Sometimes they come back

Over the weekend at the big ladies-with-laptops BlogHer conference, we saw The Return of Chaiken. Yes, Ilene was back. She was talking. She was sorry. And by sorry she meant, “Go see my movie.” As reported on Twitter by Trish (our intrepid AfterEllen Blog Headmistress), Mama C addressed both a) the fans’ reactions b) those “The L Word: The Movie” rumors.

First, her mea culpa:

“I made a foolish mistake saying didn’t care what viewers wanted in the stories. Learned a lot from engaging with community.”

And all the lesbians in the room say, “DUH!”

Then, her humdinger:

“When we make ‘The L Word’ movie, we will say who killed Jenny. Movie is in scripting process.”

When. Not if. WHEN. Seems that was her plan all along – string ’em along to get a spinoff movie made. I knew it, I fucking knew it. Of course, this strategy comes with a very real risk. When she finally decides to tell us who killed Jenny, will we still care?

Do I care who killed Jenny at this point? Not really. I mean, it’s just not one of those great, haunting unanswered cinematic questions. Like, what did Bill Murray say to Scarlett Johansson at the end of “Lost in Translation?” What was in that briefcase in “Pulp Fiction?” Or, seriously, what the fuck was that all about, “Mulholland Dr.?”

But will I still go see the movie? Who am I kidding, I’m totally going. The siren song of Jennifer Beals’ ass in a perfectly-tailored power suit is just too strong. If I can make it through six sanity-sapping seasons, I can certainly make it through two hours of whatever crazy Chaiken can throws up there now. Plus, I own a flask. Two even.

The Puppetmaster

I guess what irks me most is even though Ilene says she is sorry for being all “Ney-ner, ney-ner, it’s my show so suck it!” about the storylines, I still feel manipulated. Artists don’t have to justify their art. She doesn’t owe us anything, but she owes her stories everything. She owes them truth and consistency. And all too often that’s just not what they received.

Look, I will forever be grateful to Ilene for creating this amazing universe and bringing together even more amazing women to inhabit it. But such is the great conundrum for GLBT viewers everywhere. We are unquestionably grateful and thrilled when any artist chooses to tell our stories. But that doesn’t mean, sometimes, we can’t wish those stories were better. Or made sense. Or didn’t make you want to throw any and all heavy objects within arm’s reach at your television.

Though I guess the one good thing about a movie version is that no matter what happens, we’ll at least get a nice big tub of popcorn out of the whole experience. So, are you in? And, most important, butter or no butter?