Blind Curve

OK, this is going to be a somewhat long and winding rant (I know, sounds fun, right?) If you’re feeling a bit peckish, now would be a good time to get a snack and possibly a beverage. OK, are you back? Feeling full and hydrated? Good, cause here we go.

After posting a picture of Michelle Rodriguez possessed by the spirit of Marcel Marceau over at my second home, a commenter mentioned that the actress had come out in the latest issue of Curve. I thought, “Finally!” All this hemming and hawing and being outed by crazed possible girlfriends was getting old.

So I dutifully went over to the magazine’s website to check out the story. Sadly, there was no direct link, just a headline that blared: “The Rebel Girl: Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about beautiful, bi bad girl, Michelle Rodriguez.”

I thought, “OK, fine. She is identifying as bisexual. Whatever, that’s cool.” Then I saw that that pillar of accuracy and tact Perez Hilton had apparently read the same headline and was praising Michelle for coming out as a “big dykon.” I rolled my eyes and thought, “Well, I’d better go dig this article up myself since it sounds like something I should probably blog about.”

Now, I canceled my Curve subscription years ago. I grew weary of the lame writing and quite frankly didn’t have time to read stories that had, for the most part, been reported by other outlets long ago. But, against my better instincts, I went out and bought the damn thing. Then I read the article.

What is this crap!?! First, it’s not a new interview (it appears to be cobbled together from past interviews and a skimming of Michelle’s Wikipedia biography). Second, the actress never makes any direct mention of her sexuality (it cites her past declarations that she wasn’t a lesbian, but had “experimented” with women). So, essentially, Curve just assigned her with the label of bisexual. Hello? Isn’t the GLBT movement about being able to love who you want and define yourself however you want, operative word being you? Finally, and possibly most importantly, the article just plain sucks. Seriously, how many synonyms for “tough” can you cram into two pages?

Have the ethics of celebrity outing been forever changed by that kooky masquerade ball Out magazine cover? Are we just randomly assigning sexual orientations to people? Now, Michelle’s sexuality is a not-so-secret secret to anyone with even the faintest gaydar and, you know, eyes. And, of course, I wish that all closeted celebrities would just be open and honest about who they are with the public. The more people come out, the more the world realizes that we are everywhere and we are everyone. But randomly outing celebrities and labeling them just to sell a few magazine, well, that serves no purpose other than greed. Long story not short at all, I want my $4.95 back.