Friday, July 22, 2016

My Weekend Crush

Scully and Holtzmann sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. But, seriously, you guys – I want Scully and Holtzmann to kiss. I want them to kiss so much. As I continue my All Ghostbusters, All the Time Appreciation Week, here is my latest obsession. Earlier this week Gillian Anderson, yes GILLIAN FREAKING ANDERSON, tweeted out a picture of a young Kate McKinnon dressed as Special Agent Dana Scully along with some complimentary words for the “Ghostbusters” actress.

That alone would be pretty damn cool. But then The Internets unearthed an old interview of Kate back in her “The Big Gay Sketch Show” days when she was talking about how she knew she was gay. You guys, Gillian Anderson in “The X-Files” helped Kate realize she was gay. YOU GUYS.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever shipped two real-life people so hard before.

Granted, Gillian Anderson probably helped countless lesbian and bi women realize they were gay. So now, one could see Kate’s portrayal of Holtzmann as just paying it forward.

If these two don’t start dating immediately the universe really is a cruel, pointless and hopelessly broken. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Gender Fuck Thursday

Ugh, you guys. Republican Convention week is always such a struggle to get through. It’s a reminder that there is a huge, vocal and angry swath of society that still really, really doesn’t like us. They don’t like gay people. They don’t like brown people. They don’t like women. They really, really don’t like Hillary Clinton. They also don’t seem to like facts or original material. It’s terribly disheartening, to be honest. So tonight, instead of watching yet another rich, mediocre white man in a suit accept his party’s nomination for president, please enjoy all these glorious suits on a diverse group of women – and one exquisite space alien. What? How else do you describe Tilda Swinton?

Janelle Monae

It should be illegal for her to wear something other than a suit.

Kate Bosworth

Cannot look away.

Maggie Smith

Dowager Countess got swagger, yo.

Ming-Na Wen

If you tell me “Agents of SHIELD” is just Ming-Na kicking ass in a suit I will start watching again.

Lupita Nyong’o

Who wore it…

Viola Davis

Forget that, I’m convinced this is the same suit and they stole it from each other after spending the night.

Milla Jovovich

I had the craziest urge to watch “The Fifth Element” again recently.

Charlotte Rampling

Yep, yes – everything about this. Yes.

Queen Latifah

Also yes to everything about this.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

I’d vote for that.

Tilda Swinton

From space alien to Bowie doppelganger, get you a Swinton who can do both.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Jonesing for Our Better Angels

Because the world, as a whole, is generally awful (I mean, the Republican party just officially nominated Donald Trump last night, for fuck’s sake), it is now incumbent upon us to rally behind another person who doesn’t deserve its bullshit. Earlier this week SNL cast member, comic, actress and Ghostbuster Leslie Jones was driven off Twitter by a bunch of racist, misogynistic men. Click over to her timeline and you’ll find her retweeting a seemingly endless litany of disgusting, vile human garbage. When you juxtapose those hateful tweets directed at her with her own sincere, heartfelt tweets pleading for help and humanity – well, remember how I said the world is pretty awful?

The good news is, for all the copious awfulness out there (Jesus fucking Christ people, vote in November so we don’t have to see that sentient Cheeto’s face everywhere after November) it is just as important to remember that there are also good people out there. Like you folks. Like everyone who is appalled and horrified by the prospect of a President Trump. Like everyone protesting injustice – in all its forms. Like everyone fighting to make the world more inclusive, more welcoming and less small-minded. And, well, there are also Corgi puppies. Corgi puppies are pretty great.

And you know who else is pretty great? Leslie Jones. While Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig may be the marquee names in “Ghostbuster,” Leslie and Kate (or, as lesbians like to call her, Call Me Kate) absolutely stole the show. And it is great how so many in Hollywood, and elsewhere, are rallying around her. And it is also encouraging that Twitter has taken action to ban one of the platform’s most prolific and powerful trolls.

So now in solidarity with Leslie, all of the “Ghostbusters” ladies and all women or people of color who has been harassed simply for being who they are, here are some pictures that are probably those sniveling little racist and sexist trolls’ worst nightmare. A strong, talented black woman and a strong, talented gay women loving on each other in public because this is America and – at least for now – we are free to be exactly who we are. Suck it, trolls. This is my America and it’s beautiful.

p.s. Aren’t these like the best prom photos you’ve ever seen? Yeah, I am totally buying another ticket to see Ghostbusters.

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before

Well, now isn’t this something. By now you’ve probably heard that Melania Trump stole major sections the speech she gave yesterday at the Republican National Convention from the speech Michelle Obama gave at the Democratic National Convention in 2008. Before her speech, Melanie specifically told Matt Lauer that she wrote the speech with “a little help as possible.” Right, so about that. I guess the new Trump slogan should be “Make America Plagiarize Again!”

I’m going to allow the delicious irony of this settle over us all like a warm blanket. Yes, the campaign of Donald Trump – the man who has built his entire political career on the foundation of calling President Obama an America hating, foreign-born, secret Muslim – has is now using parts of a speech from the campaign of President Obama as his own. Guess the Obamas aren’t all bad after all, eh Donald?

While the schadenfreude of this blatant plagiarism will no doubt dominate today’s (and depending on how much Trump blusters and bloviates, several days) news cycle, what I don’t want to be lost in all this is just how viciously the GOP convention is laying out its case. All of its speakers had a similar theme. Be scared. Brown people will kill you. Foreigners will kill you. Are you scared? Good, vote for Donald Trump.

Oh, and did you see U.S. Rep. Steve King – major Trump supporter as well as major league bigot (though those two go together almost without saying) – say with a straight face on MSNBC that white people have contributed more to civilization than any other race. Yes, HE SAID THAT.

Also, did you know the GOP adopted a platform that seeks to overturn marriage equality, pass a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage, refuse adoptions to gay parents, supports gay conversion therapy for minors and police where trans people get to pee. Also, they could eliminate national parks and forests altogether and calls porn (not global warming, which they think is a hoax) a public health crisis. So, yeah, this is your party, GOP. You earned this.

By contrast, the Democratic party platform reiterates its support for marriage equality, vows to fight for comprehensive federal nondiscrimination protections for LGBT people, continues to push back against bullying and protects trans people from violence. Also, they believe climate change is real.

So, you know, tell me again how Democrats and Republicans are exactly the same. Jesus, there are three more days of this fucking convention. I definitely need more wine.

p.s. Did you hear there was also a Rickroll in Melania’s speech? I mean, really. What if this all turns out to be some next-level Andy Kaufman shit? At this point, that is the only explanation that makes sense – besides blind incompetence and unabashed racism, of course.

Monday, July 18, 2016

Hotlzmann is Hot, Pass it On

If you aren’t in love with Holtzmann, Kate McKinnon and life in general after seeing “Ghostbusters,” you’re probably doing it wrong. The movie – which was funny and fun and feminist and for heaven’s sake go see it immediately – has a true breakout star in McKinnon. Which, for gay ladies around the world, is fantastic news. Years from now, young queer girls will look back at Holtzmann licking her proton gun and say, “Yep, that’s my root.” If you hadn’t already, for sure after seeing “Ghostbusters” you’ve officially anointed Kate among the ranks of our greatest and hottest lesbothrobs.

But, you know, don’t take my word for it alone. Everyone seems to have fallen in love with Kate/Holtzmann/life after seeing the movie. Like here. And here. And so very here. Her performance is so wonderfully weird, so magnetically magnificent. Of course, us gay ladies were onto Kate ages ago. Remember “The Big Gay Sketch Show?” Remember how thrilled we were when she was tapped for “Saturday Night Live?” Of course you do.

Sadly, director Paul Feig has had to be coy about Holtzmann’s sexuality in the movie because of studio pressure. But we all know because, puh-lease – anyone who wears that many overalls, leather jackets and vests is capital G Gay. So while we’re forced to read the subtext on screen, the maintext of Kate’s place in the movie speaks volumes. I cannot emphasize enough how amazing/important/meaningful it is to have Kate McKinnon as one of the leads of a high-profile international film franchise like this.

Kate has been out since the beginning of her career. So in her we have an unabashed champion of LGBT representation. But not only that in her we have definitive proof that being LGBT in Hollywood does not have to be a career impediment to overcome or hidden truth to finally come to terms with. You can be awesome and out, just like Kate, and be the star of a major motion picture. You can be awesome and out, just like Kate, and consistently steal the show on SNL. You can be awesome and out, just like Kate, and have the world fall in love with you.

Babymen can continue to whine about how four female Ghostbusters are ruining their childhood all they want. For queer and questioning girls all over the world, Kate and Holtzmann will no doubt become a touchstone. And, for the rest of us gay ladies, she is a reminder that we can do anything we want. Bust ghosts, bury misogyny, steal movies, steal hearts.

p.s. I now firmly believe that one of the rooms in lesbian heaven is just that slow-mo sequence of Holtzmann busting out her proton guns and battling an army of ghosts playing on an endless loop. And another room is just hammocks made out of her dimples.

Friday, July 15, 2016

My Weekend Anti-Crush

Great, so the GOP Ticket is now officially Nacho Cheese-Ranch Dip 2016. Granted, we all already knew it would be unhealthy for America. But this is a nutritional nightmare. I guess Trump wanted to shore up his anti-LGBT credentials by picking Mike Pence. Lest we forget, Pence is the guy who signed that “religious freedom” law protecting Indiana residents from having to serve a slice of pizza to us scary gay people. Also, instead of using federal dollars to fight HIV/AID, he wanted us to spend them to support groups for those “seeking to change their sexual behavior.” Hey, you know what changing sexual behavior is code for? Gay conversion therapy, folks . Neat-o. Sounds swell. Oh, and he is also violently anti-woman thanks to his extreme anti-choice views and his absolute wiliness to shut down the entire U.S. government just to defund Planned Parenthood. Isn’t he great? My only non-consolation is my friends and family in Indiana are now free of him. Sadly, he’s now everyone’s problem. VOTE IN NOVEMBER, Y’ALL. Happy I’m so totally with her weekend, all.

p.s. In protest for everything this ticket represents and whiny baby men who think women in movies are somehow ruining their childhood in general, I have already purchased my ticket to see “Ghostbusters” for tonight. I plan to dose my popcorn in Male Tears and enjoy the shit out of myself. I suggest you do, too.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Call Your Butter Tub

Remember five years ago when those delightful Swedes made cheating seem lovely thanks to beautiful harmonies and thumping butter tubs? Well, it’s back – minus the Swedes. Maya Rudolph and Emma Stone tried their – expertly timed rhythmic – hand at singing Robyn’s “Call Your Girlfriend” complete with butter tub accompaniment a la that viral Erato cover. The results are great. In this personal week of soothing and trying to de-stress, it’s the perfect thing to watch while waiting for a new episode of “The Great British Bake Off” to load.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Get Your Bake On

So after last week’s heavy national news week, and some unexpectedly heavy personal news of my own (it’s OK, I’m fine, just costly, disruptive and frustrating), I was looking for some diversion over the weekend. Since I’d long-since depleted the singular season of “The Great British Bake-Off” on Netflix, I went looking for more flour-infused happiness elsewhere. (For the love of Mary Berry, add some more seasons immediately.) Luckily, thanks to the wonders of YouTube, I was able to soothe away this past week’s worries with earlier seasons of the show. There is just something so lovely about watching all these nice, normal and wonderfully British people bake stuff. Unlike American cooking competitions, there’s so much less nastiness and narcissism. Also, considerably less artificial food coloring. It’s all just so damn nice. The world could use more of that. On your mark, get set, bake!

p.s. Also we could use a lot more of Sue Perkins and her very lesbian blazers.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Poke Poke Poke


A photo posted by Dorothy Snarker (@mssnarker) on

Apologies for not posting so far this week. I have clearly been busy catching 'em all. But don't worry, I promise to do better. On the plus side, the dog has never gotten more exercise.

Friday, July 08, 2016

My Weekend Crush

Man, I miss this crazy, silly, exciting, touching, sexy, so sexy, weird, wonderful little show. I miss it so much. Also, I miss the Boobs O’Clock. Ah, the “Lost Girl” memories. Happy weekend, all.