Friday, April 27, 2007

Blind Curve

I read this so you don't have to...OK, this is going to be a somewhat long and winding rant (I know, sounds fun, right?) If you’re feeling a bit peckish, now would be a good time to get a snack and possibly a beverage. OK, are you back? Feeling full and hydrated? Good, cause here we go.

After posting a picture of Michelle Rodriguez possessed by the spirit of Marcel Marceau over at my second home, a commenter mentioned that the actress had come out in the latest issue of Curve. I thought, “Finally!” All this hemming and hawing and being outed by crazed possible girlfriends was getting old.

So I dutifully went over to the magazine’s website to check out the story. Sadly, there was no direct link, just a headline that blared: “The Rebel Girl: Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about beautiful, bi bad girl, Michelle Rodriguez.”

I thought, “OK, fine. She is identifying as bisexual. Whatever, that’s cool.” Then I saw that that pillar of accuracy and tact Perez Hilton had apparently read the same headline and was praising Michelle for coming out as a “big dykon.” I rolled my eyes and thought, “Well, I’d better go dig this article up myself since it sounds like something I should probably blog about.”

Now, I canceled my Curve subscription years ago. I grew weary of the lame writing and quite frankly didn’t have time to read stories that had, for the most part, been reported by other outlets long ago. But, against my better instincts, I went out and bought the damn thing. Then I read the article.

What is this crap!?! First, it’s not a new interview (it appears to be cobbled together from past interviews and a skimming of Michelle’s Wikipedia biography). Second, the actress never makes any direct mention of her sexuality (it cites her past declarations that she wasn’t a lesbian, but had “experimented” with women). So, essentially, Curve just assigned her with the label of bisexual. Hello? Isn’t the GLBT movement about being able to love who you want and define yourself however you want, operative word being you? Finally, and possibly most importantly, the article just plain sucks. Seriously, how many synonyms for “tough” can you cram into two pages?

Have the ethics of celebrity outing been forever changed by that kooky masquerade ball Out magazine cover? Are we just randomly assigning sexual orientations to people? Now, Michelle’s sexuality is a not-so-secret secret to anyone with even the faintest gaydar and, you know, eyes. And, of course, I wish that all closeted celebrities would just be open and honest about who they are with the public. The more people come out, the more the world realizes that we are everywhere and we are everyone. But randomly outing celebrities and labeling them just to sell a few magazine, well, that serves no purpose other than greed. Long story not short at all, I want my $4.95 back.Michelle seems to feel my pain and is ready to kick some ass on my behlaf.


Anonymous said...

thank u for being honest and covering the TRUTH!!! she is bi, this magazine is a tease, and perez hilton is a bold faced lying pig and just proved it one & for all!!!

Anonymous said...

I love your post! I don't know why people are so obsessed with boxing people into a particular designation, so they don't have to deal with that fact that people are complicated and love doesn't depend on what genitals you have.

It seems in pretty poor taste that a lesbian magazine would shake all this up again. It would be different if she'd actually given them an interview. The lesbian press obviously can't be unaware that being gay is extremely bad news for lead actors (unless you're old or generally play kooky best-frends), so to bring out an article which again brings up all the gay rumours and a lot of people have read as an admission of gayness (why we can't ban the retarded from the internet, I don't know!), seems to be almost an act of sabotage on someone who they appear to praise.

Heather Anne said...

Curve reminds me of Sparkle magazine, from 13 Going on 30.

I don't want to be beautiful in my own way. I want to look like these people.

MetaSin Girl said...

“Are we just randomly assigning sexual orientations to people?”

Ooh, I hope so! And if we are, I offer (a very short list) of the following:

- Tina Fey – with your bi-curious shoes. I volunteer my services to help with your curiosity. And I’m local – I could be at Rockefeller Plaza in 30 min.

- Elizabeth Mitchell – how many more dykes must you play on tv/HBO?? Now you’re stuck on an island with a couple of hotties. You may never make it back to civilization, so this could be your last chance to come out of the (straw hut) closet!
PS – I’ll swim there if I have to.

- Natalie Portman – “V” is for versatile, voracious, and vamp. And there may be 1 other V word that’s not coming to mind at the moment.

Alyce said...

Maybe it's just part of the general crapification-of-everything phenomenon.

Feminist Housewife said...

Reasons I don't like Curve magazine!

I second all of those you listed, and would like to add that their articles are like teasers for actual articles. I can't tell you how many times, while reading Curve, I've searched for the "continued on page 70" message, convinced the article couldn't be over... But it was. Over before it even began.

All this badgering celebs about their sexuality is probably just pushing people further and further into the closet!!

Renata said...

Well...this the truth and lets face it...The "Girl" is the "Girl" and I'm glad cuz I don't lost my $$...And you blessed for been and thinks like be real I'm so tired of labels and stuff like that. I mean why is that? Nothing! Does not matter for me if anybody is H/B/G at least this person is dating me...So you Rox...Love this post...