How To Happy Ending

Yeah, I know, bit of broken record at this point but I’m still pissed about that “Killing Eve” finale. Mostly because it took four seasons of bold, complicated storytelling and reduced it to some sort of extended rebirth metaphor. Of course, that’s what I’ve been watching my favorite queer women assassins spy drama for all these years — a morality play.

While I understand that creators do not have a responsibility past telling good stories, and should certainly not be beholden to the whims of fandom, But just because they can do something, doesn’t always mean they should. And for a show with such a dedicated/obsessive (and I say that with love) fanbase of queer women, greater care should have certainly been taken in handling such an iconic queer character’s ending. Honestly, this show could have become legend had it allowed even the faintest sliver of a happy ending for Eve and Villanelle. Instead, this TV series written exclusively about PEOPLE WHO KILL PEOPLE FOR A LIVING decided to moralize at the bitter end. OK, sure, Jan.

But enough screaming into the void between clueless showrunner ears. How about we celebrate some happy endings instead? If you feel a distinct pang of deja vu, that’s because we did this once before back in 2016 when the Bury Your Gays trope last reared its ugly head in such spectacular fashion courtesy the Clexa debacle. Luckily, we’ve added a few more since then. But just a few.

So, here are a few of my personal favorite happily ever afters for queer women in movies and TV. Obviously there are more (and courtesy The Wayback Machine you can still see them on That Other Website whose name we no longer mention). Here are my Top 10 11 film and Top 5 6 TV happy endings for queer women (what, we’re gays, we always need to be a little extra). Apologies in advance as I have most certainly left off your favs. So, please, tell us your most beloved queer women riding off into that perpetual sunrise together moments. Share more joy, not less, kittens.

MOVIES

1. Desert Hearts (1985)

Kissing through the car window weakened our collective knees, getting on the train took them out.

2. The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love (1995)

To this day, I still want to buy myself a white Range Rover and ride off into the sunset together precisely because of this movie.

3. When Night Is Falling (1995)

You probably didn’t see this indie gem about a Christian college professor and a circus performer. But you should because they even resurrect the dog at the end.

4. Bound (1996)

You can’t beat an ending where the girl gets the girl and the truck.

5. But I’m a Cheerleader (1999)

Happy endings plus pom-poms. Like, straight teen rom-coms could never.

6. Saving Face (2004)

Not enough people have seen this movie and more people should see this movie.

7. Imagine Me & You (2005)

This movie set unrealistic expectations for all future lesbian movie endings.

8. Nina’s Heavenly Delights (2006)

I mean it’s got about a cooking competition and lesbians, I’ll ignore the “Ghost Dad” overtones for that.

9. Carol (2015)

Let’s go to the Oak Room and make eyes at each other forever.

10. Summerland (2020)

The only recent lesbian period piece where the lesbians stare off into the ocean and still get to live happily ever after together.

11. Kajillionaire (2020)

Honestly, I had to include one more because this is such a strange and wonderful film AND it gives us one of the most unexpected and swoony happy queer endings in recent memory.

TELEVISION

1.South of Nowhere (2008): Spencer & Ashley

Oh, Spashley. You always remember your first (queer teen TV show happy ending).

2. Glee (2015): Brittany & Santana

Look, “Glee” did a lot of stupid things. But letting Brittana be endgame was not one of them.

3. Lost Girl (2015): Bo & Lauren

Sacrificing Tamsin was obviously not great. But this show about one woman’s insatiable sexual prowess gave us our Doccubus ending after all.

4. San Junipero (2016)

This “Black Mirror” episode is perhaps the most perfect example of how to subvert the Bury Your Gays trope. I mean, they literally bury their gays, but then still let them live on in endless happiness anyway.

5. Ratched (2020): Mildred & Gwendolyn

This is honestly not a very good show, like at all. But, if you ignore the gore and horror and crippling character inconsistencies, it was rather stylish to look at and is one of the only mainstream female queer romances I can think of where both the leads are played by out queer women as well. Plus they literally escape to sunny, beautiful Mexico together to be gay and free, after first faking us out with an unhappy ending before going, “Not so fast, straights!” L.O.L.

6. Wynonna Earp (2021): Waverly & Nicole

Continuing the Marry Your Gays grand tradition pioneers by Brittana/Klaine, WayHaught’s series trajectory follows what I hope will be the also much emulated Give The Gays Everything They Want trend.