Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Resolve this

Right, so it is a whole four days into this New Year and about time for a status check. How many resolutions have you already broken? How many have you conveniently forgotten? How many have you told yourself you’d give yourself a week to start? Be honest now. This is the internet, and no one ever lies on the internet. How about me, you ask? Well, this year instead of draconian dictates demanding better behavior, I’ve decided to make just one resolution. And my sole resolution is simple. Cut myself some slack.

Now you might be thinking, Goddammit Snarker, you slacker, you’re already as slack as slack can get. Put on a pair of slacks and you’ll be the poster child for the Gap’s new slouchy khakis campaign, “Slackers, because only your dad wears Dockers.”

But, seriously, I think it’s something we should all aspire to. People can demand a lot of us – our family, our friends, our work, our partners. But sometimes, oftentimes, we demand the most out of ourselves. And, when we don’t reach our own lofty expectations, we are also often hardest on ourselves. I can and have been mighty hard on myself in the past. Why can’t I write better? Why can’t I post more? Why can’t I answer more email? Why can’t I be better, smarter, funnier, honester – wait, is honester a word? – see the smarter thing above.

And then, then you spend a lot of useless time beating yourself up. This is almost never time well spent and almost always counterproductive. Because instead of the “Why can’t Is,” you should be focused on the “What can Is.” What can I do to write better? What can I do to post more? And, the best question of all, what can I do to be happier? The whys may give you the cause, but the whats will give you the directions.

So, that’s it for me for 2012: Cut myself some slack. If I can’t do everything, I simply can’t do everything. But I can try my very best at the things I can do. And that, that I will always promise you. Well, that and continued adoration of Tina Fey. Please, like you had to ask.

So with that, because I can and because I’m kinda good at it, here are some lovely ladies for you to enjoy in various states of dress. But in black and white, because that makes the objectification more classy. It’s a rule, look it up in your college art books. Hey, just because I’m cutting myself some slack doesn’t mean I don’t want to occasionally have you fine folks stare slack-jawed at your screens.

Michelle RodriguezIf you’re thinking, “My, that’s a big gun,” you’re thinking about the wrong thing.

Catherine Zeta-JonesEvery time I see her I want to turn to Michael Douglas and say, “Dude, nicely done.”

Elizabeth MitchellUncontrollable jealously of a pillow in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…

Diane LaneNormally I’m against shoes on the couch, normally.

Stana KaticI finally saw that movie where she plays a wife-stealing lesbian. Poor Greg Kinnear never stood a chance.

Tina TurnerIn contrast, if you’re thinking, “My, that’s a big gun” here, you’re thinking about the very right thing.

Happy 2012, kittens. Be good to yourself, you’re worth it.


Anonymous said...

"If you’re thinking, “My, that’s a big gun,” you’re thinking about the wrong thing."

There was a gun in that picture? huh...

Kristan Hoffman said...

LOL. Great post, great resolution. You are so right: in most cases, there is no harder critic than ourselves. And it's good to push yourself to grow, but it's pointless if you never give yourself credit or never enjoy life.

JellyManKelly said...

At some point today I will have to go back and re-read what I am positive is a scintillating, well-written, and incredibly entertaining post and actually remember it the second time around. I swear I will.

Upon reading the line "...doesn’t mean I don’t want to occasionally have you fine folks stare slack-jawed at your screens..." my thought process as I continued to scroll down was, "Oh Snarker, admittedly you post some great pics, but I kinda doubt they can actually cause a jaw to-ggghhuuh..." :jaw drops:

Well played, Ms. Snarker. Well played indeed. Now, to re-read...

egghead said...

Well, I'm far beyond being hard on myself; in fact I'm rather down about it! (myself and I are no longer on speaking terms.) That's why I make lists. I thoroughly expected the turning of the year would bring psychedelic rainbows (wait that was the 70's, right?).

I'm trying something new this year. I'm doing the herbal cleanse thing. I hope I don't die from this. :)

Also, one of my thoughts for the new year was to "enjoy long periods of carefree bliss and unrepentant joy." Now that's one I will probably break.

Elizabeth Mitchell . . . She has come along way since GIA. Didn't Angelina look good in that white oxford shirt? Those were Jolie's wilder days.

Carmen SanDiego said...

have a wonderful 2012 DS, and do cut yourself some slack. We love you and want you around for a long time.

emotionsovrflow said...

"wife-stealing lesbian"

Feast of Love? That movie was terrible. lesbianism can save a film only so much.

Happy New Year!

Anonymous said...

There was a gun in that picture?

starophie said...

WAIT STOP. which movie in which stana katic plays a lesbian, because I NEED IT. i mean, please? :3

Anonymous said...

You have somehow managed to be my pimp, my pop culture go-to guide, and my spiritual adviser all in one. Thank you for always saying the things I need to read when I need to read them.

sarcofugus said...

*forcibly closes jaw*

Wow. I'm sure there are a multitude of other words to describe that, but right now "wow" is about all I can manage.

As always, amusing, insightful and ohmygoshthosepicturesaresohot!

Happy New Year Ms. Snarker ;)

dc said...

Great resolution: Cut yourself some slack! or as Pema Chodron said: be gentle with yourself.

Happy New and on the
23rd Jan :)

shade said...

Thank you DS. I needed that. said...

LOL, I love it! Would you like to contribute to my new site,

Anonymous said...

Darling all that “slacker” talk! All that suggestive beat generation imagery! Surely I cannot be the only one picturing you reclining ever so enticingly in that notorious well weathered leather armchair of yours, cocktail in one hand, Malboro in the other, with your faithful Underwood portable on your lap, clad in your favourite “slouchy khakis” and a Hawaiian shirt dashingly opened to the waist?!! Phew!

I for one heartily approve your New Year’s resolution!!! :D

As for my own? I resolved to start smoking again and put on a bit of weight. Happily I’ve already broken both! :D


Anonymous said...

is it also wrong I thought that picture of tina was some dude in drag? don't ge me wrong i adore her and proper guns are *there go my knees*...(see michelle rodrigues, correct thought!)... but seriously, is that actually her?