saying I am very happy for Elliot and the joy he feels with how he and the world see him now. And I’m also impressed by the hot dirtbag aesthetic he is cultivating here. Tattoos and tank tops and so many abs, oh my.

Music Monday: Hayley’s Pride

Obviously, I had to kick off the first Monday of Pride Month with Lesbian Jesus herself. Hayley Kiyoko’s video for her new song “For The Girls'' came out (see what I did there) late last month. It’s a gay girl parody of “The Bachelor/Bachelorette” and what the kids today would call a super fun bop. If you’ve ever had the misfortune of watching the franchise (as I have) you know, it’s pretty spot on, from costumed contestants to instant drama and endless jealousy. I also appreciate all the entirely unsubtle lesbian archetypes. The skater girl. The beanie girl. The U-Haul girl. The plant girl. I mean, might as well ring in the month with a flavor for everyone. The video also serves as a coming out (again, I did it again) for Hayley and her girlfriend, former Bachelor contestant Becca Tilley, who swoops in at the end. Again, you know if you’ve watched the franchise (we don’t anymore, finally, thank goodness) that the switcheroo of someone having a secret boyfriend/girlfriend while going on the show is also very on theme. So, congrats, ladies. And thanks for reminding me why we don’t watch anymore (I swear, it wasn’t my jam in the first place but love makes you do the wacky.) Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Pride

Well, it’s Pride Month again. As we watch corporation after corporation turn their logos rainbow, please never forget that they aren’t really our friends. Yes, it’s good when corporations express support for LGBTQ+ rights. Yes, it’s good when corporations feature LGBTQ+ people in their marketing. Yes, it’s good when corporations donate to LGBTQ+ causes. But, for the most part, they’re only doing so because they believe it will help them make more money. Money, not equality, is their end goal. So if they think publicly seeming to support equality will make them money, they will do it.

But also never forget that many of these very same companies will then turn around and donate to GOP politicians who vote against LGBTQ+ rights. These same corporations will donate to politicians who support anti-trans and anti-gay laws. These same corporations will donate to politicians who call LGBTQ+ people groomers and vilify us to stay in power. They do that, too, because they know supporting them will also make them more money. Again, the goal is money — not equality.

We can’t let these corporations have their big gay cake and eat it too. So your AT&Ts, your Walmarts, your Wells Fargos, your CVSes and many, many more. They’re all too happy to slap a rainbow on themselves each June, but then give money to the very Republican lawmakers trying to take away our rights and ban trans people from existing. Fuck that.

I know it’s hard to avoid all ethical dilemmas while navigating our interconnected, megacorporation landscape. I use and have used several of the 25 companies on the Very Naughty List. At times it’s almost unavoidable if you participate at all in our modern economy (because, again, corporations at their core aren’t progressive entities, they’re money-making entities). Still we certainly don’t have to celebrate these companies for their rainbow activism while they fund the very people making our lives harder, sadder and less safe. That’s going to be a no from me, folks. Hard pass.

Corporate pride should only be recognized for companies that put in the work. Companies that speak out against hateful laws targeting gay and trans people. And companies that, at a bare minimum, don’t give money to hatemongers.

Never forget that Pride started as a riot. We fought against the police, the unjust system, the criminalization of our very lives. So today’s vanilla-fication of the event and corporate takeover of parades could be seen as a sign of progress. But as far as we think we’ve come, we can always go backwards. Indeed, Republicans and the religious right are actively trying to drag us back into the closet. But we’ll never go back.

So go ahead, companies, and turn everything rainbow. But you’d better truly mean it. We’re here, we’re queer, and we see you, corporate America. We see you. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Suit Up, Ladies

Sandra Oh in a suit and tie. That’s it. That’s the post.

Fine, the other women on The Hollywood Reporter’s Emmy roundtable cover story look good in their suits, too. And, don’t worry, I see Sandra holding Christina Ricci’s hand. I see it.

Happy (Honeymoon) Pride

I don’t know if there’s any way to watch this commercial for Bulgari without thinking it’s actually an extended honeymoon video for Anne Hathaway and Zendaya. Like, I didn’t even realize they were engaged. Mazel, ladies, mazel! But, seriously, what are we supposed to think with all the dancing for each other, sitting knowingly on the bed together and touching heads while holding one another on a luxurious veranda overlooking the Eternal City. It’s like the most posh “Carol” sequel ever. I mean, I guess that’s one way to kick off Pride Month. Happy Pride, kittens.

Tank Top Tuesday: Ladies of Thor Edition

Well, I don’t know if Asgardian armor officially counts as a tank top or not. But it certainly shows off the only kind of gun show I appreciate. (But, seriously, fuck your real guns. Fuck them and every GOP lawmaker who takes money to stop any kind of gun control.) The new Thor movie appears to be a smorgasbord of lady arm porn (respectfully, of course).

You might have heard the collective “Whoa” when Natalie Portman’s buff arms in the new “Thor: Love & Thunder” were first revealed a couple weeks ago. Now the full-length trailer offers a one-two double scoop of arm candy from Natalie and King of Asgard Tessa Thompson. And also Chris Hemsworth’s abs, if you’re into that kind of thing.

Right, so obviously we’re going to have a biceps off between Natalie and Tessa. It’s, like, the law.

Poster Arms

Fight Arms

Suit Arms

So, clearly, we are the winners here. Bring on the love and the thunder. And the arms. And the kickass ladies. Just don’t forget the popcorn, or grapes.

Music Monday: Tori Forever

I don’t listen to music like I used to. When I was younger, high school and college, music helped me navigate the world. And the music of Tori Amos helped me navigate my internal universe. To this day, I still haven’t seen a more raw performer live. So looking back at Tori, 28 years ago, singing right into the meatiest, messiest parts of our souls reminds me of the power of music all over again. May you find the music that keeps you feeling alive this week and every week. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

💞 KATE 💞 pic.twitter.com/1Vu7inSjo7

— Saturday Night Live - SNL (@nbcsnl) May 24, 2022

Well, there goes my reason for watching any “Saturday Night Live” in the first place. After a decade (yes, a whole damn DECADE) on SNL, Kate McKinnon has left the building. Last weekend was her last rodeo. While we all know the live sketch comedy show is hit-and-many-misses funny these days, there’s never been any question about Kate. She has carried the series on her unendingly talented back — as both its backbone and moral conscience at times — for the past 10 years. (Yeah, make fun of it all you will, but the Hillary Hallelujah touched something deep in all of us who were stupidly blindsided by her loss and thought a better country was possible. And that was even before shit got truly dire.)

Kate is also a source of personal pride for many a queer woman who watched her rise up from the humble pages of that formerly smart queer women’s website that was named after that other lesbian celebrity who just happens to be ending her show this week (and who Kate just happens to be really good at impersonating). Remember her on the vlogs? Oh, we were all so young then. So young and so gay.

But Kate was truly great right out of the gates. On her very, very first show she gave us this absolute gem. Honestly, this and Lucy Lawless skit where she plays Stevie Nicks making a commercial for her fast-casual Mexican restaurant chain are two of my all-time favorites. I mean, this was her first show and she was already this funny.

The season finale was also the last show for Aidy Bryant, another decade-long veteran, who is also great on her own right (have you watched “Shrill?”) and wonderful as a comedy partner to Kate. (Also, the guy who is dating Kim Kardashian left too or whatever.) I believe Kate and Aidy are the perfect comedy work wives. And while they have many, many memorable sketches together, the one where they got Gal Gadot to kiss Kate is truly an all-time classic. First, manifest your own dreams, gay comedy writers, and second, yeah she got to kiss Wonder Woman. Perfect. No notes.

Honestly, it’s fitting Kate and Aidy left together. Now they can finally work on their soon-to-be hit crime drama “Dyke & Fats.”

And they saved Christmas!

Best of luck, Kate and Aidy. Thank you for all the super duper, duper super gay laughs. Happy weekend, all.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Another Favor

And, back to the ladies. That is more like it. If you’re like me, you watched “A Simple Favor” for the plot, I mean suits, I mean plot, I mean Blake Lively in a stunning array of suits. Also, if you’re like me, you are surprised they’re developing a sequel to the 2018 thriller for, uh, obvious reasons if you watched until the end. But, here we go with Blake and Anna Kendrick returning to their roles and, hopefully, their outfits. What? The suits are very, very good. Oh, and did I mention they kissed? Yeah, much more kissing in the sequel. Please and thank you.

What’s Up, Bros?

While we’re focusing on the fellas, here’s another one to get excited about. Billy Eichner’s new gay rom-com with the unfortunate name “Bros” (I know, it’s ironic, still — bros, man). But the trailer and large queer cast makes me, well, excited. It looks funny. It looks very gay. I mean, yes, there’s a lot of shirtless gay hunks dancing in clubs. It reminds me of dancing at gay clubs with an endless sea of sweaty shirtless gay boys. And then there's Bowen Yang and Dot-Marie Jones being super gay. So, obviously, yes. I will watch this. But, again, I just really hate the title. I guess nothing’s perfect.

Queer As Now

I watched the original American “Queer As Folk” in bits and pieces. It wasn’t exactly our show, but it was still about us. So, of course, you had to watch it. The series captured that turn of the 21st Century white gay boy vibe to an absolute T. Which, again, is one of the reasons I didn’t necessarily watch it religiously. That was reserved for the show about that one-letter word.

So when they said they were going to reboot the series now some 20 years later, I was initially only mildly interested. OK, circuit parties for the year 2022, I guess. We’ve seen a number of reboots of our queer canon shows — from “Tales of the City” to “The L Word” et al. And they’ve all been good, if perhaps not the best at capturing the full spectrum of our current queer culture. Like, I enjoy “The L Word: Generation Q,” but having one character run for mayor of one of America’s biggest cities and another with an Ellen-like talk show may not be the most relatable plotlines.

I honestly didn’t know what to expect from the new “Queer As Folk.” But after watching the trailer and learning its premise. I’m in.

Set in the backdrop of a Pulse nightclub-like shooting in a New Orleans queer bar, the new series is about what it takes to rebuild as a community. I feel hopeful that this glimpse at the young queer life with a diverse cast will better reflect our realities. Also, it has Juliette Lewis and Kim Cattrall as parents of adult LGBTQ children, which is just premium casting of what in another era we’d call iconic rhymes with Bag Sag.

I don’t know if the show will ultimately deliver on its promise. But I have hope that this series with al all-queer writer’s room and out queer actors playing out queer parts will do us proud.

Music Monday: Hi, Dana, High

I always liked this scene, for many reasons. For one, it was a way to see Dana again — just one episode after she was egregiously killed off. I still don’t really like hearing “You Are My Sunshine” anymore. And of course there’s Tegan & Sara. Just something about the way Erin Daniels danced around with total abandon made us remember why we loved Dana in the first place. Also, come on, it’s always fun when a character takes acid, right? Right. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Have you ever finished a movie and then wanted to watch that exact same movie all over again immediately, if not sooner. The indescribably bananas, irrefutably amazing film “Everything Everywhere All At Once” is that movie. I knew it would be a wild ride going in, yet still wasn’t prepared for how wild, how inventive, how exhilarating and how shockingly moving it would be.

Like, I was not expecting a movie that prominently featured dildos and butt plugs in key action sequences to also bring me to tears in a quiet scene without any spoken dialogue? But, this is that movie.

A showcase for unparalleled Asian talent, EEAAO is about the immigrant experience, intergenerational trauma, everyday life’s mundanity, everyday life’s extraordinariness and, ultimately, true familial love. Also, did I mention it’s gay? Like really, really queer? And hot dog fingers are used in lesbian seducation. No explanations, the less you know truly the better.

What EEAAO also does is give Michelle Yeoh a chance to reaffirm her place as a legend of modern cinema. We all knew, for decades, that Michelle could kick ass. And we knew, for decades, that she could plum emotional depth. But EEAAO is perhaps the first film to bring them together in such spectacular and invigorating fashion. She’s very, very, very, veryveryveryveryvery good.

Indeed the whole cast is veryveryveryveryvery good. Like, how can Michelle and Ke Huy Quan (of 80s child actor fame as Short Round/Data in “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom”/”The Goonies” who went on to be a top-light stunt coordinator) and James Hong (pioneering Asian-American actor who at age 93 has been in too many iconic movie roles to count) and Stephanie Hsu (who you probably recognize from “Awkwafina Is Nora from Queens” and “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel”) and Harry Shum Jr. (you know, from “Glee”) and Jenny Slate (you know, the Marcel the Shell with Shoes on comic) and Jamie Lee Curtis (no introduction needed) all be in the same movie? Some kind of multi-verse miracle, no doubt.

Honestly, as I said, the less you know the better. But I promise that the multiverse adventures of an exhausted laundromat owner facing an IRS audit while trying to plan a birthday party for her estranged father visiting from China while dealing with her estranged lesbian daughter (and her alternative lifestyle haircuted girlfriend) at the same time is so worth your time. So, so, sososososo worth it.

Right, so who wants to join me for another (or your first or your infinite, it’s a multiverse afterall) watch of “Everything Everywhere All At Once”? Happy weekend, all.

p.s. SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS: You have to love a movie whose central theme essentially boils down to this — love your lesbian daughter. Yeah, definitely watching this movie again. And again, and again, and againagainagainagainagain.

Only Lesbians in the Building

Did I manifest lesbianism into “Only Murders in the Building?” Remember earlier this year when it was reported that the celesbian world’s real-life Shane, Cara Delevingne, was joining the second season of the murder-mystery show? And remember when I said sais they’d better make her character, described as “Alice, a sophisticated art world insider who becomes enmeshed in the mystery,” gay?

Well, turned out they did. She is. And, she is going to be the new love interest to series star Selena Gomez’s character Mabel. So, um, do I get another toaster oven? Because I believe I wished this into existence. You are welcome. I accept Venmo. (Kidding! I mean I do, but kidding.)

I really enjoyed this series for its entirely unexpected chemistry between septuagenarian comedy legends Steve Martin and Martin Short with Gomez. The dad joke energy meets disaffected millennial vibe is strong with this one, but somehow it works.

The series showrunner John Hoffman revealed the new relationship in an interview with Vanity Fair. Apparently Selena and Cara have been friends for years, and that resulted in a “quick, sexy intimacy to their onscreen rapport.”

“It was amazing to have the two of them know each other and feel comfortable. It’s a little sparky in all the right ways that makes you feel like, Oh, someone’s opening someone’s world.”

So, Alice opens up Mabel to – uh – the art world. Got it.

No matter where their storyline goes, I’m pleased to add “Only Murders in the Building” to the should-be-longer list of shows that make followed my sage advice to, “MAKE IT GAY.” I will expect a small commission.

p.s. So the Season 2 teaster trailer does not give us much Mabel/Alive gay goodness. But it does give us Shirley MacLaine (and Amy Schumer), so it is kinda forgiven. For now.

Smashing She Hulk

SHE HULK, SMASH! SMAAAAAAAAASHHHH! Sorry, got a little carried away there. I don’t normally squeal and all-caps about non-queer content. But, come on, it’s She Hulk. It’s Tatiana Maslany. And, if the first trailer is any indication, it’s gonna be fun and funny and knows that normal superhero stuff is just for billionaires and narcissists and adult orphans. No, She Hulk is for the people. I mean, still a lawyer, but a lawyer for the people or something. Whatever, it’s exciting. I like any show where a woman gets to kick ass, smash things and carry a full-grown man. Now if they could just make it a little gay, honestly, it’d be perfect. And who doesn’t love the color green?

p.s. Yes, I know the CGI is a little sus. But I have confidence Tatiana can act her way out of anything.

This Bites

Remember a year ago when we learned a queer female vampire/vampire hunter love story was coming to Netflix and we were all like, “Can’t wait to sink my teeth into that!” Well, get those chompers ready. Just in time for Pride, Netflix is dropping its new lesbian Romeo/Juliette vampire/vampire hunter series “First Kill” next month.

It stars Imani Lewis as Calliope “Cal” Burns, who comes from a long line of vampire hunters, and Sarah Catherine Hook as Juliette Fairmont, who comes from a long line of vampires. You can see where this relationship might have some issues to work through with that premise, but who am I to judge another’s relationship.

I’m not familiar with either actress, though they have a few handful of credits their names. Mostly I wanna know if they’ll have good chemistry and the trailer is not a great indicator because it’s too busy making sure we realize this is “Romeo & Juliet” but MAKE IT GAY WITH FANGS.

Obviously, I am going to watch this. The tone from the trailer and poster feels more campy/sexy “True Blood” than quippy/zeitgeisty “Buffy” on the “What Kind of Vampire Show is This”-scale. Though I am 100% not mad about the inclusion of Elizabeth Mitchell, who fellow Olds will remember as Dr. Kerry Weaver’s O.G. lesbian love interest on “E.R.,” Dr. Kim Legaspi. If you’re sitting down I can also tell you that that Kerry and Kim storyline is…wait for it…TWENTY-TWO YEARS OLD.

Right, so like I said, I will watch this. But possibly with a walker nearby.

Music Monday: Kind of MUNA

I’ve been a big MUNA fan since finding them last year and their delightful “But I’m a Cheerleader”-homage music video. And then I became an even bigger fan after seeing them live because they were very good and very gay. So the video for their latest music video for “Kind of Girl” has the three-person queer band dressing in cowboy drag, ready to steal your girl and generally being the MAGA crowd’s worst nightmare. So, obviously, I love it. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Well, I will round out by bereavement week with an ode to the baddest badass out there, Michelle Yeoh. Next week I promise I will have a lot to say about Michelle – especially her spectacularly discombobulating (in the best way possible) movie “Everything Everywhere All At Once.” But for now, uh, yeah. That leg and that tie are making me feel many things. Happy weekend, all.

Anne of Ages

The older I get the more I like Anne Hathaway. Granted, I have always liked her. But she’s aging like the finest of theater kids who snuck wine out of their parent’s liquor cabinet and got drunk while giving Ophelia’s breakdown scene from Hamlet in front of the bathroom mirror. Also, I like her shiny silver suit.

Kate the Greatest

So because of The Sads I’m probably just going to put up some short posts this week. Like vacation vixens, but not really the fun kind of vacation. Anyway. As a kid Katharine Hepburn was always my favorite Golden Era celebrity. Looking back, clearly my internal gaydar was highly developed, if not entirely recognized, from a young age. Sometimes I think how different Kate’s career might have been were the times she lived in different. Already, she’s an icon. A trailblazing legend who did it her way in so many ways. But had she been allowed to be openly queer? We’re still only truly in the first generation of seeing superstars from their start who were out all along. They can try to legislate away and overturn our rights. But we’re here and we’re queer now and forever.

Good Boy

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Music Monday: No Boyfriends Allowed

At first glance ex-Disney star Dove Cameron’s new single “Boyfriend” seems like yet another queer-baity lesbo-curious songs in the vein of t.A.T.u.’s “All the Things She Said” and Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl.” But, then Dove, the former star of Disney Channel hits like the TV series “Liv and Maddie” and film series “Descendants,” came out as queer last year. And this year she started teasing her new song “Boyfriend” on TikTok and then us Le-Dollar-Beans took care of the rest. I have to say, I definitely appreciate that today’s queer anthems are coming from out queer artists. It’s always nicer when the person singing about kissing girls has perhaps actually done it a few times. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Sandra Oh and Michelle Yeoh dancing to Whitney Houston has healed me pic.twitter.com/fr9kS9frTq

— Liv Marks (@OliviaLilyMarks) April 30, 2022

As we continue to rage, rage against the dying of our rights please remember to take breaks, hydrate and — when the mood strikes — dance. Dance like Sandra Oh and Michelle Yeoh at a San Francisco International Film Festival special tribute last weekend. The two actresses ended up dancing it out on stage and honestly thank goodness. The world’s been a lot. America’s Christofascist Republican Party stripping abortion rights and setting their sights on every other hard-earned right. The continued pandemic (America hit 1 million deaths total from COVID week, so, there’s that). Anti-Asian hate because of the pandemic (and, you know, just racists in general). So here’s some joy from Sandra and Michelle instead just in time for Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month. Also, you gotta love how lightning fast Sandra shut down any nonsense about Eve being a straight woman. No. Nope. No, she’s not. Have you watched the show? Dance like no Buty Your Gays-loving showrunners are watching. Happy weekend, all.

Can You Have a Crush on a Movie?

Here’s a delightful ray of sunshine just exactly when we need it the most. As Republicans are salivating at the prospect of stripping even more of our rights (the drumbeat coming after my and all our queer marriages is becoming deafening, folks), at least we can enjoy a cute little gay movie about teenagers with crushes on each other. At least there’s still that.

Hulu’s new queer teen rom-com “Crush” is a wonderful little glitter bomb of joy that hits right at the right time. Set in a high school world with basically no hang-ups about LGBTQ+ people and a seemingly ample (well, compared to my high school) dating pool of young gay women, the film poses the eternal question: What if you fall for the hot queer non-identical twin sisters at your school and can’t figure out which one you like best? I know, totally relatable conundrum (in my wildest teenage dreams…)

Yet, even if the premise seems a tad far-fetched (though, what rom-com meet-cute isn’t far-fetched?), the result is pretty much everything you’d want from a teen movie. An extremely likable cast (like, does everyone under 21 have an age-appropriate crush on out bi actress Auliʻi Cravalho?), smart dialogue, preternaturally witty and wise youths, a “cool” mom (hey, Megan Mullally, hey), funny adults (the perennial scene stealer Michelle Buteau) and a snappy yet truly sweet story.

Indeed, “Crush” feels like almost any other straight teen movie, but better because it has more to say than just your standard, “Hey, did you know teenagers get horny and say funny things!” First-time screenwriters and Buzzfeed alums Kirsten King and Casey Rackham (and the movie’s most excellent producers Maya Rudolph and Natasha Lyonne) have deftly taken what could be a standard teen movie and centered young queer women and the importance of their inner lives. Also, it’s funny. And it’s just the right amount of raunchy. And, of course, there are grand romantic gestures. And smoochies.

“Crush” straddles the line between mass mainstream entertainment and something extraordinarily rare with ease and style. I’m so happy it exists and young queer women finding themselves have a movie of their own. I’ve watched it three times already, and I’m clearly way too old to be its target audience. So, enjoy something good today and take yourself to the couch to watch this movie. Heck, even witchy lesbians get their due. Really, this movie has everything. And, I’m sure for some lonely queer kid out there, it is everything. Happy watching, kittens.

Rage, Rage Against the Dying of Our Rights

Well, America, it was fun controlling my own body while it lasted. This week the entirely expected though still utterly devastating news broke that the U.S. Supreme Court is planning to overturn Roe v. Wade and end legal abortion across the country. Full stop.

So, a right I’ve had since birth in America is about to be taken away. Cool, cool. Excuse me while I go scream into the void of existence until all sound is swallowed by space and time and we return to the primordial sludge from whence we came.

Safe and legal abortion access has been the law of the land since 1973. That’s 49 years of women, and all people who can become pregnant, deciding for themselves when to start a family. That’s 49 years of women, and all people who can become pregnant, deciding for themselves if they want to become a parent. That’s 49 years of women, and all people who can become pregnant, having a choice.

But now, as it stands, there is not even an exceptions for rape. No exceptions for incest. No exception if the life of the birthing parent is in danger. And already, 13 states have passed so-called trigger laws that would ban abortion immediately if/when Roe is overturned. And, once officially overturned, an estimated 23 to 26 states would go on to ban abortion altogether.

This means in a good half of the country women, and all people who can become pregnant, would lose their full bodily autonomy. And, of course like everything in this chronically unjust world, people of color and poor people would disproportionately bear the brunt of this ban.

Wealthy women, particularly wealthy white women, have the means to travel to other states and other countries even for the procedure. Because, as we all should realize, banning safe and legal abortion in America won’t end abortion in America. Not in the least. It just means a lot of women, and people who can get pregnant, will suffer trying to get abortions in other ways or suffer the consequences of not being able to get one.

Because let’s not be mealy mouthed about what’s happening here. Abortion has been the so-called third rail of politics despite not being very controversial at all. Recent polls show about 70% of Americans oppose the Supreme Court overturning Roe and another 75% believe abortion decisions should be left between the birthing parents and their doctor.

Banning abortion is not popular. But American’s Puritan past is always sitting on its shoulder, so we have things like President Biden not use the word “abortion” during his presidency until this very week. Well, fuck all of that. Abortion is healthcare for women and all people who can become pregnant. We are entitled to control our own bodies and our own reproductive health. Full stop.

And for the people out there thinking, oh well, I don’t need an abortion, well well well, do I have some news for you. All of our rights to privacy, and many of the hard-fought and hard-earned rights we have gained in modern history through that, are now at stake. If you don’t think they’re coming for same-sex marriage, birth control, you name it, well you just aren’t paying attention. And, also, can I live under that rock with you because I’m tired of this world and its people.

The thing is, the Republicans weren’t ever subtle about wanting to re-ban abortion in America. It’s been their stated goal for fucking decades. DECADES. And now, with the help of the former host of The Apprentice, they’ve been able to install three radical right-wing justices (and a slew of radical right and also just really unqualified to boot federal judges) who will finally achieve their goal of ending choice in America. This from the so-called party of FREEEEEEDOOOOMM.

Funny how one party wants to keep rolling back our rights (voting, reproductive, you name it) and another party tries (too often ineffectively, though, ahem) to expand them. Funny, indeed. But you know, less in a ha-ha way and more an oh-no-we-are-being-controlled-by-a-Christofascist-minority kind of way. So, you know, the not funny way.

Oh, and while we’re talking about not funny things, to all the conservatives hand-wringing about “The Leak” and destruction of norms and blah-fuckity-blah. How are you still playing the victim when you’ve literally won? Your dudes held up an open Supreme Court seat and did not allow President Obama to fill it saying it was “too close to the election” despite having almost a full year left on his term (even though the Constitution directly grants presidents the right to appoint justices, if we’re being originalists and all). And yet were somehow able to install Amy Coney Barrett 35 days before the last presidential election when voting had already started in many states. That’s just another one of those fun not-funny things we were talking about. The world has so many of those today.

Lately it feels like the arc of the moral universe is long, and recently it has only bent toward ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT. Get mad, stay mad. Fight like hell because they will take it all away if we don’t. They’ve already started. They’re way ahead. Let’s fucking go.

Tank Top Tuesday: Ariana Edition

Oh, nothing, just newly minted Oscar winner Ariana DeBose dancing to a contemporary interpretation of the Rodgers & Hammerstein song catalog with “Shall We Dance?” And in in a tank top the whole time, no less.

This glorious eye and ear candy is a nice segue to some more good Ariana news. The first and only out queer person of color to win an Oscar is now set to star in very own bisexual rom-com. Called “Two and Only,” the original screenplay by Latina and LGBTQ+ writer Jen Rivas-DeLoose is being billed as a “bisexual Latina” take on “My Best Friend’s Wedding.” Oh, yeah, definitely I will watch that. I still think (somewhat controversially) fondly on the first bisexual rom-com I remember seeing, “Kissing Jessica Stein.” Heck, we own the movie. Twenty-one years ago and I still quote lines from that film. Also, Jon Hamm is an idiot. But Ariana, yeah. Ariana is hot (and hotly talented), especially in a tank top.

p.s. Add Tony host to her impressive resume. Which I will most definitely watch.

Music Monday: More Janelle

I don’t know a lot, but I know the world could use more Janelle Monae. The out pansexual musical powerhouse has also now come out as non-binary. And, in a world where good news is too often hard to find, that’s some good news. The more high-profile public figures come out across the LGBTQ+ spectrum, the more people express their true gender identities, the better.

We’re living through a sadly precedented attack on queer rights once again. Oh, right, you think we’re sick! Oh, right, you think we’re pedophiles! Oh, right, you think we’re destroying girls’ sports (from people who have never once thought about professional women’s sporting event). Blah-blah-hatefulbigotsity-blah.

This is a well-worn playbook I thought, just maybe, we’d all gotten beyond. But our successes with marriage equality and just generally becoming accepted parts of public life, have really chapped the right wing’s ass. And now they’ve coming for ours.

Sadly, it appears, you can never keep a good/bad election year wedge issue down. So here we are, with trans youth in the crosshairs and entire states banning them out of existence. I mean, fuck, Florida is even trying to police the clothes trans kids wear and the ways they cut their hair. Ah, yes, can you smell the freedom? Supreme Leader DeSantis says NO GAY RIGHTS.

So, as I was saying, the more Janelle Monae, the better. During this unfathomably cruel open season on perhaps one of the most vulnerable of LGBTQ+ communities, may her openness serve as a needed reminder that the bullies aren’t right. You have every right to be yourself. You are loved, you are important. You belong. And you can be fly as hell.

Also, you gotta love that she wrote a whole song about pussy without actually saying pussy. So you know, WAP but for similes. Happy Monday, kittens.