Paging Ellen

So, I finally watched the last of the five Best Picture Oscar nominees yesterday* and can I just say thank fucking God for Ellen Page. Holy crap, if it wasn’t for “Juno,” you’d be left with a decidedly nihilistic view of humanity and possibly some suicidal feelings (or homicidal ones, depending on if you’re an internalizer or an externalizer). Granted, all the films were well done and nicely acted. But, damn, so much for finding the best in people.

But back to Ellen. On Thursday, Ellen turns 21 (happy early birthday!) and already she graces the March cover of Interview magazine. Whoever decided to pose her in a tux and boys briefs is a genius and my new personal hero. And, yes, I am ignoring the age difference that borders on creepy. Just go with it. Drew Barrymore (her upcoming director in the roller-derby flick “Whip It!”) conducted the interview. Celebrities interviewing celebrities, it’s a fame clusterfuck. Somewhere a journalist is weeping. Especially after reading Drew’s first question: “What do you believe in?” Man, how much do I wish Ellen had answered: “The Easter Bunny.” And then Drew asks the old job interview stand-by: “And what about the next five years? What are your aspirations?” The kicker: “What’s your favorite color in the Crayola box?” Aspirin. I need aspirin. Don’t get me started on how Drew keeps inserting her own stories into the questions. Argh. But I digress.

The lovely tidbits (Drew’s questioning not withstanding) include that Ellen adores Kate Winslet, named her dog after Patti Smith (and said about her, “the whole combat boot, black jeans, shaggy salt-and-pepper hair, spitting on stage thing. If that’s not sexy I don’t know what is”), and would trade places for a day with Peaches or Karen O. Gaydar sufficiently dinged. Oh, and just in case you wanted a visual on the Ellen loves Patti stuff, here she is posing as Patti. God, how much do I love a woman in a suit?*NOTE: In case you were wondering, “There Will Be Blood” was the last one I had left to catch. Yeah, bleak.