Wednesday, April 30, 2008

There’s something about Mary-Louise

Thank God for grown-ups. Sure, I know youth is all the rage. I mean, just look at the new cover of Rolling Stone and you’ll see four girls I couldn’t pick out of a lineup, or would ever care to. These girls, who no one will remember in 10 years, are apparently “It.” Well, not for me. I'll always pick age before beauty. You can keep the expressionless sheen of youth, thank you very much. I’ll take my women with some laugh lines and crows’ feet. Experience is sexy. Period. So yesterday, while trying to avoid Day Two of Miley Cyrus Naked-Backgate, I found exactly the kind of diversion I was looking for: The grown-up sexy of Mary-Louise Parker.

When I think about the women who really make my pulse spike and brain drool, Mary-Louise is always near the top of my list. She is effortlessly smart. Not in a brainiac way that flaunts a bulging ego, but in that natural way where a conversation over a glass of wine would take you to places far and wide and relentlessly interesting. In fact, as I’ve said before, she’s the kind of straight woman who makes me think more highly of whatever lucky man is wise enough to partner up with her. Also, dude, check out that ass.

The 43-year-old actress is featured in PaperMag this month. The article, written by what I can only assume is a straight man who gets it, pays its own relentless praise to the “ineffable hotness” that is MLP. I mean, just check out his description of her:
“On this afternoon, she's decked out in a black Gucci jacket, black Prada boots, a gray knit dress by Mon Petit Oiseau and knee-high stockings that call out, 'Hey, I dare you to try to avoid staring at my thighs.' … Parker casually uses a large vocabulary, slipping in words such as "disquieting" when something much less expressive would suffice … And like her character on Weeds, she affects a big-eyed, girlishly surprised expression when something not so surprising transpires -- for example, a reporter tells her he doesn't read much fiction. It's kind of adorable and makes you want to surprise her.”

I say if you’re going to objectify, objectify wisely.

And, you know what else I like about grown-ups? They know when to talk and when to shut up. In addition to being youth-obsessed, our culture is infatuated with exposé. And all these supposedly pretty young things polluting our airwaves are more than happy to oblige.

Well, not Mary-Louise.

“Maybe [reporters] think I’m going to go, 'Congratulations, you’re the one, I’m finally going to [really open up].' It’s just not going to happen – ever. So I don’t know why people ask certain things. Because I’m never going to answer them.”

Atta girl, I mean, woman.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Tina Fey Tuesday

I had a crazy weekend. And in all the craziness, I ran out of time to go see “Baby Mama” as I had planned. My disappointment at missing opening weekend is tempered by the fact that even without my oh-so-important ticket buying contribution, the film still topped the box office taking in over $18 million. Not to get all “girls rule, boys drool” on you here, but there is something rather satisfying about the fact that the comedy with two women beat the comedy with two men. It, by the way, also opened bigger than the previous weekend’s much-hyped, much-heralded, Judd Apatow-approved “Forgetting Sarah Marshall.” Suck it, 14-year-old boys! Ahem.

On the heels of that triumph comes news that co-star Amy Poehler is pregnant in real-life. The amorphous, oddly-pleated dress she wore at the premiere was a dead giveaway. Nothing screams “Baby on Board!” louder than a non-waisted frock. So congrats, Amy. Congrats, Tina. Let’s celebrate your success with Tina Fey Tuesday: Video Edition (with a big old assist from the Fab-O Ms. Poehler).

First, Tina and Amy ask each other fan questions for “Unscripted.”

You get to watch Tina try to swallow her own fist. Enough said.

Then Tina’s regular “Ask Tina” online “30 Rock” vlog.

The hair, the glasses, the jumper, it’s ALL working for me.

And finally, in case you missed it, Tina on Comedy Central’s autism benefit, “A Night of Too Many Stars.”

I have never been more jealous of a slightly overweight, balding, older white dude in my entire life.

Recap’s on

In my excitement about handing out free tickets, I forgot to post my recap reminder yesterday. Given the outcome you might also see why I’d want to ignore this particular installment. Sigh. Oh well, give Padma a nice, firm click to see how it all goes down.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Don’t be afraid to … go to a show

So, today marks a historic first here at Dorothy Surrenders. No, I’m not going to shamelessly fish for blogiversary compliments again (though, thank you one and all who posted and emailed with your lovely blogday wishes). No, today is the day when reading this silly little site finally pays off. Today I’m launching a contest to give away a pair of tickets to any show on the 2008 True Colors Tour. Yes, that’s right. Free. Tickets. The friendly folks involved in the tour were nice enough to offer me the tickets to help promote the casuse. If you’re not familiar, the True Colors Tour raises funds and awareness for gay rights. In short, it’s awesome. But don’t take my word for it, take it from its fabulous mastermind Cyndi Lauper.

Cyndi was sweet enough to record a similar shout out for ye olde blog last year. You know, me and Cyn, we’re likethis now. This year’s bill features Cyndi, as well a revolving lineup that include the B-52s, Regina Spektor, Andy Bell of Erasure, Tegan and Sara, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Indigo Girls, Joan Armatrading, Deborah Cox, The Cliks, The Puppini Sisters, Nona Hendryx and Girl in Coma. Comedians Rosie O’Donnell, Wanda Sykes and Kate Clinton plus fashionista Carson Kressley will also appear. The tour begins May 31 in Boston and ends July 5 in Colorado.

So, how is this contest thingie going to work? Well, it’s really pretty simple. I have one pair of tickets available to any show on the tour, your choice. I will pick the winner from a random drawing of everyone who entered (I’m envisioning a hat with names in it…) The who, what, when and hows of the contest:

Who is eligible: Anyone who can make it to one of the True Colors Tour dates, one entry per person
What will you get: A pair of tickets to the show of your choice.
When to enter: Now until 11:59 p.m. Monday May 5
How to enter: Post your email address in the comments section

I will notify the winner via email Tuesday, May 6. So, who wants to let their true colors show ... at a show?

UPDATE: Dang, folks, y’all really want to go to a show. Given the number of you who have entered already, the hat idea is probably out the window. I’ll probably go with Jess-Nutt’s idea of a random number generator to pick the winner. You’ll be numbered chronologically based on post order. And, of course, feel free to put your email in the spelled-out format. I don’t want to be the cause of an influx of emails in your inboxes with the subject lines like: “Get rock hard,” unless, of course, that’s your thing.

UPDATE II: Submissions are now closed. Thanks for your entries. The winner will be announced Wednesday.

Friday, April 25, 2008

My Weekend Crush

Carrie-Anne Moss has the kind of face you could look at for days, weeks, months, years and never, ever get tired. Certainly she is gorgeous. And few people on the planet -- perhaps even the universe -- look better in skin-tight leather. But beauty and hotness alone don’t make a face so endlessly interesting. No, what makes her face truly fascinating is that you’re not quite sure what she’s thinking underneath. Is she amused? Is she annoyed? Is she triangulating the perfect angle to scorpion kick you in the head? All of the above? It’s hard to say. And that, that is what’s so damn interesting.

Too many young stars give everything away. And by everything, I mean everything. Lord knows, I never needed to see all that. But with age comes the maturity to know what to give and what to keep. I think it helped that Carrie-Anne became famous in her 30s. The older you get, the more you realize how little you actually know. And the more wary you are of revealing every darkened corner. There is so little mystery left in the world. But looking at Carrie-Anne’s face, you see why it’s so important to keep a little of it alive. Happy weekend, all.

p.s. Her back ain’t half bad, either.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Surrenders’ Terrible Twos

Oh, man, here comes trouble. Dorothy Surrenders has reached its terrible twos. Yes, that’s right, today is my blogiversary, otherwise know as the day two years ago when I thought, “Hey, it might be fun if I started a blog.” Little did I know. So very little.

Last year on my first blogday I tallied a list of posts posted, comments commented, awards lost and typos typed. If I had to do that this year, um, we’d be here until my third blogiversary. Especially on the typos part. Last year I also tried to thank every reader by country. I’d love to do the same again but there are just too many of you and too many countries. Well, that and I suck at geography. So, if you don’t mind, let me know where you’re reading from in the comments section. I’ll bust out the globe if I have to.

Needless to say, without you I’m nothing. Without you I’m just a gal sitting in front of her laptop way too much. With you I’m just a gal sitting in front of her laptop way too much, with readers. Thank you, thank you, a million times thank you for dropping my little corner of the interwebs and possibly finding something you liked. Thank you for your comments. Thank you for your emails. Thank you for your votes. Thank you for your gift offers. Thank you for your marriage proposals. Oh, and you’ll get your answer when I get my ring.

This year, in lieu of a by-the-numbers report, I thought I’d do something I’ve toyed with since I started this whole crazy train 731 days ago: a FAQ. Fine, it’s not really a FAQ since no one actually asked these questions. But, too bad, I’m answering them anyway. So without any further adoing.

Ms. Snarker’s Not-So Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: How often is Surrenders updated?
A: At least once each weekday (minus vacations/national emergencies/bad hangovers). When the ladies of the L are in season, also on Saturdays.
Q: Do you comment back in the comments section?
A: No, that’s your space. Plus, I’m lazy. However, I do read, love, appreciate and encourage all comments (expect, of course, spam or hate speech).
Q: Do you really write back to emails?
A: Yes, I really write back…eventually. I respond to all emails (minus the spam, hate speech stuff, ’natch). Sometimes it takes a while, but I promise to get to you.
Q: Why answer emails but not comments?
A: Dude, I have no idea. But, you know, lines have been drawn and now it’s a rule. It’s sort of like that wearing white shoes after Labor Day thing. Who knows why it started?
Q: What’s with the potty mouth? Don’t you know that’s the sign of a small mind?
A: No shit, Sherlock.
Q: Are you Jessy Randall?
A: No. I in no way wants to besmirch Jessy’s good name. I’m certain her poems are lovely.
Q: When will you post a picture of yourself?
A: When Jodie Foster tells a reporter: “Hell yeah, I’m gay. And I fucking love it … Also, Dorothy Surrenders is my favorite blog!”

Thank you all, again, for reading. Y’all are awesome. And, of course, super sexy.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

So two women walk into a movie...

Not too many movies this year have gotten me excited. I had a glimmer with Jodie Foster’s kiddie flick “Nim’s Island.” But as an adult sans children, I think I’ll just rent it to enjoy in the privacy of my own home rather than go to the theater alone and sit with a bunch of 11-year-olds. But, finally on Friday comes “Baby Mama,” a film aimed squarely at my sweet spot. Tina Fey. Amy Poehler. Hilarity. Thank you, ma’am, may I have another. Heck, I think I can even convince some friends to go with me to this one. (They all gave me that cocked-head wah? when I suggested Jodie’s family film. Apparently their infatuation has not reach the same “will see films aimed at 11-year-olds just to watch her”-level as mine.)

I found it interesting in the press leading up to the release how much focus there was on the stunning (stunning!) fact that this is a comedy featuring two women. Two women? Being funny? Together? Inconceivable! It’s so unheard of that most of the interviews (plus Tina and Amy themselves) have frequently referenced “Laverne & Shirley.” Mind you, that show came out 32 years ago, so if that’s the most-recent example they could think of we’ve not come a long way, baby. The Los Angeles Times headline says it all: “Tina Fey and Amy Poehler gamble with the gal-pal comedy ‘Baby Mama’”

A “gal-pal comedy” is a “gamble.” It’s sad, but true. No one blinks an eye at a guy-pal comedy. Heck, they’ve been doing it since Laurel & Hardy, they’re just called Harold & Kumar now. What I truly hope is that this comedy will be judged on its own -- good, bad or indifferent. And if it doesn’t attain “Superbad”-like success (Note: How did 14-year-old boys get so lucky? Must EVERY movie be aimed at them these days?), I don’t want it to be the death knell for all future female buddy films.

And furthermore, what is with this unwritten rule that gals will see guy movies but guys won’t see gal movies? I think Amy said it best in the LA Times interview:
“I like movies that 14-year-old boys like, I like a lot of those. I would hope that they would like the same things I like too.”

To prove that point, both Amy and Tina have declared “Baby Mama” a “dude-safe movie,” which Tina said means:

“There are plenty of jokes in there. They’re not gonna sit there and be, like, ‘Oh, my God, I can’t believe my wife dragged me to the movie ‘Wedding Fight.’”

“Wedding Fight,” snicker. And the snickering continues in the LA Times interview when the reporter brings up the Linday/Paris/Britney-generation of bad girls and why the media is so fascinated with them. Both women said they were glad they were late-bloomers when it came to Hollywood fame. And both blame -- jokingly, sort of -- “Girls Gone Wild” creator Joe Francis for our current obsession with these paparazzi princesses.

Tina: Ladies, don’t show your knockers to Joe Francis. Get your own camera, film your own knockers and get the money.
Amy: We should start our own business where down-and-out women get their own money from showing their knockers. Being a girl this age, it would be a hard time, I think. A lot of mixed messages. A lot of “Be yourself” but a lot of “Be super skinny.” “Save it until you’re married . . .”
Tina: “But dress like a whore.”
Amy: And a lot of like, “Think about the world and be green, but buy a lot of stuff.” I feel like, growing up, I had a Kristy McNichol T-shirt. It was different.

Now those are two funny women. I’d pay money to see them in a movie together. In fact, I can’t wait.

p.s. If that’s not enough, Sigourney Weaver is also in the film.
p.p.s. Maura Tierney and Holland Taylor, too.
p.p.p.s. Seriously, go get your ticket right now.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Tank Top Tuesday

Welcome to around the world in 80 10 tank tops. I was feeling international today, so how about an array of foxy foreigners? Sure, they may all come from different countries, but they all speak the universal language of tank top. It’s a small world after all. Talented Frenchwoman Charlotte Gainsbourg kicks us off up top. For the rest, we’ll start with America’s neighbors to the south and work our way around the old globe. Could I include every country? Sadly, no. But I did try for each continent. Well, except for Antarctica. I don’t think penguins wear tank tops. And now without further ado, grab your passport.

Mexico: Salma HayekColombia: ShakiraSouth Africa: Charlize TheronSpain: Penelope CruzEngland: Kristin Scott ThomasFrance: Julie DelpySweden: Lena OlinChina: Gong LiAustralia: Missy Higgins

Monday, April 21, 2008

(Not Exactly) Naked Lady Monday

Perhaps it’s just me. Perhaps its just Monday. But this shot of Julianne Moore on the cover of Paris Vogue makes me go, well, ewww. Now I love Julianne. I think she’s a fantastic actress, appears to live a down-to-earth life and is just gorgeous as all get out. But this photo, with her leopard-skin panties and unbuttoned blouse, is the high-end equivalent of the paparazzi upskirt. I know and respect that our European friends have a different, less Puritanical, view of the body. And thank heavens for that. But how is a crotch shot ever classy? Even fully covered it makes me want to go all grandma on Julianne and say, “Oh honey, cross your legs. You don’t want to give people the wrong idea.” I mean when even Madonna has the good sense to keep ‘em closed, so to speak, for a rival French glossy, you know some unspoken boundary of modesty has been crossed. But again, maybe it’s just me. Or Monday. Perhaps after some coffee and a danish, I’ll be like, “Damn, look at Julianne’s cooter. Awesome!”

Recap’s on

[Click on Padma and her hobo gloves for a full course of recap]

Friday, April 18, 2008

My Weekend Crush

Natalie Portman is pretty much perfect. She’s smart (Harvard, bitches). She’s talented (Oscar nominee by age 22). She’s gorgeous (Audrey Hepburn this). She’s classy (no vajayjay for you, paparazzi). She’s globally conscious (micro-loans ambassador/vegan shoes designer/do-gooder extraordinaire). She’s dating a shaggy-haired indie musician (OK, that part is a tad cliché, but I actually like his music so we’re cool). Oh, and she’s a surprisingly good rapper (damn, Natalie, you a crazy chick). Pretty much, at 26, she makes you feel like you haven’t done anything with your life. But, you know, in a good way. No, I mean it. Fine, if she didn’t also seem so sincere, conscientious and intelligent, you’d probably hate her. But she does. So you don’t. Instead, you’re genuinely happy for her successes, not to mention geuinely happy that someone actually worthy of the term “role-model” still exists in Hollywood. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

A Nixon you can trust

Miranda was always my favorite. It wasn’t just because she dinged my gaydar before there seemed to be any hope of my reading being right. It wasn’t because of her penchant for suits. And it wasn’t because of her red hair. Fine, all those things helped. But Miranda was my favorite of the Fabulous Foursome because she was the most relatable. She was smart, hard-working, practical, funny, sexy and incapable of suffering fools lightly. All of that came organically out of Cynthia Nixon.

Now with the “Sex and the City” movie coming out (May 30!), I appreciate Cynthia on an even deeper level. The candor and pride she has shown in her relationship with Christine Marinoni is inspiring. And now the candor and pride she has shown talking about her battle with breast cancer is equally inspiring. After keeping it a secret for two years, Cynthia has revealed that in 2006 she was diagnosed and treated for the disease. Her mother is a two-time survivor and Cynthia has become a Susan G. Komen for the Cure Ambassador. She has taped a series of public service announcements for the group talking about her experiences and encouraging women to get checked. She even recorded a special message just for gay women. God, I knew there was a reason she was my favorite.

Cynthia also graces the cover of More magazine this month. Not only does she look fantastic but she sounds fantastic. The article is a really lovely read and handles her relationship with Christine respectfully and without the slightest bit of fuss. It’s so refreshing. I encourage you check out the whole thing when you get a chance. But for now, a few of the highlights:On how SATC changed her image:

“I get opportunities because of the show and admiration for the work, but also because it’s like, ‘Oh, she’s sexy. She was on that sexy show.’ I was 31 when I did the pilot, and it’s a very happy occasion for an actress getting older that people decide you’re sexy for the first time. ‘Sex and the City’ put me in a different league.”
On stepping back into the Manolos:

“The very first day, there was a shot of the four of us walking on the streets in heels, and it was wonderful and very freaky. There was a sense that we were one four-headed, eight-legged organism. There were hundreds of people watching, and it was like stepping back in time, yet we were all years older. It was great to be together doing a thing we love to do.”
On her relationship with Christine:

Perhaps the best description of how Nixon ended up with Marinoni is this: “Don’t ask me just how it happened, I wish I knew. I can’t believe that it’s happened, and still it’s true” -- lyrics of a song from “Annie Get Your Gun,” which Nixon sang at Marinoni’s 40th birthday party and renamed “I Got Lost in Her Arms.”

On starring in “Little Darlings”:

“That was a really big deal. Armand Assante was going out with Dyan Cannon, and she was there. Ryan O’Neal was going out with Diana Ross, and they were down there. And Kristy McNichol’s friend was Ina Liberace, as in Liberace's niece. It was unbelievable.”

Wow, I had totally forgotten that Cynthia played hippie chick Sunshine in “Little Darlings.” I was so busy watching Kristy and Tatum. What? How could you not be mesmerized by those two baby dyking it up? How about a little nostalgia, eh?

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Alien Queen

I’ve always loved Scully and I’ve always loved looking at Gillian Anderson. Scully was smart, sensible and strong. Gillian has a tendency to come off as “moody/abrupt/rude/dismissive” in interviews. This doesn’t necessarily mean she is moody/abrupt/rude/dismissive in real life. Maybe she just hates interviews. Which is fine, but somewhat problematic given her chosen profession. Still Gillian won’t be able to avoid interviewers’ prying questions much longer. With the X-Files sequel opening July 28, Gillian and the rest of the gang have started doing press. One of Gillian’s first stops? Maxim, yes, Maxim. While there wasn’t much to the interview -- Maxim, hello -- the photos rekindle my long dormant Scully jones.

Her best tidbits. No, not those tidbits. Naughty monkeys.

On the super-secret sequel plot:

“I can tell you that it’s going to be scary and gruesome.”
On David Duchovny’s sexaholic role in “Californication”:

“I actually thought it would be funny to play a character who’s obsessed with Scully and wants to have sex dressed as Scully. But it didn’t happen. I guess having sex with David on the show would be just too weird for fans to see.”
On whether she is as serious as Scully:

“I am serious in certain aspects of my life, but I’m also incredibly goofy and silly. I don’t act my age most of the time.”
On how she would feel if aliens came and conquered earth:

“That would be just fine with me, as long as they make me their queen.”
Hmm, maybe we should add “sassy” to that list of attributes.

[The truth the pics to enlarge them.]

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Tank Top Tuesday

So, I’ve noticed something about televised ladies of law enforcement. No, not their badges. No, not their airs of authority. No, not their really big guns. No, I’ve noticed they all wear tank tops to work. Like a lot. Like constantly. Not that I mind. Not at all. But, I’ve just never been pulled over by a cop while speeding who sauntered up to my car window in a ribbed white tank top asking for my license and registration. Because, if she did, I think I might try a little disorderly conduct, if you know what I mean.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Naked Lady Monday

Fine, so Rachel Shelley isn’t actually naked. But she is oiled. So, um, that has to count for something. Right? Plus, if you really want to get technical, she is wearing leather. Leather is skin (just hers and some poor cow’s -- don’t get mad at me PeTA-philes). Skin is nakedness. Nakedness is Naked Lady Monday. Or, possibly, I’m just really over thinking a freaking hot photo of Rachel in a leather vest. Either way, it makes my Monday a whole lot happier. How about you?

p.s. I highly recommend clicking on the photo to enlarge. Highly.
p.p.s. Is it May 8 yet?
[Hat tip, heck I’m just going to give you the whole hat, jetgirl!]

Recap’s on

[Click above to bite you off a piece of that.]

Friday, April 11, 2008

My Weekend Crush

This week, in between my Tina Fey fanaticism, I was watching PBS and caught an “American Masters” on Amelia Earhart. So much about Amelia is wrapped in myth. The mysterious disappearance of one of the world’s greatest adventurers is the stuff legends are made of. But Amelia is more than just a legend, a cautionary tale about those who follow Icarus’ fateful flight. Amelia was a woman, an extraordinary woman, who made her mark on a decidedly man’s world. She was a woman who dared to not only take to, but own the skies with her simple assertion that “a pilot is a pilot.” She wore pants. She wore ties. She was married but was opposed to its “medieval code” and saw it instead more as a partnership with dual control. Oh, and she kept her own name. In 1931. Aviatrix. Author. Lecturer. Celebrity. Feminist. That she vanished into thin air in 1937 is the story everyone knows. That she helped to change how we think about what a woman is and can do is the story everyone should know. As she said herself:
“One of my favorite phobias is that girls, especially those whose tastes aren’t routine, often don’t get a fair break... It has come down through the generations, an inheritance of age-old customs which produced the corollary that women are bred to timidity.”

There was nothing timid about Amelia Earhart. Even though no one expected it from a woman, everyone -- men, women and children -- couldn’t help but be in awe of her accomplishments. Happy weekend, all.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Tina Fey Thursday

Whew, we all made it through the great Tina Fey Mega Lovefest of ’08 intact**. Thanks for bearing with me. Turns out that if you post long enough and loud enough and loony enough about all things Tina Fey, guess what happens? NBC notices. Well, NBC’s online publicity marketers notice. And, instead of slapping me with a restraining order (which, to be honest, they probably should have), they send me an exclusive clip from tonight’s episode. Oooh, fancy. See, sometimes being crazy pays off.

Tonight’s episode is titled -- wait for it, wait for it -- “MILF Island.” Oh, yes, you read that right, MILF Island. The same MILF Island mentioned in the Seinfeldvision season premiere. Continuity, let me show you it. The episode revolves around a tabloid blind item where a “Girlie Show” staffer calls Jack a “Class A Moron.” I have no doubt hilarity will ensue. But just in case you don’t want to rely on blind faith let’s -- as they used to say before digital media -- go to the videotape!

Of course, the non-Tina acolytes among us here might still be thinking, “What’s the fuss? Why all this Fey business?” Uhm, have you seen the picture at the top of the post of Tina in the tuxedo? Also, I think her Playboy interview from January (What? I read it for the article, really. Hey, really!) should answer all your questions. Witness some of these priceless gems from the woman who happily refers to herself as a “supernerd.”

On being called the “C”-word once by a fellow SNL writer:

“No! My parents love me. I’m not some child of an alcoholic who will take that kind of verbal abuse!”

On the differences between her and Liz Lemon:

There are two big differences between Liz and me. One is that apparently my character’s jugs are a lot bigger…[The other difference] She’s not married. I was saved by having met my boyfriend [now husband] before I worked on Saturday Night Live…Many times I when I was at SNL I would survey the writers’ room and think, Oh, thank God I’m not coming to this job single.”

On if she was funny as a kid”

“I was more the weird kid who came home after school, put on her colonial-lady costume from Halloween and did little skits for myself…I think it was in middle school. I remember thinking, Oh yeah, I may not be superpretty. This comedy thing may be my best move…I wasn’t really insecure. I was quiet and nerdy, and comedy was a way to ingratiate myself with people.”

On how SNL writers made each other laugh:

“There was a lot of same-sex fake rape.”

On wearing her glasses less post-SNL:

“I still wear them and occasionally need them to see. They’re not props but I don’t wear them all the time. Sometimes I use contacts…Getting rid of the glasses was rough. Even now I will go on a talk show and worry nobody will recognize me without the specs.”

On Playboy’s propensity for fake blondes:

“I just take personal offense. Really, would you be so disgusted to fuck a brunette? It would make you sick?”

Really, you need to read this page for yourself to get the full extend, damn typos extent of her rant about Playboy, body image and feminism, because it’s just way too much awesome for me to transcribe. Needless to say, it’s hear-me-roarific.

So, convinced yet? No, OK. One last try. Oh, and don’t call me tonight. My program is on.

**UPDATE: Friends, commenters, countrywomen (and women from other countries): I must inform you that we will never be completely “done” with Tina Fey because, as mentioned, she is a raison d’être here at Surrenders. But I can understand (sort of) the monotony some of you may feel about a week’s worth of posts about her. So, rest assured, we are done for the week. And while I may never truly understand the mindset that would not revel like a pig in the smart, sexy, sassy mud that is Tina Fey (bad analogy, but I’d already committed), I hope we can still be friends.

p.s. I lied about that being the last Tina item. THIS is the last Tina item. Lookie what I found in my mailbox this afternoon! Read Tina's whole Entertainment Weekly cover story here. See, the planets are clearly aligning in my Fey-vor. Get it? Fey-vor. OK, I’m really done now.

p.p.s. OK, this is really the last thing, I promise. For the love of God, buy this magazine and look inside at the picture of Tina wearing a satin burlesque number complete with fishnets and a feather fan. That is all.