That’s so gay

Some days, you wake up and it seems the whole world has gone into rehab. Other days, you wake up and it seems like the whole world has gone gay. Monday, the hot playground gossip making the rounds was that not one, not two, but three high-profile stars were capital G-A-Y. The queer trifecta? Mel B, Wentworth Miller and Jake Gyllenhaal…pass it on.

So what was up with all the Monday morning outings? I guess the only thing better than kicking your work week off with a celebrity scandal is kicking your work week off with a gay celebrity scandal. Not that there is much scandal to speak of here, just unsubstantiated gossip and more examples of the Standing Next To Someone Gay Makes You Gay Rule.

I’d heard whispers about Mel B (a.k.a. Scary Spice and/or Eddie Murphy’s unacknowledged baby mamma) for a while now. But I’d never heard them in quite so much, uh, detail. Hello, TMI. I need a shower now, and not in a good way. I love how the two ladies she allegedly had a two-year, three-way relationship with are selling their salacious interview under the guise of “We’re very worried about Mel.” Cause, you know, I always tell national newspapers about the sexual peccadilloes of the people I’m “really worried about.” I’m a good friend like that.

As for the Wentworth rumors, those have been swirling for a while as well. And now the irrefutable evidence seems to be, uhm, him walking with/sitting with/sharing the same oxygen with someone who is gay. Wentworth walked and drove with T.R. Knight’s ex-boyfriend, stop the presses! In all fairness, Towleroad told people not to jump top conclusions after posting the shots. But jumping to conclusions is the raison d’être of the blogophere, so no such restraint was shown in re-reporting the earth-shattering news of two men strolling down the street together.

And, finally, the Jake news. Apparently, if you can believe the guy who first brought us Lindsay Lohan’s Lesbian Adventures, Jake is going to come out with his long-term boyfriend very soon and announce that they are expecting a child by surrogate this September. The best part about this rumor is that while the “source” is dead-on sure about the baby’s impending birth, he can’t tell us if Jake’s partner is his actor friend or his chef friend or some other friend to be named later. So, Jakey Junior has two daddies, they just have no damn clue who one of them is.

Look, I have no idea whether these fine folks are gay or not. But what I do know is these “stories” are beyond silly. It’s like gay is the new rehab. To which I say, no, no no.