What the Ellen?

Be kind to everyone is great - in theory. It should, in a perfect world, be our guiding principle. But this world is not perfect and kindness alone is not a panacea. So in this imperfect world sometimes being kind to one person means being inherently unkind to a whole swath of other, often more vulnerable people. And there’s nothing kind about that.

Which brings me to Ellen.

Over the weekend Ellen DeGeneres was shown hobnobbing with former President George W. Bush at an NFL football game. They were visibly chummy sitting side-by-side in the VIP seats. There was American’s Most Famous Lesbian and America’s Most Famous Unindicted War Criminal. Too much? I mean, sure, Kristen Stewart is pretty famous, too. But Most Famous? Hard to say.

Now, this all would have been a blip on Twitter and our collective consciousness if Ellen hadn’t then gone onto her daytime talk show a couple days later and given a lecture about being kind to everyone. It got widely praised in some circles, especially in celebrity circles.



Here is the thing, there is a big difference in Ellen’s signature phrase, “Be kind to one another” and her insistence here that we “Be kind to everyone.” Because unconditional kindness is not really kindness. It grants grace to those who do not grant grace to others, and in fact hurt others. And there’s nothing kind about that.

Yes, the world needs more kindness, always. But it needs more kindness, in part, because of the actions and policies put in place by men like George W. Bush. Too much? Not hardly enough.

The fuzzy math of history (and absolute shitshow of Trump) has given an entirely undeserved warm glow to W and his legacy. So let’s remember just what good ol’ Dubya did, shall we?

- Lied us into an illegitimate war which killed some 4,200 U.S. service members and an estimated 600,000 Iraqis.
- Greenlit the use of torture and opened the black hole that is Guantanamo Bay.
- Made opposing same-sex marriage a wedge campaign issue, and supported adding a Constitutional Amendment banning gay marriage.
- Botched the response to Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans which killed more than 1,800 Americans and left the city’s largely African-American population drowning and stranded.
- Led our economy into the greatest economic downturn since The Great Depression.

I know, I know, you’re thinking - but that’s all in the past. He paints people’s portraits now and sneaks candies to Michelle Obama.

Well, let’s not forget that just last year he also lobbied heavily to get Brett Kavanaugh confirmed to the Supreme Court. Yes, that Bett Kavanaugh. The beer-guzzling, woman-assaulting asshole whose vote could be instumental in legalizing workplace discrimination against LGBTQ people. So, you know, that’s a really kind thing for him to do.

Just like there’s a big difference between being kind to one another and being kind to everyone, there’s an equally big difference between being kind and being polite. Look, I’m not suggesting Ellen should have turned around and punched W in the face (though, I’m not necessarily suggesting she not).

What I am saying is being kind to those whose policies and actions are inherently unkind and in fact deeply harmful and sometimes deadly to others is not kindness.

Being kind to everyone also absolves them of having to feel guilt about the ways, directly or indirectly, they’ve harmed other people. And, in the case of a former president, that’s a lot of people and a lot of harm. We aren’t talking about your racist Uncle Bob here. We are talking about a man who held the most powerful position in the world and used it in a way to hurt poor people, people of color, queer people and more. And to not acknowledge that allows him to continue to bask in unearned respect and adulation. We do not owe him our kindness; we owe him our truth. That would be the true kindness, to show him the error of his ways.

The thing is, what’s at work here isn’t really kindness. It’s not even politeness. It’s not even really civility. It’s an insidious kind of class solidarity at its core. The rich play nice with the rich, because when your life is so nice, why not be nice to each other? Money insulates against everything.

This is also why you’ve seen some celebrities who probably should know better (cough, Reese Witherspoon, cough, Kristen Bell, cough) cheer Ellen’s brand of kindness. It’s not that their accolades come from a bad place, it’s that they come from a place of privilege most of us will never even hope of attaining.

In a way, I think it’s a kind of conscious or unconscious self-preservation for the rich. They make the poor and working class and everyone in between fight with each other instead of getting all French Revolution on their asses. Like, how is it not leading every broadcast in America that last year for the first time in history U.S. billionaires paid a lower tax rate than the working class?

Yes, you read that right. The tax rate for the richest Americans used to be around 70 percent. But in 2018, thanks to Trump’s tax cuts, the richest 400 families in America paid a 23 percent tax rate. The working class? Well, we forked over 24.2 percent.

When you ask yourself, why is there so much poverty? Why is our infrastructure crumbling? Why aren’t there enough services for mental health? Why don’t we have universal health care? Why are public colleges so expensive? The answer is the rich don’t pay enough taxes and leave those less fortunate to scrap and scrape amongst ourselves for whatever is left.

Look, I am not against wealth. I, too, would like more money. But how much money is enough money? We all know a billion dollars is a lot, but exactly how much? The median American household income today is $52,000. At that rate you would have to work 19,231 years to make a billion dollars. To put that in further perspective, you would have had to start working during the fucking Stone Age, when early man was still drawing on cave walls, to now have $1 billion.

Jeff Bezos, meanwhile, is worth $108 billion.

Here’s the thing, if we really, really thought about the income inequality and gross (and I mean gross) wealth disparities in America, even the reddest Red State-er would ditch the stupid MAGA hat and grab an “Eat the Rich” shirt instead. Now, that might not be a very kind thing to say. But hoarded wealth on such astronomical rates? That’s not terribly kind either.

But enough about Late-Stage Capitalism contributing to basically all the world’s problems. I don’t think Ellen is a bad person, necessarily. And I do respect kindness above almost all things. But kindness is not just being kind to everyone. It is making sure everyone is treated with kindness and not giving undeserved comfort to those who do not.