Vacation Vixen: Willow & Tara

Happy Halloween! My two favorite lesbian witches (sorry, Agathario, but these are the O.G.s – and, again, is that redundant?) were truly pioneers in the televised sapphic arts. My pride in their place in LGBTQ+ history remains separate from any disappointment I may feel about their series creator. But back to wicca good and love the earth and women power. Enjoy the magic and candy today, kittens.

Vacation Vixen: Agathario

Yep, I’m fleeing for the election. Kidding, I’m going home for my birthday this year. And also kind of fleeing from the election. Look, I don’t judge your coping mechanisms. As I was saying… I am fleeing. But I wouldn’t flee without leaving you with some vixens. Tonight being the finale of “Agatha All Along,” I thought I’d leave you with a little Agathario treat. Sure, I can’t dream of a happy ending for our sapphic witches (wait, is that redundant?) But we all deserve a Disney ending, right? I mean, they let Aubrey show off that decolletage. And Agatha called herself not a “straight lady.” So, maybe anything is possible when you wish upon a lesbian star.

P.s. JFC, give Patti LuPone ALL of the awards for her performance in last week’s episode. “I loved being a witch.” Damn. This show is truly something. And that something is stone cold gay (and good!).

My Vote, Your Vote, Our Vote

The older I get, the clearer I get about voting. Mind you, I have always voted. I even got to vote before I turned 18, because I was going to be out of the country on election day on my school foreign exchange trip. So I got to cast my absentee ballot early.

And I have voted in every single election since – save for one very small local primary I forgot was happening more than a dozen years ago – because I believe it is our duty as citizens. But, more than that, I have come to understand it as our duty as humans. Because a vote isn’t just an expression of political ideology – though of course we love to wrap emotion and identity and philosophy into each decision. But what a vote really is the physical exercise of how we systematically care for one another.

Our political system, as endlessly imperfect as it is, is still our best collective mechanism for change. As such, as we sadly know too well, it is also extremely resistant to change. Which is where voting comes in. Our democracy (except for the Electoral College, which – don’t get me started…) relies on an informed citizenry who votes. That more than half to a third of all eligible voters simply don’t bother to vote in any given election – honestly it blows my mind, but in some ways I get it.

I especially get it if people don’t vote out of hopelessness. That doesn’t mean I accept the lazy “both sides are the same” arguments. But I understand that years, decades, centuries of circumstances not changing for the most marginalized people can lead one to think nothing is possible.

But here is the thing. The entire history of humanity – and this country – has been a slow, and very painful march toward more inclusivity. It has not always been linear, nor has the progress always been significant or ever nearly enough. But slowly, slowly (and, yes, so very painfully) more and more people in this country are able to pursue life, liberty and happiness.

We have so much work to do. But almost none of that can happen if Trump wins again. That pathetic excuse for a human being with the Supreme Court-annointed immunity of a God-King and every lever of our federal and judicial branch at his disposal? It’s not hyperbole to think we’d stop making civil rights progress altogether – at least for the duration of his presidency/dictatorship, if not the remainder of our lifetimes.

So, again, that’s where voting comes in again. Yes, it’s imperative to vote for Kamala Harris and repudiate Donald Trump at the polls. Yes, we must rid our politics of the hateful MAGA cult. Yes, we must hold the House and win back the Senate. Yes, we must flip statehouses and city councils and school boards.

We do this not because we think Democrats or progressive candidates are magicians. Voting for Kamala Harris and Tim Walz won’t automatically solve all of our inequalities. But they are the only candidates who stand a chance of winning who can be pushed, and forcefully prodded if needed, to be better. And while marginally better may not feel like nearly enough, especially with the weight of so much suffering in our world, it is still infinitely better than the alternative.

And that, that is my whole philosophy of voting. I vote to do the most good for the most people. Each ballot I cast is a calculation. No, I may not agree with every single policy proposal or political stance of every politician I vote for. And, trust me, I’ve been plenty disappointed by Democrats over the years. Like, grow a damn backbone and stop thinking corporations will save us. But I am also a realist, and I know exactly how slow that moral arc of the universe has proven to be. It’s up to us to make sure it keeps arcing toward justice – and we must work to bend faster.

So, in this election, the choice could not be simpler. A vote for anyone other than Kamala this election is a vote that says my political ideologies are more important to me than the people who will be hurt by a second Trump presidency. Which, hey, this is a free country, you can feel however you want to feel and vote however you want to vote. For those voting for him, that harm is the feature, and not a bug, of his candidacy – obviously. But for the rest of us you can’t deny that his policies will hurt Black people, Brown people, Muslims, other POC, immigrants, women, LGBTQ+ people and trans/gender nonconforming people especially.

Plus, anyone who wants generals like Hilter can never be allowed back in the White House. Period.

So with one week to the election, and having already cast my ballot, I still believe in the possibility of a better America. And electing Kamala and finally defeating Trump (again!), well, that’s the first step toward any kind of brighter days. Vote Harris-Walz 2024. LFG.

Music Monday: Joni Jams

Joni Mitchell never lies pic.twitter.com/iLwDq0SS1Z

— ChadGPT (@Chaddomatic) October 20, 2024

Well, if Joni says it, it has got to be true. I love how much love Joni Mitchell has been receiving on her comeback of comebacks. And I love that her recent Hollywood Bowl appearance included backup vocals by Elton John, Meryl Streep, Annie Lennox and more. Like, they’re her backup. Amazing. And that’s not even mentioning this epic backstage jam. It’s wonderful to see the world hand Joni all her flowers. Brandi Carlile continues to be the biggest cheerleader and supporter as the Joni Jam continues. Happy Monday, kittens. Oh, and fuck Donald Trump.

My Weekend Crush

Does anyone have fame figured out more than Elvira Mistress of the Dark/Cassandra Peterson? She is a full-on iconic character. Beloved! Idolized! Instantly recognizable! Then when she takes off the wig and makeup, practically anonymous. When Cassandra came out a few years ago, it was another one of those proud “Score one for the home team!” moments. Having the OG mistress of darkness be family is just another one of those reminders that we’re everywhere, we’re everyone. And, as Elvira proves, we’re cool (and spooky, in a cool way) as hell! And we can throw shade at so-called Good Witches like the Scream Queen she is. Happy almost Halloween weekend, all.

Rocky Lady Picture Show

I really have to scrape the 90s memory banks to remember Christy Martin. I vaguely recall her being a trailblazing boxing star, and her pioneering Sports Illustrated cover definitely rings some bells. But, sadly, most of my remaining boxing knowledge from that era revolves around Mike Tyson biting off a chunk of Evander Holyfield’s ear. So I think I somehow missed Martin’s harrowing life story and eventual coming out.

This is all to say that I’m rather excited about the new Christy Martin biopic starring Sydney Sweeney. Now, I mostly know Sydney as one of the terrifyingly cool teens on the first season of “White Lotus.” I never saw her hit rom-com “Anyone But You” (mostly because she and Glen Powell just look so much like people who would have bullied me in high school – even if they’re actually lovely….) and I don’t need the anxiety of watching young people make bad decisions that is “Euphoria.” But I know she has been proactively building her career, producing her own projects etc.

So Sydney has turned herself into a bit of a Muscle Mommy to transform for the role which I am definitely not mad about. She told Deadline Christy’s story is “powerful and emotional” and that she “not only legitimized female boxing, she overcame gender stereotypes, and fought through emotional, physical, and financial abuse.” And, don’t worry, it’s gonna be gay. Director David Michôd said the story will be about Christy “as a young gay woman in small-town West Virginia in the 1990s. She came from a relatively conservative family and wasn’t allowed to be who she was so she used boxing as a vehicle to express herself and her rage. She had to make some dangerous and fundamental compromises in her life, the most important of which was marrying an incredibly dangerous man.”

And the cherry on top of this Big Gay Biopic? Katy O’Brian, everyone’s reigning Muscle Mommy Crush thanks to “Love Lies Bleeding,” will play her boxing rival and eventual wife Lisa Holewyne. And Merritt Wever from “Nurse Jackie” (and another notably Bury Your Gays victim in “The Walking Dead”) is also in this thing which makes me happy because I lowkey adore her, period.

So, thoughts? Who has a better memory and recalls Christy’s glory days clearly? I’m just happy for my little gray cells that they’re making a movie – and the muscles don’t hurt either.

We Are the Champions

You know me, I’m not much for the sportsball. But if it’s women’s sportsball, well, you know that’s entirely different. I’ve gotten into the WNBA this season and very much enjoyed the playoffs and finals (yes, fine, sometimes I only watch during the playoffs because – damn seasons are long and these travel food shows won’t watch themselves).

Anyway, this is just a long way of saying, how about that NY Liberty vs. Minnesota Lynx Game 5? And of course it went to overtime. Of course. While I wasn’t necessarily rooting for either team (saving my allegiances for the Valkyrie, Bay Area baby!), I was rooting for a good game. And despite a bit of a shooting rut for some of the stars, we certainly got that.

Also, I love that two of the championship team’s biggest players are out, proud and happily celebrating for all to see with their partners and families. While the WNBA has certainly undergone some growing pains this unprecedented year (like, maybe don’t let “fans” be racist and homophobic, m’kay?), it also has evolved into one of the most inclusive leagues out there. We can only hope that as the WNBA’s popularity grows, so will its embrace of diversity and equity for all its players.

So congrats to the Liberty. Congrats to Breanna Stewart and her wife (and adorable baby) and to Finals MVP Jonquel Jones and her fiancée. Everyone watches women’s sportsball!

Political Rumours

With two weeks until probably the most consequential election of our lifetimes (so far, alas), how about a little political humor? Not really in the mood? Well, what if I told you the political humor included Cate Blanchett? OK, now you’re interested. I don’t really know much about this movie other than it’s a satire of the G7 summit of world leaders. Cate plays the German Chancellor, and the movie also features Alicia Vikander speaking Swedish, zombie bog bodies and a giant, pulsing brain. Hey, can’t be any weirder than our current political landscape.

Music Monday: Good Luck, Straight Babes

Straight gals sure love “Good Luck, Babe!” don’t they? Like I love Kelly Clarkson and Miranda Lambert fangirling over Chappell Roan’s CompHet anthem. Because while these very straight ladies are probably relating to this song because of their respective divorces and other heterosexual relationship whatnots, this song is so clearly about the regret this woman feels about her choice to marry a man instead of, you know, Chappell Roan. But, then, that’s the power of art. When people are able to empathize with an experience that isn’t their own experience – well, gosh, that’s how we, as a society, become just a little better, kinder and more inclusive? So keep singing this song, straight ladies. We totally know the feeling. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Lest we forget, Republicans continue to bash trans people this election season in an increasingly desperate attempt to scare voters. Oogity,-boogity, the scary Trans Police will sex change your child in SCHOOL! Boo-hiss! I mean, The Fuck? Which is why it’s more important than ever to support our trans, nonbinary and gender nonconforming friends, family and other folks. As queer people who fall under The Big Gay Umbrella, we all know what it’s like to be used as a boogey-man wedge issue. And we all (should) know inequality for some of us, is inequality for all of us. Also, you think the people who still use “queers” as an insult will distinguish between a gay person and a trans person when the bashing starts? Absolutely not. LGBTQ+ is inclusive for a reason. We all deserve respect and the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. May the ugly days of using any of the LGBTQ+ family to scare Americans into hating other Americans soon become an ugly relic of the past. And until then, let the always amazing Laverne Cox (who looks WOW, I might add) school ya. Bigots, beware. Happy weekend, all.

All Matlocked In

It’s morning everyone! Today’s the day! The sun is shining and the TV is clean! I mean, the TV is ready for the next episode of the new “Matlock!” With apologies to Finding Nemo, boy, did they make us wait for episode 2. Almost four whole weeks! Plus that twist? I’ll keep that “Matlocked” for now – even if I never intend to use that term again because, oh dear, it sounds so fetch-y. While my enjoyment of this show has never made my age bracket feel older, I will continue to unapologetically stan for Kathy Bates taking down [cause redacted] through the power of simply being a smart old lady who knows how to work the legal system.

Walking With a Ghost Hacker/Stalker

Uh, how fucked up is this? Remember when I said Tegan & Sara were part of a documentary that chronicles their years-long ordeal with a stalker/hacker who catfished their fans and generally made their lives hell? Well now, you can watch it starting Friday on Hulu. What a crazy, scary and definitely not cool thing to have happen to one of the most iconic lesbian musical acts out there, and their fans. Fandom is so interesting in the first place, but for someone to fully create a Fake Tegan persona and then proceed to catfish many, many fans and more for YEARS. Wow. That is some truly, truly deranged dedication. And talk about the ultimate disaster scenario in the annals of parasocial fan relationships. I don’t know if they ever get justice or find Fake Tegan (like, wow, did they keep this whole horrid ordeal under wraps – understandably), but I do know I’ll be double-checking all my password strengths and two-factor authentications.

Tank Top Tuesday

Look, it may well be full-on October and fall and spooky season and whatnot. But that doesn’t mean we can’t give tank tops one last nostalgic hurrah for the year. Especially if those tank tops are seasonally accessorized, à la Leisha here. I mean who doesn’t love keeping things a little corny? Bonus points because October is LGBTQ+ history month and every featured tank top belongs to a historic LGBTQ+ person. I mean, we’re all part of history technically, right?

Leisha Hailey

Sports bras count, you know this. Especially in California where it still very much feels like summer.

Emma Corrin

I used to have strong feelings about armpit hair but now honestly I can’t be arsed in the least bit over it. Also more hardcore gardening pics from celebrities, please. That’s exactly my kink.

Megan Thee Stallion

Scary long nails for spooky sapphic season? As long as they’re paired with a tank top. And, obviously, that tongue. Ahem.

Jenny Lyons

Suspenders also fall under the stapped-top-without-covered-arms tank top umbrella. Please make your fall fashion choices appropriately.

Hayley Kiyoko & Becca Tilley

Lesbian Jesus and Becca Tilley seem very happy and in love in adventurous places in tank tops. So good for them.

Laurie Hernandez

I wish the Olympics were on all the time so we could have Laurie’s wonderfully engaging gymnastic commentary all the time. Even if, uh, this top is probably not broadcast appropriate. But it is appreciated. Ahem again.

Tessa Thompson

Don’t get too excited, that’s her lil sister. But, still, you know – aesthetically, thank you to good genes.

Music Monday: AMSR by Agatha

Admittedly, I’m not sure if ASMR counts as music. But, it is something people listen to so there’s that. Since Marvel is now fully leaning into Agathartio, I thought you might enjoy a little Agatha Coven ASMR to start your week off. Plus, two out of four of the cast featured here are out queers. And the other two, well certainly Patti and Kathryn is on her way, are queer icons. So, this is basically gay ASMR. I particularly enjoyed Aubrey Plaza calling a matchstick “bitch” (:52) and licking her knife (5:16). Also, don’t worry, this is really only 6 minutes but looped for the full hour. Anyone up for an invigorating nap? I mean who wouldn’t want to fall asleep to Aubrey gleefully stabbing logs (4:43)? Also, about Rio screaming, “No, no way! Her mother can't have her!” at the ghost of Agatha's mother? The ex-who knows all about the familial generational trauma vibes are vibing, my friends. Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Add another to the files of, “Oh, I didn’t realize. But, yeah, that makes sense.” Chloë Grace Moretz has been quietly (or not so quietly, I don’t follow her directly) living her best gay life for the past six years. The actress of “The Miseducation of Cameron Post” fame started dating model Kate Harrison the same year that movie came out, apparently. And they’ve been happily Instagramming their lives together ever since it seems. Heck, even their Frenchie has an insta. So good for the happy couple, who recently posted from a wedding they attended together. Speaking of weddings, it’s been six years? Maybe put a ring on that, ladies? Or not? What do I know, I’m recently divorced. Anyway, mazel tov to the happy couple and happy couples everywhere. See, this is how you work on not becoming miserable single cat lady, JD. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. While I’m highlighting queer Gen Z stars, can we all get a big awww for Bella and their newly confirmed gf Maisy Stella (who I totally had to Google because of The Old).

Into the Lesbian Woods

Dear Kate McKinnon,

How do I get your life? Move to the woods? Build cabinets? Write a dang book? Dream of single-sex utopia existence? Like, watching Kate talk about her crush on the local professional cabinetmakers is a peak relatable lesbian experience. Geeking out about some artisan craft and making it our whole personality? How dare you expose the lesbian obsessive personality to the rest of the world like this! How dare you very much! Also writing a book in the woods? How do I get your life? I don’t necessarily want to make my own cabinets, but goodness so I have some thoughts on how to create an ideal backyard landscape. You know, in case you’re getting lonely out there living your best life in the woods and all.

All my best,

Ms. S

Edie Does it

Middle-aged sapphic shenanigans starring Edie Falco and Sepideh Moafi? Yes, please. I’ll even endure Michael Rapaport as a potential romantic foil. I don’t know much about “I’ll Be Right There” other than the few seconds of chemistry between Edie and Sepideh proves that “The L Word: Generation Q” had no idea what to do with Gigi. She’s the annoying ex! She’s the throuple hottie! She’s with Bette?!? So I’m thrilled to see her in bed with Edie and calling Bradley Whitford an “old man.” I hope we get to see more of her in this movie. A lot more.

Honestly, it’s just criminal it has taken Edie this long to play gay again. Again, you say? Yes, again. Unless we’ve all memory holed her role in “Tommy” as the first female and lesbian police chief of LA. That show was so well intentioned (like a West Wing but for Cops), but boy did it get promptly canceled. I mean, the pandemic hitting right then probably did not help either. Anyway, welcome back to the sapphic side, Edie. Bring Dr. Eleanor O'Hara with you too, while you’re at it. My Eve Best crush the “Nurse Jackie” days was vindicated thanks to HOTD.

Wherefore Art Thou, Agathario

Agathario is canon, y’all! You can’t watch what happened in last week’s episode of “Agatha All Along” and not acknowledge that Kathryn Hahn’s Agatha and Aubrey Plaza’s Rio had a past romantic relationship. All those little looks. All those long looks. That almost freaking kiss. This truly is the gayest Marvel project ever. I mean, just look at these sapphics being sapphic.

I mean even the New York Freaking Times even called Aubrey’s Rio the “romantic antagonist” to Kathryn’s Agatha. If the Paper of Record says it, it’s beyond canon. (Yes, I know, their coverage of many other issues can have many issues, but still...) Anyway, I don’t know what else is in store for Agatha and Rio and all the witches. But I am truly enjoying this show and its ridiculously talented cast. Plus, dissertations could be written about how much chemistry Aubrey Plaza generates between her female costars. Like, she can sizzle with Kristen Stewart and Kathry Hahn – now that’s range.

Music Monday: Don't Cry Edition

While there’s nothing explicitly gay about Patti LuPone’s performance of “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” at the 1989 Tony Awards, clearly if you know anything about Patti or “Evita” or “Broadway” at all you know everything I just said was 100% intrinsically gay already. Right, where was I? Oh yes, Patti. I just wanted to give our resident musical theater icon a shout out because while she may get limited screen time on “Agatha All Along” she is certainly using it to maximum effect (also, often, to hilarious effect like her playing a new, rando instrument each time they panned to her during the musical episode last episode – and don’t know worry your pretty little heads I am sooo gonna talk about that episode tomorrow…) Also, this performance probably is the reason Patti remains salty about Madonna’s acting. And, really – after watching her belt it out, can you blame her? Happy Monday, kittens.

My Weekend Crush

Sometimes it’s funny to remember when Angelina Jolie was seen as the untameable wild child of Hollywood. She of the razor-sharp cheekbones and pillowtop lips, with the blood vials and the brother kissing and the lady more-than-kissing and whatnot. I’ve admired how through the years she has carefully chosen her projects – going for more family friendly fare of late with Maleficent and Kung Fu Panda and The Eternals and all. I always thought her action hero era was too short. Anyone who saw her in “Salt” knows she could Jason Bourne the hell out of a series like that. If only the Lara Croft scripts were even halfway decent – alas. I have no idea if “Maria” will mark a new, prestige phase of her acting career. She has certainly earned the right, and respect, to pick whichever projects she chooses. Mostly, I’m just happy to see someone so clearly born to be a star (I mean, we all have eyes) on our screen again. Tres Jolie, indeed. Happy weekend, all.

Tiny (Lethal) Dancer

So, admittedly, there’s nothing particularly gay about the new trailer for “Ballerina,” the John Wick universe spinoff. Plus after watching Keanu summarily dispatch hordes of nameless suit-wearing adversaries through four films, the whole formula was starting to feel repetitive. John Wick is wronged. John Wick fixes the wrong by pretty much killing everyone. The end.

But darn it if I don’t fall for the young girl raised to be an assassin trope pretty much every time. Killing Eve. Black Widow. You name it, I’ve watched it.

So, OK fine, I will watch Ana de Armas shoot a lot of people with sideways Glock and stab people in the brain. Why not? Also, she reminds me a little of Eliza Dushku, who should have had a successful action career after Buffy but alas. (Though, she appears to be very happy and healthy working outside of Hollywood now, so good for her!) Anyway, as I was saying, more women kicking ass always.

The Aubrey & Patti Show

If you’ve ever wanted to hear Aubrey Plaza and Patti LuPone scream “Fuck off bitch!” at each other while eating hot wings, fuck yeah do I have the show for you. Now, you may never have thought you needed to see Aubrey and Patti grow increasingly more unhinged as the unspeakable heat from some hell sauce sizzles their neurotransmitters. But you would be wrong about that. Because, friends, I plan to save this video and rewatch it whenever I need a quick serotonin boost.

Honestly, this is probably the best 15 minutes you can spend today. Yes, I know you’ll also be able to watch them for another 30+ minutes camping it up in “Agatha All Along” tonight. And, don’t get me wrong, I am super enjoying that super gay show. But this? This is ART. Also, the innuendo! I mean Aubrey literally gushes, “I love you. I’m in love with you. I love you!” Which, truly, same about this whole video. Like I would watch a whole channel dedicated to these two telling stories about each other – especially if at least one of them is wearing a suit. Make it so, television gods! You owe the sapphics for all the canceled shows anyway!

Return to the End of the World

Holy, and I mean this sincerely, shit. Like, holy shit does the second season trailer for “The Last of Us” look good. Like holy shit, should I be feeling weepy about a trailer? Now, I haven’t played the video game. But I have a general sense of the emotional shitstorm that’s coming in the new season. And, of course, the sapphic relationship that made me pay any attention to a video game in the first place. This show is, to put it succinctly, scary as hell. But it’s also filled with so much quiet pathos, which is a hard duality to pull off. And, I am biased, but I love that a queer character (and actor) is at the heart of this show that has become a bit of a cultural phenomena. And it’s definitely not subtext or wishful gay thinking. It’s just a queer girl (played by a nonbinary actor) fighting to stay alive at the end of the world. I mean, holy shit, how cool is that?

Also, I was not expecting Moira Rose to pop up. But now I’m pretty sure I’d tell her each and every last one of my deep, dark secrets. And it’s reassuring to know that even during an apocalypse, playing acoustic guitar for a girl you like totally and completely works. (Well, for lesbians. Men are still advised to stop playing “Push” aggressively at women, per the Barbie rules.)

So, thoughts? As a non-gamer, I’m not sure what the exact dynamic will be between Bella Ramsey’s Ellie and Kaitlyn Dever’s Abby – but I’m guessing it’s not good. So that will be quite something to watch Bella and Kaitlyn square off (again, if they do – no spoilers). Also, are we already a little swoony about Isabela Merced as Dina? Because the way she looks at Ellie with that guitar, well, heart eyes is an understatement. Finding gay love in a desperate, mushroom apocalypse place? Holy shit, I can’t wait.