My Weekend Crush

Growing up Princess Leia was, of course, my heroine. And by heroine, I mean lady hero. I didn’t want to inject her and listen to jazz. So Carrie Fisher was, of course, also one of my heroines. The thing about Princess Leia is that even though we first met her she seemed to be the classic damsel in distress, she was always so much more. She was a leader and a fighter who never once stopped herself from speaking her mind. And all of that came from the inherent spunk and sass of Carrie. She gave as good as she got. As a little girl that was tremendously encouraging. Strength, determination, humor, smarts – these were the things I aspired to thanks to Carrie.

Yes, yes, there was the gold bikini. But, I say, if and when you’ve got it, flaunt the fuck out of it. Trust me, it made an indelible impression on my little mind, too. Over the years I’ve kept up casually with Carrie’s career. Sure, she never replicated her “Star Wars” success. But cut the woman some slack; that was and continues to be one of the biggest movie franchises of all time. So, pretty much no one has replicated that level of success – ever. She has gone on to be a bestselling author and now has a one-woman show about to open on Broadway. Through it all she has continued to give her unvarnished, unapologetic assessment of everything from her own life to the world at large.

Which brings me to her blog post this week. You see, someone somewhere on the vast and faceless internet posted something rude about how she looks now. And Carrie happened to read it and – being only human – it hurt her feeling. Then she thought about her audacity to have grown older, had a life, eaten food and – God forbid – gained weight in the almost 30 years that have passed since the gold bikini. And she decided to send a very simple message to her nameless, classless assailant: “BLOW MY BIG BOVINE tiny dancer COCK!” And that, right there, is why Carrie Fisher will always be my heroine. Happy weekend, all.