Those snarktastic Fug Girls would call this a “Fug The Cover” post. I call it a ”If you’re Photoshopping the hell out of these people anyway, why can’t you make them look good or -- at the very least -- human?” post. Now we already know all about The Cover Lie. But what I don’t understand is how, after all that digital enhancement, the end result could still look so crappy. I’m pretty sure Gwyneth Paltrow didn’t want to herald her comeback on the cover of a national magazine looking like a Teutonic tranny who swears by monochromatic colors and bushy eyebrows. I’m assuming. I mean, I don’t know her that well. Or, really, at all.The thing is, Gwynnie can do much better. Witness her previous W cover. She looks lovely and, yes, pregnant. And then there is the even lovelier Life cover with her mother, Blythe Danner. Of course, that may be due to Blythe’s presence. But why quibble.Now this next cover catastrophe mainly suffers largely from really unfortunate timing. But the folks at Elle weren’t doing LiLo any favors with her Dynasty hair. The irony here, of course, is that Lindsay doesn’t have to look like the most popular girl at her 1985 senior prom. Even the photo shoot outtakes are sexier, more modern and all together va-va-voomier. And then there was the truly sexy Lindsay on Entertainment Weekly, circa 2004, all red hair and black stockings. Those were the days.
But the person I truly feel sorry for is poor Anne Hathaway. By all accounts Anne is a lovely young lady. She has the dark hair, milky skin and doe eyes that women around the world would kill for. So, you’d think making her look radiant on a magazine cover would be easy-peasy. Apparently, not so much.
Wow. I’ve never before looked at Ms. Hathaway and thought, “Damn, girlfriend has a lot of teeth.” But I consider this Teen Vogue cover Anna Wintour’s revenge for “The Devil Wears Prada,” so I wasn’t really too surprised. Then I saw these.Bazar made her look like a fashion alien and on Marie Claire dressed her like dental assistant from the Jersey suburbs. Of course, once again, it didn’t have to end like this. Because, Anne -- if given a chance -- can give great cover. Really, really great.