SGALGG: Oscars Edition

Well, I’ll tell you one thing – this year’s Oscars were definitely different. I actually didn’t mind the wildly underproduced and at times awkwardly intimate staging of this year’s Academy Awards. At least for a while I didn’t mind it. I enjoyed the more organic and often heartfelt results through the first part of the broadcast. The Oscars are typically such a polished affair, making them decidedly different just felt right in this decidedly different ongoing pandemic year. I actually abhor the tendency of Hollywood and other institutions to pretend things aren’t different and project total normalcy. But, hello, shit isn’t normal. So the Oscars shouldn’t be normal either.

But, and yes sadly there’s a but (but not Da Butt, which is awesome and we shall discuss later), it didn’t work the whole way through. The trivia tidbit introductions for nominees worked the first few times, but then it just dragged. Having presenters tell, instead of show, when discussing everything from costume design to visual effects was, well, dumb. And the ceremony’s aversion to clips seemed almost pathological. Like, the producers understand that the Academy Awards are basically an advertisement for Hollywood and the nominated films, right? So you should, I dunno, maybe show people even a little bit of these movies and these performances? Call me crazy, but the magic of Hollywood is in its moving pictures. So, you know, show us the moving pictures. Oh, and that In Memoriam fast-forward segment was shameful, simply shameful (as was leaving off Naya Rivera and Jessica Walter, SHAME.)

Still, there were enough unexpected moments and enough deserving winners to make it a pretty interesting night, if nothing else. Sure, we all knew Chadwick Boseman should have won (and, boy, did the producers gamble that he was going to win by moving his category to the last award failed spectacularly – talk about your sad trombone ending). But we also got the first woman of color to win Best Director (not to mention the first woman to win Best Director for directing a movie about a woman). And, well, Glenn Close did “Da Butt.” So, it wasn’t all bad.

Granted, there wasn’t a ton of SGALGG which given we’re still in a global pandemic is fine by me. But there was some. And, unlike the Oscar telecast producers, I will show and not just tell you about it.

Regina King & Andra Day

I could have watched Regina King just walk to start the Oscars for two hours. If Andra walked with her, three hours.

Angela Bassett & Viola Davis

Pandemic-approved SGALGGing because something tells me both women also have hand sanitzer in their bags.

Speaking of Viola, did you see her MIME TAKING A SHOT?

Someone give Viola Davis an Oscar just for this performance of her pretending to take a shot https://t.co/aXVTwTSRna #Oscars pic.twitter.com/NJdHuQJxkF

— Variety (@Variety) April 25, 2021

Tiara Thomas & H.E.R.

These women are both half way to an EGOT, which feels like a good reason to kiss. I’m saying I’d like to see them kiss. Sorry if I was being unclear.

Mia Neal & Jamika Wilson

The first black women to win Oscars for Makeup & Hairstyling are included here because a) that is an awesome and long overdue accomplishment, and b) anyone who wears that dress collar with those arms is at least honorary family. (Yes, I did crop out the white dude.)

Chloe Zhao

I can’t wait to see what she does with the new Marvels superhero tentpole “The Eternals.” Also, she wore sneakers to the Oscars. So championing comfortable footwear is obviously lesbian culture.

Emerald Fennell & Carey Mulligan

Look, I know they’re not doing anything particularly gay. But they are wearing their masks indoors amid a crowd of people not from their own households. Which is both smart and safe. So, maybe they are doing something particularly gay?

Marlee Matlin

Could you imagine if Marlee brought back Jodie Lerner for “The L Word: Generation Q” and they had her appear on a tractor to make Tibette fandom’s head explode all over again?

Jan Pascale

I believe Jan Pascale, who took home the trophy for Best Production Design for “Mank,” was the night’s only out queer female winner. Also that sound you heard during the telecast was every queer lady screaming “My wife Louise!” at their TVs during her acceptance speech.

Frances McDormand & Youn Yuh-jung

Could you imagine them in a buddy road trip movie, like “Thelma & Louise” but without the “Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid” ending. And, of course, make it gay. Also, Memo to Award Show Producers: Have these ladies give all the acceptance speeches.

Glenn Close

You didn’t think I forgot about Da Butt, did you? The award for the night’s best sport clearly went to Glenn Close who while she still does not have an Oscar, has an honorary Oscar in all of our heart for shaking her butt gamely to “Da Butt.”