My Weekend Crush

While there are some who will only ever know Portia De Rossi as Ellen DeGeneres' wife, to reduce her to that would be to reduce what more than likely made her Ellen's wife in the first place. A gifted actress with Quartz-like comic timing, she is by all accounts the antithesis of the roles that have made her famous. Not an ice queen, not tightly wound, not blithely vapid, she is instead always described as warm and sensitive. I first noticed her years before Ellen become America's favorite lesbian, before “Ally McBeal” and before “Arrested Development,” back in that quirky little surprisingly Sapphic charmer called “Sirens.” If you've never seen it, then you've never seen Elle Macpherson and fellow female cohorts caress every every inch of Portia's body. Yeah, you're going to want to rent that.

Portia's new role as yet another aggressive, power-suited professional in “Better of Ted” once again shows off her impeccable comic chops. Her Veronica is a walking, talking sensitivity trainer's nightmare. Her role in the new series also has shone a welcome light on her and her relationship to a vast audience. Through it all she has displayed an effortless grace in handled both living in Ellen's shadow and being half of what is arguably the world's most famous gay couple. Together, they give America a face to gay marriage and demystify what a few fear so irrationally. The simple act of them loving each other so openly and talking about their lives so casually is at once wonderfully subversive and totally normal. Each time Portia goes on The Tonight Show, each time she talks to Newsweek or The Los Angeles Times, each time she is appears together with her wife she reinforces the simple fact that love is love. So then to deny her that love begins to seem unspeakably cruel. And that right there, that's how you change hearts and minds. Happy weekend, all.

UPDATE: Oh, the funny. In case you missed it, here is Portia's extra snarky Gay Marriage PSA from her Jimmy Kimmel Live! appearance Friday night. It's six kinds of awesome.

Sing me a song

Today, I feel like a little song. Words just fail me sometimes. And that's where music comes in. Nothing invigorates or inspires me more than live music, particularly when sung by amazing women. So today, how about a selection of live, unfiltered sounds? All these songs are lovely and thoughtful and have a sweet melancholy about them that is almost impossible to resist. Sure, some of these videos are shaky. And, granted, the quality isn't always the greatest. But it's that raw experience that makes it feel more personal. After all, life isn't perfect, but we just keep trying anyway.

Ingrid Michaelson, “Corner of Your Hear”


The Watson Twins, “Just Like Heaven”


Maria Taylor, “Clean Getaway”


Ani DiFranco, “Independence Day”


Vienna Teng, “City Hall”


ADD: Natasha Richardson, “Maybe This Time”

Beautiful, heartbreaking, a true talent that the world is now so much worse for having lost.

So, feel like sharing a song? Sing it sweet and low to me below.

Choose life

When it comes to questions of life and death, as a rule, I always choose life. So, when it comes to questions of reporting on life and death, I always choose caution. Aside from the tremendous personal tragedy befalling Natasha Richardson and her family right now, there is an obviously smaller, but more insidious tragedy befalling our media. While all of the major, reliable news outlets – including The New York Times, CNN and The Washington Post – have exercised caution while reporting on the story of Natasha's skiing accident and subsequent injury, the chattering class has been quick to jump on the most grim and most salacious rumors swirling around her condition. Look, internet, “brain dead” is a hell of a term to use based on a whisper.

Reporting the news, despite what it may seem like many days while perusing the web, is not an elaborate game of telephone. It is based on facts and, when necessary, happily waits for them. And while it may, indeed and sadly, turn out to be the worst, I think the rush to blare “brain dead” across the internet has been disgusting. Time Out New York even had to retract an obituary it ran yesterday. It's headline read: “EXCLUSIVE: Time Out New York learns of actress's untimely death. She will be greatly missed.” Have we become so enamored with getting it first that we forgot the cardinal rule of getting it right? p.s. Death should never be a salivated-over, all caps “EXCLUSIVE.” p.p.s. You're gross.

The fact is, reports right now are conflicted as to her condition. So until her family or the hospital releases an official statement, that is the story. I will gladly wait for the truth while wishing for her full and speedy recover. And even if our worst fears are realized, I am all for holding off until that moment and letting the family handle what is clearly a terrible situation in peace without the vultures circling. If, and again I hope with all I have not, a time comes for tribute let us do it then. For now my heart and best wished go out to her family.

UPDATE 5:15 PM: Natasha's family has confirmed the worst. She passed away today from her injuries. She was 45. Words are not enough to express the sadness of this situation. May her family have time and space to deal with this terrible loss in private.

A couple of broads

Since when is the simple act of a married couple talking to each other a revolutionary act? When it's Ellen and Portia and it's played out on national television, that's when. Yesterday the big, highly-anticipated, awfully-charming interview between newly married couple Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi aired. Portia looked lovely, Ellen looked dapper. If you haven't seen it yet stop everything you are doing and click play. Trust me, you will not see anything cuter on The Interwebs today. Seriously, baby pandas have nothing on their cuteness.

Of course, the cute is one thing. But it's the adorable subversiveness that interests me most. You see, this is quite simply a first: an out lesbian talk show host interviewing her out lesbian wife in front of a national audience of millions. Suck it, Prop. 8. While the couple didn't kiss or do much more than hug and dance in each other's general vicinity, their affection and familiarity was undeniably apparent. I particularly liked the moment when Ellen took off Portia's shoe. Now, she probably would have never done that, let alone initiated it, with another guest. But there she went, lifting Portia's ankle and, without really asking, removing her Louboutin. It was at once incredibly intimate and terribly normal. This is what couples do.

Also, can I just say after watching that last “Better Off Ted” clip that Ellen is one lucky, lucky lady. Oh my God, the bendy. Heavens, couldn't she have busted out a little of that in her intro?

Equally subversive was Ellen and Portia's participation in a “The Newlywed Game” skit. They faced off with a straight couple from the audience, and actually won when they both agreed that the best gift they had given each other was their heart/love. Say it with me, awwwwwww.

Now, much has been made already of eHarmony's sponsorship of the “The Newlywed Game” skit. Was this an attempt for the notoriously non-gay inclusive dating service to make amends with the GLBT community? Well, maybe. But I'm not quite ready to give eHarmony a happy homo inclusion hug just yet. The reason they sponsored “The Newlywed Game” segment on Ellen's show was because they are sponsoring the ENTIRE new “The Newlywed Game” series set to launch April 6 on GSN (listen closely and you can hear the host mention the new show's premiere date at the end of the clip). So this is basically a wholesale plug for their new gameshow, period. Granted, it was nice of them to allow Ellen to use the show's name, but I wouldn't call those fences mended yet.

Yet I think perhaps the interview's most delightful moments came at the very end when Ellen sang with Portia as part of her Bathroom Concert Series. Their song: “I Got You Babe.” The wonderful part is that you could tell they practiced beforehand and during they give each other sweet little encouragements and admonishments. Plus, if you watch the full song on Ellen's website, you'll even see real, live lesbian hand holding. See, America, a couple is a couple is a couple – especially when they try to karaoke together.

Maniac Monday

Mondays can, quite frankly, suck it. The only way to approach them, therefore, is with a hearty dose of disdain and a sublime sense of silly. Or, as Cate Blanchett so aptly demonstrates above, your tongue out. So it is in that oh-so-serious state of mind that I approach today, this post and pretty much the universe. In lieu of a complex discourse on the physics of expectation or the collective zeitgeist of a day, I would rather just say, well, pffftttttt.

Jodie FosterShe it totally playing imaginary “Tune in Tokyo” here.

Tina Fey & Jane KrakowskiIt's like they're the wackiest funeral guests ever.

Lena HeadeyHow you like them apples?

Shirley MansonSomeone has a dominant gene.

Lena & ShirleyWait, robots? We're on a show about robots?

Helen MirrenThat is Dame Bunny Ears, thank you very much.

Charlize TheronSome say silly, some say sexy. I say why quibble.

Natalie Portman & Devendra BanhartFunnier-looking face or funnier-looking ex?

Gillian AndersonPaging Agent Scully Silly.

Kate Winslet & Cate BlanchettGod, they totally look like a couple at gay prom.

My Weekend Crush

I think a part of me will always be in love with Claire Danes. From the moment Angela Chase lifted her head with those doe eyes and that Manic Panic hair, I knew. On “My So-Called Life,” Claire's achingly-real portrayal of everyteen awkwardness puts all of today's glossy, fast-talking, over-sexed TV teen pretenders to shame. And in case people whose name rhymes with bacon (cough, Chaiken, cough) want to see what a perfect (albeit unintentional) open-ended finale looks like, go back to that moment in front of the Chase house. Go back to that moment when Angela realizes Brian is the Cyrano to Jordan's Christian. Go back to that moment when anything seems possible, only to have her ride off into the darkness. Wow, that's an ending. Rewatching those episodes now, even all these years later, sometimes Claire is so beautiful it hurts to look at her. To see her blossom from the fumbling wallflower of a girl to an elegant woman of angles has been a treat. It's a bit like getting to see Angela actually grow up. Of course, part of my eternal love for Claire might also be that Angela reminds me of my first girlfriend (hi, honey), who I will always think is pretty. Happy weekend, all.

Watch woman

I haven't seen “Watchmen” yet. But one of the things I love about these big, showy movies is that sometimes some of the very deserving, under appreciated ladies in their casts finally get some spotlight love. And, for “Watchmen,” that lovely is Carla Gugino. You know Carla, she has been acting steadily for the past 20 years. And, whether you realize it or not, she has always had a spot somewhere on your sexy list. She's the girl next door who keeps handcuffs in the dresser drawer. Gosh, who can resist that? Seriously, just try doing simple addition while looking at her in that first photo. Yep, 2 + 2 = hot damn. [Hat tip, Liz!]

Her work spans the starring role in the all-too-short “Karen Sisco” on the small screen to a varied assortment of films from kiddie stuff (“Spy Kids” I & II) to grown-up fare (“American Gangster,” “Righteous Kill”) and, yes, even a Pauly Shore movie (“Son in Law”). Along the way, she has also become a sort of go-to lesbian stand-in for movies large and small. “Jaded.” Lesbian victim. “Center of the World.” Lesbian stripper. “Sin City.” Lesbian (and naked) parole officer. “Rise: Blood Hunter.” Lesbian vampire who makes out with Lucy Liu.

Sure, not all of those films were winners (sadly I've seen them all). But Carla, well, she has always been worth watching. Here's hoping her work as the original Silk Spectre in “Watchmen” means she will finally be in more movies where we stop pressing the fast forward button and just enjoy the sexy.

I'll bring the muscle

Ask and ye shall receive. If it's strong women you want, baby, it's strong women you get. Now anyone who was around during the Summer Olympics knows my fetish admiration for athletic women is boundless. I'm endlessly impressed by “muscularity/toned/athleticism” in women. Heck, I've even theorized before that strong arms are like cleavage for lesbians. They certainly get more overt ogling from me than either T or A. Part my love of athletes is the dedication and work that goes into these glistening bodies and part is because I am a spectacularly clumsy, scrawny, athletically-challenged dork. So, you know, opposites attract.

Dara TorresI think my deep reverence for the accomplishments of this five-time Olympian could best be summed up by the saying: humana humana, humana humana.
Natasha KaiSoccer star. Check. Lesbian. Check. Gold Medal. Check. Tattoos. Check. No, seriously, check out those tattoos.


Gina CaranoI'm a lover (or at least aspire to be a lover), and decidedly not a fighter. Still, any way you slice it mixed martial arts fighter (a.k.a. Crush from “American Gladiator”) is a knockout. Seriously. Thud.
Gro HammersengI don't really understand handball other than that it looks hard as hell to play. What I do understand is that 6-feet-tall lesbian Norwegian handball captains have the kind of arm cleavage that renders me temporarily incapable for forming multisyllabic words, or any words at all.
Fabiola da Silva

When Brazilian inline skater and seven-time X-Games gold medalist reaches for the sky, the sky has to take a step backward. Her skills are so limitless the league had to create the “Fabiola Rule” to allow her to compete against the men. From the looks of things, she could out bench press a bunch of them, too.
Jessica ZelinkaIf muscle definition was an Olympic sport, this Canadian heptathlete would be a world record breaker. Guess she'll just have to settle for being an actual Olympian. Oh, and cute as a button – a really fit button.
Steffi GrafSteffi is my favorite tennis player, and possibly athlete, of all time. Her sheer domination of the sport was nothing short of mesmerizing. Also, I'm pretty sure her famous Vogue photoshoot from 1989 helped make me gay.

Tank Top Tuesday

In the spectrum of gay outfits – outside of feather boas and leather chaps – few can be considered gayer than the tank top/suspenders combo. In fact, it is so very, very gay that it has become costume department shorthand for being, well, gay. While firefighters may have first inspired the simple look, it took lovely ladies to take it to the next level. And, of course, when it comes to combining suspenders with a tank top, only the original white tank will do. Take that, Larry King.

Summer GlauEven soulless killing machines like to look hot.

Shirley MansonFuck, yeah, now that's a motherfuckingrockstar.

Lauren Lee SmithThe soup chef shows us what's really cooking.

Victoria BeckhamYes, it's Posh Spice. No, don't judge me. Admit it, it's kinda hot.

Maria BelloDaryl Hannah is all, “Damn, Bello and her tank and suspenders hogging all the hot. I knew I should have worn the mermaid tail.”

Olivia WildeNo mountain oxes were harmed in the making of this post.

Post-L Mortem

We don't know who killed Jenny. We don't know if Jenny was killed. We don't even know how Jenny died. We don't know if Alice and Tasha will stay together. We don't know what happens with Max's baby. We don't know if Bette and Tina move to New York. We don't know if Shane ever confronted Jenny. We don't know why Niki was hiding in the bushes. We don't know if Kit ended up believing Bette. We don't know if Kelly really did tell people they slept together. We don't know why Dylan was reintroduced only to have Helena break-up with her about yet more trust issues. We don't know why everyone would be homicidally angry at Jenny one minute and the next be happily be chomping popcorn and watching her epic three-hour tribute video. We don't know why they were all creepily smiling as they skipped into the police station. Finally, we don't know what is to become of poor Sounder.

Uncertainty is one thing. The complete inability to finish a single storyline is another.

Despite the actresses' best efforts and many of the characters' genuine likability, the hallmark of “The L Word” over its six seasons has been missed opportunities and inconsistent storytelling. All of that was punctuated by the finale, which – to use a technical term – blew. It's not just that there were a million loose ends, but that the end did not justify the means. Why frame the entire last season as a murder mystery only to leave it stubbornly unsolved? Why end the first and only dramatic series about lesbians in death, period? The thing is, all these sins would have been forgiven had the finale approached anything close to being good. But, alas, it was not. Not even close.

It was so bad, that the only way to deal with the disappointment is robust and unrelenting mocking. To speed along the process I've started the “That finale was so bad that...” game. Here is mine: “That finale was so bad that the letter L refuses to be associated with it anymore and it is now just called The Word.”

A sampling of the responses so far. That finale was so bad...

• @helenahandbskt ...that I'm gonna need some ice cream now bad.
• @livlab ...that I almost wanted more Jenny. No wait, I take that back.
• @lindbrownsay ...that even Chaiken winced.
• @hobojen ...that upon reading the script the FacialHairTech refused to participate& Ilene made Daniela glue a caterpillar to her face.
• @thelinster ...that Leisha has changed the name from Uh huh Her to No Not Me.
• @NoTORIousTori ...that to say it was even pretty good is like saying Saw was a romantic comedy.
• @carolinagrrrl ...that Beals is considering donning a black leotard and dancing to 80s music so people will forget her career since then.
• @scfox ...that I refuse to acknowledge anyone named Ilene. (And don't get me started on the webisodes!)
• @natthedem ...that Katy Perry is now calling Ilene Chaiken to help her write lyrics for her next album.
• @ElphabaPotter ... that I find myself crushing on Lisa, the ManLesbian.
• @Justjesh ...that it beats the Growing Pains finale.
• @thusspokejenny ...that I didn't even really die, I just changed my dress. Try and kill me, bitches.
• @femmedomestic ...that it made miss the manatees and sweet meats. Oh.. And Kit's menopause anthem.
• @TruMischief ...that the best line was “we saw an old giraffe with a goiter on it's neck.”
• @Virgotex ...that even straight men remained un-titillated.
• @tex2009 ...that it's turning lesbians straight.
• @uhhliana ...that even the awful Betty theme song refused to be associated with it.
• @arreola ...that i could hear the collective WTFs from lesbians around the world.
• @julieoh ...that they're going to use it to torture prisoners in Guantanamo.
• @frannynotzooey ...that Jenny died just to get away from it.
• @teacherc ...that Rachel Maddow will need to be "talked down" on her show tomorrow night.
• @whenfishfly ...that even Betty wanted their song out of the episode.
• @neonumbra ...that I was scared straight. This is not how I want my life to be!
• @belismakr ...that I wished I'd watched a rerun of America's Next Top Model instead.
• @DaneWrights ...that Lucy Lawless told Ilene to reduce her screen time in editing or she'd go all Xena on her ass.
• @stonermc ...that the Mormon Church sympathised and repealed Prop 8!
• @mariequinn ...that it made Max's facial hair look good.
• @mama_ti ...that we just had to take @call_me_max's baby and run -- and he's ADORABLE! Angie loves him!
• @manshorts ...that EZTV took forever to post the torrent in order to postpone the disappointment I am sure to experience.
• @laurachen ...that two of my friends just went back into the closet.
• @sarahwarn ...that it makes me question my future as a Professional Lesbian - are our best days behind us?

So, come on ladies (and discerning gentlemen), bring the snark either @dorothysnarker on Twitter or in the comments below. Let's give this turkey the send-off it deserves.