My Weekend Crushing Disappointment

After coming back from my honeymoon and finally catching up on Ye Olde Blog and your comments while I was away, I have to say I’m disappointed. I am particularly disappointed by some of the discriminatory and downright wrong comments on my Vacation Vixen post on Stephanie Beatriz. In particular it was all the disparaging and hateful comments about her marriage and her bisexuality, and bisexuality in general, that disappoints me.

Let me say definitively, for the record and without an iota of equivocation that bisexual women are a welcome part of the LGBTQ community. Bisexual women remain bisexual, even if they are in a relationship with or marry a man. And – for good measure because sometimes these vile views go hand in hand – trans women are also part of the LGBTQ community. Trans women are women, period. If you harbor any hateful feelings toward bisexual women or trans people, you are not welcome here. This is not the site for you. Go find another site. We will be perfectly fine, not to mention happier, without you.

Look, if you have had a bad experience while dating a bisexual woman, well, that was your individual experience. You’ve probably also had a bad experience dating a lesbian woman at some point in your life. But you don’t go lumping all lesbians into that one experience. I had a bad experience with a lesbian ergo all lesbians are bad. That’s just dumb.

Bisexuality by definition is an attraction to women and men. But being bisexual does not mean you have to be with men and women at the same time. It’s not the same as polyamory, per se. So, of course, some bisexual women will date and/or marry men – it’s in the damn definition of their sexual orientation. Still if a bisexual woman does marry a man that does not negate her overall sexuality. That does not make her straight.

Just like if a lesbian marries a woman she does not stop finding other women attractive. Like, I am now married to a woman I love completely and am deeply committed to and would never stray, but I can still low whistle at Cate Blanchett because CATE BLANCHETT. Bisexual women are still bisexual, still have the propensity to fall in love with and/or be attracted and/or feel a kinship to women and men regardless of their current relationship status. And saying a bisexual woman who is married to a man can only remain bisexual if she cheats with a woman is, um, nuts. It’s nuts. You would rather a bisexual woman be unfaithful and amoral than in a committed relationship with someone she loves who happens to be a man? What the what?

Are there “heteroflexible” women who take gaycations in lesboland for the fun of it with no intentions of putting down stakes because why not? Sure, of course. But I don’t think the vast majority of those women consider themselves bisexual or queer or pansexual or whathaveyou. They’re sexual tourists and, as long as everyone involved knows and consents to what they’ve getting into, that can be fine too.

This isn’t hard to understand, folks. It just isn’t. And if you willfully misconstrue bisexuality as trying to take advantage of straight privilege, then you’re just being willfully hateful. And, again, I would rather you leave.

The thing about being a part of the LGBTQ community is we’re a big gay umbrella to shelter all kinds of sexual otherness. Are you a woman who likes other women? Come on down. Are you a man who likes other men? Get over here. A woman who likes women and men? You betcha. A trans person attracted to men or women or non-binary folks? But of course, plenty of room. And so on and so forth. The whole idea of discriminating against someone because of who she or he or them or they may love or be attracted to should be antithetical to our very existence. We accept all, love all. At least, that’s how it should be.

The world is cold and cruel enough on its own for us to go around hating, disrespecting or being bigoted toward each other. Our governing principals should be equality, generosity and kindness. Literally the only kind of person I do not welcome here is the kind of person who discriminates against others for who they are – be that their race or their gender or their sexual identity or their sexual orientation. Because what a waste of a perfectly good human life to spend all of it hating someone for something they can’t change. Have a happy and accepting weekend, all.

Edited To Add:

To Anonymous Commenter 8:31 AM (in my time zone),
Hello. First of all, obviously you give a flying %^#! about what I think because you come here, to my personal blog, where I write my personal thoughts, and discuss my personal opinions, which no one is under any requirement to read unless they care about my personal thoughts and opinions. Otherwise, why even bother clicking? Second (because when you write “first” it is customary to provide a second) the right to free speech and expression as guaranteed by the First Amendment of the United State Constitution means freedom from government censorship of speech and expression. Not freedom from some lesbian blogger who does this on her free time for fun without any regular monetary compensation, but just because she loves and respects the LGBTQ community and its role in pop culture. I am sorry that is a confusing concept for you. Also, it is spelled “whether.” Now, goodbye.

To Anonymous Commenter 8:37 AM (again, in my time zone),
Hello. I never, let me repeat, never delete or censor comments on my blog unless they are spam. I believe the comments section is your space, and therefore also do not wade into the comments either. I have only once in the 12-plus year history of this blog commented in the comments section. That was an instance where I told someone to fuck off for disparaging a close personal friend and fellow writer. Otherwise, again, that is your space. That does not mean I cannot feel disappointment in what is written in the comments on occasion. Oh, and the comments against bisexuality are there, for everyone to read, in my Vacation Vixen post about Stephanie Beatriz which I linked above in this post. And, again right here. You know how links work, right? Also, using “bisexual lifestyle” is as offensive as using “gay lifestyle” or “lesbian lifestyle.” It is an orientation, and not a preference for oversized prints and hot yoga. Now, goodbye.

To the remaining/returning Anonymous Commenters: