Saturday, February 21, 2009

Pre-L: Lactose Intolerant

L606: “Lactose Intolerant”
Wow, could the episode's title be more appropriate? As someone who suffers from the aforementioned affliction, I can tell you that this week's installment had the exact same effect on me as drinking a tall, cold glass of milk. Bloating, discomfort, gurgling, pain and the sudden and uncontrollable need to evacuate one's bowels. In short, it stinks. So grab the antacids and keep a clear path to the bathroom. You're going to need it.

1. It's a Mickey Mouse operation, so why not sound like him too.2. How many licks does it take to get to the center of the crazy?3. Gee, what could possibly go wrong here?4. Oh, Jenny. Jenny could go wrong here.5. People who lie, frame and extort should maybe be a little more understanding about the verifying of intentions. I'm just saying.6. WWJD: “I'm going to fucking kill your girlfriend!”7. I don't care how good the sex is, it can't be worth this.8. I hope Daniela TPed Ilene's house after this.9. I am in ur kitchn, flirtin with ur new gurl.10. If only this pump would suck the ego out of Mama C.11. I don't know nothing about birthin' no babies.12. Helena demonstrates the only way to survive this season.13. Thank fucking God.14. Hello, Tank Top Tuesday: Sweaty Threesome Edition15. Shit, did Tasha just tip?16. Transference, look it up.17. Is showering naked part of newbie hazing? 'Cause, I approve.18. What? We were just doing our taxes.19. Leave it to Bette and Tina to hire a straight handy dyke.20. Wait, isn't Shane a hairdresser. Now she's Annie Leibovitz?21. Hands! Hands!22. Ass! Ass!23. Hey, Kelly, her eyes are considerably higher.24. What do you mean? I am moving my forehead.25. That third wheel just turned into a third rail.26. Oysters have forever been ruined for me.27. Someone get that poor girl a milk crate.28. Sunset meet high tide.29. Who is the third wheel now?30. Shane sees the light, promptly uses it to cheat.31. Transference, seriously, it's in the dictionary.32. Damn, don't overreact. Next time I'll to eat a breath mint first.33. Beware botox bearing bubbly.34. The importance of camera angles has never been clearer.35. The first and only time I have ever hated an iPhone.
New Guestbian Count: 1-ish, Weezie the straight handy dyke (Tanja Dixon-Warren)
Jenny Is Nuts Line of the Week: “Oh no, Jenny's not malicious. Just completely and totally evil.” – Bette to Tina
Jenny Is Hilariously Nuts Line of the Week: “I know they're not a couple, but they look like a couple. They're just both tall.” – Jenny about Belly (™ Scribegrrrl)
Alice Is Just Hilarious Line of the Week: “Wow, looks like a giant cat threw up, huh.” – Alice admiring the art.

EDIT: Don't forget to follow me on Twitter for weekly Pre-L Xtras (extra screencaps that are too good not to post).

24 comments:

Vikki said...

I'm going to try to focus on how cute Alice is. Coping through Cuteness. Thank god for Leisha (well, Tasha and Jamie aren't bad either).

slacker said...

#10 and #12 pretty much nail my thoughts on season snark.

Anonymous said...

Yowza!
If it's true.. #30, and Shane finally sees the light... I will feel that her character has been redeemed.
and I.C. didn't destroy every character.

Anonymous said...

#12 is absolutely perfect. I hate hate hate this episode, so much that I don't even want to watch and skip to the next two. From the moment the episode starts when the Oompa Loompa's say "I don't like the look of it" is the second I want to shut off the screen. Everything from the weird baby shower, to the iPhone misunderstanding, to Tasha "cheating".

Susanna said...

Seems to me that the last season is all about Jenny. Booooring!

a.j. said...

I'll just stare at #22 instead of watching the episode.
Why can't Bette's wardrobe be like this every week?

Anonymous said...

Poor Alice. Why oh why did they ever kill Dana? I for one never thought Tasha was right for Alice. Now this is just pissing me off. Alice move on to someone else. In fact, drop Tasha, convince Helena to toss Dylan and you and Helena get together. That's what should have happened anyway. Oh and I'm so over Shenny it isn't even funny. And on that note, poor Max, even he doesn't deserve that thrown thing!

Sarah said...

1.) I still say that Jenny deserves a better send-off than this. I don't know, I still see a little of her and me. I guess I figure that if she wins, we all when. I'd like to think that the season finale would involve her closing her laptop and sighing, like at the beginning of season 5.

2.) What is this show's fixation with showing actual vomit?

3.) Poor Alice is right

4.)Max looks like the fucking Mayor of Munchkinville. Which is ironic, because Max is really quite the Dorothy (the newcomer to the madness). That should be Jenny's throne.

Sarah said...

Wow. My spelling was really bad in that comment. I'm not drunk, I swear.

Norma Desmond said...

That bad, huh? Guess I'm just in it for Jennifer Beals' ass, then.

RHEA said...

IC hates us, right? I mean, that's what season 6 is all about, isn't it? She hates all of us for talking smack about TLW at one point or another (well, specifically talking smack about HER), so she decided that season 6 would be our punishment...right?

RHEA said...

@Sarah:

Jenny does deserve a better send-off than this. To me this seems like such a cheap and easy way to end the series...something that I would expect from a high schooler.

riese said...

I think "Lactose" is the new Lezzie slang term for "this fucking show." You can find it in the Book of Ilene, Verse 5, Line 23, right after "bush confidence."

Anonymous said...

frankly i only watch this for leisha anymore -- i'll always miss her and dana but i like her and tasha alot but ilenes fuckin round with it

all these characters deserve better than what they are getting this season--- i'm surprised the actors even let her get away with this haha - i know shes their boss but whatever


ilene has seriously just made a mockery of everything she supposively has fought for the past 5 yrs - in my opinion

i do like the still of tasha and alice tho :)

Erin G. said...

so what you're saying is...I can watch all of the Oscars guilt-free?

FV said...

Looking forward hating the ep but I burst out laughing several times reading this.
Thanks!

wyrmoftheflame said...

OMFG I need a drink.

Seriously, IC created something that we all so desperately needed -seeming visibilty and then...
FUCKED IT UP!!!
Fuck me....
ah well, at least I have Callica....NOT!
XXX
Wyrm

wyrmoftheflame said...

Okay, the drunk and cynical moment is over, but seriously, the number of cringey moments this seasons seems to have doubled from episodes past. I can't understand why Ilene lets certain decisions through...Dana/The portrayal of Max and now...season 6.
All I can say is
WTF.
I think that accurately reflects a few people's feelings.
Well thanks for being Ace Dorothy, keep up the good work, at least we have you to look forward to after the train wreck of the final L Word episodes are over. God I miss Scribegrrrl already...
*cries*
xxx
Wyrm...again.

Anonymous said...

why i'm reading this..
should find better place..

Heather said...

I actually liked the episode. I'm getting more and more annoyed with Jenny's character with every episode so I'm glad she's going to be killed off. I'm upset that Tasha and Alice are most likely gonna break up due to Jamie in some way or another but I still love this show. It would be better if Dana was still in it, but definitely still one of my favs.

Gaëllan said...

Maybe you should have a WWJD for all the fans that just want to rip her head off every episode. This time it took her like 2'45 to fuck something up!

Anonymous said...

There is too much L Word shit on this blog!!

ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND said...

"Guess the shit in the diaper?" Is that what happens at those baby shower thingys?

Canuckgrrl said...

"Beware botox bearing bubbly." Frickin' brilliant!