Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Tank Top Tuesday: Olympics Edition

Please, like we weren’t going to have a Tank Top Tuesday during the Olympics. While, I still don’t agree – which is different than appreciate – that the women’s beach volleyball players have to wear pretty much bikinis while the dudes get to play in tank tops and loose shorts, overall I can’t complain too much about Olympic uniforms this year. Except, of course, for those Team USA Opening Ceremony outfits with the ridiculously huge and tacky Ralph Lauren polo pony logo. That’s just U-S-Tacky.

Yes, the women’s uniforms tend to be tighter and more form fitting in almost every sport (except men’s diving – hello, itsy bitsy teen weenies). But if you’ve got the muscles, I say, flaunt them. Flaunt the hell out of them – especially in a tank top. I say tank tops and beautiful biceps are the peanut butter and jelly of the Olympics. But don’t take my word for it. Trust the U.S. Women’s field hockey team instead. Still not convinced? Here are some more athletes proving my theory. For science.

Magdalena Fularczyk-Kozlowska & Natalia Madaj, Poland

The gold-winning women’s double sculls team flashes the guns.

Sinead Lynch & Claire Lambe, Ireland

While they may not have won a medal in lightweight women’s double sculls, they did win the gun show.

Michelle Carter, USA

It took her very last throw to beat a two-time Olympic champion on her way to becoming the first U.S. woman ever to win a gold for shot put.

Rebekah Tiler, Great Britain

This 17-year-old lifted 227kg, which is even more impressive when I convert it for all of us non-metric dummies to 500.449 pounds.

Mira Potkonen, Finland, & Adriana Araujo, Brazil

Women’s boxing is still underway. So, you know, plan your viewing accordingly.

Simone Manuel, USA

Swimming, however, is now over. And while everyone was excited about Katie Ledecky and some guy named Michael, my most exciting swimming moment was Simone’s 100m freestyle win. Also, don’t worry, a swimsuit is just a tank top that doesn’t know when to quit.

Brittney Griner, USA, & Laura Nicholls, Spain

I haven’t caught a single women’s basketball game so far, which makes me feel like a terrible lesbian. I’ll make up for that this week.

Jane-Anne Claxton, Australia, & Alex Danson, Great Britain

I have caught some field hockey. I gotta confess, watching all that stooping makes my back hurt.

Elaine Thompson, Jamaica

World’s. Fastest. Woman.

Team USA, field hockey

Well, I wanted you to appreciate their biceps from the back as well.

Women’s Heptathlon, The World

What? Abs were starting to feel ignored.


I heart Katherine Grainger said...

Can we get some love for some lovely British rowers in tank tops? Katherine Grainger has won olympic medals at five successive olympics. She's finally retiring aged 40. She's also a Phd and a Fellow at prestigious University College London. Annoyingly, she's also known for being lovely and a great support to younger team mates.

Did I mention she is out and has a female partner with whom she has a son?


Josie said...

You missed out New Zealand gold medal rower Lisa Carrington, that woman has major arm porn going.

Anonymous said...

You missed Australian tennis player Sam Stosur!

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