Tuesday, September 22, 2009

[Censored for Your Safety]

Oh heavens, the “L” word is frightening people again. But this time we can’t blame Mama Chaiken. No, it’s not that soap opera turned murder mystery that has people running scared, but the actual word lesbian. Last month news broke that some of the DVD covers to “Lesbian Vampire Killers” were being censored in the U.K.. To put a finer point on it, the “Lesbian” was being censored. The words “Vampire” and “Killers?” Totally appropriate for all ages. But “Lesbian?” HIDE YOUR CHILDREN! The warning placed over “Lesbian” reads: “Warning: may display sexually suggestive cover image.”

This is, of course, ludicrous. And don’t get me started on the sticker that is supposed to cover up the cleavage. Hey, sticker appliers, her eyes are higher. Granted, this movie seems like utter rubbish in the first place. But much like the removal of the “Titty” from that “Itty Bitty Committee,” this is simple absurdity tinged puritanical hysteria. But then, as absurd things always do, it got me thinking. Specifically, it got me thinking about what movies I would slap a warning label on because they offended my delicate sensibilities.

Vicky Cristina BarcelonaWhy let the dude ruin the fantasy for you?

Inglorious BasterdsWho spells the damn title of their own movie wrong, on purpose?

W.I say we banish the letter from the alphabet.

He’s Just Not That Into YouYou are so gay. So, so gay.

MilkWhat? I’m lactose intolerant.

So, any more you would like to see labeled for our own protection? Safety first, people.


Anonymous said...

Milk: Try Soy.

LOL! That one made me laugh out loud, and my coworkers think I'm weird now.

pippin said...

you are sooo hilarious ms snarker! i never tire of reading your blog. thanks for the laugh!

erica marie said...

Ridiculous beyond comprehension. If they would have censored anything, I wish they would have torn down the adverts on the telephone booths and buses in my area--the whole premise is offensive! (Of course, for different reasons than the current censorship seeing as I quite like my lesbianism.)

Anonymous said...

How about Observe and Report! And Valentine's Day when it get a poster. I agree loved it when it was Love Actually and had a British cast!

Anonymous said...


But actually, Lesbian Vampire Killers was a pretty entertaining and funny midnight watch...

Anonymous said...

I could be wrong, but the Lesbian Vampire Killers censoring seems like a marketing ploy to me. I mean, what kind of advisory label says "explicitly fit bloodsucking hotties"?

That and, as you say, the label is clearly too far down to cover much up. If anything it draws the eye more.

I doubt anyone was at any point actually offended by either boobs or the word 'lesbian'.

(Sorry my first comment on your excellent blog is on such a rubbish topic! I must learn to lurk less :P)