Monday, January 07, 2019

SGALGG: Golden Globes Edition

True story: My power went out about an hour into the Golden Globes and didn’t come back until just a few minutes before the show ended. So I had to catch a repeat to watch the second half. It was a lot of effort for a kind of s0-so show, but that’s just the lengths I’ll go to give you quality Straight Gals Acting Like Gay Gals action (sprinkled with some Gay Gals Acting Like Gay Gals, because we are legion).

Sandra Oh & Jodie Comer

Sandra so rightfully won, but Jodie and the show were robbed. Still, when Eve and Villanelle hold hands and gaze into each other’s eyes, we all win.

Emma Stone, Olivia Colman & Rachel Weisz

I want these three to come out hand-in-hand cracking lesbian sex jokes at all award shows.

p.s. Thanks for, quite literally, shouting how sorry you were for taking an Asian role in “Aloha,” Emma.

Amy Poehler & Maya Rudolph

If Amy is going to cheat on Tina, I’d only ever want it to be with Maya.

Judy Greer

Every time a female celebrity wears a tuxedo on the red carpet, a baby dyke gets her wings.

Alex Borstein & Rachel Brosnahan

“The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” may be having a hard time making Susie officially gay. But Rachel seems to be having no problem checking out Alex’s, uh, Borsteins – if you get my drift. Nudge-nudge, wink-wink.

Emily Blunt & Debra Messing

Since we’re talking about Borsteins, Emily is being vey animated about what she plans to do to Debra’s.

Halle Berry & Lena Waithe

I believe sexual orientation is largely genetic. But you can almost see Halle mentally switching teams as she holds hands with Lena here.

Olivia Colman & Glenn Close

Olivia and Glenn just heard Rachel tell them about the “tongue lashing” they’re going to receive from her later and they’re clearly excited.

D’arcy Carden & Jameela Jamil

In real (after)life, Janet would totally fall for Tahani instead of that dum-dum Jason.

Marin Hinkle & Rachel Brosnahan

Blah, blah, blah – I know they play mother-daughter on screen. But that’s acting people. Award-winning acting.

Patricia Clarkson & Amy Adams

Again, yes, yes, yes, I know they played mother-daughter. But it’s called acting, people. Equally award-winning acting.

Regina King & Tiffany Haddish

Regina promised to make all of her projects at least 50 percent female moving forward. I suggest she starts with Tiffany – in her pants. Too much? Did I mention my power went out for a while?

Jamie Lee Curtis

Fine, she’s not doing anything particularly gay. But she looks awesome and I think awesome things are gay. So, there you go.

Lupita Nyong’o, Danai Gurira & Janelle Monáe

I wanna be a fly on that wall…

Oh, look – now we can be! Thanks, Lupita & Danai.


Carmen SanDiego said...

Oh wow lupita!
But you’re right, it was a so-so GG
I did enjoy Sandra’s speech about seeing the change though. And Rami Malek and Sandra Oh did deserve their awards...
Besides that, The Good Place got robbed. Kosinski method? Never seen it...

Anonymous said...

This is always the highlight of any American awards show - thank you!