So, do you remember how “Grey's Anatomy” made our little lesbian dreams vanish into the parking lot of no return? And do you remember when, despite rumors that ABC executives did not like the “explicit nature” of Callie and Erica's relationship, show creator Shonda Rhimes insisted Brooke Smith was not fired for playing a lesbian and that she believed it “belittles the relationship to simply replace Erica with 'another lesbian'?” And then remember how almost exactly a month later news broke that, never mind, she had indeed simply replaced Erica with another lesbian – just a younger and (by conventional straight male standards) hotter lesbian?
Well, Grey's attempt to short circuit your short term memory comes to fruition in the form of Dr. Arizona Robbins tonight. Despite being one of the dumbest character names possibly ever (what, New Mexico Häagen-Dazs was unavailable?), Jessica Capshaw (that's Nadia to you and Bette) seems like a cheerful presence on Grey's. Given her striking resemblance to Brooke, producers have gone out of their way to make Arizona the anti-Erica. She is smiley. She is chipper She is friendly.
And when I say friendly, I mean friendly. As in, I-wish-girls-would-be-this-friendly-to-me-when-introducing-themselves friendly. But let me back up. As reported earlier, tonight's episode features “girl-on-girl action” (their words, not mine). Having seen the episode, I can say there is a some action, and it's definitely girl-on-girl. But far from being salacious it's actually rather sweet.
First, you only need to tune into the very last five minutes of the show to see everything. Second, it only lasts about a minute and a half. So, right there, I've freed up 58 minutes of your night.
Callie is upset because she is celibate. I think she's upset because her bangs are ridiculous. Seriously, why would you cover up those eyebrows? Those eyebrows are sex on stilts. But I digress. Anyway, Callie is drowning her sexless sorrows at the bar. Grey's lil' sis comes up and starts talking about her love for Sloan. Callie can't take it. I can't take it. So she goes to the bathroom.
Arizona happens to be at the bar, too, and we notice her notice the departure for a split-second. Yadda yadda, Grey voiceover, yadda. The bathroom door opens and Arizona enters. Callie is at the sink ironically wiping away her wet tears about her dry spell. Arizona introduces herself and tells Callie that people at the hospital talk, so she she knows things about her. Callie realizes that “things” means “The Gay” and spits out, “Terrific.” Arizona is unfamiliar with sarcasm and exclaims that it is terrific, and proceeds to say how “people” really like her and how “people” are interested in her and how some “people” really like her.
Arizona tells her that when she is done being upset, “people” will be lining up for her. Since her flirting density shield is obviously activated, Callie doesn't pick up that “people” is actually one person. Instead she gives one of those deliciously deep laughs and implores, “You want to give me some names?” To which Arizona gives her the patented “Me, dumbass” look and then this happens.
Given that this is the only episode I've seen since Erica walked off into the asphalt and this whole show tends to annoy me (The whiny, it burns!), it's a ridiculously tough sell.
On the one hand I love Sara and would watch her kiss a forklift if I had to (not that I want to; this isn't a weird forklift fetish...shit, here come the crazy Google searches). But on the other hand I'm mad as hell and not going to take it anymore about broadcast TV's treatment of lesbian and bisexual characters this season. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the dumbass who just got fooled twice.
Ultimately the dishonorable way Grey's disposed of Callica means no matter what delectable offerings Calzona (you know, because of the possibility of cheese) has in store, it will forever be tainted. Bitter is one of those taste that lingers, no matter how many sweets you try to wash it away.