Spoilers! Spoilers, Will Robinson! Seriously, I’m gonna talk “South of Nowhere” season 3 premiere. So, if you haven’t watched yet or think teenage lesbian romances are silly, then shoo. Shoo, I say.
OK, are they gone? Can I just say, ohmygod, they killed Clay!! You bastards!!! Sorry, wrong show with a “South” in the title. OK, already season 3 is infinitely more interesting than season 2 (sorry, the season was kind of blah what with the degaying counselor, runaway road trip and hair brushing in lieu of kissage). But, season 3, holy crap, talk about opening with a bang. They killed a member of the Carlin clan. Damn, they’re really taking those “To Live and Die in L.A.” lyrics to heart.
I’m not sure the behind-the-scenes politics of killing off a major character on The N (Did the actor want out? Were they at a loss for how to spice up the teenage pregnancy storyline?)*, but once again a death on SoN is another excuse to bring camera crews on campus. First VH1’s “Behind the Music” and now MTV’s “True Life.” You’d think MTV Networks owned The N or some…oh, wait.
But on to what we care about: Spashley. First we get my-brother- died-and-you-went-to-Europe-and-then-didn’t-call-me-all- summer awkwardness. Then we get kissage -- glorious, glorious kissage. Followed immediately by breakup heartbreak complete with Ashley’s post dumping rehooking up with her hetero ex. Jesus, dyke drama starts young in L.A. I do like that it was Spencer who did the breaking up. Ashley is always hottest when she is in pursuit. And by hot, I mean age-appropriately attractive. Oh, hey, Mandy Musgrave is actually 20, so lust away. Enjoy.
The rest told in equation form since this is high school, yo:
Aiden + emo bangs = vomit
Glenn + screen time = vomit, squared
Ashley + inheritance = trouble
Spencer + Ashley + Aiden = get used to it, this dramarama is gonna be around all season
And two bonus equation based on the latest promo:
Spencer + random girls in bars = potential rebound hotness
Madison + straight girl gaydar = “L.A. is full of young eligible lesbians.” Snicker.
p.s. In case you missed the two-part premiere (301: “The Valley of Shadows,” 302: “Can’t But Me Love”) watch it now at The Click.
p.p.s. A little birdie told me SoN was nominated for Breakout Show in the Teen Choice Awards. So if you’re a teen (or an adult who secretly watches), go get your vote on.
p.p.p.s. * I understand the actor playing Clay was, how do I put this, a homophobic douche and wasn’t comfortable with the Spashley storyline. So, you know, good riddance.