Friday, January 23, 2015

My Weekend (Binge) Crush

You have plans this weekend. You cannot go out. You are busy. You will be marathoning all of “Transparent.” Amazon is being very gracious and streaming the entire first season of the show – all ten episodes – on Saturday for FREE. Yes, free. For 24-hours you can stream at your heart’s content. I could expound on why you should watch “Transparent.” It is rich, layered, hilarious, strange, cruel, generous, beautiful. It is family in all its dysfunction, its potential and its disappointment. But mostly it’s just really good TV.

So now it boils down to simple math problem, really. You have 24 hours. You have 10 half an hour episodes. That’s 5 hours to watch. Split them up however you want. One show in the morning with breakfast. That’s half an hour. Then three shows in the afternoon while lounging around instead of doing the laundry. That’s 1.5 hours. Another two shows with dinner. That’s another 1 hour. Finally finish strong with four shows in the evening instead of aimlessly searching Netflix for something to watch. That’s your final 2 hours. Boom, knocked out the whole season and still have some time left to rewatch a couple episodes of “Orange Is the New Black.”

Or fuck it and watch all 10 episodes in a row like nature intended. Just be sure to buy snacks first. Happy binging weekend, all.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Unbreakable Appeal

Yes, yes, a million times yes. The first trailer for the Netflix series from “30 Rock” creators Tina “My Fake TV Wife” Fey and Robert Carlock is here. “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” is here and she is glorious! I mean it, truly glorious. It’s weird and goofy and includes a doomsday cult. What’s not to like? Oh, also there is Ellie Kemper, Jane Krakowski and Tituss Burgess (D'Fwan! D'Fwan!). Don’t bother me March 6, you know where I’ll be. (My couch, the answer is my couch.)

p.s. Do I now have to call Tina My Fake Streaming Wife? Just checking.

p.p.s. Apologies for the late Lost Girl recap. But it is going up today, I swear.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

On Wednesday We Wear Ruby

Stella Carlin. Learn that name. Learn it well. Because come this summer Piper and Alex are gonna be all over Stella Carlin. Probably. But, hey, can you blame them. New of Ruby Rose’s casting for the upcoming third season of “Orange Is the New Black” was welcome for several reasons. One, she is Ruby Rose and Ruby Rose is what I believe the kids today call ATTRACTIVE. Two, Ruby Rose is an out lesbian actress/model/VJ/DJ/tattoo enthusiast. Three, Ruby Rose’s character Stella is said to be a “lust object of both Piper and Alex.” Like I was saying, hey, can you blame them?

Netflix has confirmed that Stella will be a new Litchfield inmate “whose sarcastic sense of humor and captivating looks quickly draw the attention of some of Litchfield’s inmates.” Ruby has already been posting excited photos from the set, which makes me even more excited about the season. More same-sex attraction is always welcome, always. Look out, Pipex, someone just handed you a Rose. Also I cannot wait to hear what zingers Nicky has about tour new arrival.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Secret Agent Woman

While I will freely admit that I stopped watching “Agent of Shield,” I am very much enjoying “Agent Carter.” Just further proof that things in the same universe can still be – and feel – light-years apart. (Granted, I stopped watching Shield after only a handful of episodes, so I can’t comment on its current state…) Anyway, where was I? Agent Carter, now there’s a hell of a dame. I always thought Hayley Atwell’s Peggy was the absolute best thing about “Captain America” – barring (and baring - hubba hubba) Chris Evan’s perfect V-shaped torso.

Peggy Carter is a perfect feminist protagonist for the period. Smart, no nonsense and infinitely capable she is a sly superhero functioning in a world that constantly underestimates her. But instead of dark-rimmed glasses and a tie as a secret identity she hides her super abilities by being the one thing no one of the era expects – a woman. She is a woman who is every bit as good and even a damn sight better than most men at her job.

Sure, it’s frustrating to see her constantly undermined by the specter of sexism. But that’s kind of the point, we’re all supposed to be annoyed by The Sexism and all want Agent Carter to triumph over The Sexism. A show that roots for a female hero to triumph over her sexist male counterparts is pretty alright in my book. So, yeah, I have a new steady Tuesday show.

Also alright in my book is the friendship between Peggy and waitress friend Angie Martinelli as played by “Nikita” veteran Lyndsy Fonseca. Angie and English even already has a shipper name: Cartinelli. I kind of prefer something a little more poetic like English Martini or whatnot. But, hey, who am I to question fandom. Though, I have to think there’s more to nice, Schnapps-offering Angie than meets the eye. Plus, from all of Lyndsy’s Nikita work we know she can kick some serious ass. So it would seem a waste to just have her slinging hash behind a counter the whole time. Plus, don’t these two make a fine couple? Yes, ma’am.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Will You Brittana Me?

Yes, the Birttana proposal happened. Yes, it was kinda sweet. Yes, they’re endgame. But what I really want to talk about his how Glee finally addressed its most important and ignored issue - Kurt’s toothless baby mouth. I mean, I love the guy and all, but for six seasons every time he opened his mouth to sing all I saw was the cavernous maw of a newborn. This epic burn monologue almost makes me happy to be watching “Glee” again. Almost.

Look, I’m past caring about “Glee” in anything more than a nostalgic, head-shaking sense. But after skimming the first three episodes I have to say they’re not totally terrible. Granted it is totally terrible storytelling that a bunch of college dropouts should be hired on the spot to become teachers and coaches without credentials or experience or anything but pretty smiles and pretty voices. But, fine, I’ll suspend the laws of physics and disbelief and pretend that they’re all gainfully employed at accredited institutions to lead and instruct our nation’s youth. Watching this show requires the removal of at least one lobe of the brain already.

Aside from all of that, the big Brittana proposal episode last week actually had a few delicate touches and lovely recalls. Them saying they love each other to infinity. Them snuggling on the bed talking about scissoring. It was nice, OK, it was NICE.

While I still don’t trust Ryan Murphy with lesbian (and really any female character) storylines as far as I can throw a gay shark, I am happy the writers appear to be finally giving fandom with what they deserve. (p.s. Don’t worry, Klainers, I have no doubt your endgame is coming, too. Not a spoiler, just a hunch.) Fans of these characters have suffered long enough. Wrap it up and just make the people who cared so very much about these kids who sang and danced in the middle of class for no reason whatsoever happy.

p.s. Who was that little lesbian who came out of nowhere to hand Santana the ring? Or does Snix just bring her minions with her everywhere she goes?

p.p.s. I did not think the Coach Beiste trans storyline was totally terrible either. I sincerely hope they do something real with it moving forward and not just let it disappear like all those Glee Version 2.0 kids they brought in two seasons ago never to be heard from again.

Friday, January 16, 2015

My Weekend (Binge) Crush

Call in sick. Order delivery. Turn your phone to silent. Let nothing interrupt your glorious binge-watching of the second season of “The Fall.” Let nothing get in the way of your continuous adoration of Gillian Anderson. Let nothing stop your enjoyment of one of the best series on television.

The second season of “The Fall” drops on Netflix today and I cannot recommend it highly enough. If you haven’t watched the first season, don’t worry. There are only five episodes so it won’t take to long to get up to speed. But if you have, dear God, what are you waiting for?

Few shows are so methodical yet so suspenseful at the same time. Few shows so clearly tackle the concept of institutionalized sexism. Few shows are so unblinking in their celebration of smart, unapologetic, sexual female characters. Also, few shows have Gillian Anderson. Jesus, is she fantastic.

And as long as you are marathoning, feel free to check out my recaps for the season as you go along:

- The Fall, Episode 2.1
- The Fall, Episode 2.2
- The Fall, Episode 2.3
- The Fall, Episode 2.4
- The Fall, Episode 2.5
- The Fall, Episode 2.6
Happy watching and weekend, all.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

SGALGG: Look at Those Golden Globes Edition

Please, like I’d let a Golden Globes go by without celebrating our favorite golden globes. Granted it was a tad bittersweet this time, as this will be the last year of the Tina & Amy hosting show. But at least Tina dressed up for the occasion. I’m pretty sure she put on the tux just so she could get into a Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals post. So I am only too happy to oblige. So here are some straight gals, and some gay gals, doing just that.

Robin Wright & Gillian Anderson
Most of my best dreams are nowhere near this good.

Oprah & Helen Mirren
And you get to touch some bosoms! And you get to touch some bosoms! And you get to touch some bosoms!

Gina Rodriguez & Ruth Wilson
I really hope they’re plotting world domination, because I would be super OK with them running things.

Cara Delevingne & Rita Ora
Totally over Michelle, I see.

Amy Poehler & Natasha Lyonne
Lesbian twin syndrome, activate!

Uzo Aduba & Taylor Schilling
Chocolate and vanilla swirl, swirl, swirl.

Sarah Paulson & Amanda Peet
Gay/straight lady BFFs. If only they’d make that into a movie. Wait, they already have?

Salma Hayek & Maggie Gyllenhaal
I saw several pictures of these two chatting very intently throughout the evening. Is it weird to be jealous of their conversation? Because I am.

Jill Soloway
Wonderful straight alley, wonderfully weird suit. Also, how wonderful were the wins for “Transparent?” So wonderful.

Julianne Moore, John Legend & Chrissy Teigen
This is for all the bisexual ladies in the house. Also, that’s a sandwich even I have to admit looks pretty tasty.

Lena Dunham, Jaime King, Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez & Lorde have mercy that’s a lot of celebrities in one photo.
This reminds me of a Renaissance painting, but with more A-Listers.

Tina Fey & Amy Poehler
They’re clearly saying, “Please show yourself out. We’re about to make love until the sun comes up. We know you’d like to watch, but clearly you aren’t worthy. Goodnight.” What? Amy is the only person I will allow to touch my Fake TV Wife besides me. We have an arrangement (i.e. I get to watch).

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Shade Off: Sophia Loren & Jane Mansfield/Julie Bowen & Sofia Vergara

Nothing like a little Shade Off to describe how I feel on the first Wednesday back to work after my vacation. While I very much appreciate the ladies of “Modern Family” attempting this iconic moment of shade, no one does it better than Sasha Alexander’s mother-in-law and Mariska Hargitay’s mom. Please, as if there was a contest.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Maintext of Interest

Hey, sweetie. Remember when I wondered out loud if I should be watching “Person of Interest” because of the shippy nature of the Root and Shaw relationship? And you were all, yes, dummy. Yes. Well, while on vacation back home I happened to sit down with my mother (who, as previously mentioned, loooooves the show) and finally watched an episode. Boy, did the show show me.

Because the show went there. The show really, really went there. It didn’t tease. It didn’t imply. It didn’t beat around the metaphorical (or literal) bush. It full on went there. [Spoilers if you didn’t see last week’s episode.]

So now, obviously, I am hooked. Quick recap, in an episode meant to illuminate The Machine’s seemingly infinite, nano-second decision-making process we are taken through a series of simulations as the team – particularly the persons of gay lady interest in the form of Amy Acker’s Root and Sarah Shahi’s Shaw – try to save the world (well, stock market) and themselves in a nearly impossible situation.

Watching the episode unfold was fascinating for a number of reasons. First, it confirmed what careful (and gay) viewers have been seeing for a while now. The attraction between hacker Root and sociopath Shaw has been obvious to many, but possibly not overt to all. But, holy crap, did they out it forever last week. At first I thought it was just a little playful acknowledgement of this ship. But then, BOOM, it went full canon. Have no doubt, people, The Machine ships it.

That, my friends, is a stand up, slow clap, hats off moment of a show taking subtext into maintext.

Granted, I’m none to happy about the possibly dead thing. But, also, I have much hope that she isn’t actually dead. (p.s. Sarah Shahi’s pregnancy – with twins – facilitated this storyline in the first place.) And if she isn’t dead, that means at some point the show will have to come to terms with the BIG LESBIAN FEELINGS it unleashed on these characters. Also, how wonderful is it to see Fred and Carmen together? So wonderful. Admit it, they’re good together.

Of course, on the flip side, if she is dead, ugh – really? Another dead queer female character? Don’t even get me started. So let’s just trust The Machine knows what’s good for it and we shall see Shaw again someday.

I don’t know. I really don’t know. But damn this show sure has my interest now. And I, like The Machine, will be watching.

Monday, January 12, 2015

Cats don't have to know our business

And just like that, I’m back. My vacation was nice, mostly relaxing and filled with small children and much snot. Usually at the same time. But enough about me. How about you? Hey, how were your holidays? Did you get a new girlfriend or a new cat or both? I hope so, to both. SNL should just cut the pretense and make Kate McKinnon the star of every skit. Is it too late to add that to their list of New Year’s resolutions?