I Wanna Hold Your Hand

In her new Harper's Bazaar cover story, Kristen Stewart revealed she has been told by Hollywood folks that, “If you just like do yourself a favour, and don’t go out holding your girlfriend’s hand in public, you might get a Marvel movie.”

What you just heard there was a sharp intake of breath from every queer woman everywhere. As much as we are grateful for the progress the LGBTQ community has made in terms of acceptance and openness, we still have so far to go – obviously. As far as mainstream entertainers go, it is telling that Ellen DeGeneres (who came out 22 years ago) and Kristen Stewart (who was 7 when Ellen came out) are probably our most famous out lesbian, bi and/or queer women celebrities.

Sure, there are a ton more out celebs than in the old days, like The Other Ellen and Cara and Sarah and Janelle and Ruby and Samira and the good news is I could go on. But if you think about which of those women came out at the very start of their careers, versus after they’ve become famous, well, that list shrinks. And, in terms of our superstars, the truth is there should be more.

But the reason there aren’t more is thinking like that Hollywood goon who dangled a “Marvel movie” in front of K-Stew if only she’d quit with the icky hand holding. The double standard remains that for an actress to really break out really big she that must be seen as straight and desirable, especially to all the drooling fanboy contingent. Gotta make that green, right?

So, in dishonor of that outmoded and money-at-all-costs kind of thinking, here are a slew of straight (and some not-so-straight) actresses who have proudly held hands with women and yet, somehow, have still managed to land themselves in Marvel Cinematic Universe movies. A chronological list from when they appeared in their first “Marvel movie.”

Gwyneth Paltrow

Somehow, the “Iron Man” star has managed to star in seven, yes Se7en, MCU movies despite flaunting her hand love with Nicole Kidman.

Natalie Portman

Not only did Natalie star in two “Thor” movies, she is going to be a new female “Thor” in a new film. And all this despite holding hands with Nicole Kidman. Though, to be fair, after openly holding hands with two Marvel ladies Nicole has only managed to land one (really, really bad – man is “Aquaman” bad) D.C. movie.

Hayley Atwell

The “Captain America” star is shown brazenly holding hands with Sally Hawkins, who has not been in a Marvel movie but did get to make out with a fish. So, win-win?

Cobie Smulders

The stoic “Avengers” star got all handy while promoting an indie film at the Sundance Film Festival a few years back. But, you know, it was an indie movie, maybe nobody noticed.

Karen Gillan

The “Guardians of the Galaxy” star is British, so many that’s why clasping hands with new late night talk show host Lilly Singh doesn’t really count, right?

Evangeline Lilly

Maybe she thought being in “Antman” would make her hands so small no one would see this.

Tilda Swinton

I mean, everyone knows Tilda is an alien from another galaxy. So this gratuitous hand holding with Charlize Theron (because aliens have good taste) had no impact on her “Doctor Strange” role, obviously.

Marisa Tomei

Well, she is playing Aunt May in “Spider-Man,” so despite the character wildly Benjamin Buttoning throughout the “Spider-Man” movies/reboots, she is still an aunt. So, that means she’s well past fuckable age anyway so hold hands all you want, “old” lady.

Tessa Thompson

Look, we know the “Thor: Ragnarok” star likes to wear Pussy Pants with a certain lady. But this obviously doesn’t count because Evan Rachel Wood is a robot, duh.

Lupita Nyong'o & Danai Gurira

Two of the stars of “Black Panther” holding hands with each other? Does that mean they cancel out? I was never good at math.

Brie Larson

The “Captain Marvel” actress got to be the titular star of her very own superhero movie and she repays the studio by unapologetically holding hands with her stunt double Joanna Bennett. The nerve!

In the end, K-Stew just needs to channel the power of Cate Blanchett who got to star in a Marvel movie, loves holding hands with ladies, happily and swoonily plays gay in movies, and has won two damn Oscars.



p.s. Given her recent comments on believing Woody Allen and being more than happy to work with him again, no one really wants to hold Scarlett Johansson’s hand anymore.