Nabokov Could Never

I am going to request that no one chews gum while reading this post. For soon-to-be obvious reasons, I don’t want to be held liable for any choking hazard you may experience. Consider yourself, uh, warned.

Now I’ve marveled on Ye Olde Blow often about how it’s so unendingly cool that young people today have so many out queer artists to look up to, follow and generally fangirl over. Sure, we had the Girls and k.d and Melissa. But, gosh, can you even name them all in one breath nowadays? Janelle. Hayley. Phoebe. Kehlani. Carrie. St. Vincent. MUNA. girl in red. King Princess. I mean, come on — those are just off the top of my head.

So now into that mix comes Zolita, who I’d never heard of before but now am acutely aware of because — holy shit, have you seen her music videos? They’re...sexy. Like extremely, very, intensely traditionally sexy. Like t.A.T.u. sexy, but there is just one of them and she’s actually queer.

Per The Internet Zolita is a 27-year-old U.S. singer-songwriter who released her first independently produced full-length album last December. She’s been performing since 2015, and in 2017 came out in an essay for Out magazine. Her music has been described as dark pop and she’s discussed her interest in witchcraft as well. So, yes, we’re talking witchy queer dark pop here which sounds very, very gay.

Her newest video is for “Somebody I F*cked One” and in the tradition of all the best queer music videos these days its a mini movie. In this case it’s like “But I’m a Cheerleader” crossed with “Ghost” (but only in the corporeal throwing pottery sense, not the weird ghost sex sense - despite her witchy inclinations). Anyway, I should just shut up and let you watch it.

I know right? And, honestly, it’s a fun bop.

So, obviously I checked out her other videos and well, reader, they are no less va-va-va-voomy. Like, I am glad I work form home now because I felt like I was watching naughty Skin-a-Max After Dark with her “Bedspell” video. Hello. Also NSFW.

See, now that gum warning doesn’t seem so crazy. Now, rest assured, after some exhaustive research/falling down a Zolita rabbit hole I can confirm that not all her music videos are just an excuse to cast some hot lady to make out with on camera. Like here’s “Fight Like a Girl.”

Fine, she still seems to be a fan of that complicated strappy lingerie style.

Right, so I felt it was my duty as a proud member of the Lesbian Blogging Community to bring this news to you. Do with it what you will. But, uh, there’s a reason I posted it on Hump Day. Ahem.