Saturday, February 14, 2009

Pre-L: Litmus Test

L605: “Litmus Test”
Life is filled with countless ironies, large and small. That this episode should be titled “Litmus Test” is one of those singularly decisive examples. Because, as the opening credits rolled, I knew immediately that for whatever inevitable flaws I'd have to endure, this would not be one of those episodes that made me want to voluntarily drive nails through my eyes. And that singular reason, or litmus test if you will, comes down to two simple words: Angela Robinson. Thank God, someone who gets the ridiculousness of it all. And with that, shall we? Oh, and don't forget the popcorn.

1. Can you hear us now?2. Yeah, suck it, we do read the paper.3. Who Wants Jenny Dead: “Schecter is so fucking dead!”4. All your ideas is belong to me.5. God, where is that dinghy when you need it?6. This is your brain, this is your brain on Schecter.7. This, however, is your brain on third-wheel crush.8. Homo says what?9. Look, honey, trust us, three is not your number.10. Dude, don't ask me. I just cash my checks.11. How stupid is this season, let me count the ways.12. Having run out of women to woo, Shane builds a time machine.13. Ilene wants to do what in the final season? Get out of here.14. Gonna wash that woman right out of your...ahem.15. Botox is bad, m'kay?16. Wait, this isn't a funeral?17. You and me, we're fucking done professionally.18. Bette, chill. I got this.19. That beat down you just got, that was my woman.20. Welcome to the mission to ascertain the disposition and intent of one Miss Dylan Moreland.21. Dylan is no Lara. Niki is no Shane.22. I know, they keep putting me in tank tops. It's fantastic!23. Consider......this......mission......accomplished.24. Never mind panic, this is drama on the dance floor.25. Oh, just get naked already you three.
New Guestbian Count:
0
Most True Statement: “Jenny you are so fucking full of shit.” – Alice to Jenny
Least True Statement: “I am not being unreasonable.” – Jenny to Shane
Most Ominous Foreshadowing I: “Bette knows that if she were to ever cheat on me then that would be the end of us.” – Tina to Kelly
Most Ominous Foreshadowing II: “If Jenny wasn't in the picture, maybe things would be different.” – Shane to Niki
This Episode, In a Nutshell: “I don't know. I mean this seem a little over the top?” – Helena about Mission: Dylan
Most Obnoxious Reminder: Don't forget to vote every 24 hours for yours truly in The Lezzys.

25 comments:

Megan said...

I really hope that "Ominous Foreshadowing I" is just what Mama Chaiken wants us to believe is going to happen, and not what Mama Chaiken is going to make happen in 606, 607, or 608. Cause if it does, I'm going to go all Mary-Shelley-Frankenstein-Angry-Mob-Mentality on her ass and beat someone down.

slacker said...

10, 11, 22's my faves. Not enough to make me watch the episode, because it still looks like season sux's living up to it's name; maybe season snark would be a better name. It'd certainly match why I like this pre-cap over the actual episode. But still....

Anonymous said...

could someone please tell me if bette and tina are gonna break up? if they are, i'm gonna stop watching NOW. i don't think i can bear to see it happen before my eyes and have my heart broken. forever.

Vikki said...

As much as I've grown to love Tasha and Alice together, I could totally get behind that three-way. The three of them have good chemistry...cute chemistry...hot chemistry. Because I like them so much, I know horrible things are going to happen to all of them. Such is the way of The L Word.

fallon-ash said...

Ooooooh. Dylan/Helena goes a LOOOOONG way to make up for everything else I've endured this season (Shenny, I'm looking at you.) Thank you so much for those pictures. Other than that, I'll be over here nervously biting my nails and waiting for Xena to show back up. Remember, whatever happens with Kelly and Bette, it's still a couple months until Jenny dies, as far as I figure, and Bette and Tina are still very much together then.

Kaisa said...

Awww #16 looked like Molly hair and I got all excited. She's the only character I actually like. Then I realized it was Alice :( Alice is okay, but I wants me some Molly...especially after being forced to sit through all of Jenny's craziness. At least the crazy was mildly entertaining last season, now I just want to fucking strangle the life out of her (but I guess that's what Mama Chaiken's going for).

Steph said...

Hahaha, amazing. This week's Pre-L had me literally laughing out loud as I scrolled through the whole thing. Thank you, Ms. Snarker.

Pugs said...

How can you say you're obnoxious? You make us laugh out loud PLUS you posted pictures of Dylan between Helena's thighs! But, I do have to wipe the drool off my keyboard. :o

cappuccinogirl said...

thanks for the pics. it helps me with my plan to not watch The L Word anymore.

hotbette pics ftw!

Norma Desmond said...

Oh man, I hope your foreshadowing comes to naught... I'm only in it for Tibette, especially these days. If I get played again? Well, there'll be nothing really to do, I suppose. That being the case, I can totally see IC doing that. Making a mess and going, "Haha, I got my way, and there's nothing you can do about it!" Bitch.

Looks like she's got us along for the downhill slide to the end. But, really, at this point, there's almost not point to NOT watching, what with one a small handful of episodes left. Mama Chaiken totally knows how to play the game, and I hate her a little for that.

Anonymous said...

what a poor replies,

i should wash my eyes now.

ShakaZ said...

Thank you Ms. Snarker! Your Pre-L posts make this otherwise horribly bad TLW season much more bearable. Maybe we should take up a collection to BUY another dinghy.

RiceNBeans said...

As a fan of the L Word and South Park I have to say THANK YOU for using M'Kay so fabulously! LMAO!

Jac said...

Tasha/Jamie/Alice is so my new OT3. Or it would be if I didn't know the likely hood of it going horribly wrong.

But still, potential polyamory ftw.

Anonymous said...

Spoiler!!!!!

Relax everyone…I know for a fact that Bette does NOT cheat on Tina. You’ll see it 606. That’s not to say that jenny doesn’t create some shitty situation for their relationship, but as far as Bette action goes all she sees is Tina as the love of her life.

Keeva99 said...

Homo says what?...LOL

I for one want to see Bette hook-up with Nomi...lol...I've actually really liked this season so far...good trashy fun. And what would a season of the L-Word be without Bette ho'en it up...so.much.fun :D

Anonymous said...

I don't understand this season. Watching people sleep, clean closets, eat, eating Yawn zzzzzzz Now your pre - L word screen caps wake me up with laughing . Thanks Dorothy

Anonymous said...

haha. #8 made me laugh so hard. I really needed that laugh tonight. imo its way better than the actual season.

Anonymous said...

Dorothy, you just saved the show!!!!!!!

Simon said...

"All your ideas is belong to me"

I almost died laughing, THANK YOU!!! And Mia's face in the caption? Utterly ridonkulosly perfect for the caption.an

Maya said...

I haven't actively loved the series since season 3, and yes, though Jenny's character is crazy, I still have a fond spot for her because it is not her fault that the writing is frightened of continuity or logic...that she was once a confused, but legit character with real problems and that she was morphed into a lunatic for everyone to demonize.

All I have to say for this episode is-- why is Shane so kind/protective of Nikki now? Didn't she call her a snake last season when she betrayed Jenny on the set and wouldn't leave with her? And yes, though Jenny's character now is frustrating everyone, am I the only one sick to death of Shane's "boxed in" speech? Jenny (pretending she's not insane, for a moment) is sort of reasonable in being worried that Shane would screw Nikki again. I feel that Shane's given license to still be as noncommital as ever just because it's Jenny and we're meant to hate her--but really, she's pulling the same sh*t as she did with all the other women. And I, putting aside the over-the-topness of this episode, feel bad for Jenny because essentially Shane's lying to her about being in love and wanting this relationship.

I'm sorry to ramble--but I liked Jenny in the first few years, and so I tend to fall on the "I am not impressed with Shane" camp.


Am I the only one who wishes Mia got to play the same character she started playing all those years ago??

Oh and last note--how powerful were those Helena/Dylan scenes!

Maria Manias said...

my fav? number 11: "How stupid is this season, let me count the ways."
XDD

LnikkiJ said...

#'s 8 10 11 19 22 are my favs. This episode was just.... i'm pretty sure i sat there either screaming at the telly or banging my head again a wall. but this is a hilarious re-cap. :)

Anonymous said...

Maya said: Am I the only one who wishes Mia got to play the same character she started playing all those years ago??

No you're not! I was also one of the few who liked jenny from the beginning b/c she was such a complex character w/ problems she was trying to work through and I thought Mia did such an amazing job of portraying that, well let's face it I think she could pull off anything. I feel like when Ilene/the writers/etc. realized how much ppl hated Jenny they just decided "f it" and made her all out crazy for entertainment factor. & yes it has been entertaining and again Mia is fabulous...but I for one was really hoping that they were going to take her character in another direction and have her work through her shit and become a stronger, better person for it. Guess there's not enough drama in that. :(
As for Shane..I am actually a Shane fan as well for similar reasons, I think she is a complex character or at least started out that way...it was the same thing she seemed to be going in the same direction trying to work through her commitment issues and tracing them back to childhood trauma(same as Jenny) but it just seems like after Season 3 everything went downhill(i.e. after Dana dying)...the show just lost any semblence of reality. Both Jenny and Shane instead of evolving just seemed to embrace their particular pathos, again I think b/c it's easier and more entertaining. I was actually looking fwd to seeing them together b.c I thought they might challenge each other. Boy do I have high expectations lol. & yes I agree that Jenny had every reason to be worried about Shane and Nikki b/c look what's about to happen. & I am sure Shane will jusitfy it by saying Jenny pushed her to it, but she was already flirting w/ her before Jenny even knew she saw her.
The L Word had a chance to truly be groundbreaking in not just making a show about lesbians but having them be "real" people, people that we are attached to and can see ourselves in not just the two dimensional characters that most of them have become.
Great blog btw.

Maya said...

Thanks for being in my camp, anonymous! I couldn't agree more--beyond season 3 have lost touch with reality. It's so fun talking L Word shop with people who (even if they are maddened by it once in a while) watch and re-watch the series and feel like they have to get these little bits of crazy off their chests!

I have little hope for the last 3 eps, but who knows...