There’s something about Mary-Louise

Thank God for grown-ups. Sure, I know youth is all the rage. I mean, just look at the new cover of Rolling Stone and you’ll see four girls I couldn’t pick out of a lineup, or would ever care to. These girls, who no one will remember in 10 years, are apparently “It.” Well, not for me. I'll always pick age before beauty. You can keep the expressionless sheen of youth, thank you very much. I’ll take my women with some laugh lines and crows’ feet. Experience is sexy. Period. So yesterday, while trying to avoid Day Two of Miley Cyrus Naked-Backgate, I found exactly the kind of diversion I was looking for: The grown-up sexy of Mary-Louise Parker.

When I think about the women who really make my pulse spike and brain drool, Mary-Louise is always near the top of my list. She is effortlessly smart. Not in a brainiac way that flaunts a bulging ego, but in that natural way where a conversation over a glass of wine would take you to places far and wide and relentlessly interesting. In fact, as I’ve said before, she’s the kind of straight woman who makes me think more highly of whatever lucky man is wise enough to partner up with her. Also, dude, check out that ass.

The 43-year-old actress is featured in PaperMag this month. The article, written by what I can only assume is a straight man who gets it, pays its own relentless praise to the “ineffable hotness” that is MLP. I mean, just check out his description of her:

“On this afternoon, she's decked out in a black Gucci jacket, black Prada boots, a gray knit dress by Mon Petit Oiseau and knee-high stockings that call out, 'Hey, I dare you to try to avoid staring at my thighs.' … Parker casually uses a large vocabulary, slipping in words such as "disquieting" when something much less expressive would suffice … And like her character on Weeds, she affects a big-eyed, girlishly surprised expression when something not so surprising transpires -- for example, a reporter tells her he doesn't read much fiction. It's kind of adorable and makes you want to surprise her.”

I say if you’re going to objectify, objectify wisely.

And, you know what else I like about grown-ups? They know when to talk and when to shut up. In addition to being youth-obsessed, our culture is infatuated with exposé. And all these supposedly pretty young things polluting our airwaves are more than happy to oblige.

Well, not Mary-Louise.

“Maybe [reporters] think I’m going to go, 'Congratulations, you’re the one, I’m finally going to [really open up].' It’s just not going to happen – ever. So I don’t know why people ask certain things. Because I’m never going to answer them.”

Atta girl, I mean, woman.