Ray of Hope

I’ve been an Indigo Girl gal since, well, since I was a girl. And I have the (quite literal) receipts to prove it. I’ve reveled in the harmonic miracle of the combined voices of Amy Ray and Emily Saliers for decades. But I’ve also appreciated them apart. So Amy Ray’s latest song “Subway,” with an assist from none other than Brandi Carlile, is truly a gay celebration. Amy has said the song recalls the freeing feeling she had as a small-town queer going to the Big City. It’s something I think is a universal dream for most queer youth, at some point or another. And in particular it’s a tribute to the late NY radio DJ legend Rita Houston, who championed queer artists like our Girls and Brandi and so many others. Ah, youth and all that endless feeling of possibility — isn’t it pretty to think so, once again.

Queering of the Pink Ladies

I spy, with my little lesbian eye — a queer Pink Lady? So, I hasn’t given much thought to the new Paramount+ Grease spinoff “Grease: Rise of the Pink Ladies.” Like, yeah, we all basically have OK feelings about the movie and considerably fonder feelings about Olivia Newton-John in her leather jacket/black spandex pants combo. Still, I’m not sure if I’m ready for a 1950s Glee. But, dammit, if one of the Pink Ladies isn’t clearly a Handy Dyke in training. Golly gee wilikers, am I going to have to watch this show? The universe really wants me to watch things I had no initial intention of watching right now.

Music Monday: Pink for President

Gosh, I just enjoy Pink and Kelly Clarkson and why not enjoy them together. Pink has a new album coming out this month while continuing to be awesome and rock that alternative lifestyle haircut. Also, since it’s President’s Day, here is her Bush-era banger. Yeah, remember him? He was awful too. We just kinda forgot because of That Orange Atrocity. Never forget. Also, please stop voting for Republicans. It never ends well for anyone but the rich and the bigots (those being not mutually exclusive). Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Yes, I know my Fake TV/Movies Wife and her best friend are going out on tour together. The little sound I made when I first read the headline, well, it wasn’t that little. But then when I read the article I was immediately clearly crushed that they’re only touring on the East Coast(ish).So now the only question is WHO WILL BUY ME A PLANE TICKET? I would accept tickets to Washington, D.C., Chicago, Boston and/or Atlantic City. Though, if I’m being picky, Atlantic City isn’t really my vibe. Anyway, I hope Tina and Amy decide to add to their Restless Leg Tour and come out to the Best Coast. But even if they don’t I will happily watch whatever TV special this turns into because they’ve got to be recording this for the magic light box, right? Mostly I wanted to thank the kittens who made sure I knew about this momentous life news. I very much appreciate your continued concern for my fictional relationships. Happy weekend, all.

X-cellent Ladies

I guess this is the week I write about trailers for movies I’m not actually that excited to watch but will have to begrudgingly watch because of HOT WOMEN. Truly, I am really that simple. Anyway, I’ve watched (I think) most of the Fast & Furious franchise films, though not necessarily in order and not necessarily at full attention. But the new Fast X brings together not just Michelle Rodriguez, not just Charlize Theron, not just Helen Mirren, but also now Brie Larson and, like, I’m only human. If you make Charlize and Michelle bare-knuckle fight each other I am going to watch. There is no other option. Show me the carnage.

p.s. Also, I just remembered that I didn’t watch No. 9 because they were wankers and gave Charlize this haircut. I mean she still pulls it off, but come on.

That Girl is Super

Dammit, dammit, dammit. I am going to have to find a way to watch stupid “The Flash” movie after all. Not for that abusive POS Ezra Miller (who, oh goodie, we get double of in the movie). But for Supergirl. Specifically angry, short-haired brunette Supergirl as played by Sasha Calle. Like, hello.

Given how indescribably awful most of the DCEU has been (except for its two female-directed franchises - “Wonder Woman” from Patty Jenkins and “Birds of Prey” from Cathy Yan), I actually am pretty sure I don’t need to actually watch the movie. Hopefully some lesbian somewhere will make a supercut of all the Supergirl (and, if that’s your thing, Michael Keaton as Batman) so we can enjoy it without supporting an abuser. Please, I’m begging someone to do it for the (lesbian) culture.

Now, I’ve always loved Superman. And one of my favorite early cinematic memories was going to see the first Supergirl movie in the theaters. I had a bit of an unrealized crush on Helen Slater (“The Legend of Billie Jean” was clearly a universal root for many a Gen Z baby dykes). I remember when we were leaving the theater after “Supergirl,” that I accidentally bumped the armrest causing it to fall off the chair. And my dad joked, “Look out, another Supergirl with super strength!” or something like that. And I felt like a superhero the rest of the day. It was a good day.

So, I have no idea what this new Supergirl will bring. I mean, I like the previews we have of her yelling and shooting eye lasers while sporting an alternative lifestyle haircut. And you know I support that. So rage on, Supergirl. If only the movie was about you, and not the guy who just runs really fast and also abuses people.

Happy Anna Howard Shaw Day

Happy Galentine’ Day, kittens. Alternately, Happy Anna Howard Shaw Day to us all. I would also like My Fake TV/Movie Wife to know I am recenty single. Just saying.

Music Monday: Tori Time

Peak TV has given us a Kate Bush Renaissance (thanks, Strangers Things). And a Linda Ronstadt moment (still crying about that, The Last of Us). How about a Tori Amos Revival? Specifically Tori Amos from her “Little Earthquakes” era. My fucking gods, that album. I was lucky enough to see her perform behind that and her “Under the Pink” albums a few times. She was and remains a kinetic shock of piano bench straddling swagger and gloriously reckless abandon with the ability to sear her voice directly onto your soul. Fuck, that’s a good album. So, the choice is yours, TV music procurers. Pick any song off this album, or any of her albums. Like, could you imagine “Precious Things” playing over a key scene? Yeah. Fuck, yeah. It’s Tori time. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend (Sportsball) Crush

Well, it’s a big sportsball weekend here in the States. As patriotic, red-blooded Americans it is our duty to watch large men in tight pants run into each other over and over again. Or, you know, eat snacks and watch the commercials. So, I thought I would share a scene from my favorite sportsball movie to get us all in the mood. What? They’re at football match and this is a big football weekend. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. No. 9? Still a wanker.

The Ballad of Bill & Frank

When I tell you that I did not expect the show about a mutant mushroom zombie apocalypse to include some of the most sensitive and heartfelt queer storytelling currently on television, I am so not lying. But, here we are, all struggling to emotionally recover from the Ballad of Bill & Frank/Episode 3 of aforementioned mutant mushroom zombie apocalypse show. Wow, is “The Last of Us” good. Like, it’s very good. Scary, funny, touching, scary a lot more. It is, at least for this horror wimp, incredibly tense to watch. But also, in the weirdest way possible, it’s been sort of life affirming.

Humans, we find a way. It’s not always a good way or a moral way or a logical way. But we find a way to survive. And, in the case of Bill and Frank, find love in a hopeless place. (Again, it’s hard to think of a more hopeless place than a mutant mushroom zombie apocalypse, especially when the remaining societal structure is an extremely fascist state/Nazis).

The performances, from leads Pedro Pascal and Bella Ramsey to supporting cast like Anna Torv and Melanie Lynskey and of course Bill/Nick Offerman and Frank/Murray Bartlett, are all phenomenal. And, while the first few episodes were pretty scary because mutant mushroom zombie people are scary, I think the last two episodes have settled into a more hard-scrabble but also reflective post-apocalyptic tone.

And that Bill and Frank standalone episode (for real, you don’t even really need to watch the show to enjoy it), well, if you didn’t cry at least a little you may already be a mutant mushroom zombie. Creating fully realized characters in the span of one hour-long show is no small feat, but to make us care so deeply for them and their relationship in that same short timeframe — well, that’s almost magic. I think it helped that Offerman and Bartlett played to type here (rugged individualist Ron from Parks & Rec and urbane gay Dom/Armond from Looking/White Lotus, respectfully). But the chemistry and the connection and the tenderness. Well, that’s just talent.

In many ways, Episode 3 especially, reminded me of the wonderful “Station Eleven.” It was my favorite television series last year, where the almost pastoral approach to the post-apocalyptic world was a refreshing departure from all the shooting and fighting. Also, if you haven’t yet watched “Station Eleven” is also on HBO Max. So if you can watch the mutant mushroom zombie apocalypse show, you can also watch the one about the bad flu that took out the world and left bands of wandering artists in the countryside instead.

Best yet about TLOU, we already know that as the show continues we should be in for a lot more queerness. Even though I’m not a gamer, even I know that Ellie is gay and has a girlfriend in the video game’s sequel. Since “The Last of Us” has been a massive hit and HBO Max has already renewed it for a second season, more gay days should be ahead.

So now, the only question is, who should play Dina?

Sister Act

In my effort to get excited about things coming up in 2023, I’ve watched a lot of trailers (see: yesterday) and this one for the new genre-crossing film “Polite Society” I think has me most excited. Despite not being outwardly queer (well — there is a scene in male drag with a mustache…), the film seems like a refreshingly fun, culturally rich, action-packed take on sisterhood and possibly kung fu. There should 1,000% be more movies about sisters. And in the hands of the creator of the wonderful and hilarious “We Are Lady Parts,” Nida Manzoor, I feel we’re definitely in for a treat.

Inside of You Are Two Rachels

Double the Rachel Weiszes? As queer evil genius gynecologist twins? Who perform twisted experiments, swap lovers and generally do crazy/sexy/really messed up shit? Obviously, yes. Double the yes. Rachel will star in a gender-swapped series adaptation of David Cronenberg’s 1988 film by the same name. The original starred Jeremy Irons as the twin doctors Elliot and Beverly Mantle who did crazy/ sexy/really messed up shit. I remember watching it when I was probably too young and being like whooooa. The new Amazon Prime series will keep the characters names and professions but with female mad doctors twins seeking to open a cutting-edge fertility clinic. Possible emphasis on the cutting.

According to a feature in Vogue on the series, the new show will feature “Skins” alum Britne Oldford as Beverly’s lover Genevieve and “Pride & Prejudice” star Jennifer Ehle as a “cutthroat lesbian investor.” So mad, dark, horny, lesbian science? Again, double the yes.

The series will start streaming on Amazon Prime April 21. I am going to keey my eye, or better yet eyes, on this one. (Groan, I know.)

Have Yourself A Very Harley Valentine’s

Well, shit. It’s a week until Valentine’s Day. Though, knowing I don’t have to buy or do anything or even leave the house at all on that day is at least comforting. And in two days I’ll be able to watch Harley Quinn’s “A Very Problematic Valentine's Day Special.” So, you know, always find the silver lining. I’ve enjoyed this sick little cartoon for many reasons, most of them having to do with Harley and Poison Ivy making out. But if you’re going to immerse yourself in the world of adult animation, make it about the chick who wields the baseball bat while loving another chick, and not the one about the crazy grandpa scientist with a drool problem and his grandson that was made by a domestic abuser. Just saying. Also it looks like Wonder Woman makes a cameo and I am not above wishing for a Valentine’s Day threesome. What, I’m only human (and they’re superheroes or at least super antiheroes and I have needs).

Music Monday: Miley Edition

I am working my way up to adding more righteous, fiery breakup songs to my playlist. And you’d better believe Miley’s “Flower” will be on there. Miley is one of those rare artists I’ve started to like more and more as the years go on. Her voice gets richer, and her songs get deeper. While I’m not at the dancing on the roof of my house in a suit without a top on stage yet, I sure hope I get there — metaphorically speaking. I’m not big on falling off my roof. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

When I tell you the strange little noise I made in the back of my throat when I first read this news last week. Like, admittedly, the movies weren’t that great. But we certainly watched them all because ANGELINA JOLIE IN LARA CROFT HOT PANTS AND TANK TOP WITH GUNS STRAPPED TO HER THIGHS, AMEN. (And to a lesser degree Alicia Vikander in her tank top and bow and arrow.) But an entire “Tomb Raider” series created and produced by Phoebe Waller-Bridge? I’m making that sound again, aren’t I? While Phoebe won’t star in the show for Amazon Prime (she clearly got her action-adventure itch scratched by starring with Han Solo in the new Indiana Jones film), you can bet we might finally get good dialogue for Lara. And, you know, maybe something that’s hot and funny. Like, you know, “Fleabag” and “Killing Eve.” A gal can certainly dream. Now the only question (besides whether this show, along with their new LOTR series, can make people remember their Amazon accounts includes a lot of free TV shows), is who should play Lara 3.0? Is this the Essential Lesbian Question of 2023 so far? *rubs hands together* You’d better believe it is. Damn, there I go making that noise again. Happy weekend, all.

Blue is the Gayest Color

I initially clicked on this trailer because the name and image reminded me of “The Legend of Billie Jean,” which came out just a few years before the time this movie was set. I don’t know about you, but Helen Slater’s haircut, look and overall everything in this movie is definitely one of my roots. But instead of being about a tomboy turned outlaw who definitely should have been gay, this is about a school teacher in 1988 England who is instead definitely gay but also definitely closeted. While the LGBTQ+ community continues to fight for full equality, and continues to face very tired talking points (Jesus, the groomer stuff), the general public’s acceptance of queer people’s right to just exist has improved by leaps and bounds in our lifetime. So it’s interesting now that a younger generation perhaps needs a little reminder that, yeah, shit was really terrifying not that long ago. Being in the closet was an act of survival for many, and being out took such strength against so much prevailing hate. And while things have definitely gotten better, we must stay vigilant. With all the anti-trans and don’t say gay bills being written today, past is precedent always. Human history continues to be a painfully slow realization that we should perhaps be less shitty to one another because of whatever inherent differences are deemed culturally unacceptable at the time. If only we could speed up the process and not keep having to be taught the same lessons over and over again.

All Amazon Island

Well, well, well. The DC Cinematic Universe giveth after its taketh awaying of the third “Wonder Woman” movie. Instead of another movie we’re getting a series about Themyscira. Yes, you read that right. A WHOLE SERIES JUST ABOUT THE AMAZONS. Commence hyperventilating and rending of garments (though, please let those garments be the original “Wonder Woman” movie warrior gear instead of Zack Snyder’s highly inconvenient on the battlefield midriff outfits).

The new series is described as such:

Paradise Lost: The duo describe this HBO Max series as a Game of Thrones-style drama set on the all-female island that is Wonder Woman’s birthplace, Themyscira, filled with political intrigue and scheming between power players. It takes place before the events of the Wonder Woman films.

Look, I believe not every new series moving forward needs to be a “Game of Thrones-style drama,” but right now I am obviously laser-focused on the “all-female island” aspect of the series. Like, I’m sure they’ll find some squirrely way to bring men to Themyscira. But, by its very nature, this show should just be wall-to-wall (or coast-to-coast, I mean it is an island) with awesome female warriors, period.

As this is a prequel of sorts to the films, I’m not sure if we’ll see Robin Wright as General Antiope or Connie Nielsen as Queen Hippolyta. But I am totally on Team Antiope so I sure hope Robin returns for the new series.

As much as “Game of Thrones-style drama” means palace intrigue, another big reason GoT was an initial hit was good, old-fashioned sex and nudity. And while I’m not calling for an all-naked, all-sexytimes world of the Amazons, I am not not rooting for some all-naked sexytimes. Ahem. Just saying.

I also certainly hope the series deals head-on with how an all-female society is obviously FILLED WITH LESBIANS. Like no one is signing up to watch some bizarre good friends/roommates only island, m’kay?

Yesterday’s DCCU announcement also included information about two other female-led projects coming to the Super Dude heavy lineup. They include:

Waller: In a spinoff of Gunn’s own HBO Max hit series Peacemaker, Viola Davis will return as the ruthless and morally ambiguous head of a government task force. It is being written by Christal Henry (Watchmen) and Jeremy Carver, the creator of the Doom Patrol TV series.

Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow: Taking its cues from the recent Tom King-written miniseries, this movie promises a different take than what most think of when Superman’s cousin comes to mind. “We will see the difference between Superman, who was sent to Earth and raised by loving parents from the time he was an infant, versus Supergirl, raised on a rock, a chip off of Krypton, and who watched everyone around her die and be killed in terrible ways for the first 14 years of her life and then come to Earth. She is much more hard-core and not the Supergirl we’re used to.”

I’ve always thought Viola was slumming in her Suicide Squad-related content. So now at least she gets her own series, which come on you have Viola Davis. Give her a whole show. But the new Supergirl news, along with the GoT comparisons for the Amazon island drama, sounds like DC is going hardcore into gritty world building which, ok. I’m all for gritty female-lead shows, so bring it. Just make sure The Sapphics get what they want from Themyscira. Don’t makes lesbian Amazons angry, you wouldn’t like us when we’re angry.

Everything Everywhere All At Oscar

Now that we’ve had a week to digest the Oscars news, I have been on a mission to watch all of the best picture nominees this year. I’m pretty sure I haven’t watched every single best picture nominee since they switched to having 10 films in the category over a decade ago. But this year is doable because I’ve already seen 9 out of the 10 — though the 2+-hour German war movie I have left to watch might be a slog. Speaking of which, *long whistle*, this year’s nominated movies are LONG. Like very, very long like 8 out of 10 are 2+ hours. Like if you watched them all back-to-back-to-back it would take 23 hours and 50 minutes. The average run time is 2 hours and 23 minutes. “Avatar: Way of Water” is of course the longest at 3 hours and 12 minutes. But, like, did “Top Gun: Maverick” need to be 2 hours and 11 minutes long? Yeahhhh. And we definitely did not need the 2 hour and 39 minute runtime for that assault on the senses that was the “Elvis” whatever that was. But, of course, the shortest nominated film this year? Yeah, it’s “Women Talking.” You see, this is Hollywood after all. (It clocked in at a very respectable 1 hour and 44 minutes).

This year had its share of surprises and snubs (like, hello, “Blonde,” what?) But I am going to savor all of the love for “Everything Everywhere All At Once.” Hands down this movie with its dildo swordfights, kinetic game of buttplug keepaway, emotionally complex rocks and hot dog fingers was my favorite movie of the year, if not of the last several years. EEAAO made me laugh and cry and just feel more than almost anything I’ve watched in a while. So I am beyond thrilled for all of its 11 nominations and that its entire principal cast got rightfully recognized (especially the sublime Stephnie Hsu, who has wrongly been left off of some other awards nominations this year but was thankfully not forgotten because Jobu Tupaki will not be denied).

And can we talk for a second about all this Asian Excellence? Like, be still my little gaysian heart. Four Asian acting nominees. FOUR. Michelle Yeoh. Stephanie Hsu. Ke Huy Quan, who happens to be one of the very first Asian faces I ever saw in mainstream entertainment. Hong Chau for “The Whale.”(In case you are curious, the previous record was in 2020 when “Minari” got two acting nods and Riz Ahmed was also nominated for “The Sound of Metal.”) Michelle Yeoh being the first woman who identifies as Asian to be nominated for Best Actress. (Merle Oberon was nominated in 1935, but she hid her background and passed as white.) And, again, can we talk about Stephanie Hsu? Like, I still vividly remember her Secret Deodorant commercial from just a few years ago. And now, a much deserved Oscar nomination.

Anyway, besides being forever salty about Ana De Armas and/or Andrea Riseborough (!?!) getting Viola Davis’s nomination, I’m going to watch and root root root for the movie about healing the pain of generational trauma and finding happiness through loving one’s lesbian daughter to take home all the awards. And, as much as I love Cate Blanchett, give that naked golden man to Michelle this year please. Lydia Tar already has an EGOT anyway, amirite?

Music Monday: It Gets Gaylor

Look, I’m neither a hardcore Swiftie or Gaylor Truther. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy Taylor Swift’s music. (Like how is “Anti-Hero” such an instant, inescapable earworm bop? How?) Now, with the release of “Lavender Haze,” I’m definitely on Team Raised Eyebrow. Like, she knows what she’s doing. Her dropping of loaded Easter Eggs is well documented. So she’s either the best/most supportive ally who likes to flirt with her queer friends or sorta kinda a tiny bit fruity herself, right? Because Taylor cast trans actor/model Laith Ashley as her extremely handsome love interest in her “Lavender Haze” music video. And about that title. Like every queer person knows about lavender (like we’ll happily Menace any homophobes). And then to give such stellar trans representation (shirtless in bed, caressing and canoodling — if only there was a kiss, too). Anyway, I promise I won’t get Zapruder film-level into the whole Gaylor thing. But, um, with content like this isn’t it pretty to think so? Happy Monday, all.

My Weekend (Tibette Is Endgame) Crush

We may have (for real this time) watched the very last episode ever of “The L Word.” Or at least the last one until in 20 years they decide it’s time for another revival, like a lesbian “80 for Brady” or something, but with actually likable sportsball stars because they’ll all be lesbians. (But who knows, Showtime might give us another season of fighting, fucking, crying, drinking - we shall see.) The series remains, true to its continual form, uneven and often frustrating. In between that we’d catch glimpses of what has made us watch this show from the start. That look — however imperfect, frustrating, over glamourize and under inclusive as it was — into the daily lives and loves and lots and lots of drama of contemporary queer women. We watched because we saw ourselves, or perhaps what we aspired to, in this tight-knit group of queer female friends. And we watched because it was all we had as the very first show just about us. And, well, you just never forget your first. So I’m just going to say congrats to TiBette Nation, this whole season was a culmination of their long-dreamed of endgame. It’s taken us almost 20 years. But we all got to see the longest-running lesbian couple on American TV finally get legally married (I mean, I’m sure Alice’s internet ordination was legit, right?). And in the presence of White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre and Ilene Chaiken, no less. I could get into specific plot points and key details (like, not sure about Tina’s suit or the tailoring on Bette’s pants), but really in the end it was the vibe we came for and the characters we loved that kept us here. As more and more shows feature inclusive queer female characters, the truth is “The L Word” is just not as essential anymore. (Though maybe stop canceling all these LGBTQ+ shows, networks. K, thanks.) But if there is another season, yep, imma watch it. Because, well, it’s “The L Word.” Happy weekend, all.