Make It So

Kittens, why hasn’t the movie where Gina Rodriguez and Tessa Thompson play girlfriends been made yet? I leave for a while, a genius idea gets pitched, I expect to return to results. And, look, they’re both on board. Get moving, Hollywood. Look, I realize removing and/or pretending to remove the sexual predators from your ranks is time consuming. But this is a priority. Can’t we have this ONE NICE THING?

p.s. Speaking of one nice things, Gina’s undercut for the film “Annihilation” is *indecipherable low moaning sound*



p.p.s. “Annihilation” better not be a film where all the strong brown and black characters get eaten/destroyed/whatevered by the formless alien rainbow shiny thingie or imma be mad.



p.p.p.s. But, to reiterate, not about Gina’s undercut. It get it always.

No Bull

Well, there’s a first time for everything. Like the first time a hamburger PSA totally didn’t make me cry a little. But, cough, the opposite. Something was in my eye, OK? Feelings and whatnot. So, you know, thanks Burger King. And special shout out to the tiny lesbian (and one cool dude) who stepped in when so many others did not. And since I know you are wondering, the tiny lesbian in question is none other than out filmmaker and actress Fawzia Mirza.

She also confirmed that, indeed, she was a real customer and not paid to be part of the PSA. Just, you know, a good person.

My Weekend Crush

You know what, I don’t post enough Samantha Bee. I should really, really post more Samantha Bee. And, to make up for it, here is a PSA from Samantha Bee. Yo, cis dudes, this one’s for you. Happy weekend, everyperson who has never shown another human being their dick unsolicited.

Gender Fuck Thursday: Julie Andrews Edition

So while I was on vacation I missed Julie Andrew’s 82nd birthday. This is, of course, an unforgiveable sin. So to make up for it may I remind you that few female Hollywood stars dress in drag better than Dame Julie Andrews. In fact, I’d say only the incomparable Dietrich fills out a tuxedo better, and that’s just by a smidge. So happy belated birthday, Julie Andrews. You’ll always be the queen of everything in my book.



p.s. In case you want to involuntarily (but consensually, so so consensually) lose your pants, please enjoy this gifset.

The One Where Ross Invents San Junipero

Hey, did you know Ross Gellar could predict the future? Or that Ross Gellar understood exactly what lesbian heaven looked like? Or that Ross Gellar essentially wrote the plot of “San Junipero?” Neither did I. But then, I guess it’s nice to know he is good for more than talking about dinosaurs, whining that “We were on a break,” and screaming “Pivot!”

p.s. If you have not watched the “San Junipero” episode of “Black Mirror” a) don’t watch this video and b) what is wrong with you?

The Truth Is Gillian

Hello. This is Gillian Anderson. Look at her. Look at Gillian Anderson. Gillian Anderson is the only reason I am still watching “The X-Files.” I really don’t want to still be watching “The X-Files.” Last year the return of the series, after 14 years off the air, was – to be charitable – bad. It was bad. But look at Gillian Anderson. Now consider not looking at Gillian Anderson. Yeah, I’m going to keep looking at Gillian Anderson.



p.s. Thank heavens I can also watch her in an actually good show as well. When does “American Gods” return again?

Listen To 'Em

As the Harvey Weinstein sexual abuse revelations continue to grow in number and horror, it’s important to not feel defeated. Yes, a rich, powerful man got away with sexually harassing, assaulting and – let’s be perfectly frank – raping women for decades. And as much as we can despair that this is just the way the world will always be, it is imperative that we push back against this false prophecy. No, men aren’t genetically hard-wired to objectify and abuse women. This is something they’ve been taught, something that society has ingrained in them as their right. But here’s the thing – it isn’t. And it’s up to us to make sure it isn’t. Every woman, EVERY SINGLE WOMAN, has experience with creepy men. And almost every woman has had experience with sexual harassment, abuse and assault.

So how do we stop it. Well, for one, listen to women. Listen to us when we say, “Hey, that guy is creepy.” Listen to us when we say, “That man acted inappropriately.” Listen to us when we say, “This man is a sexual predator.” Listen to us when we say, “No.” Listen to women and believe women.

And right now, and really always, one of the smartest women to listen to is Emma Thompson. I’ve always loved Emma Thompson. Always, always, always always. I howled, like literally howled, when Emma was among the esteemed artists to sign the letter of support for Roman Polanski. And then I cheered, dear heavens did I cheer, when she rethought her position and removed her name with apologies. This is one of the most clear-headed conversations on the corrosive culture of female objectification and toxic masculinity I’ve heard in a while.

Now this is not to say Emma’s is the only or the best voice to speak out about sexual abuse and harassment. In fact she acknowledges as much, saying women of color have it much harder and owning up to her own past mistakes and privilege (re: Polanski). But this, this kind of unabashed and straightforward truthfulness is what we need on an issue that for far too long has been swept under the rug as just part of business as usual. This is what happens when you put men and women in a workplace/the public/any shared space/the universe together, right? No, fuck that.

And while we’re at it, fuck Harvey Weinstein. Fuck Roman Polanski. Fuck Woody Allen. Fuck Bill O’Reilly. Fuck Bill Cosby. And fuck Donald Fucking Trump. Fuck all male predators. May women like Emma Thompson and the rest of us be the meteor racing toward all these dinosaurs spelling their imminent and total extinction.

My Weekend Rage

It really isn’t that hard to be a decent human being. Or, at least, it shouldn’t be that hard. Treat people with respect. Be kind whenever possible. Help those less fortunate. Fight for justice for all. Stand up against those who oppress, demean or exploit others. If you’re feeling particularly ambitious, maybe floss.

Sadly it comes as no surprise that people do not always do these things – let alone the flossing. And it will come as even less of a surprise that men can be trash. Yes, yes, I know – there goes another man-hating lesbian on a rant about hating men.

In the wake of the revelations about film honco Harvey Weinstein’s horrific, decades-long sexual abuse and assault of women, it’s beyond time to ask ourselves why men do these things to women. Why do men feel entitled to violate women’s bodies in this way? Because they always have? Because they always can?

Rape culture is real, and causes real harm. These aren’t just a few “old dinosaurs” learning to navigate the new, confusing mores of the modern world. This is deeply ingrained belief that women and our bodies are made primarily for male consumption and satisfaction. That it is therefore normal for men to aggressively assert themselves over women. Consent is for pussies, amirite? And, anyway, women claiming to be victims of sexual violence are somehow asking for it. I mean, why did she wear that? What did she think going up to his room? Don’t they know that’s how the world works? Or, conversely, why didn’t women come forward sooner to stop it. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Just fucking damned.

But it’s not normal, none of this is normal, and we should fight this toxic culture at every turn. The men, particularly powerful men, who feel they hold dominion over women’s bodies must be unequivocally purged from public life. The Harvey Weinsteins. The Bill Cosbys. The Roger Aileses. The Bill O’Reillys. The Donald Fucking Trumps.

It really isn’t that hard to be a decent human being. Don’t sexually harass women (or anyone). Don’t invite us to your hotel room for a business meeting and greet us in nothing but a bathrobe and then demand a naked massage. Don’t pop into our dressing rooms uninvited. Don’t jerk off into a potted plant in front of us. Don’t grab us by the pussy. Don’t tell us we’ll love your dick. Don’t send us unsolicited pictures of your dick. Really don’t do anything with your dick in a professional setting, ever. Don’t, and I can’t stress this enough, rape anyone. Seems crazy to have to say it, but here we are.

Be a decent human being. Teach young and old men to be decent human beings. Believe women, support women. It’s the only decent thing to do. Happy weekend, all.

Paradise Island

Kittens, I’m back! While I was away Gal Gadot kissed Kate McKinnon. That’s right, Holtzmann and Wonder Woman totally made out. Yes, everything is garbage or on fire or a garbage fire this year, but at least we have this one good thing.

p.s. I don’t care what those Amazons say, this lesbian would gladly paddle to Themyscira to make sure myself.

Vacation Vixen: Hillary Clinton/America Ferrera

Imagine how much better you’d feel right now if these two women were having this conversation at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue instead.

Vacation Vixen: Robin Wright/General Antiope

Unf. That is all.

Vacation Vixen: Cate Blanchett, Rooney Mara & Julianne Moore

Women who play lesbians really, really well only.

Vacation Vixen: Edie Windsor

May I be even half as courageous, half as vibrant, half as amazing as this woman was throughout her life. Heck, even a fraction.

Vacation Vixen: Liza Minnelli

Leave it to Liza with a Z to give fantastic Gender Fuck Thursday. Though, would you expect any less?

Vacation Vixen: Gugu Mbatha-Raw

I’m so terribly pleased that Gugu Mbatha-Raw is having her moment. Certainly, she has done very good work before “San Junipero” (“Belle,” “Beyond the Lights”). But now with “A Wrinkle in Time” and the new “Cloverfield” movie coming up she seems poised for a moment. See, lesbianism works. p.s. Also, I’ve been doing a slow binge of all of the reboot of “Doctor Who” and was tickled to find she’s Martha’s sister.

Vacation Vixen: Evan Rachel Wood

A vest worn as a tank top for a Tuesday? Hell yeah, I’ll take it.

Vacation Vixen: Oprah, Carol Burnett, Dolly Parton & Julie Andrews

Name a more iconic quartet, I’ll wait. (And, obviously, I’m on vacation right now and will be for the next week and change. But, obviously, I’ll leave you Vacation Vixens to enjoy in my stead. Though, obviously, they can’t all be as mind-blowingly awesome as this one.)

My Weekend Crush

Oh, Kate. Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate. You know you’ve made it when you get the full Annie Leibovitz Vanity Fair treatment. Of course, we knew our Kate back when she was a mere lass on “The Big Gay Sketch Show” and hanging out doing Big Gay Vlogs on the old (RIP) AfterEllen. But now, here she is, being all circus master-y, Katharine Hepburn-y, denim country girl-y and awkwardly carefree vixen on the beach-y. Also, some weird Pagliacci in a bikini top – for some reason.



I can’t say much about the 4,000-word profile (that includes only six, yes SIX, quotes from McKinnon herself). But Kate, lady, you made it. Happy weekend, all.

The Begging Place

Kittens, are you watching “The Good Place?” Please, please (please, please, please) watch “The Good Place.” Season 2 has started (and if you missed Season 1 you can binge it on Netflix, do it now why are you still reading, do it). But I really, really (really, really, really) want this show to keep going. I don’t ask for much (well, other than the destruction of the patriarchy and more women to wear tank tops), but I am asking you to give this crazy show a try. And if you have already been giving it a try and, like me, watched the whole first season right up to that last motherforking episode in totally, blissed out hilarity (and complete shock), this next clip is for you.

If you have not watched the first season, I also cannot stress this enough. DO NOT WATCH THE CLIP BELOW. DO NOT WATCH IT DO NOT WATCH IT. DO NOT WATCH IT. It will ruin the entire series for you and I want your life to be filled with only happiness and sunshine interspersed with kittens and puppies who come to visit for pets and snuggles. So are we clear on my requests here? Watch “The Good Place.” Don’t watch the video below if you haven’t watched “The Good Place.” See? Simple.



p.s. Kristen Bell shot this video and kept it for the past year because apparently only she and Ted Danson had been clued in on the finale’s ending which is some crazy ass shirt.

p.p.s. “The Good Place” airs at 8:30 tonight on NBC so now you know what to do.

p.p.p.s. It is on between “Superstore,” which you should also watch, and “Will & Grace” which, duh, I know you’re gonna watch. So come on, give it a try. (But again, not that embedded video about the finale which you should only watch if you’ve watched Season 1. Shoot, is this getting confusing again?)

p.p.p.p.s. Right, let’s make it simple. Probably just turn on your TV and watch NBC tonight. (Also, to clear up any lingering confusion, this is not a paid ad because I don’t do those, as my bank account will attest.)

Masters of the Time of Your Life

Guys, I know I usually (basically always) post about the ladies. But this U.K. ad for, of all things, a supermarket chain price comparison website is so weird and so wonderful and also so weirdly wonderfully gay I just had to share. Hope it makes your Wednesday bright. Have the time of your life the rest of this week like He-Man and Skeletor.

Only Yourselves to Thank

Man, I miss me some Julia Sugarbaker sometimes. Like, goodness, we could have used her in the 2016 election. And, my word, you just know in 2017 she would be averaging about 2.5 Terminator rants a week – at minimum. Whenever I’m feeling a little low about the state of affairs (like, you know, about having a racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, narcissistic, thin-skinned, money-grubbing moron as president), I think of metaphorically burning it all down with a classic Julia Sugarbaker takedown. And for my money none, not even the “The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia” one, can top this. I recommend playing it for yourself at least once a year, and probably more. Ah, now don’t you feel rejuvenated and ready to take down the patriarchy again?

p.s. In case you were wondering, fear not, The Julia also made her thoughts on The Donald perfectly clear. Somewhere in TV heaven you just know Julia Sugarbaker and Dorothy Zbornak are having a field day trading their best Trump insults back and forth.

Double Lesbians, Double Fun(damental Rights)

Hey, you like lesbians, right? And you like laughing, right? And you like lesbians who are funny (not to be redundant, as many, many of us are very, very funny – all of you included) and make you laugh (but in a good way), right? Well then don’t miss your chance to catch Cameron Esposito and Rhea Butcher on their cross-country Back to Back Tour. Yes, that’s two lesbians comics for the price of one. Such a deal! (For a free sample of said deal, please enjoy the video above.)

The very funny married ladies started their tour last week and I had the privilege of catching their show over the weekend. And it is my professional opinion as a person who writes her opinions professionally on The Internet that it was really great (imagine a Tony the Tiger voices here for emphasis). Yes, of course it was funny, but it was also socially conscience in a way that makes you feel less crazy about the world. And feeling less crazy about the world in the Age of Trump is no small thing. This isn’t to say they normalized all or any of the terrible, horrible, very bad, no good things that are happening. Not at all. Instead it was kind of like a ballroom-sized therapy session (lesbians processing en masse, you don’t say).

Like if you’re casually scrolling through your Twitter feed and suddenly the man we inexplicably call president posts something else about how much he loves the flag even though you know if someone told him he had to burn down a forest of American flags to clear land to build another stupid hotel with his name on it he’d do it in a fucking heartbeat. And you feel that familiar pressure in your chest and pounding in your temple like, THIS IS NOT NORMAL, WHY IS ANY OF THIS HAPPENING, HOW DO WE MAKE IT STOP.

Well they expressed that in a way that was a) funny and b) made you feel less alone. So many of us (well, except those people in the red hats and the white polos and the khaki pants…) feel like we’re going insane because of how insane our government is right now. But it feels good to be around a large group of people who are like, yes, I too believe things are completely fucked up. Laughing is healthy – and necessary – to stay sane. And so is action and acknowledging our role in doing whatever we can to make things better and support those who are the most hurt by this cruel and hateful administration. And all the better if two short-haired (Cameron cut off her side mullet – it was big gay news) are the ones reminding us of this, but in a funny way. Their show was proof positive that The Resistance can be entertaining as hell.

p.s. Naturally, Cameron and Rhea took a knee before their show. I don’t play football or have a comedy tour, so I took a knee before vacuuming the house yesterday. You know, same diff.



p.p.s. I was not paid to say any of this, I bought my ticket like Tom Price and Steve Mnuchin would never do. Though, full disclosure, both Cameron and Rhea now follow me on Twitter, so it’s kind of like we’re BFFs.

My Weekend Crush

Should we just rename it Carolflix? “Carol” has officially come to Netflix this week. So if some inconceivable reason you have not watched the best lesbian romance to ever grace the big screen, small screen or smartphone screen – seriously, what is wrong with you? Regardless, here is your chance to catch it for the first time, or – if you’re like me – watch it again (and again and again and again and again) with the same wonder as the first time. Happy weekend, dearest.

Our Wild and Precious Lives

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

This quote by the poet Mary Oliver is equal parts call to joy and call to action. And if that’s the only thing you take away from Edie Windsor’s life and death it is still really quite a thing. Last Friday the memorial service for the LGBT rights hero was held in New York. And, wouldn’t you know it, the woman who actually won the popular vote made a surprise appearance to give a eulogy. Meanwhile the man we inexplicably call president has yet to even mention her passing at all. But, hey, he found the time to tweet about the Emmy ratings, so there’s that. When you have the time today, or in the next few days or whenever you can, I highly recommend you listen to Hillary beautifully memorialize Edie. Two great women, two determined women, two women who have left an indelible impact on this nation. And, yes, I know – Hillary isn’t perfect which everyone somehow feels the need to point out every single time her name is mentioned even though literally no one on fucking Earth is perfect. So, with Mary Oliver’s words ringing in my ears and Edie’s courage warming my heart, I vow to quit apologizing for complex women from here on out. And I vow to never postpone joy. Thank you, Hillary and Edie.

Crofting New Heroes

Right, so let’s get into this new “Tomb Raider” trailer. When the reboot of the action franchise was announced I was a big, “M’k. I guess.” I also thought Alicia Vikander was a tad slight to fill Angelina Jolie’s combat boots. But then I saw her abs and I was like, “K. Give it a chance.” And now that I’ve seen the first trailer I’m like, “OK. Imma probably see this.”

It’s not necessarily that seeing Alicia Katniss Everdeening her way through the jungle in a tank top has sold me. I mean, it’s not terrible. This looks like your pretty standard action-adventure, world-saving, evil-defeating storyline. But with one, make that two, very important differences that make it not standard in the least. One, of course, is that it is an action-adventure, world-saving, evil-defeating storyline centered around a female lead. This is Lara Croft’s story, yet Lara Croft is among only a handful of female action hero franchises to make it to the big screen – period. Ripley from “Aliens,” Sarah from “Terminator,” Selene from “Underworld,” Alice from “Resident Evil,” Katniss from “Hunger Games,” Rey from “Star Wars” and Furiosa from “Mad Max” (dear movie gods, please, more Furiosa, please…), deserve more sisters. So if we want more of them, we should support the ones we have.

And, on secondary note, it’s nice to see her male sidekick (secondary hero?) is an Asian actor. Not too many of those in major American film franchises either. Create a more diverse array of heroes, create more interesting array of stories – period.

So bring on the new Lara Croft. Long may she run, jump, punch, kick, shoot, swing and reign at the box office. And may many, many, many, many more ladies who do the same come behind her.

p.s. I’ve included a little video of Alicia Vikander training to get into Lara Croft fighting shape. You know, if you’re into that sort of thing. Ahem.

SGALGG: Emmys Edition

To be honest, at this year’s Emmys there were so many Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gals at the Emmys we hardly need a Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals. Plus we’ve got Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals With Gay Gals. Hell, at this point it’s just one big gay jumbles and I’m here for all of it. Though, if any of this smorgasbord of sexuality is causing any lingering confusion, please allow me to clear things up.

SGALGG: Mackenzie Davis & Gugu Mbatha-Raw

San Junipero forever (like, literally, forever).

GGALGG: Lena Waithe & Alana Mayo

Thanking your girlfriend in your Emmy speech is like 1 million Girlfriend Points, no?

SGALGGWGG: Sarah Paulson & Thandie Newton

No one tell Holland.

GGALGG: Samira Wiley & Lauren Morelli

Happily married photogenic couple is happily married and photogenic.

SGALGGWGG: Samira Wiley & Oprah

No one tell Gayle.

SGALGG: Anna Chlumsky & Ellie Kemper

My Girl is Unbreakable. Sorry, they can’t all be winners.

GGALGG: Evan Rachel Wood

I lied. Evan Rachel Wood and her vests can always be a winner.

SGALGG: Zoe Kravitz & Tessa Thompson

Unfortunately, rainbow dresses don’t actually make you gay – yet.

GGALGG: Kate McKinnon

Gay Lady World Domination Tour starts here.

SGALGGWGG: Kate McKinnon & Nicole Kidman

I see Kate’s already attracting tour groupies.

SGALGG: Nicole Kidman, Reese Witherspoon, Laura Dern & Zoe Kravitz

I may or may not have cropped Shailene Woodley out because she had the gall to brag about not owning or watching television on the red carpet of a television award show where she was nominated for acting on a television show to a reporter broadcasting it on a television show. Also I’m pretty sure she voted for Jill Stein.

SGALGGWGG: Lily Tomlin, Dolly Parton & Jane Fonda

Legends only.

Emmys Loves the Gay Ladies

Well, now that didn’t suck. The Emmys were an unmistakable win for us gay ladies. San Junipero. Kate McKinnon. Lena Waithe. The Handmaid’s Tale. It was like lesbian Christmas and New Year’s rolled up into one very well-dressed night. So let’s go through our big wins one by one.

San Junipero

I was shocked – in the best possible way – that my favorite episode of television in the past year (and perhaps in the past several years) not only earned the recognition it did but actually won. Twice. This unusual show, this singular episode, this tale of eternal love and this redefinition of a happy ending. This totally and completely gay romance won for both Outstanding Television Movie and for Outstanding Writing for a Limited Series, Movie, or Dramatic Special. Twice. It won twice. Heaven is a place called Emmys.

Kate McKinnon

Kate the Great takes home her second straight Emmy win for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series. And even though it all went wrong and were robbed of four more years of her playing Hillary Clinton on SNL, she did her best. And in her acceptance she also said, “on a very personal note I want to say thank you to Hillary Clinton for your grace and grit.” Now the only question left to answer is who was the short-haired lady sitting next to her at the Emmys?

Lena Waithe

Lena become the first black woman to win for writing for a comedy series. The out queer writer took home the trophy for the “Thanksgiving” episode of “Master of None” along with show creator Aziz Ansari. And in her acceptance she said, “And last, but certainly not least, my LGBTQIA family. I see each and every one of you. The things that make us different, those are our super powers. Every day, when you walk out the door and put on your imaginary cape and go out there and conquer the world — because the world would not be as beautiful as it is if we weren’t in it.” Not all heroes wear capes. Some wear dapper-ass shiny suits.

The Handmaid’s Tale

Granted, while it’s not an exclusively gay story (though it does have two prominent lesbian characters, one played by an out queer woman) “The Handmaid’s Tale” is a searing indictment of our worst human inclinations. But the the most disturbing part of this dystopian world ruled by an authoritarian government that strictly controls women’s bodies in the name of some conservative moral zealotry doesn’t feel all that fictional in this day and age.

Other Emmy 2017 highlights: First South Asian man to win an acting Emmy (Riz Ahmed for “The Night Of”), first black person to win an Emmy for comedy directing (Donald Glover for “Atlanta”), the first black actor to win for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy since 1985 (Also Donald Glover for “Atlanta”), first black actor to win Outstanding Lead Actor in a Dram since 1998 (Sterling K. Brown for “This Is Us”), and first woman to win Outstanding Director in a Drama since 1995 (Reed Morano for “The Handmaid’s Tale”). Three cheers for inclusiveness, three cheers for gayness.

p.s. The one thing about the Emmys that definitely did suck was the “Aw, Shucks” treatment of Sean Spicer. He was paid to lie to the American people every.single.day for a racist, sexist, xenophobic bigot. He does not get to fail up and redeem himself on national television. Nope to that bullshit forever.

My Weekend Crush

Sorry, again, to keep sharing videos from that hair tousle, but it’s not too often you get not only one but two lesbian guests on late night television. So here is Tig Notaro and Sarah Paulson kind of cracking each other up. Just pretend Jimmy’s not there, I know I do. And feel free to steal these party bits. As an natural introvert I appreciate any help at large social gatherings I can get. The dog one in particular seems like a great way to meet other lesbians – though you might want to switch it to a cat, depending on the crowd. Happy weekend, all.

Spit Take

“Rachel Weisz and Rachel McAdams Have Incredible Sex in Disobedience”

Well, hello – now there’s a headline. It’s almost enough to set the Lesbian Bat Signal up to “Carol” levels of anticipation. I’ve written about their new film “Disobedience” before. The pair play childhood friends from an Orthodox Jewish community who rekindle their illicit relationship as adults. And now that it has premiered at Toronto the reviews have started to come in, and they’re good. And then there’s that headline, which certainly makes every gay gal I know want to click the link. If you don’t want spoilers for the plot, stop reading now. If you want to know what qualifies as “incredible sex,” read on:

Apparently the two women (Rachel Weisz as Ronit, a photographer who has left her conservative upbringing to live in New York, and Rachel McAdams as Esti, a schoolteacher who remains in the orthodox community and is married to a man), finally hook up in a hotel where the “mind-blowing meeting of the Rachels can finally be released.” And I quote:

The two drink each other in again, but this time with unhindered relish, McAdams’s Esti groaning as Weisz’s Ronit undoes the crotch of her bodysuit with her teeth, Esti searching every contour of Ronit’s mouth with her tongue, then the ecstasy as they each reach inside the other’s underpants. They are simultaneously ravenous and exquisitely thorough. Though the moment almost everyone will be talking about will be when Weisz straddles McAdams and gently spits into her mouth, as McAdams eagerly receives it and asks for more, and more again.

Yeah, I know. It was all going so well until the whole “spits into her mouth” thing. Seriously, spits into her mouth? What? No. More and more again? No, again no. Is this some hot new lesbian trend I just don’t understand? Because imma NOPE out of that right quick.

I hope, sincerely, that it’s something less gross than actual just spitting into each other’s mouth. That this is some kind of failure to properly describe an erotic act on the author’s part. The writer also calls the scene as “sexy and gorgeous,” which I have never associated with the word “spit” in my entire life. So, yeah. The scene is then also described as “a tad male-gaze-y” which, come on guys. Can’t lesbians have one thing? And can that one thing please not involve spitting?

But, then it redeems itself somewhat by saying:

“Most of all, though, it’s moving, and very different from the coming-of-age lesbian scenes of ‘Blue Is the Warmest Color’ and ‘The Handmaiden.’ Here are two grown women who’ve done this before and are well past the discovery phase. Their only desire is to give pleasure to and receive it from one another, and they’ve been stymied for so long by circumstances…”

Yeah, that’s more like it. That I like. That gets me cranking up the old Lesbian Bat Signal again. Just, you know, keep the spit to yourselves, please.

Rest In Pride

If you ever doubt that one person can change the world, think of Edie Windsor. One singular woman, one timeless love, one righteous fight. They all came together in Edie, who undeniably changed the world for the better. Her death yesterday at age 88 is a reminder that no matter how small and helpless we feel, we should never doubt our power to do what is right. Hers was an unlikely journey to LGBT rights hero and icon. You might not think an octogenarian who had lived a quiet and loved life with her wife, Thea Spyer, for four decades would make history. But when Thea died in 2009 and the government refused to recognize their union (to the tune of a hefty six-figure federal tax bill), she fought back. For Thea, for all of us. And, wouldn’t you know it, she won. Edie slayed the Goliath. In 2013 the United States Supreme Court ruled the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional in 2013 (United Sates v. Windsor). And that paved the way two years later in 2015 for the Supreme Court’s to declare same-sex marriage legal across the entire United States (Obergefell v. Hodges). Upon her passing Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton were among the outpouring of people offering words of condolences and homages to her place in history. Love, indeed, trumps hate. And love, like that between Edie and Thea where you dance a hole into your stocking together the first night you meet, can truly change the world. Thank you, Edie. Thank you from the bottom of our big gay hearts forever.

p.s. Hey, here is an idea, replace all Confederate monuments with a statue of Edie just like this. For one, she actually won her war. And for another, she actually made America greater. Radical idea, I know.

Your Best Paulson

Sarah Paulson continues to be an endless delight and someone we all wish was our lesbian BFF (no offense to my real lesbian BFF, but she is better at impressions that you – that’s a fact). I’m always so pleased when she has a new project coming out (even though I still feel very “Too Soon” about “American Horror Story: Cult” and its Election 2016 overtones). But I am pleased because that will mean more talk show appearances. Here she is slaying (naturally) her impressions. The Holly Hunter and the sunflower seeds thing almost made me spit out my drink. (I know, I know – I still have a hard time watching Jimmy because of the whole hair tousling/enabling a monster/our next president thing). But stick it out for Sarah because it’s worth it.

Also, here is Sarah explaining that amazing fangirling red carpet photo. Like I said, excellent lesbian BFF material.

We Got Weather

We have had some, shall we say, inclement weather here in the United States. Hurricanes, floods, wildfires. My thoughts, of course, are with all those who lost loved ones, their homes, their worldly possessions and all else the full force of our climate run amok has taken from them. (Also, dude, climate change is so fucking real.) So with all due respect to the insane power of Mother Nature, here is the most ridiculously insane scene from the weather disaster classic “Twister.” It’s also an early Tank Top Tuesday, because I’m sure Helen Hunt in that white tank is more than a few of your roots. We’ve got cows, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

One of my favorite things continues to be seeing “Game of Thrones” characters in costume while using modern contraptions. I particularly like anything to so with Cersei Lannister acting very un-Cersei Lannister-y. Like, sure she almost killed her brother/incest lover, is double-crossing Daenery Targaryen and doesn’t give a shit if White Walkers kill every last living soul in Westeros. She’s still Lena Headey/the most adorable lesbian florist in the world to me. I mean, look at that tongue. Happy weekend, all.

Magic Lesbians Bus

The lesbians are in your children’s TV, making everything more magical. I was a little too old (cough, a lot too old, cough) to have watched “The Magic School Bus.” I was more of a “3-2-1 Contact” girl, myself. But I’m all for educational television voiced by lesbians. And now that they are rebooting it on Netflix there are not one, but two lesbian voices. Lily Tomlin, who voiced the original Ms. Fizzles and will return now as Prof. Fizzles, and Kate McKinnon, who will play Fiona Felicity Frizzle her sister. As an added coolness bonus, the new theme for “The Magic School Bus Rides Again” is sung by none other than Hamilton’s Lin-Manuel Miranda. The original theme for the old series was sung by none other than Little Richard. Damn, now I feel like I missed out. Well, at least I get another shot. Hey, it’s educational.

Great British Eat It

So I guess the “Great British Bake-Off” has made its Channel 4 debut. And while normally the start of a new season of my favorite televised Xanax would fill me with joy and soothing shots of the British countryside, whatever has returned can never hold candle to what was. This new Mary Berry, Sue Perkins and Mel Giedroyc-less incarnation just makes me sad. No one gives a fart about Paul Hollywood, and you know it. Mary, Sue and Mel were the show. Well, that and all the overly polite and totally lovely British folks reacting to their disastrous bakes. But, for real, Mary, Mel and Sue, forever. Particularly Mary saying something a little, um, saucy.

I Just Called To Say...

Kittens, today marks the year anniversary of the end of “Rizzoli & Isles.” And, yeah, I still miss that show and its crazy, insane, totally gay chemistry. No, the cases didn’t make sense. No, the police procedure wasn’t right. No, I have no idea why didn’t just give in and make Jane and Maura a couple. But despite it all it was still ridiculously fun chronicling seven years worth of Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching, Eye Sex, Ponytails of Righteous Justice, Aviators of Sexy Justice, Adorable Bickersons and, of course, the Synchronized “Rizzoli” and “Isles” Phone Greetings. And, of course, we'll always gave the Subtext Recaps. Ah, the memories.

B + D = Hell Yeah

So our first “Game of Thrones”-less Sunday until after the long, dark winter has arrived. And here we are waiting (and waiting, and waiting, and waaaaaaiting) for the final season. Which Targaryen – if any – will assume the Iron Throne. Which dragon – if any – will survive the inevitable battle with the Ice Dragon. Which people actually ship – if any – Jon and Dany becoming doting parents to their inevitable fire/ice incest baby. All that is fine and good, but what I really care about is what will come of Brienne of Tarth. And to that end I believe we should all listen to the wisdom of Gwendoline Christie. Who better than her to assess Brienne’s fate? No one, I say. So is it said, so shall it be.

My Weekend Crush

Yes, I know, many of our pop stars are problematic. We love (love, love) to pit them against each other. Especially if they’re women, precisely because they are women. But besides providing us with the effervescent delights to make our daily drives, work and lives just that much more fun, sometimes they’ve got some pretty wonderful messages. I’m way too old to watch the MTV Video Music Awards anymore. But I’m happy to share Pink’s Video Vanguard Award speech. Because helping more people appreciate more kinds of beauty in the world is always a good thing. Sure, another pop singer may have sung that song first. But a good thing is a good thing no matter who says it and no matter who shares it. Plus, Pink has always been one of my absolute favorites. So rock on with your bad selves, ladies. Happy beautiful weekend, all.