I Brittana You

Fine, “Glee,” fine. You made me watch the big wedding. It was uneven and unrealistic, but that’s pretty much “Glee” in a nutshell. But the Brittana bits, fine, they got me, fine. They got me not necessarily because of the poignancy of the actual moment. That was ruined by having Kurt and Blaine horn in on Brittana’s big day. Seriously, how can a show this freaking gay not take the time to make two episodes dedicated to two different, independent same-sex weddings for its two different, independent same-sex couples? Also, Kurt’s jacket was otherworldly awful. It was blue shiny camo. BLUE. SHINY. CAMO.

But, now I’ve veered off the point. And the point was the episode didn’t necessarily get me on its scripted poignancy. Sure, there were nice moments between Brittany and Santana – lovely even. But what got me was what watching something like this can mean for fans who have stuck with this coupling. Yes, this was pure, unabashed fandom service. But, hey, this fandom has been through a lot – they deserve it. What I like that – unless Ryan Murphy & Co. royally fuck this thing up in the final five episodes – lesbian viewers will have another happy ending.

This sort of thing is still important. Do all of our stories have to be happy, of course not. But there need to be enough happy endings to allow us to dream of our own. So, thanks for that. Thanks for all the pinky holds and scissoring talk and the Lebanese goodness. Thank you to Naya Rivera and Heather Morris. Thank you for Brittany and Santana. Now ride off into the sunset, you two. From background characters to forever OTP. You made it, ladies. You made it.

My Weekend Crush

Aw, man. It’s always the good ones who go too soon. Earlier this week singer Lesley Gore died of lung cancer at age 68. As a teenager Lesley became the quintessential 60s singer with songs like “It’s My Party,” “That’s the Way Boys Are,” “Maybe I Know” and – of course – “You Don’t Own Me.” The latter was an instantly iconic feminist anthem of independence and defiance. Keep in mind, that song came out in 1964 right at the earliest cusp of second-wave feminism. Over the years she has also been vocal about the difficulties of being a young woman in the male-dominated music industry. And in 2005 the singer came out as a lesbian in an interview with AfterEllen (yes, really) and discussed her long-term relationship with Lois Sasson. The couple had been together for 33 years when Lesley passed earlier this week. And during the 2012 presidential election Lesley brought back “You Don’t Own Me” – and a few dozen of her famous feminist friends – for a PSA sing-along to get out the vote. It’s true, nobody owned her. But she always had our backs. Happy weekend, all.

"You Don't Own Me" PSA from You Don't Own Me on Vimeo.

Meow It Off

I don’t know why this four-year-old video of Taylor Swift petting her cat fills me with such joy, but I do know I only got about four hours of sleep the other night which means recapping season has returned. Get your fresh, steaming Gayzzoli Recaps over at AfterEllen today. Or, you know, just keep petting that kitty cat. Come to think of it, maybe I do know why that four-year-old video of Taylor fills me with such joy. Is there anything more relatable to lesbians than a woman who is being trained by her cat? I think not.

What are you asking?

So this Sunday are the Oscars, a.k.a. the Pop Culture Super Bowl. I have been watching the awards since I had to ask my parents permission to stay up way past my bedtime to see who took home best picture. In short, I never miss them. But you know what I don’t mind missing? The red carpet. Granted, I watch because I like to see what everyone is wearing just like everybody else. But I have grown to loathe what passes for red carpet interviews. Maybe it is because I grew up watching Army Archerd interview the stars as they walked in and now we’ve got…um, these idiots. Oy. I mean, I am not expecting long discussions on non-proliferation of nuclear weapons treaties or sustainable energy strategies. It’s movies, not Mensa. But how about this? Each star hands the interviewer a cue card that says who made their damn dress and the interviewers ask them questions about the movie they were in instead. Eh? Also, ban mani-cams forever.

Back for More

It’s baaaaaaack! So I guess Jane didn’t down. Big shocker, right? Anywaaaay. I thought they were just coming back for three episodes, but it looks like there’ll be six. (I’m not crazy, they added episodes because the original episode order for Season 5 was only 15 episodes. I swear.) But, you know, the more the merrier. So, of course, the return of Jane & Maura & Co. means the return of Gayzzoli. Subtext recaps will fire up again this week, so check back at AfterEllen on Thursdays for all the eye sex, Totally Gratuitous Totally Gay Touching, random sleepovers et al. I can’t say what the remaining six episodes of the season will bring. But we can guess given some of the new promo photos. And by guess I say imagine the gayest scenario possible. Duh.


Wow, I mean, presume much? We never agreed to a foursome, so get off that table and put your clothes back on, OK.


I knew it! I knew it! Prof. Jack Beard was on an assignment all along and now he is ready for his treatment. This whole relationship with Maura was just for an episode of “Dollhouse.”


Jane, just because we’re both wearing gloves doesn’t mean we can slip away to a backroom. Dead body, remember? Priorities, remember? *slips off to backroom to make good use of the gloves anyway*


Jane is drinking wine. Jane is drinking wine for Maura. Jane really wants sex. From Maura.

Sorry, I’m a little rusty. But, you know what they say, subtext recapping is just like riding a bike. Fine, no one says that.

Working Stiff

Guess what, I have the day off. I knew presidents were good for something. But for those who don’t have the day off, please enjoy a little solidarity with WALL-E. See you again at the office tomorrow.

My Weekend Crush

If you’re not at least a little bit in love with Constance Wu then I sincerely worry about you. Either something heavy hit you in the head or you aren’t watching “Fresh Off the Boat.” It could be both, in which case I really, really worry about you. If you are watching you know that Constance plays family matriarch Jessica Huang on the new ABC series. As an Asian-American girl I vividly remember watching “All-American Girl,” broadcast TV’s first sitcom featuring an Asian-American cast, back in the 90s. Now, 21 years later, I’m keenly watching our second.

So far, boy oh boy, do I like what I see. And I’m definitely in love with Constance’s no-bullshit Jessica. She is amazing. She is hilarious. She is a badass. She is by far the runaway, scene-stealing star of the show. But she’s also a real-life badass who understands the heavy burden placed upon actors playing underrepresented roles. We understandably want so much from these characters because we see them so little. Be they black, Asian, gay, disabled, whathaveyou. We pin our hopes on them. But it’s also an unfair expectation, and wildly unrealistic to boot.

As Constance told Time magazine (in an interview you should read in full):

We shouldn’t be a voice for all Asians. We are such a varied group that there’s no one show that can be like, “This is what Asian America looks like!” But we’re given that burden because we’re so rarely represented. If you see Tina Fey on television, you’re not like, “All white women are like Tina Fey.” Yet people are like, “Oh, Jessica Huang’s not like my mother, but this show is supposed to be about Asians, so shouldn’t she be like my mother?”

So Jessica Huang is just Jessica Huang. But we’re lucky because Jessica Huang is pretty fucking awesome. And so is Constance. Plus, damn, lady has the voice of an angel. A badass angel. Happy weekend, all.

Welcome Aunt Flo

Ladies! We’re about to laugh about our periods. A lot. Please allow everyone’s favorite side-mulleted lesbian comedian Cameron Esposito to give that time of the month the honest descriptive explanation it truly deserves. Considering more than half of the population has a period once every damn month, it’s crazy that it is still one of those things people just don’t talk about. Ew, you know? But fuck that. It happens. It’s not embarrassing. It’s life. So suck it up and show some fucking respect. Let it bleed.

[H/T to Buzzfeed for the video find.]

Team Z

So during one of those desperate OH MY GOD THERE IS NOTHING TO WATCH moments where I was looking for something fun and different and interesting I happened upon a show I’d never heard of on Netflix. “Z Nation,” which on its surface is basically just “The Walking Dead” for the Syfy channel. Make no mistake, this is a show about a zombie apocalypse and a group of gritty survivors who try to stay alive amid the ruins. There is gore and grimness and a lot of grime. The similarities are inevitable. But this is also a show that has become a most delightful bait-and-switch.

[Spoiler Alert: I am going to discuss the entire first season including major plot points and major deaths. So, um, you’ve been warned.]

The first thing you’ll notice about this show is it has a sense of humor. I stopped watching “The Walking Dead” when it became more of an interpersonal drama filled with human politics than a show about zombies. So something like “Z Nation” that doesn’t take itself too seriously which is nice. It’s zombies, yo. They stumble around and want to eat our brains. Don’t overthink it, m’kay.

The second thing you’ll notice is that the show’s biggest stars - Harold Perrineau and Tom Everett Scott as Garnett – die pretty damn quickly. Like, Harold’s character dies in the first episode. Boom, gone. And Tom’s character – who appeared to be the de facto Rick of the group – dies midway through the season.

So what you have left is Kellita Smith as Roberta Warren. From the start Roberta has been the second in command on the show. And from the start she been a welcome addition to the strong, interesting female character pantheon – and she is also a woman of color, which is even more welcome. So now, she is the leader and that’s unfortunately still pretty unusual to have on out teevees. To put what has happened on this show it in terms we all understand, it’s if like if Firefly killed off Mal half way through the season and let Zoe run the ship.

“Z Nation” has been unsparing in its willingness to kill off the obvious heroes. The recognizable star. The predictable white male lead. And now we’re left in rarified air for a series where a woman of color is leading an action-adventure, sci-fi series.

Granted, I have absolutely no idea if she’ll live on into the second season. The first season ended on a major cliffhanger that has the potential to kill off pretty much everyone. So, we shall see what this show does with its second season and if it delivers on is promise.

Heart of Dixie

And now, the South. Yesterday Alabama became the 37th state to end its ban on same-sex marriage. Couples across the state got hitched were filled with all the smiles and all the kisses and all the hope that comes requisite with a wedding. A marriage, after all, should be a supremely optimistic act which reaffirms our belief in the possibility of a happy future. And, finally, I feel that way about marriage equality across the United States, too.

The steady drumbeat of states expanding the right to all has been more than heartening. It’s history before our eyes. Normally, when the Supreme Court agrees to hear anything I reach for the antacids. And it was the same when the court agreed to hear the cases of four states – Kentucky, Michigan, Ohio, and Tennessee – where the courts have ruled their marriage bans are still constitutional.

But in denying a stay in Alabama, where a federal judge ruled that the ban was unconstitutional – the majority of the justices tipped their hand on the impending marriage equality cases before them. Heck, even Clarence Thomas (yes, him, ugh) said so in his dissent writing: “This acquiescence may well be seen as a signal of the Court’s intended resolution of that question.” Yeah it does. Boo-yah.

Granted, I’m not telling everyone in the hold-out states to buy rings just yet. But definitely start browsing. Sure, a lot can go wrong because this is our Supreme Court. They’re wacky and not in a good way most of the time. Still, the momentum is clear. We have won this fight in the arena that matters most – public opinion. Everyone who still vocally opposed same-sex marriage seems like the troglodytes that they are. With each ruling and each state that opens people see that, no, the foundation of marriage has not crumbled under their feet. It has only gotten stronger. Now it’s all over but cleaning up the foot-dragging straggler states for the courts.

Still, there’s so much left to do even after full marriage equality is realized. Full LGBT employment non-discrimination rights. Full LGBT anti-harassment and hate crime protection. I could go on. It’s important to remember, even after we can all get married, we have not arrived at the promised land yet. There’s still a lot of road left.

Yes, there is work to do. Yet I still can’t help but feel like the love sick fool with each new picture of smiling, happy, optimistic couples beaming at the possibility of “I do” in each new state. How can you not?

p.s. Wanna know more about Alabama’s adorable first legally married same-sex couple in Montgomery pictured above? Of course you do!

Music Monday

So, this is a true story. I was a big Tori fan in my formative years. Duh. Of course I was. I’ve been in love with her since “Little Earthquakes” because I am a human woman with emotions and feelings and ears. So, needless to say, Tori was on super heavy rotation back then.

Over the weekend, while reading about the 23rd anniversary special reissue of Tori’s “Little Earthquakes” (and “Under the Pink”), I pulled her up on my playlist for old time’s sake. Jesus Mary and that Joe guy was that album good. It’s still SO FUCKING GOOD. Every song on that album is perfect. Every song on that album plugs directly into, as the kids today say, my feels. Every song is a memory.

Which brings me back to my true story. So one of my friends got married while we were still in college. Bless her heart, she was the sweetest girl. But sometimes she didn’t always pay attention to the details. So she used “China” as her first dance song. Yes, I can feel the distance getting close-“China.”

I lost touch of Amy after college. And I hadn’t though about the girl who was an expert at passing out with a full can of beer in her hand and never spilling a drop in ages. But I wondered, after using “China” as her wedding song, if it all worked out.

So, naturally, I feel into a Google black hole to look her up. She had a somewhat unusual name, but I also knew her husband’s name and her college name. Anyway, 15 minutes later I found her. I was able to surmise that they were indeed no longer together. And that that girl who was a champion at holding a beer while unconscious is now a senior software developer at an aeronautics and security company.

Lesson 1: People who listen to Tori are smart. Second Lesson: Always listen to the lyrics.

My Weekend Crush

Girl, I am still not over hearing that ding-dee-dee-ding-da-ding intro out of nowhere in the middle of the Super Bowl Halftime show. Missy “Misdemeanor” Elliott, people. MISSY, PEOPLE. Lordt, have mercy. Sometimes you don’t realize how much you miss someone until she’s back, killing it, right in front of you. Missy has always been one of my most favorite female rappers. You just can’t deny those beats. And I’m an Asian girl from the Midwest who.can.not.dance. But you have to; it’s Missy. So I couldn’t be more pleased with the renewed respect and opportunity to trip down memory lane her appearance offered us all.







What was ahead of its time for its time and continues to be today was her uninhibited lyrics. Her insistence on her worth, other women’s worth, her skills, other women’s skills. Also, “We Run This” was the theme song for “Stick It.” Mention that movie to any lesbian and all you’re all you’ll hear is her happily sigh “abbbbbbs” to herself and then wander off with a dreamy smile on her face. Yeah, Missy runs this. Plus, imagine if Katy Perry tried to pulled off a black garbage bag as a fashion statement. Please. Yeah, only Missy. Happy Weekend, all.

Keeping Up Appearances

How do you solve a media problem like Bruce Jenner? I say media problem for a reason, because I have no interest in dissecting Jenner the person. Jenner has, thus far, had exactly zero public comment when it comes to sexual identity or gender identity. That is up to Jenner and Jenner alone. But I am very interested in how the media is going to cover what increasingly appears to be a very public person taking on a very private process in an environment of very public judgment.

Buzzfeed has already reported that the titular Kardashian clan head is in final negotiations for a sit-down interview with Diane Sawyer and possible subsequent reality series. The tabloids have done what tabloid do. Which is to be, you know, gross. And The New York Times wrote a rather thoughtful piece on the current dilemma of covering Bruce Jenner. Like which pronoun do we use if Jenner has not identified one way or another as yet?

In the absence of real facts and any kind of conclusion I say we err on the side of compassion. But then, I’d always rather we – the collective internet and humanity as a whole – err on the side of compassion. And, as I’ve demonstrated so far, it’s not that hard to avoid using a pronoun altogether. No “he” or “she” until we know, it’s actually pretty simple.

I will freely admit to having my own learning curve when it comes to transgender issues. While I stopped years ago, I probably used “tranny” casually in slang for longer than I should have. I had a close friend in college who, after we graduated, identified as trans and it was somewhat confusing at the time. This was way back in the day before Laverne Cox gracing the cover of Time and Janet Mock landing her own TV show even seemed like remote possibilities. And a show centered entirely around the journey of a trans parent reaping critical praise and picking up a Golden Globe? Fuggedaboutit. But it’s not outlandish anymore. It’s not confusing anymore. Goodness, look how far we’ve come already. Yet also so far we still have to go.

So what I hope for with whatever happens with Jenner and any possible transition, public or private, that comes to pass is we all accept that our identities are our own. Our stories are our own. And they are not a reason to snicker, scold or sneer. Transgender people’s lives are not salacious, they are just their lives.

It’s also important to separate whatever you may think of the surrounding Kardashian Industrial Complex from this personal process. Yeah, I’m not a fan of Kim Incorporated, et al, either. At all. But any dislike I have for this family’s public persona has nothing to do with anyone’s gender identity, nor is anyone’s gender identity a reason to dislike any family personally. Does that make sense? I hope I’m making sense.

I do know that, if this happens, it will be talked about endlessly. I just hope we talk about it in a way that helps others understand the endless complexities of humanity. More compassion, not less. More understanding, not less. We’re all still just folks.

Free Day

Taking the day off as straight women and gay men everywhere are distracted anyway by the release of the new Magic Mike sequel trailer. It's like a snow day, but for lesbian pop culture. Bisexual men and women, apologies, I leave you to your own devices.

Lady Trailers

For all the lost puppies and dead children and toenail fungus, the Super Ad Bowl was somewhat less sexist and exploitive than in years past. Somewhat. But what I was most pleased by was the number of movie trailers featuring prominent female leads. Sure, dinosaurs and Andy Dwyer stole the show. But ladies made their presence felt and I couldn’t be happier. Sure, they were the leads or co-leads) in only four of the thirteen movie trailers that aired (well, five if you count “50 Shades of Grey”). But the movies were flat-out the ones I was most excited about anyway. Here is a rundown of the best Super Bowl trailers for ladies listed from those I am excited to very, very excited about.

Terminator: Genisys

I don’t understand why a robot would age as much as Arnold Schwarzenegger has aged. Like, seriously, wouldn’t he just rust instead of turn grey and wrinkly? But I all kinds of pumped to see Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons as Sarah Connor.

Tomorrowland

I have no idea what this movie is about. I think The Future? Or The Past? Possibly The Alternate Reality? But I do like that its chief protagonist appears to be a young girl who gets taken on a magical (otherworldly? both?) adventure to “Tomorrowland.”

Insurgent

Any movie where a woman gets to run full speed at Kate Winslet and tackle her like a linebacker is a movie I will gladly pay to see, even if all the shit blowing up all around her makes absolutely no sense.

Pitch Perfect 2

PLEASE LIKE I NEED A REASON TO BE EXCITED ABOUT THIS.

Considering that for the last two years a movie with a female lead has lead the box office (both part of “The Hunger Games” franchise, but still), it makes sense to let the ladies have a movie moment during the big game. So, which trailers got you jazzed. I know, I know, the one with the dinosaurs. But which other ones?

Dame Train

Well, that just happened | Dame Helen Mirren sitting across from me on the R train #helenmirren #subway #holycrap #NYC

A photo posted by JL (@j_l_nyc) on Jan 30, 2015 at 2:23pm PST

Just in case you had forgotten – perhaps you were hit with something heavy over the weekend and/or ate so much guacamole dip you lapsed into a coma and then awoke with no memory of your former self and/or another equally plausible scenario – Dame Helen Mirren is the boss. And, just in case you had forgotten (again, for any or all of the reasons listed above), boss ass dames also ride the subway. Over the weekend Dame Helen was spotted on the R train in New York City. Note her excellent subway etiquette and impeccable purple gloves. I love everything about her. Like that she eats fries at Golden Globes parties and twerks for the kids at Harvard. Damn, sometimes you forget how much you love a person and then, boom, they remind you like a boss.

My Weekend (Recapping) Crush

So there you have it. The first half of the last season of our “Lost Girl.” I will say I have enjoyed this season more than last – so far. But mostly I just hated hated hated how last year’s storyline just wandered aimlessly with the most pointless new character ever. The Greek gods are much more interesting than The Wanderer. But then, it’s not a terribly high bar. I can see the arc building somewhere, hopefully somewhere interesting that actually pays off. *cough, not The Yawning, cough* As a Doccubus shipper, of course, I’m thrilled with recent developments. But then I also love me some Valkyrie. So Tamsin better just be stunned, dammit. Now Mark, yeah – I could do without that Little Shit. I also think the Hades casting is pretty cheesetastic, in a good way. So now the long way begins. Mostly, I would like the second half of the final season (whenever they finally air, way to leave us hanging Showcase) to live up to the show’s spirit. Yes, it had its flaws. But it was also so much fun at its best. And it certainly had some of the most beautifully lit same-sex love scenes I’ve ever seen, ever. Mostly, I just can’t believe I have eight more episodes to recap. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Thanks for reading the Season 5 recaps so far.

Looking Good

The funny thing about being a member of one of the letters smooshed together in LGBT is how different our various communities actually are. Granted, our mutual otherness in an overwhelmingly straight world and shared struggle for civil rights brings us together for the important stuff. But when it comes to the fun stuff, let’s face it, we tend to like different things. Apart from the first few – actually good – seasons of “Glee” and “The Golden Girls,” I find my entertainment consumption and that of my gay male friends have large areas without much overlap. (Of course, gay men and gay women are not monolithic blocs. I’m generalizing very broadly, clearly.)

This is a long-winded way of saying I surprised myself this week by getting really into “Looking.” Yes, that HBO show about gay guys in San Francisco. Yes, “Looking.” Yes, I like it. Part of its appeal is it is only a half-hour show, which means the time investment is just perfect for me. And then the other part is that it’s pretty good. I enjoy the characters and felt engaged in their lives. It feels familiar while still being that rare show that focuses solely on us gay folks and shows us to be just that – folks. Granted, it could use more women than the one token lady. I mean, there were a ton of dudes on “The L Word” over the years. But, fine, I get it.

I also like that the show, for its very gay male sensibility, still manages to have touchstones that are relatable across the LGBT spectrum and – hopefully – to everyone else watching. Is it perfect, no. But I’m going to stick with it for its flaws. Now the only question is whether liking “Looking” means I have more in common with gay men or straight women.

p.s. I’m totally on Team Richie.

Who you gonna call?

It came across my Twitter feel like a fever dream. “New All-Female Ghostbusters Cast Chosen!” And then I saw who the new all-female Ghostbusters would be. “Melissa McCarth! Kristen Wiig! Kate McKinnon! Leslie Jones!” YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! *pause to catch breath, regain composure, freak out again* YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

The idea of flipping the gender switch on the classic should not be so extraordinary, yet it is. It should not be so exceptional, yet it is. It should not be so experimental, yet it is.

And of course, some dudes already have their fedoras in a wad about the whole thing. How could they. Pandering. Etc. Yet it’s so incredibly commonplace to have a movie with a mostly male cast, that no one even blinks an eye. Consider “The Loft,” which I can’t stop seeing fucking commercials for these days. A bunch of dudes are greatly inconvenienced when a dead woman shows up in the crashpad. No one has accused that movie of pandering to the rich white male demographic, which it portrays. It’s just a thriller. Consider all “The Hangover” movies. A bunch of dudes do stupid shit while drunk. No one has accused that movie of pandering to the overgrown frat boy demographic, which it portrays. It’s just a comedy. Consider “The Expendables,” if you must. A bunch of past-their-prime action stars blow shit up. OK, fine, people accuse it of pandering to the meathead demographic. But it’s still just an action movie.

But put all women in it and it’s a women’s comedy or women’s drama or – shudder – the dreaded chick flick. Are women’s lives and existence so unrelatable to men that we must always identify our gender beforehand so as to separate it from the default, which is – of course – male?

Hey, world, putting women in a movie isn’t a gimmick. Putting women in a movie is the world. Well, it’s 51 percent of the world, at least. What’s a gimmick, what’s pandering, is how much screentime the other 49 percent is allowed to hog right now.

Suit & Tie

I am still not over this. I will never be over this. I would never want to be over this. This it it. Forever.

Winter Song, Take 2

I know I posted this already this winter, but it really is the perfect song to get all my East Cost friends through all the snow and cold. Hope you are having a very happy blizzard. And, for everyone else in other less and/or more snowy parts of the world please accept my apologies for letting January get away from me. It has been a long winter, even if my winter is 60 degrees.

My Weekend (Binge) Crush

You have plans this weekend. You cannot go out. You are busy. You will be marathoning all of “Transparent.” Amazon is being very gracious and streaming the entire first season of the show – all ten episodes – on Saturday for FREE. Yes, free. For 24-hours you can stream at your heart’s content. I could expound on why you should watch “Transparent.” It is rich, layered, hilarious, strange, cruel, generous, beautiful. It is family in all its dysfunction, its potential and its disappointment. But mostly it’s just really good TV.

So now it boils down to simple math problem, really. You have 24 hours. You have 10 half an hour episodes. That’s 5 hours to watch. Split them up however you want. One show in the morning with breakfast. That’s half an hour. Then three shows in the afternoon while lounging around instead of doing the laundry. That’s 1.5 hours. Another two shows with dinner. That’s another 1 hour. Finally finish strong with four shows in the evening instead of aimlessly searching Netflix for something to watch. That’s your final 2 hours. Boom, knocked out the whole season and still have some time left to rewatch a couple episodes of “Orange Is the New Black.”

Or fuck it and watch all 10 episodes in a row like nature intended. Just be sure to buy snacks first. Happy binging weekend, all.

Unbreakable Appeal

Yes, yes, a million times yes. The first trailer for the Netflix series from “30 Rock” creators Tina “My Fake TV Wife” Fey and Robert Carlock is here. “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” is here and she is glorious! I mean it, truly glorious. It’s weird and goofy and includes a doomsday cult. What’s not to like? Oh, also there is Ellie Kemper, Jane Krakowski and Tituss Burgess (D'Fwan! D'Fwan!). Don’t bother me March 6, you know where I’ll be. (My couch, the answer is my couch.)

p.s. Do I now have to call Tina My Fake Streaming Wife? Just checking.

p.p.s. Apologies for the late Lost Girl recap. But it is going up today, I swear.

On Wednesday We Wear Ruby

Stella Carlin. Learn that name. Learn it well. Because come this summer Piper and Alex are gonna be all over Stella Carlin. Probably. But, hey, can you blame them. New of Ruby Rose’s casting for the upcoming third season of “Orange Is the New Black” was welcome for several reasons. One, she is Ruby Rose and Ruby Rose is what I believe the kids today call ATTRACTIVE. Two, Ruby Rose is an out lesbian actress/model/VJ/DJ/tattoo enthusiast. Three, Ruby Rose’s character Stella is said to be a “lust object of both Piper and Alex.” Like I was saying, hey, can you blame them?



Netflix has confirmed that Stella will be a new Litchfield inmate “whose sarcastic sense of humor and captivating looks quickly draw the attention of some of Litchfield’s inmates.” Ruby has already been posting excited photos from the set, which makes me even more excited about the season. More same-sex attraction is always welcome, always. Look out, Pipex, someone just handed you a Rose. Also I cannot wait to hear what zingers Nicky has about tour new arrival.

Secret Agent Woman

While I will freely admit that I stopped watching “Agent of Shield,” I am very much enjoying “Agent Carter.” Just further proof that things in the same universe can still be – and feel – light-years apart. (Granted, I stopped watching Shield after only a handful of episodes, so I can’t comment on its current state…) Anyway, where was I? Agent Carter, now there’s a hell of a dame. I always thought Hayley Atwell’s Peggy was the absolute best thing about “Captain America” – barring (and baring - hubba hubba) Chris Evan’s perfect V-shaped torso.

Peggy Carter is a perfect feminist protagonist for the period. Smart, no nonsense and infinitely capable she is a sly superhero functioning in a world that constantly underestimates her. But instead of dark-rimmed glasses and a tie as a secret identity she hides her super abilities by being the one thing no one of the era expects – a woman. She is a woman who is every bit as good and even a damn sight better than most men at her job.

Sure, it’s frustrating to see her constantly undermined by the specter of sexism. But that’s kind of the point, we’re all supposed to be annoyed by The Sexism and all want Agent Carter to triumph over The Sexism. A show that roots for a female hero to triumph over her sexist male counterparts is pretty alright in my book. So, yeah, I have a new steady Tuesday show.

Also alright in my book is the friendship between Peggy and waitress friend Angie Martinelli as played by “Nikita” veteran Lyndsy Fonseca. Angie and English even already has a shipper name: Cartinelli. I kind of prefer something a little more poetic like English Martini or whatnot. But, hey, who am I to question fandom. Though, I have to think there’s more to nice, Schnapps-offering Angie than meets the eye. Plus, from all of Lyndsy’s Nikita work we know she can kick some serious ass. So it would seem a waste to just have her slinging hash behind a counter the whole time. Plus, don’t these two make a fine couple? Yes, ma’am.

Will You Brittana Me?

Yes, the Birttana proposal happened. Yes, it was kinda sweet. Yes, they’re endgame. But what I really want to talk about his how Glee finally addressed its most important and ignored issue - Kurt’s toothless baby mouth. I mean, I love the guy and all, but for six seasons every time he opened his mouth to sing all I saw was the cavernous maw of a newborn. This epic burn monologue almost makes me happy to be watching “Glee” again. Almost.

http://rampagebb.tumblr.com/post/108315898233/santana-slaying-and-telling-k-urt-how-it-is

Look, I’m past caring about “Glee” in anything more than a nostalgic, head-shaking sense. But after skimming the first three episodes I have to say they’re not totally terrible. Granted it is totally terrible storytelling that a bunch of college dropouts should be hired on the spot to become teachers and coaches without credentials or experience or anything but pretty smiles and pretty voices. But, fine, I’ll suspend the laws of physics and disbelief and pretend that they’re all gainfully employed at accredited institutions to lead and instruct our nation’s youth. Watching this show requires the removal of at least one lobe of the brain already.

Aside from all of that, the big Brittana proposal episode last week actually had a few delicate touches and lovely recalls. Them saying they love each other to infinity. Them snuggling on the bed talking about scissoring. It was nice, OK, it was NICE.

While I still don’t trust Ryan Murphy with lesbian (and really any female character) storylines as far as I can throw a gay shark, I am happy the writers appear to be finally giving fandom with what they deserve. (p.s. Don’t worry, Klainers, I have no doubt your endgame is coming, too. Not a spoiler, just a hunch.) Fans of these characters have suffered long enough. Wrap it up and just make the people who cared so very much about these kids who sang and danced in the middle of class for no reason whatsoever happy.

p.s. Who was that little lesbian who came out of nowhere to hand Santana the ring? Or does Snix just bring her minions with her everywhere she goes?

p.p.s. I did not think the Coach Beiste trans storyline was totally terrible either. I sincerely hope they do something real with it moving forward and not just let it disappear like all those Glee Version 2.0 kids they brought in two seasons ago never to be heard from again.

My Weekend (Binge) Crush

Call in sick. Order delivery. Turn your phone to silent. Let nothing interrupt your glorious binge-watching of the second season of “The Fall.” Let nothing get in the way of your continuous adoration of Gillian Anderson. Let nothing stop your enjoyment of one of the best series on television.

The second season of “The Fall” drops on Netflix today and I cannot recommend it highly enough. If you haven’t watched the first season, don’t worry. There are only five episodes so it won’t take to long to get up to speed. But if you have, dear God, what are you waiting for?

Few shows are so methodical yet so suspenseful at the same time. Few shows so clearly tackle the concept of institutionalized sexism. Few shows are so unblinking in their celebration of smart, unapologetic, sexual female characters. Also, few shows have Gillian Anderson. Jesus, is she fantastic.

And as long as you are marathoning, feel free to check out my recaps for the season as you go along:

- The Fall, Episode 2.1
- The Fall, Episode 2.2
- The Fall, Episode 2.3
- The Fall, Episode 2.4
- The Fall, Episode 2.5
- The Fall, Episode 2.6

Happy watching and weekend, all.

SGALGG: Look at Those Golden Globes Edition

Please, like I’d let a Golden Globes go by without celebrating our favorite golden globes. Granted it was a tad bittersweet this time, as this will be the last year of the Tina & Amy hosting show. But at least Tina dressed up for the occasion. I’m pretty sure she put on the tux just so she could get into a Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals post. So I am only too happy to oblige. So here are some straight gals, and some gay gals, doing just that.

Robin Wright & Gillian Anderson
Most of my best dreams are nowhere near this good.

Oprah & Helen Mirren
And you get to touch some bosoms! And you get to touch some bosoms! And you get to touch some bosoms!

Gina Rodriguez & Ruth Wilson
I really hope they’re plotting world domination, because I would be super OK with them running things.

Cara Delevingne & Rita Ora
Totally over Michelle, I see.

Amy Poehler & Natasha Lyonne
Lesbian twin syndrome, activate!

Uzo Aduba & Taylor Schilling
Chocolate and vanilla swirl, swirl, swirl.

Sarah Paulson & Amanda Peet
Gay/straight lady BFFs. If only they’d make that into a movie. Wait, they already have?

Salma Hayek & Maggie Gyllenhaal
I saw several pictures of these two chatting very intently throughout the evening. Is it weird to be jealous of their conversation? Because I am.

Jill Soloway
Wonderful straight alley, wonderfully weird suit. Also, how wonderful were the wins for “Transparent?” So wonderful.

Julianne Moore, John Legend & Chrissy Teigen
This is for all the bisexual ladies in the house. Also, that’s a sandwich even I have to admit looks pretty tasty.

Lena Dunham, Jaime King, Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez & Lorde have mercy that’s a lot of celebrities in one photo.
This reminds me of a Renaissance painting, but with more A-Listers.

Tina Fey & Amy Poehler
They’re clearly saying, “Please show yourself out. We’re about to make love until the sun comes up. We know you’d like to watch, but clearly you aren’t worthy. Goodnight.” What? Amy is the only person I will allow to touch my Fake TV Wife besides me. We have an arrangement (i.e. I get to watch).

Shade Off: Sophia Loren & Jane Mansfield/Julie Bowen & Sofia Vergara

Nothing like a little Shade Off to describe how I feel on the first Wednesday back to work after my vacation. While I very much appreciate the ladies of “Modern Family” attempting this iconic moment of shade, no one does it better than Sasha Alexander’s mother-in-law and Mariska Hargitay’s mom. Please, as if there was a contest.

Maintext of Interest

Hey, sweetie. Remember when I wondered out loud if I should be watching “Person of Interest” because of the shippy nature of the Root and Shaw relationship? And you were all, yes, dummy. Yes. Well, while on vacation back home I happened to sit down with my mother (who, as previously mentioned, loooooves the show) and finally watched an episode. Boy, did the show show me.

Because the show went there. The show really, really went there. It didn’t tease. It didn’t imply. It didn’t beat around the metaphorical (or literal) bush. It full on went there. [Spoilers if you didn’t see last week’s episode.]

So now, obviously, I am hooked. Quick recap, in an episode meant to illuminate The Machine’s seemingly infinite, nano-second decision-making process we are taken through a series of simulations as the team – particularly the persons of gay lady interest in the form of Amy Acker’s Root and Sarah Shahi’s Shaw – try to save the world (well, stock market) and themselves in a nearly impossible situation.

Watching the episode unfold was fascinating for a number of reasons. First, it confirmed what careful (and gay) viewers have been seeing for a while now. The attraction between hacker Root and sociopath Shaw has been obvious to many, but possibly not overt to all. But, holy crap, did they out it forever last week. At first I thought it was just a little playful acknowledgement of this ship. But then, BOOM, it went full canon. Have no doubt, people, The Machine ships it.



That, my friends, is a stand up, slow clap, hats off moment of a show taking subtext into maintext.

Granted, I’m none to happy about the possibly dead thing. But, also, I have much hope that she isn’t actually dead. (p.s. Sarah Shahi’s pregnancy – with twins – facilitated this storyline in the first place.) And if she isn’t dead, that means at some point the show will have to come to terms with the BIG LESBIAN FEELINGS it unleashed on these characters. Also, how wonderful is it to see Fred and Carmen together? So wonderful. Admit it, they’re good together.



Of course, on the flip side, if she is dead, ugh – really? Another dead queer female character? Don’t even get me started. So let’s just trust The Machine knows what’s good for it and we shall see Shaw again someday.

I don’t know. I really don’t know. But damn this show sure has my interest now. And I, like The Machine, will be watching.

Cats don't have to know our business

And just like that, I’m back. My vacation was nice, mostly relaxing and filled with small children and much snot. Usually at the same time. But enough about me. How about you? Hey, how were your holidays? Did you get a new girlfriend or a new cat or both? I hope so, to both. SNL should just cut the pretense and make Kate McKinnon the star of every skit. Is it too late to add that to their list of New Year’s resolutions?

Vacation Vixen: Naya Rivera

So “Glee” returns for its sixth and final season today. I come at this news with a mixture of ambivalence and nostalgia. I feel nostalgic for the characters I enjoyed what seemed like forever ago. And ambivalent because of that forever ago that I seemed to enjoy these characters. Still, it was sad to see Naya Rivera post about her last day as Santana last month. Walk off into that sunset, little Cheerio. It was nice knowing you.

Vacation Vixen: Lucy Liu

“Elementary” is back form its winter break today. At first I was worried the addition of Kitty to the show would take away from what made Watson so special. But now I’m just thrilled it means this is finally a show that passed the Bechdel Test basically every week.

Vacation Vixen: Queen Latifah

How excited am I for the new Bessie Smith biopic featuring Queen Latifah? SO EXCITED AS THIS CAPS LOCK CLEARLY INDICATES, DUH. Adding to my excitement is that it is being directed by out filmmaker Dee Rees, who gave us the excellent “Pariah.” IS THERE AN EXCITEMENT LEVEL ABOVE CAPS LOCK? That’s how excited I am. Hurry up and give this thing a release date, HBO Films.

Vacation Vixen: Angie Harmon

So only six more weeks until we find out if Jane survives that jump off the bridge. Spoiler Alert: Duh, she does. It got renewed for a sixth season, people. Also, good for you, Angie Harmon.

Vacation Vixen: Lost Girls

Oh, you crazy Lost girls (and honorary Lost girl, Dyson). I love you, but I can’t believe you’re making me recap during my vacation. I do this because I love you. (New recaps up at AfterEllen each week, hint, hint.)

p.s. Holy shit, last night's episode. Kittens, do we need to taaaaaalk. 

p.p.s. Oh, hey, I am well aware Bo and Tamsin are bisexual and I am quite happy about it. So when I called them "such lesbians" in the context of the recap it was as a joking term of endearment that could be applied to anyone - women who love women or men or both and/or men who love women or men or both. It was referring to their processing, which is a trait often ascribed to lesbians. It was not an official declaration of how I identify them or how they identify themselves. It was a joke, which I like to do in my recaps and hope we all like to do with each other as friends. Precise language is important, but the ability to have a sense of humor about and enjoy each other and our community is also important. And now back to my vacation, which I continue to recap during because, again, I love you. 

Vacation Vixen: Viola Davis

My New Year’s resolution is to finally begin watching “How to Get Away with Murder.” Why? Viola Davis, that’s why.

Vacation Vixen: Caitriona Balfe

It’s 2015, is “Outlander” back yet? Not until April 4? Curse you, space and time. Curse you.