The End of Us

Spoilers: I will be discussing the first season finale of “The Last of Us” in full. If you haven’t watched and don’t wanna know, stop reading. I have lots of women in tank tops for you to enjoy instead. Or, read it and know the insidious ravages of time will no doubt make you forget whatever you read once you finally get around to watching anyway. Your call. We’re all adults (probably, and to any Youths welcome but be aware I’m just a middle-aged lesbian who likes to yell at my TV while I watch my stories).

Well, at least they got to pet some giraffes. As a non-gamer, I didn’t know what was coming for us at the end of the first season of “The Last of Us.” Instead I watched silently as the show became a first-person shooter in the name of love. The moral ambiguity of killing good (or at least goodish) people to save someone you love is one most of us don’t like to think about too much. It’s the old trolley problem, but with your significantiest someone tied to the other train tracks. So, like, we all deeply get what Joel did. (And, don’t get me started on the dubiousa-at-best saving the world science that put Ellie on those metaphorical tracks.)

But, here’s the other thing, we all deeply get that things will never be the same, either. Ellie (who Bella Ramsey continues to play beyond brilliantly) was a different person in the finale than the rest of the season. The trauma she endured thanks to the Bible-Thumping Pedo Cannibal cult clearly left a deep psychological mark, as those kinds of horrors are wont to do. This is not to say she didn’t go through terrible things before, like her finale revelation that she had to kill her best friend/first love Riley when she went all rabid mushroom. (Thank goodness for the small mercies of sparing us that scene, show. Truly.)

So when Ellie asks Joel if he told her the truth about what happened at the Firefly hospital, she knows he’s lying to her. And he probably knows she knows he is lying. But that’s what happens sometimes when you love someone, you lie to them.

Part of what has made TLOU such great television is the at times grim and other times grimly glorious mirror it has held up to our humanity. Our instinct for survival, at any cost. The weight and wonder of human connection. The power of loss and reverberation of trauma. We’ve watched a father become a father again. A teenager finds the parent she never had. So many people die. Good people. Bad people. Mushroom people. And an indifferent world that just keeps on spinning.

In the end, this might be the show that makes me not want to survive a zombie apocalypse. Because what’s left of the world seems made for people made of harder stuff than me. I don’t know if I have the right combination of luck and ruthlessness to succeed at the end of the world. Or maybe, I just don’t have the motivation anymore. Love makes you do the wacky, or as according to TLOU lore, you keep going for family.

I hope the next season brings us more beauty and heartbreak from this found family. May it keep giving us reasons to look toward the light amid all the relentless darkness. And, well, at least we know for sure it’ll be gay.