Monday, March 22, 2010

How to get Bitch Slapped

Expectations are a hell of a thing. Set them too high, and you will almost always be disappointed. Set them too low, and you’ll end up owning three copies of “Paul Blart: Mall Cop.” So when it comes to “Bitch Slap,” I would like to help shape your expectations to facilitate maximum enjoyment during your viewing experience.

[For maximum enjoyment of this post, click images to embiggen.]

1. Expect to see a lot of cleavage.

2. Expect the plot to be convoluted.

3. Expect there to be an extended slo-mo water fight for no apparent reason.

4. Expect to learn more euphemisms for female genitalia than you ever knew existed.

5. Expect your enjoyment to increase with the number of drinks and/or lesbians and/or drinks with lesbians that accompany your viewing.

“Bitch Slap” is not a great film, but it is 100 minutes with three smokin’ hot ladies in really tight clothing doing sexy, ridiculous or violent things to each other – often all at once. So, you know, better than “Paul Blart: Mall Cop.” Considerably. I actually found I enjoyed it more the second time I watched it. And I really, really enjoyed some scenes more the second (and third, perhaps even fourth) time I watched them.

Check for my comprehensive, though no less cleavagey, review in the coming days. Until then, did I mention there was a lot of cleavage? This is a point I feel cannot be understated.


Making Space said...

I suddenly love the word "cleavagey." With a passion. ROFL I can think of all KIIIINDS of ways to use it in sentences. Woohoo!

Jennifer Bates said...

i watched this yesterday...twice in a row. it's amazing!

Anonymous said...

this film LOOOKs cleavagey good ;-)
I have to add to point 4 of your list that I did watch the lwords labia majora episode... and I think I think I know more english words for female genitalia than I ever knew in german.

G Funk said...

I actually went to the one place in L.A. showing this movie AND I bought it on DVD the day that it came out. I like to tell my friends that it is the best worst movie you will ever see. :-D

Daniel said...

This movie is no doubt highly enjoyable, especially if you happen to like gorgeous women in tight dresses ...

However, I wouldn't call it a "bad movie". It is a good b-movie. I liked the actors, they were good (especially the three female leads) I loved the Hercules/Xena-reunion, the script wasn't that bad, it was cleverly orchestrated (especially the flashbacks) and I had a hard time foreseeing the twist at the end.

"Twist in the end"-movies show up by the dozen since "Sixth Sense" and I usually rate such a movie by the time I need to foresee it ;) And it actually took me quite some time with "Bitch Slap".

Is it great cinema? No. Is it a "good movie"? Yes.

Anonymous said...

haha, you're so funny ds,
seems very exciting today :)

the word reminds me a question.
I saw same question on internet. the question
is that,

is it same reason people wear big pants
and promote their underwear and butt
in public place?

just similar look shape I mean visually.

very curious why.

thank you for today's post,
I get the excitement so
today will goes brightly.


;) babs said...

can't wait till my dvd arrives!

;) babs

Anonymous said...

I just got this in my netflix and forgot id put it on my que... cant wait to watch now!

Norma Desmond said...

Yeah, see, while it might not be a good movie in the larger sense, I fully believe (and will defend to the death) that this is an AMAZING exploitation movie. Anyone expecting great film art is going in with the exact wrong expectations. Placing it in its B-movie goodness where it belongs, its genius shines.

Anonymous said...

I'll admit...I've seen this movie way more times than necessary...It's a fun ride...a really fun ride.

(The commentary of the cast is hilarious and *cough* enlightening)

lenageek said...

Ohhh, to be Bitch Slapped! It's such a sweet, cleavagey wonder that hurts so good!

I absolutely love this film in all it's lezzie, cleavagey, slo-mo water fighting, ass-kicking glory! :D I've been to a premiere screening and a few conventions with the Bitch Slap trio and have found that once you've been hugged/kissed/slapped by the Bitch Slap girls, it becomes the greatest not-so-guilty pleasure film ever!

Anonymous said...

Mummy likes.

Anonymous said...

Ah Dorothy! I added this to my netflix the first time you wrote about it and have been patiently waiting all this time to see it. I finally did, and I loved it. I did feel like I was bad for liking it, though, and I'll try to get over that when I watch it again and again since I have now purchased my own copy.
Oh, and the soundtrack? Awesome!