Tuesday, August 31, 2010

SGALGG & GGALGG: Emmys Edition

Wow, thems were some gay Emmys. Yes, indeedy. From Jane Lynch to “Modern Family” to that all-singing, all-spectacular Gleetastic opening number, the show was a merry and gay affair. Now, digesting the full magnitude of a major award show always takes me two days. The first day is to go over the nuts and bolts of who won this and who said that. Then the second day I can just sit back and devour the pretty. And, kittens, there was so much pretty. Let’s start with the gay gals and their lady loves (sorry, I can’t say lovers – to quote my favorite Emmy loser Tina Fey, “that word bums me out unless it’s between the words ‘meat’ and ‘pizza.’”) and then we’ll progress to the straight gals. But no matter where they stood on the Kinsey Scale, a whole lotta ladies were acting like gay gals at the Emmys. Can you blame them, I mean, we are pretty awesome.


Jane Lynch & Lara EmbryThe love, it burns! I love them together. I love that Jane kissed Lara when she won. I love that she also said “I love you my wife, Lara” on stage. You want to know why gay marriage matters? This is why gay marriage matters. Love.
Wanda & Alex SykesThey look like a fresco of Greek goddesses painted onto an ancient wall somewhere being uncovered by an archeologist who thrills with each brush stroke as she carefully reveals their beauty from underneath centuries of earth and time. Sorry, let me amend that, a smoking hot fresco of Greek goddesses. Hot damn, those girls – and Alex and Wanda look good, too.

Tina Fey & Mariska HargitayThis is becoming like a thing between these two. It is like the mere sight of each other in sleek, sparkly gowns is too much for them to take and then that hand goes from firmly around the waist to, well, firmly everywhere. Maybe Mariska and Tina are the real-life Alex and Olivia. Ship that, people.
[Hat tip, Allegra!]

Sofia Vergara & Julie BowenIf you thought Mariska had a firm grip on Tina, check out Julie’s grip on Sofia . You’d need the Jaws of Life to get her hand off of her. Plus dude in the back is totally, “Hell, yeah.”

Claire Danes & Julia Ormond
Claire looks like she has had a bit too much champagne and has just whispered “Take me home” into Julia’s ear. Also, shoot Julia, where have you been hiding all that gorgeous these last few years?

Christina Hendricks & January JonesI want to say something terribly witty about how they look together, but I’ve forgotten how to form words.

Toni Collette & Julia Louis DreyfusI like to think that the Emmy losers console each other backstage. And by “console,” I mean “make out.”

Padma Lakshmi & Gail SimmonsWhen people say food porn, this is what they’re picturing.

Heather Morris & Naya Rivera
Brittana, you’ve got me wrapped around whichever finger you want to use in whatever situation you feel like using it. Ahem.

Mariana Klaveno, Kristin Bauer & Anna PaquinThe Bill-Sookie-Eric sandwich isn’t the only threesome worth talking about on “True Blood.” Not by a long shot.

Amy Poehler, Aubrey Plaza & Tina FeySpeaking of threesomes, gay sexy vampires aren’t the only ones who look good having them. Let’s make this “30 Rock” meets “Parks and Recreation” very special crossover happen.

Archie Panjabi & the Emmy statuetteShe is going to take it behind the garage door and get it pregnant, Tracy Jordan style.

Bonus I: Best. Emmy. Picture. Ever.Tina Fey, Amy Poehler & Jon Hamm dancing their asses off. I’ll be honest, that’s a threesome I could totally get behind, too.

Bonus II: Best. Tina. Video. Ever.
After dancing her ass off with Amy and Jon while downing what I can only assume was copious amounts of champagne, Tina goes to find her limo. God, that giggle. That hair.
What it looks like when New York gets drunk, y’all. Suck it, nerds!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Grassroots lesbianism

Mary-Louise Parker - Vanity Fair 2010

I would officially like to declare this the launch of the “People In Support of Nancy Botwin Embracing Lesbianism” grassroots letter-writing campaign. Yep, the line forms here. Get your pens, get your paper, get your stamps. This is where it starts. We are all going to write into Showtime right this very second to make this happen because Mary-Louise Parker said so. I am very obedient when it comes to these matters. Obsequious, even.

But perhaps I am getting ahead of myself a tad. I can’t help it, what with the excitement. Mary-Louise Parker is talking about embracing lesbianism and I’m rushing the punchline. Let’s back up and talk about how this soon-to-be groundswell of public support began. You see, Mary-Louise did an interview with Vanity Fair. In said interview she talks about many things: never having smoked pot, once having sucked on a pot lollipop, why smart people want to fuck her, why dumb people also probably want to fuck her, why Nancy Botwin likes to fuck rough, how fame is fucked up and not knowing who the fuck Bill O’Reilly is but thinking he “probably comes from a nuclear family and didn’t get enough attention as a child.” God, I fucking love her.

Amid all of that, she also talked about the trailer for the sixth season which featured Mary-Louise offering Linda Hamilton a very personalized down payment, ahem, in exchange for some product. When the interviewer asks if Nancy would be getting any lady action this season, she responds:

MLP: Yeah, yeah, I hear you. But no, that’s not happening. It’s just something they put in the trailer because it’s funny, but it doesn’t actually happen. It’s not a bad idea though. I’ve always thought that Nancy should have sex with a woman. It’d be good for her.

VF: Would it help if we started a letter-writing campaign?

MLP: Like a grassroots sort of thing? Yeah, we should do it. “People In Support of Nancy Botwin Embracing Lesbianism.” Right on.

You heard the woman. Get writing.

Friday, August 27, 2010

My Weekend Crush

I’m not sure even if it is possible to be in love with a multimedia project, but I am. The New York Times, the staid national paper of record, ran an exhaustive special package on the women of professional tennis this week. It came with a fairly standard feature story talking about the state of the women’s game. But oh, kittens – the extras. Everything is in the extras. The project included an online photo essay and video gallery. That doesn’t sound like much until I tell you it’s a slo-mo video gallery of the incredibly fit, incredibly toned, incredibly strong women of tennis hitting balls really, really hard. I mentioned it was slo-motion, right? I am not even going to try to count the number of times I watched these videos back-to-back, on a loop, with the lights dimmed. This is porn, porn for muscles.

Now, I could get into a long-winded discussion about whether an article about the present state of women’s tennis really needs a blow-out multi-media package featuring some of the game’s biggest and most comely stars in flowing, spangly outfits and immaculate, full makeup hitting tennis balls. Objectification, glamorization, etc. etc., blah blah. But this is not the time or place for that. Instead I want to admire, with every fiber in my body, the dedication and drive, strength and sweat it takes to become a professional athlete. I want to appreciate how hard these women worked to be able to hit that hard. I want to leave small sacrificial offerings at the temples that they’ve transformed their bodies into. I want to marvel at the beauty that comes with strength. In short, I want to watch them play. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Fog Warning

How do you make a raincoat sexy? Find a raincoat. Put it on Christina Hendricks. Any questions? The “Mad Men” star has signed on as the new face (and body, mostly – more on that later) of London Fog. Remember London Fog? We all had a boring old raincoat by them our moms made us take to school against our will on days it looked even the tiniest bit gray. Yeah, well, suddenly I’m praying for rain. Because if Christina shows up in said raincoat I will gladly bring protection – against the rain, people, the rain.

Also good? Christina in a trenchcoat. With a tie. With a button-down shirt that is insufficiently buttoned. Never before have I been so happy about someone’s inability to properly button one’s shirt.

Now, I’ve purposely used the behind-the-scenes pictures of Christina’s London Fog shoot instead of the official campaign photos. Because, as Jezebel has shown, those damn mad ad men and women have given her a ridiculous Photoshop treatment. But we’re going to ignore those altered atrocities. Because nothing you could ever create, manipulate, snip or clip in a computer could ever, ever, ever beat the real thing.

Am I right, ladies? Yeah, I know I’m right. Now bring on the rain.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The circle of (lesbian) life

I saw these photos of Kate Moennig a week ago when she retweeted them. And I was, of course, impressed. Yummy, yummy in my tummy. But then in the circular way that both life and my brain works, I came back to them this week and the pieces had all come together. The photos were taken by lesbian photographer Tasya van Ree. Who happens to be dating actress Amber Heard.

And then you dig a little deeper and Tasya knows Michelle Rodriguez. And out supermodel Tasha Tilberg. And, of course, back to Kate. Following the rabbit hole of who knows who and how and when in Hollywood is curiouser and curiouser than Alice could have ever imagined. And so the circle goes on and on.

I’m not very familiar with Amber, other than that she is a very pretty young woman. While she has starred in the “Pineapple Express” and “Zombieland,” the only thing I recall ever seeing her in was an episode of “Criminal Minds” where, interestingly, her crazed stalker was a woman. But she is a welcome addition to what I hope will be a new and expectation defying wave of young gay Hollywood stars. While they’ve been out and about for what appears to be years (or at the very least known each other for years), the couple really made a splash appearing last week at the Prop. 8 rally hand-in-hand with some really fantastic signs.

A year ago Amber told Details:

“I’m open to whoever. I think it is absurd to assume that I have to look in a certain category. A person should make choices—about who they want to marry, who they want to spend time with, who they want to fuck—based on a variety of options, and I hope that one day people will be more open-minded about that. It’s silly to look in one category or another. I would never imagine a mate based on a certain sex or race.”

Of course, actresses saying they’re “open to whoever” is one thing. Having a real girlfriend that you walk the dog with and go to protests with and pose for sexy photoshoots with that’s another.

Next for Amber is the Johnny Depp take on Hunter S. Thompson’s “The Rum Diaries.” The whole thing should be gorgeous because it has Johnny and Amber and is set in 1960s Puerto Rico . I have already put it on my “To Do” list. It makes a difference when someone is out, open, honest. Each person, every time. And so the circle expands.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Tank Top Tuesday

The beauty of the tank top is multifold. Form-fitting, sheer, cool, hot, practical, clingy. It is many things in many ways to many people. But one of its near-magical qualities is its ability to transform the wearer. It’s not about looks, though it does look great, but more about attitude. Sometimes when a woman puts on a tank top her shoulders straighten, her jaw sets, her eyes focus. She has a swagger. She no longer cares about being soft. In short, she butches up a bit. It’s hot as hell. Don’t believe me? Well, that’s why I always bring along photographic evidence.

Jennifer Garner
Cote de Pablo
Scarlett Johansson
Cate Blanchett
Olivia Wilde
Laura Sanchez
Clea DuVall
Rosario DawsonI rest my case.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Kiss and make it better

I had a hell of a weekend. And, to be honest, I’m still recuperating a bit. But there’s one thing that always makes me feel better: Watching girls kissing. So instead of going to bed at a reasonable hour, like I had planned, to try and wake up refreshed and ready for the work week I spent hours engaged in perhaps the biggest time suck known to the universe: Searching for clips of girls kissing on YouTube. And because I’m not greedy, I’m passing my finds on to you. A few of the best TV kisses, just to brighten your Monday.

Callie & Arizona, Grey’s Anatomy

And the trend of lesbian bathroom kisses continues.

Dana & Lara, The L Word

Kisses against lockers…

Naomi & Emily, Skins

…are fucking hot.

Thelma & Cassie, Hex

So, fine, this was just a dream. A very, very good dream.

Alex & Jessica, Mistresses

I know this post is about kisses, but the hottest thing in this clip is the way Anna Torv unbuttons her shirt. There is something tremendously sexy about how she uses her hands, ahem.

p.s. Is it just me, or have the English just had better lesbian kisses on TV? Must be the accents.

Friday, August 20, 2010

My Weekend Crush

Guinevere Turner was the first out lesbian celebrity I ever had a crush on. Which is another reason I’ll always have a soft, smooshy place in my heart for “Go Fish.” Yes, the acting was bad. Yes, the dialog was stilted. But it, too, was a first. The first lesbian movie I rented and watch and rewatch. And then there was Guin. Beautiful, funny, sexy, gay Guin. That hair, that smile. Fucking hell, those cheekbones. Her career has been an interesting mix of projects, from high profile to avant guard. She seems to know and have worked with every lesbian in the business, possibly the planet. Also, kuddos on her relationship with Tracy Chapman. Now that is one hot couple. And through it all she has been out, proud, unapologetic, inspiring. It makes a difference when you know someone is gay from the start. It did for me. It made my crush on her more real, tangible and in only the strictest anatomical, physiological sense, possible. Like, she was gay – maybe she could like me, too? Hey, stranger things have happened. I mean, she propositioned the hell out of that cabbie on “Taxicab Confessions.” Oh, Guin, because of you the line “I have kind of an urge to see you naked,” might actually work on me. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Gender Fuck Thursday: Tie Me Up Edition

Who doesn’t love to tie one on? A necktie, people, a necktie. Sheesh, bunch of drunks here. As a kid, I loved ties. My father rarely wore them, so when he did we knew it was a special occasion. That, of course, led to their mystique. I had a few hand-me downs my dad gave me to play dress up with. In fact, one of my favorite things to do was to wear one of my dad’s old 60s Lord & Taylor suit jackets (slim-cut, so they almost fit), slick my hair back and put on a tie. Geez, and you wonder why it took me forever to figure out The Gay. I haven’t worn one in a while. But with lovely ladies like Katharine Hepburn as inspiration, perhaps it’s time to give it another try. Now, who wants to show me how to tie a Windsor knot again?

Ellen PageI looked a little like her swimming in my suits back in the day.

Gillian AndersonShe looks a little like she is auditioning for “The Office.” Oooh, maybe she can be the new Michael Scott.

Hilary SwankGod, she makes a handsome boy, doesn’t she?

Janelle MonaeIt is one of my greatest wishes that Janelle will help usher in a trend of women in beautifully cut tuxedos.

Kirsten DunstTaking ties off can be as fun as putting them on. Sometimes more.

Emma ThompsonI believe the word you’re looking for here is rawwwr.
[Hat tip, babsf!]

Clara BowThe It Girl in a tie and suspenders. Now we know what “It” was.

Ingrid BergmanIngrid in that tie is totally worth more than a hill of beans.

Marlene DietrichNo Gender Fuck Thursday is truly complete without her. Period.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Damn, Natalie, you a crazy chick

Full Disclosure: I’m writing about “Black Swan” on AfterEllen today, too. So I apologize for not giving you a full complement of different topics to read about today (and yesterday – seems I’m on bit of a double-dipping jag). But (and the interesting stuff if always after the but) in this post I get to curse and talk more about the naughty and plain old batshit crazy parts of the trailer. In other words, pull up a chair, darling.

Right, first things first, watch this thing. If you know nothing, the 10-second set up is that Natalie Portman plays a ballerina with the New York City Ballet who finally gets her shot at the prime role in “Swan Lake,” only to have newcomer Mila Kunis rival her.

Holy fucking shit, right? I am freaked out, I am turned on, I am buying a ticket.

Now much has been made of the kiss (and sex scene), Natalie and Mila have in the film. Someone who read an early script called it “hungry aggressive angry sex.” Natalie called it “extreme.” Mila called it “not smut.” I was a little wary of it before (especially because it is rumored to be ecstasy induced), but now that I’ve seen the kiss I am all aboard the hate sex train.

Speaking of sex, what exactly is happening here? OK, I know what’s happening here. But, still, dayum.

And then we have Mila letting her fingers do the walking. I like this girl already.

If nothing else, you have to be impressed by Natalie’s many faces of horror. I mean, she even pulls an Edvard Munch.

Everything is most definitely not beautiful at the ballet.