Pre-L: Lay Down the Law

L508: “Lay Down the Law”
First, an apology. I know this episode has been streaming all week over at The OC, but, to be honest, I was just too damn tired last weekend to put up another Pre-L before its online debut. So there you go, that’s my secret. Sometimes I pick sleep over The Internets. But don’t worry, as you might have guessed from my previous whining, I don’t make a habit of it. Now onto the stuff you really care about. Namely those talking, laughing, loving, breathing, fighting, fucking, crying ladies of The L. Though, if I may bore you with one more tiny tidbit from my own sadly sleep-deprived life, it is that this weekend I plan to thoroughly enjoy three things on the television. 1) Tina Fey hosting “Saturday Night Live.” 2) The Oscars. 3) Episodes L509 and L510. And now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

1) Just what this show has always been missing -- ninjas!2) The “Don’t chase the straight girl”-Face. Patent pending.3) This what tweeny girls go nuts for? Must be a straight thing.4) It’s the eye of the lesbo, it’s the thrill of the closet…5) The “I hate my job”-Face. Patent also pending.6) How much does Tina wish those were her hands?7) Being gay is, like, hard! Wah!8) Behold the Hickey of Love.9) …and she’s watching us all with the eye of the lesbo.10) Oh, this? Yeah, weird, I know. Who knew even I had limits?11) Is it just me or does Begonia look…jealous?12) Something major is going on with Bette’s hair. Major.13) A knife and an onion: The perfect metaphor for the state of Jodi and Bette’s relationship.14) Reason No. 9,682 why gays should be allowed to serve in the military: They look fucking hot in the uniforms.15) Family resemblance much?16) If these Tibette exchanges get any more torturous, Mama Chaiken is going to have to hire Alberto Gonzales to “I don’t recall” the show’s way out of Geneva Convention violations.17) Look, paparazzi, she’s pretty and witty and totally not gay.18) This cannot end well.19) They’re cousins, identical cousins.20) Dinner party from hell reaches inner circle.21) Never, ever underestimate The Lesbian Fonz.22) Le sigh.23) This beard, it tickles.24) I swear to tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth about where the Real Alice has been all season.25) What? Gay? You are. Shut up!26) Real Alice is back! She’s back!27) Every lesbian’s “Top Gun” fantasy just became fully realized.28) Semper Fi, ladies. Semper Fi.
New Guestbian Count: 0
Best Line: “(I’m going) to go gay for Shane. We’re going to adopt Chinese babies and live in a trailer park.” -- Molly to Phyllis
Best Meta Slip-Up: “The Greg who plays Tim in the fucking film? That midget?” -- Jenny about the actor playing Jim in “Lez Girls”
Best Don’t Ask, Don’t Double Entendre: “I would serve under her anytime, sir.” -- Specialist Martinez about her commanding officer Tasha…how is this helping Tasha fight the homo charges again?
Worst New Kind of Lesbianism: “A spaghetti girl…Straight until wet.” -- Jodi to Shane
Most Unabashedly Shameless Self Promotion: If you like these little Pre-Ls, please consider clicking your vote for me for The Lesbian Lifestyle’s Lesbian Blog of the Year Award.