Thursday, February 05, 2009

Greetings from Arizona

[SPOILERS! Grey's Anatomy Spoilers! Skedaddle, STAT if you don't want to know what happens at Seattle Grace tonight.]

So, do you remember how “Grey's Anatomy” made our little lesbian dreams vanish into the parking lot of no return? And do you remember when, despite rumors that ABC executives did not like the “explicit nature” of Callie and Erica's relationship, show creator Shonda Rhimes insisted Brooke Smith was not fired for playing a lesbian and that she believed it “belittles the relationship to simply replace Erica with 'another lesbian'?” And then remember how almost exactly a month later news broke that, never mind, she had indeed simply replaced Erica with another lesbian – just a younger and (by conventional straight male standards) hotter lesbian?

Well, Grey's attempt to short circuit your short term memory comes to fruition in the form of Dr. Arizona Robbins tonight. Despite being one of the dumbest character names possibly ever (what, New Mexico Häagen-Dazs was unavailable?), Jessica Capshaw (that's Nadia to you and Bette) seems like a cheerful presence on Grey's. Given her striking resemblance to Brooke, producers have gone out of their way to make Arizona the anti-Erica. She is smiley. She is chipper She is friendly.

And when I say friendly, I mean friendly. As in, I-wish-girls-would-be-this-friendly-to-me-when-introducing-themselves friendly. But let me back up. As reported earlier, tonight's episode features “girl-on-girl action” (their words, not mine). Having seen the episode, I can say there is a some action, and it's definitely girl-on-girl. But far from being salacious it's actually rather sweet.

First, you only need to tune into the very last five minutes of the show to see everything. Second, it only lasts about a minute and a half. So, right there, I've freed up 58 minutes of your night.

Callie is upset because she is celibate. I think she's upset because her bangs are ridiculous. Seriously, why would you cover up those eyebrows? Those eyebrows are sex on stilts. But I digress. Anyway, Callie is drowning her sexless sorrows at the bar. Grey's lil' sis comes up and starts talking about her love for Sloan. Callie can't take it. I can't take it. So she goes to the bathroom.

Arizona happens to be at the bar, too, and we notice her notice the departure for a split-second. Yadda yadda, Grey voiceover, yadda. The bathroom door opens and Arizona enters. Callie is at the sink ironically wiping away her wet tears about her dry spell. Arizona introduces herself and tells Callie that people at the hospital talk, so she she knows things about her. Callie realizes that “things” means “The Gay” and spits out, “Terrific.” Arizona is unfamiliar with sarcasm and exclaims that it is terrific, and proceeds to say how “people” really like her and how “people” are interested in her and how some “people” really like her.

Arizona tells her that when she is done being upset, “people” will be lining up for her. Since her flirting density shield is obviously activated, Callie doesn't pick up that “people” is actually one person. Instead she gives one of those deliciously deep laughs and implores, “You want to give me some names?” To which Arizona gives her the patented “Me, dumbass” look and then this happens.

She answers “I think you'll know” and leaves with a cute smile.

And Callie is left bewildered with her own cute smile.

Fuck, am I going to have to start watching this show again?

Given that this is the only episode I've seen since Erica walked off into the asphalt and this whole show tends to annoy me (The whiny, it burns!), it's a ridiculously tough sell.

On the one hand I love Sara and would watch her kiss a forklift if I had to (not that I want to; this isn't a weird forklift fetish...shit, here come the crazy Google searches). But on the other hand I'm mad as hell and not going to take it anymore about broadcast TV's treatment of lesbian and bisexual characters this season. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the dumbass who just got fooled twice.

Ultimately the dishonorable way Grey's disposed of Callica means no matter what delectable offerings Calzona (you know, because of the possibility of cheese) has in store, it will forever be tainted. Bitter is one of those taste that lingers, no matter how many sweets you try to wash it away.

31 comments:

wyrmoftheflame said...

Here's the thing, Dorothy, I love Callica and I will NEVER forgive the way ABC fucked up. What they did to Callica and Brooke is so far beyond outrageous...Also I read your post on A+E about Hollywood and lesbians which pretty much sums up why I'm still so pissed off at the moment. Although Jessica Capshaw is lush and Sara Ramirez is well...you know, Sara Ramirez...I find it hypocritcal and somewhat fickle to jump 'ship' from Callica and just fall into the Calzone bandwagon...just cause. I'm not having a go at you at all, it's just some comments have been made that seem to dismiss the significance of what's happened. Having said that, it's good to move on with life but...garghhh, I guess I'll just have to settle with not being at peace with this situation. I'll probably youtube the kiss, cause I'm weak willed around women who look like Brooke/Jessica...lol
Ah Dorothy why is it so hard for us?
xxx
Wyrm
aka
sparklypinkgoth666 on A+E

Steph Mineart said...

Sorry ABC. Not gonna do it. The free time in my schedule is lovely. I'm not going back to you.

Anonymous said...

Ms. Snarker, why are you posting about Grey's Anatomy when you haven't once written about Top Chef this season?

Why no recaps this season?

Anonymous said...

Hey Ms. Snarker,
first I want to say LOVE YOUR BLOG !!! It always makes me laugh.
Now to the topic ahead, I'm not from the US, but I watch Grey's the next day on youtube. I'm not sure if I would support the show if my viewing would effect the ratings, because the way they treated Callica calls for punishment. But, as I said before I have no influence on this what so ever, so why should I restrain myself from watching some sweet "girl-on-girl" action? It's really rare these days, so thank you for the tip, Ms. Snarker !

PS: To the comment above: You can find Snarker's Top Chef recaps on afterellen.com !

;) babs said...

thanx for the update, ms. snarker, but I will keep boycotting GA.
I loved erica and I cannot get over her.

;) babs

and yeah, those bangs are ridiculous!

Aly said...

Couple things...

First: Woman, you never fail to make me laugh. You just made my day.

Second: I think Arizona is going to be good for the show. She's bubbly but still a hard ass. I mean, granted, she hasn't had much screen time yet. But, I like her.

I'm kind of over the whole Callica debacle - I still have a space in my heart for Brooke Smith though! She will forever be my favorite. But, even she said she doesn't want to talk about Grey's anymore.

We got an email from her saying how overwhelmed she was with all the fan support and how it helped her through a really rough time. And that she's working on her own project now that Grey's is in her past. She's so sweet. Seriously.

Here's part of her email:

"i really tried to represent a woman that i could relate to, one that we don't often see on television.
someone who is strong and smart and great at what she does. someone who maybe isn't conventionally pretty but is attractive for her spirit and the qualities that i just mentioned.
someone who is real and honest and straightforward.

i would like to encourage this community of women to continue to be strong and to not let themselves be defined by anyone else's idea of what a woman should be. it's not always so easy to be true to yourself."

Anyway - I'm rooting for Callie. She needs a break. And someone to take care of her. I bet they're going to make Arizona do that. Because it's what they were supposed to do with Erica. I don't know. I'm liking the storyline. And it helps that Jessica Capshaw is quite the charmer. :]

<3 Aly

Emma said...

Loved this post I will forever love Callica and unforgiving of what they did to the storyline. Saying that however I will see this well the last five mins anyway as I love Callie even if they haven't helped her character this season. lets hope the grey's writers producers have learnt from their mistakes. Does anyone know if Jessica Capshaw has been picked up for more episodes?

Ms Snarker love your blog and love you recaps/articles on Afterellen

invisigoth said...

I had given up on Grey's. But I've been reconsidering that decision for a couple of weeks... Actually since Arizona (gotta love that name!) has entered SGH. I'm shallow, I know!

What's a little surprising to me though is, that I wasn't a fan of Nadia and thought Jessica Capshaw wasn't all that great on TLW. But she is ADORABLE on Grey's. I liked her and her character instantly and I for one can't wait to see her getting her moves on for Callie. Ha!
Grey's - I'm on board again.

inv

Anonymous said...

Well, I can't and won't get behind the new pairing. I won't be a fool twice. And getting behind it, in my mind equals to validating ABC's decision of getting rid of Erica/Brooke. I am NOT doing that. They have lost all respect from me, not only by doing what they did, but by being lying condescending idiots about it, too. I mean saying one thing and then just go back and pretend it didn't happen? What are we? Morons?
I love Brooke Smith, I'm glad she moved on and I'll support her in whatever project she'll do next.
I love Sara Ramirez and I'll support her, too. However, the character of Callie has been forever tainted and in my book, she's only lonely and such as a direct result of her own actions (OK, the writers made her act like that, but I digress). So I don't care for her anymore.
And ABC can take their Calzona and eat it or whatever, I will NOT validate that stupid decision they made!

Becky said...

I am willing to take one for the team. I want to know where I can send my application to have the task of kissing Jennifer Beals AND Sara Ramirez.

SS said...

I am most definitely not behind Calzone..Calzona..whatever the hell it is. The bitter taste is still very strong for me. The only reason why I still watch the show is because I am totally in love with Sara, and would probably watch her kiss a forklift too..haha. I think I would be less angry if she went back to guys..I mean she did say "I only like kissing one girl...you"...now apparently she wants to kiss lots of girls..
And I just don't get the random kiss in the bathroom..they never even met before and its like "hi! let's make out!" ..just not believable for me..
But whatever....and btw..love the sex on stilts comment about Sara's eyebrows..sooo true!

invisigoth said...

I was pretty angry and upset with ABC for firing Brooke Smith and the way they did it and everything.

But honestly... This is entertainment! And they'll do what feeds the masses. And obviouly, myself included, Callica was not successful because for a variety of reasons it didn't work for a lot of people. I cringed when they kissed.

And it sounds cruel and uneducated and it's of course facile and hurtful, but if Brooke Smith got fired due to her looks, I can only say..
Shit, if two beautiful, sexy women kissing is more acceptable for the homophobe masses out there, then so be it. It's no use forcing something down their throat, it'll have the opposite effect. But if giving them some eyecandy helps to further the acceptance, I'm all in.

I like Brooke Smith and I liked her character and she'd have deserved a decent farewell on and off camera.

And I mean, women can be just as mean and judgemental about other women, too! When I think of TLW and some message boards I visit... Hell!

jennifer from pittsburgh said...

I am just going to have to skip the Calzona. That sort of thing gives me heartburn anyway. I don't care what Grey's does with this relationship in the beginning because we all know what they're going to do in the end.

Anonymous said...

You had me at... " So, right there, I've freed up 58 minutes of your night."

Hilarious!!
Thanks for not wasting my time.

Cause then I have more time to savor
a real Calzone... mmm... did someone say cheeze!

Anonymous said...

Screw ABC. I can't believe they think viewers are that stupid to simply replace Erica with a similar looking but YOUNGER and NICER lesbian. They built up Callica for over a year, only to cruelly end it. No, f--k them. I'm insulted and angry. You can't manipulate fans like that.

Sarah said...

She's cute as a button, but the undeniable resemblance to Erica Hahn is kind of tripping me out.

Le sigh. I guess this makes me a dumbass who is about to get sucked into another black hole of hopefulness, because I'm tuning in tonight.

DocCovington said...

OMG, this was hilariously funny and sooo to the point!

I especially enjoyed the following two comments:

> “Terrific.” Arizona is
> unfamiliar with sarcasm [...]

Bwahahaha!!

>> Ultimately the dishonorable way Grey's disposed of Callica means no matter what delectable offerings Calzona [...] has in store, it will forever be tainted. Bitter is one of those taste that lingers, no matter how many sweets you try to wash it away. <<

My feelings exactly.

Although I am going to follow the story arc, my heart will never be in it (or with the show, ever again). For the very reason you mentioned.

pyewacket said...

I will watch the last 5 minutes, it is probably the best part anyway.

And to Anonymous #1...

Miss Dorothy has been doing mini-caps for Top Chef all this season long at AE!

:)

Lennox said...

"What, New Mexico Häagen-Dazs was unavailable?" Bwahaha Thanks for giving me some fun out of this whole mess...

Ya know, if this storyline was an independent occurence I would probably check it out. But on pure principle alone, I will NOT reward ABC's asshat behavior and get sucked in again. Simply put, SCREW them. The new shiny, sparkly lesbian (or whatever) will not dazzle and distract me from their previous abuses.
*sigh* I miss Sara. But sadly, no. Can't do it. I actually cringed when I saw the kiss screencap. Cause all I can see is ABC's idea of a more "acceptable" curly haired blonde. What is this Darren from Bewitched? Switch them and no one will notice?? pfft.

dc said...

OK girl. Can you just do recaps for us? I've stopped watching. Got other things to do, blah blah. But your recap there was priceless. I'd LOVE to just hear the highlights/lowlights from you!

PLUUUEEEZE.....

roark said...

Someone will youtube it. Besides 30 Rocks on in my neck of the woods and that's more enjoyable.

Are they going to last the rest of the season? Then maybe I'll go back for some Calzone.

Katherine Simon said...

Meh, I'll look up the clip on youtube, as it surely will be over the place by tomorrow morning. They're not getting me back that easily, though. Because, aside from the whole Callica thing, the whining makes me violent. So it's just not happening. Not worth it. (That, and I will never forgive them for cancelling Pushing Daisises)

Also, who on God's green earth thought those bangs were a good idea? Good lord.

Anonymous said...

I'm on board again, but let me add, I was/still is COMPLETELY OUTRAGED, not exaggerating, the firing of Brooke Smith. I absolutely adored her, so, Fu- mess this one up, and I will truly leave forever. That being said, Jessica Capshaw is a totally sexy, and I can't wait to see more of this girl on girl action. So, you certainly picked someone great to possibly heal the Erica wounds, though she'll never be forgotten. Calzone, I'm all for you. :D

Ashley Green said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ashley Green said...

I know a lot of us are bitter about how the whole Callica thing played out, but does this new relationship does maybe win me back a bit. I mean, I know the rule of TV is to obliterate any lesbian/bi couple with 3-7 episodes, and this new pairing will likely be no different, but I am inclined to not care for once. At least we know what we're in for, and I'm young and therefore easily sold to the idea of Jessica Capshaw and Sara Ramirez being all cute on my TV for a few weeks. Plus, I kind of like Arizona as a character (I know quite a few of you don't), maybe even a little more than Erica (blasphemy, I know).

Lezlie Mac said...

Calzona...Bwaahahaha
Dorothy you crack me up. I couldn't care less about the show, but this will surely have me watch the last 5 mins
thanks for making my day!

Sonja said...

I heard about your blog from the TWOP boards and it is HILARIOUS. Really great post.

I liked Erica and Callie, but I'm not all hung up on it. I guess I'm fickle or desperate or, well, probably both. I'm just so happy that nothing is happening with intern girl. How many times do we have to run through that story? I hadn't read any spoilers, so I didn't see this Arizona/Callie thing coming. I already liked Arizona, and when she walked into the bathroom, I was like, "No! Yes? Wha?????"

Well, anyway, I'm much more upset about the way Brooke Smith was fired than I am about the ending of Erica-Callie. I was just happy that no one left anyone else for a man (All My Children is KILLING ME).

Ooh, and I can't believe I didn't recognize Nadia....

Thanks again for a great post!

Anonymous said...

grey anatomy is total BS

Trihardist said...

One word, Ms. Snarker. Argh.

I just can't let it happen. This show says it loves me, we have some laughs, it's hot, I think I'm falling for it . . . and then it breaks my heart. And it just about destroys me. And then it comes back and says it's sorry, it was wrong, let's try again . . .

But I just can't do it. This is one ex who will not be given a second chance.

Which is not to say I won't watch the steamy parts on Youtube.

Penny Cillin said...

....."would watch her kiss a forklift." Effing hilarious!

Equally hilarious? "Calzona".

Shade said...

well said DS.
i loved callica and ABC have simply 'replaced' erica with a younger erica. ABC thinks people are so dumb, Do you think we get the story behind callie not looking for erica? hello!!!! all her talk about her 'alone' status, its not 'alone status' its her 'without erica status' you dopes! She see leaves believe me she see leaves. even if she sometimes see flowers (or whatever the hell it is) she's seeing leaves now. seriously callie, just be true to whatever you see at that point and go with it!